notes ∣ sam, jess, this one's for you two - there's no way i'd have ever managed to work with this fandom if it hadn't been for the talks i have with the two of you on spn and destiel.

this piece is au post 5.04, 'the end' - the events here take place almost immediately after that episode

"You should not have done that, Castiel."

Had he been human, the sudden shift would have left him reeling and disoriented. As it was, he experienced a moment of confusion before realising where he was – where he had been summoned to. It was only after hearing the words did things start to make sense.

"They were given free will for a reason, brother." He said the words calmly, though calm was the last thing he was feeling. There was no doubt as to whose Grace he was seeing in front of him; no doubt who had summoned him back to Heaven and was speaking to him.

He was not going to leave this conversation unscathed.

"I would try and show you the error of your words, Castiel, but I doubt you would understand. Zachariah's actions could have begun the end of the war had you not intervened. I cannot kill you – not until the truth about your resurrection is made clear to me – but I can make you see what your actions have wrought."

As Michael moved towards him, Castiel fought the urge to flinch back from the approaching archangel. He would not escape him. Besides, if he had learnt one thing from Dean Winchester, it was how to suffer pain without losing any of his self-worth - if Dean could suffer through the fires of Hell, he could bear Michael.

"Cas? What're you doing here?"

As far as Dean knew, Cas was wandering the Earth in search of God. Sure, he came to their help when they really needed it, but for the most part, he and Sam were on their own.

The part of him that was still actually in touch with his emotions knew that he would have preferred it otherwise, but there was really nothing he could do about it. Besides, he was happy with his emotions buried – there they couldn't cause him lasting harm – so perhaps their arrangement was for the best.

Which was why he was surprised when Cas flashed into the salvage yard, appearing right in front of him during one of the breaks in hunting Sam had convinced him to take.

"Nothing," the angel replied, moving out of Dean's personal space. That would have been enough to concern him – Cas wasn't exactly well acquainted with the concept of space – but when he moved slightly ahead to catch hold of his arm, he visibly flinched out of Dean's reach.

As far as he was concerned, he didn't need to know more. There was undoubtedly something extremely wrong – Castiel didn't do space, and he definitely didn't shy away from Dean's touch.

"Are you okay, Cas?" he asked, allowing some of his concern to slip into his voice. No matter how much of an ass he was sometimes to the angel, it was always him or Sammy. There was no one else allowed to do anything to him, and if something had – well, there was a reason he was the unquestionable best in the hunting business.

"I'm fine, Dean," he replied. Dean might have believed him had it not been for the fact that Cas was refusing to meet his eyes – that he was refusing to look at him entirely. Lying was not one of the many things the Angel of the Lord was good at – at least not when it came to lying to him.

But he knew Castiel well enough to be aware that if he tried to push him, the angel would simply retreat further into his shell, making it harder for him to get any information from him. So he would keep quiet for the moment, and make sure he was around when Castiel finally cracked.

He had promised himself that he wouldn't push, and for the most part, he kept it.

Sometimes, however, it all got a little too much. Him and Sam, they were used to hunting with no one except Bobby watching their backs, so having Cas was something that they definitely hadn't expected. But they – well, Dean – was a possessive bastard, and now that Cas belonged to them, hell is he was going to let him go.

They were a team, and seeing Cas constantly flinch away from them – well, that was like a kick in the pants, wasn't it?

So yeah. Sometimes he couldn't stop himself from asking. But Cas always rebuffed him when he asked, and Dean never pushed further, not even when it got too much.

This time, however – this time was different.

They had gotten back on the road again, despite Dean's misgivings about Cas. The world was ending, and they couldn't just stay back and relax, no matter how much he wanted to.

They were in an abandoned house in Nowhere, Mississippi hunting some new Biblical demon when Zachariah appeared in front of them. At first, it was the same old, same old, about how Dean was destined to be Michael's vessel and fight Sam, blah blah blah. He stopped listening as soon as the smug bastard showed him face.

For some reason, he wasn't trying to attack them or force Dean into accepting his role as vessel. Maybe he had orders from Above, Dean didn't know. He was just glad that he didn't have to fight him again.

Then – then he turned his sight on Cas, who he had insisted on bringing along with them, if only so he could keep an eye on him.

"Well well well. You're looking much better than the last time I had the pleasure of seeing you, Castiel. I have to admit, I can't really say I'm pleased."

"Hey!" Dean barked, irritated. As much as he didn't like dealing with the slimy SOB, he'd much rather do it that allow him to taunt Cas about – whatever it was he was referring to. By the look on Cas' face, it was obvious it wasn't about something pleasant. "What are you talking about?" he demanded.

Zachariah turned his attention to Dean, his stare so much creepier than Cas'. "Interesting," he murmured. "So Castiel hasn't told his little pet about his meeting with Michael, has he? I'd advise you to ask him, human – it might just convince you to accept my offer."

Before Dean could ask him what he meant, the angel vanished back into thin air, presumably returning to Heaven.

Dean turned to look at Cas, intent on pushing harder this time, when he noticed look on his face. Cas was not normally one to openly display any kind of emotion – Dean sometimes doubted he fully knew how to express them in the first place – but the look on his face could only be called terror. When he noticed Dean looking at him, it changed to heavily resigned anticipation.

Looking at that, he knew that he couldn't ask. He needed to know, but now wasn't the time – Zachariah had obviously struck a deep nerve, and he wasn't about to push at it when it was so exposed.

