You'll Always Be My Brother

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In the shadow of the Impala, the brothers contemplated each other; the years spent together having made their bodies and faces so familiar that they no longer knew where one ended and the other began.

If they had been mind readers they would have been surprised to know that the same thoughts were racing through their minds.

How did we come to this?

How has this wall of misunderstanding build itself around us, blocking the light and love that once united us; so unbreakable, stronger than any bond that exists; a bond that made us die for each other, and most of all live for each other.

How could we have grown so far apart, the only two humans on the Earth to have shared so much, to have died together, been to Heaven, Purgatory and Hell and lived to tell the tale. How could we, who could once communicate with a glance, a touch, a nod of the head, be standing here so close physically but so far apart in our hearts and minds?

x

Dean sighed and closed his eyes tightly in the vain hope that when he opened them again all this would be some bad dream, some terrible alternate reality forced on the Winchesters by a vengeful Djinn, which could be resolved with a knife-slash to the stomach.

He would awaken from this nightmare and instead of Sam's cold expression, he would find that of his worried emo little brother, huge hands cutting him down from the ropes and rocking him gently in his arms, consoling him with mumbled words.

But when he opened them Sam' s expression was identical to the one he had been sporting before.

x

x

Sam studied his big brother.

Just when had everything started to go wrong between them?

Why were they so estranged? When had his hero-worship and love for his big brother dulled until he felt empty and lost inside; lost without his big brother's smiles, his snark, his toneless singing and the pet names he used to call him, Princess, Sasquatch, Frances, which back then he had shrugged off with an eye-roll, but which he would pay a king's ransom to hear again pronounced in Dean's teasing tone.

Sam tried to think back to the moment when everything went into douche-bag territory, when their downhill roll had begun.

The revelation came to him so clear and limpid that he couldn't understand why he hadn't realised it before.

x

It had all begun after he had exited Dick Roman's laboratory, after Dean had vanished with the Leviathan.

Sam's forehead scrunched up in a frown as he tried to remember. He had set fire to the flu vaccine that Roman was going to distribute to the unsuspecting humans, but after that his memories were fuzzy. He couldn't really call up much else...

Wait a minute; there had been people outside the lab, standing mute, as if waiting for him. He remembered a bright light and... something.. penetrating his forehead. How could he have forgotten, he pondered excitedly.

Once the dam had cracked, everything began to flow back in.

He had been manipulated, told that Dean was dead, that there was no point in searching for him! Told to get on with his life, go back to college, find a wife; do all the things he'd never had time to do before.

Dean would be happy for him, the voice had continued; would commend his little brother for being sensible, for abandoning him in the name of that non-existent promise they had made of not looking for each other if one of them disappeared.

That's where this horror of misunderstanding between them had all begun! Sam knew it now!

x

Dean though, had managed to get out of Purgatory by his own means and he'd been hurt, angry and disillusioned that Sam hadn't even bothered his ass to try and find him.

Sam had no excuse to offer his big brother back then, for he himself had no understanding of why he hadn't looked for Dean; he was convinced he had done the right thing because that's what he had been programmed to think!

He focused his eyes on his big brother who was standing in front of him, an inquisitive expression on his face.

"Sam?"

"Dean."

Sam uttered the name as if it was a blessing, and in that moment it was.

He could fix this; this horrible... thing... that was so wrong between them. He would make it right. He'd tell Dean that he hadn't abandoned him in Purgatory that he'd been manipulated, told not to find his brother.

Dean would forgive him and he would forgive Dean. Things would go back to normal, to when they loved and cared for each other more than life itself!

x

Sam who had just finished informing his big brother that he would hunt with him, but as a partner no longer as a brother, let his cold mask of indifference fall and lunged forward, as he had once done after getting his brother back from the Trickster, enveloping Dean in a bone-crushing hug.

This was the first step, a baby step, but he and Dean would be brothers once again. He would make sure of that!

He felt Dean's initial surprise at being hugged, but then Dean's arms came up around him and he pulled his little brother even closer.

There would be time for Sam's explanations later but Dean closed his eyes and gave in to the sweet moment of burying his head in his little brother's hair, losing himself in his scent. The scent of baby Sammy.

X

The enD