CR: hey all. This is the last chapter of Moomoo Stink and the Hell Raisers. Thanks to those who read and REVIEWED and an even bigger thanks to those that didn't because now we get to kick your asses soundly to the curb. I can't believe it's the end of the month already!
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Moomoo Stink and the Hell Raisers
Chapter 5
By: crystal_rose and ladysolo
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Mamoru wandered the streets of Juuban aimlessly, not in the mood to stay in his boring apartment for one minute longer. It had been three days since the evil cow had arrived gloriously on the island to take them home as if he were Moses himself parting the Red Sea. He scoffed to himself and rolled his eyes at the image. He still hasn't said a damn word to the evil cow and his minions since their "rescue."
He almost laughed at the evil cow's face when he and Usagi stormed wordlessly onto the boat that would take them away from the island where evil was born. He knew the evil cow was thinking that all his planning had been for naught since he and Usagi didn't say one word to each other on the way back and they sure as hell didn't say anything to His Cowness. Ever since their failed attempt at lovemaking-Mamoru's face darkened as he thought of everything that happened since he heard the evil cow's voice over the communicator-he and Usagi just couldn't face each other. He couldn't really blame her for not wanting to see or speak to him. Not after everything he said. And Neo was being a real bitch about the 'not sleeping with Usagi' thing. Wouldn't even speak to him, that stupid, vengeful cunt wrapped up in a smooth penis-y coating.
But as promised, he HAD switched the orders numbers for the ice cream cones to super-absorbency tampons as soon as he stepped foot in his apartment. They arrived at his apartment the next day and Mamoru snuck in the arcade after closing time to do a little switch-a-roo. The next day, Mamoru strode into the arcade, the most innocent of expressions on his face, and heard the evil cow screaming angrily into the phone.
"No, I did NOT order a hundred super-absorbency tampons, you half-wit! I run an arcade, not a drugstore!" Mamoru hid his grin behind a menu. The evil cow's face was scrunched up in anger and Mamoru could almost swear that his nostrils were flaring. Typical cow reaction. "I'm going to say this again, you douche-bag. I. DID. NOT. ORDER. ANY. FUCKING. TAMPONS. Ya got that, bitch? Now, you either take this shit back and give me the ice cream cones I ordered like a good little whore. What do you mean you have to speak to your manager? Listen you little pussy, give me back my cones or I'll shove a hundred tampons up your tight ass. Hello? Hello? Answer me you little prick! Hello?" Motoki slammed the receiver down in disgust. "That little shit-sucker hung up on me!"
Mamoru smirked and lowered the menu. "Bad day, Motoki?" he asked, feigning concern.
Motoki snatched a towel from behind the counter and began to wipe down the already spotless counter. "Yeah you could say that. Some little bastard messed up my order and now I've got a ton of ice cream and no cones! All I have are tampons! And these tampons are the hugest things I've ever seen! I swear to God, either these things are supposed to be used on horses or the women who use them must have the largest puss-"
"Excuse me, mister. Can I have an ice cream cone with chocolate ice cream and lots of sprinkles?" a little girl with pigtails interrupted Motoki's tirade. (CR: this faaking keyboard is driving me crazy! Stupid school computer. It won't let me type the letter R. RRRRRRRRR! GD it!)
Motoki narrowed his eyes and stared dangerously at the cherubic little girl with large eyes who reminded Mamoru of Usagi. "You want an ice cream?" he asked, his tone low and eerily quiet. The little girl nodded. "With lots of sprinkles, you say?" She nodded again, this time very enthusiastically. "Coming right up, sweetheart."
The little girl clapped her hands innocently and tried to hop on the stool next to Mamoru. He watched as she struggled to lift herself onto the barstool before turning to him and batting her eyelashes in a wordless plea to help her out. 'Geez. She even acts like Usagi.' Muttering about the dangers of women and little girls who know how to work their puppy faces to their advantage, he scooped up the child and set her down on the stool like as if she were a sack of potatoes.
Behind the counter, Motoki was busily at work fixing up the child's ice cream cone, which made Mamoru curious seeing as how he made sure to get rid of every single cone in the arcade. Mamoru could've sworn he heard Motoki cackling but wasn't sure.
Finally, Motoki turned around and thrust something forward to the anxious child. "Here's your ice cream little girl." Mamoru swallowed a laugh when he saw that Motoki had partially pulled the tampon out of its applicator and opened it up, creating a makeshift cone. The little girl looked at Motoki's offering rather askance and wrinkled her little nose.
"That looks like what my mommy puts up her pee-pee hole during her angry-happy days," she observed. Mamoru snorted with laughter. "I don't think I want to eat something in one of my mommy's pee-pee hole Band-Aids. That's yucky."
By this time, Mamoru was rolling around on the floor, tears pouring down his face. The look on the kid's face was priceless but Motoki's...it was magic. It was a cross between an angry bull and an amused village idiot. Serves the bastard right for getting the toughest customer he's ever had wrapped up in a cute little package.