"We'll talk later," he said instead, watching with no small sense of relief when Cas' expression cleared and returned to its normal lack of emotion. "We need to deal with the demon first, but when we return to Bobby's you and I are going to sit down and have a long talk."

"Of course, Dean." Cas didn't look too happy, but Dean was done letting that sway him. He would be gentle with him, but it didn't change the fact that he needed to know what had caused the change between them.

"I don't-"

"When I stopped Zachariah from forcing you to accept Michael's offer, I prevented Michael from getting what he wanted – you. You were right in what you said to Raphael. They are as unsure about my resurrection as I am, so they kept from killing me again. But – Michael was not particularly kind in his retribution."

It was obvious that simply saying those words was taking a lot out of Cas – by the end of his short speech, he was visibly shivering at the memories. Seeing that level of emotion from the angel was enough to convince Dean that he did not want to know just what Michael had done.

He had been sure that there was no physical pain that could be worse than what had been done to him – what he had doled out – in Hell, but seeing Cas so affected…He was no longer sure that he was right about that.

"Cas…" He moved closer and wrapped an arm around his shoulder. If there was one thing he had learned from his time in Hell, it was that there was absolutely nothing he could say to ease Cas' obvious burdens. He could, however, be there for him just like he had been there for Dean. That much was in his power.

So he sat there, content to stay by Cas' side while he worked through his demons. They were at the salvage yard – possibly the most protected spot on earth – so there would be no demons bursting through the door to ruin things. And since Dean had no intention of taking another job until Cas was okay – they all knew how it had gone the last time – they had time.

Time for Cas to heal.

"You have my gratitude," Cas said tentatively out of nowhere a few days later. Ever since he had spoken with Castiel, Dean had made sure to keep close to him. Sure, he slept and ate and stuff, but apart from that, he made sure that Cas was always at arm's length.

The angel never spoke much, content to stay in silence, leaving Dean to pick up the conversational threads. It was never an issue – he was well versed in talking to himself, and more often than not, Sam was there by their side, so it wasn't an issue.

But Sam had left on a hunt yesterday – close enough to the yard that it would be easy for him to call Dean for backup if anything went wrong, but far enough to allow him to let out all the energy he had cooped up inside. Usually, Dean would have been right behind him – Winchesters weren't built for long periods without activity – but there were enough cars in the yard for him to help out with, and there was always the Impala for him to work on.

He was content there – well, as content as he could be without having something to kill.

"What exactly are you thanking me for, Cas?"

"You did not need to spend time with me like this Dean. Lucifer's hoard grows stronger every day, and I know that each hunter is needed to fight their flow. I could have – dealt with things, as you put it, on my own. You-"

"Bull," Dean said, interrupting Castiel. He really wasn't in the mood to listen to Cas act all self-sacrificing. It was irritating enough with Sammy, he didn't need to someone else to the mix. "Look, Cas, there's no shame in not being able to deal with torture, okay?" he said abruptly. He had been avoiding this conversation for some time now, but it was obvious he couldn't put it off any longer. "It hurts like a bitch, and you can't stop remembering it – of all people, I think I can understand. But that doesn't mean that you can just decide to retreat into yourself or pretend you aren't important or whatever. "

Cas just looked at him, a completely inscrutable look on his face. When he didn't say anything for a few minutes, Dean started to feel nervous. It was possible he had made a huge mistake by saying what he had – but he couldn't have kept it in any longer, and besides, there was a part of him that had been telling him that Cas needed to hear those words.

Despite that, he was feeling extremely unsure of himself. Cas wasn't just a friend – one of the few true friends that he had – he had also started to suspect that his feelings for the angel ran deeper. After all, the only other living people he could even contemplate doing the same thing for were Sammy and Bobby, and they were family.

Cas, on the other hand – Cas was different, and the last thing Dean wanted to do was to screw up on the few relationships that he still cared about. Of course, he might already have done that, which was why he was staring back at Cas, waiting for him to say something.

But Cas just continued staring, and he couldn't take the wait any longer. "Hey Cas, if I said any-"

Before he could complete his apology (and it was a good one, really) the angel darted forward so quickly that could have sworn Cas had teleported and laid a soft, fleeting kiss on his lips.

As soon as he withdrew from Dean, he looked away, refusing to make eye contact with him, or even look at him. Dean would have said something – had he not noticed the faint redness on Cas' cheeks.

Well, at least that answered the question of if angels could blush.

Smiling faintly, he turned back to the hunter's journal in front of him – he wasn't even annoyed about doing extra research anymore. Cas wasn't well yet, that much he knew – but he was getting there, and Dean had no doubt that was going to enjoy helping him.

Maybe it was a good thing he hadn't managed to get Cas laid at that brothel after all.

an: so, my first destiel ever.
with dean here, i wanted to show the softer side we know he has but he doesn't display too often. since this is happening in early season 5, he's not yet as hardened as he is season 9, so i like to think it would come out more easily.
cas is a bit more - well, human, shall we say, because he's gone through a lot more much earlier than he does in canon. michael has definitely been torturing him - and much more painfully than dean's time with alistair - and i think that would definitely have its effects.

the title comes from a phrase in jrr tolkein's poem 'luthien,' which i thought was fitting here. the two of them are finding each other in the middle of poison, aka the end of the world, after all.

i hope you guys liked it! please don't forget to drop a review on your way out - i'd love to know how i've done with these two and the piece as a whole.