"This," Motoki said through gritted teeth, gesturing at the tampon with his free hand, "is not a 'pee-pee hole Band-Aid' ya little rugrat. _This_ is called a tampon and it goes up your mother's cunt."
Mamoru felt like smacking the stupid cow on the head for using that kind of language around a little kid.
"What's a cunt?" she asked innocently. She pouted then shook her head defiantly. "Never mind. If you don't give me my ice cream in a _real_ cone, I'm gonna beat your silly cunt!" (CR: this should look VERY familiar to a certain reviewer who shall remain nameless. Sorry for using your review but it was golden and I've never laughed so hard in my life after reading a review)
Mamoru had to admire the kid for standing up for herself against Motoki, a man who was usually patience personified but only until someone messes with his precious cones. He grimaced at the unintentional ecchi mental images that came with the words "Motoki" and "precious cones." That was just...gross and a completely un-Mamoru-like thing to think about. Yet another thing to hold against his ex-friend-turned-cow. Stupid cunt. Now he had to stab his eye out to distract his mind from wandering into the world of yaoi-a world that he, and most definitely Neo, didn't want to go.
'You damn right I don't want to go there, you brainless cunt!' Neo shouted from beneath the lavender slacks and new silk boxers. 'Usagi must've left you hornier than I thought if you've resorted to having ecchi fantasies about this apron-wearing cow.'
'I am NOT having ANY ecchi fantasies about that bitch!' Mamoru sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger. 'Look, let's not fight like this. I know we're BOTH frustrated...'
'Damn straight! It's all that cunt's fault!' Neo shouted in Motoki's direction. 'Of course, you didn't do anything to alleviate the situation either, you dense cunt.'
'HOW the motherfucking hell was I supposed to know she was standing BEHIND me when I said that shit to throw them off! She wouldn't even listen to me...'
Neo sighed. And people said HE was insensitive, only wanting to please himself.
'Mamoru, you've gotta find that girl and apologize like a bitch for saying that stuff. It's obvious that you're not happy without her and if YOU'RE not happy, I'M not happy if you know what I mean.'
'I know. But every time I see her walking to school she turns crosses the street and walks away. If I enter the arcade, she leaves. How am I supposed to talk to her if she won't stay long enough for me to say a word?' Mamoru sighed dejectedly, watching Motoki and the little kid arguing about getting a refund for the fucked up looking ice cream cone.
"I want a refund you turd!" the little girl screamed in Motoki's face. She got so angry that she stood up on the stool so she could look him in the eye. Mamoru held onto the back of her shirt woodenly to prevent her from falling and rested his head in his other palm.
"I TOLD YOU WE DON'T GIVE REFUNDS YOU LITTLE BRAT!" he screamed back, shoving the tampon-cone into her tiny hands. "Now take it before I shove this up your mom's pee-pee hole!"
Apparently, Motoki had pushed the little girl too far for she threw the ice cream concoction in Motoki's face, hitting it dead on. Mamoru wasn't surprised; Motoki's head was as big as his ego. The kid jumped down and ran out of the arcade, crying her eyes out. Just as the doors closed, Usagi and Minako stepped through, looking behind them in concern.
"What happened, Motoki?" asked Minako, grimacing uncomfortably. She desperately wanted to excuse herself from present company to run into the washroom and pick the wedgie out of her ass. Was it just her imagination, or were her panties getting smaller and smaller? They must have shrunk in the wash, she reassured herself.
"Someone from the warehouse messed up this week's ice cream cone order and delivered a bunch of huge-ass tampons instead. I swear, the women who use these things must have the biggest cunts in the world or something," he grumbled irritably.
Usagi snapped her head up when she heard Motoki explaining his little dilemma. She had been trying to ignore Mamoru's silent pleas to look at him but couldn't resist a tiny grin when she learned that he had gone through with his evil plan after all. Mamoru grinned back and ever so slowly let his eyes travel to Mina who was covertly trying to pick her butt by standing in front of a video game. Usagi nodded almost imperceptibly.
"ARGGGH! I can't take this anymore! Excuse me Motoki, but I have to visit the ladies' room." Without waiting for a reply, Mina sped towards the washroom like a bat outta hell, her hair flying behind her.
Just as the ladies' room door slammed shut, the little girl and a very big man entered the arcade and headed towards the counter where Motoki was stationed. "That's him, Daddy! That's the man who said he wanted shove something up Mommy's pee-pee hole!"
Motoki visibly paled and clutched the towel to his chest as the huge man with the snake tattoo on his face lumbered up to the counter, his leather jacket, pants and boots creaking with every step. "Are you the incredibly stupid man who made my daughter cry?" he asked Motoki menacingly.
"Um...Well, you see sir, it was all a huge misunderstanding on her part," he explained lamely before throwing the towel in the man's face and racing out the back door, the man and his daughter in hot pursuit.
"Get him, daddy!" she cried, running after the two men as fast as her little legs could carry her, leaving Mamoru and Usagi alone in the uncharacteristically quiet arcade.
"Um, tell Mina that I went to the Temple," Usagi mumbled, already making a hasty retreat to the door when Mamoru's hand shot out and grabbed her own.
"Can we talk, Usa? Please?" he asked. "I promise I won't take up too much of your time and if you want to leave after I say what I have to say, you can." After considering the request for a few seconds during which time, Mamoru's heart pounded in his chest, Usagi finally nodded her head. "Not here. At the park."
Usagi sighed and followed him wordlessly out the door. They said nothing on the way to the park, just a few short minutes away from the arcade. Finally, they reached a bench overlooking the lake and sat down.
"What is it you wanted to say, Mamoru-san?" Usagi asked softly, not trusting her voice. "I thought you said all that you wanted to say on the island."
Mamoru and Neo winced. 'She is NOT gonna make this easy for you, buddy,' Neo observed. 'I suggest grovelling.'
Mamoru ignored Neo's relentless commentary and looked at Usagi in the eye. "I never meant those things, Usa. I was just saying them to throw Motoki and the girls off guard. I didn't want them to suspect anything until we've paid them good for what they've done to us."
"Yeah right. Just like you didn't mean it when you called me a 'fat, lazy cow who did nothing all day but stuff her face with caffeinated sweets and fail tests like a bitch in heat,' right?" she replied bitterly. Mamoru's face turned red from embarrassment.
"I'm really sorry I said all those awful things to you, Usa. I've never taken the time to look beyond your faults because I didn't want to see mine. I've seen a whole new side to you on the island; one that I'd like to know very well. Please forgive me, Usa?" He made no move to touch her; he didn't want to scare her off before she's had a chance to mull over his apology.
Usagi grit her teeth and tried hard not to let Mamoru's honeyed words lull her into forgiving him so easily. What if he hurt her again?
"I won't hurt you, Usa. Never again," he said when she unwittingly spoke her thoughts out loud. "Please Usa. Give me another chance."
"You promise you won't make fun of me anymore?" she asked timidly.
"I don't think it's right for a man to make fun of his own girlfriend..."
Usagi gasped and gaped at Mamoru, silently asking him if he just asked her to be his girlfriend. He nodded. "Are you fucking around with me, Mamoru, cuz if you are, it's not funny and I'm gonna Sailor Moon Kick you in the nut sack."
'Oh man, TELL her you're not kidding!' Neo shouted, shivering with fright.
"I'm not fucking around with you, Usa. I really want you to be my girlfriend." Usagi squealed and launched herself into his arms.
'That's what I'M talkin' bout!' Neo crowed triumphantly. Usagi pressed herself closer to Mamoru, not noticing her close proximity to Neo. 'Well, hello again, sugar cunt,' Neo purred.
'Hello yourself, handsome,' Usagi's nether region replied coyly. 'I have a feeling these two are finally going to be able to finish what they started a few days ago. Frankly, I knew it was bound to happen. It's obvious that they were just too damn proud to do anything about it.'
'You got that right, sugar. How's about you give me a kiss?'
'Oh you.'
And so, Mamoru and Usagi kissed, blissfully unaware of the conversation going on below. After a few minutes, they pulled apart and Usagi nestled comfortably in Mamoru's embrace.
"You know, there's still the matter of getting revenge on those bastards," Usagi reminded Mamoru. "I've already begun the panty-switching and you've already done the tampon thing but we need something BIG. Something to tell them not to mess with us ever again."
"Did you ever get Rei back for cutting your hair?" Mamoru asked, running his fingers through her now shoulder-length hair. Usagi grinned wickedly.
"Yeah."
"Well? What is it?"
"I cut hers."
"That's it?" he asked incredously. "I would've thought you'd come up with something more heinous than that."
"Oh I did. I snuck into her room early in the morning and gave her a butchy hair cut. You know, sorta like that loudmouth American talk show host, Rosie O'Donell. She looks so different, you'd never recognize her ass if she walked past you on the street. Grandpa and Yuuchiro took one look at her and fell over laughing their heads off until they had to beat each other with brooms in order to stop. The scream that ripped from her mouth made the loss of my own hair seem worth it." Usagi tilted her head back and laughed. Mamoru couldn't help but admire the beautiful, carefree picture she just made.
"I wish I could've been there to see it. Rei needs to be taken down a peg," Mamoru mused. "You know, all these little things that we've done to them aren't even close to what they've done to us. We've gotta do something that make them all wish, from the evil cow mastermind to Ami who probably had to be threatened with bodily harm to participate in their dastardly plan, that they were never born. But how..."
They sat on the bench in silence for a few minutes, pondering the perfect revenge. "I've got it!" Usagi exclaimed, jumping up from the bench in her excitement. "You remember that Halloween party that His Cowness is going to throw at the arcade?" Mamoru nodded, already liking where she was going.
"Well, we're going to..."
As she outlined her plan to Mamoru, with him adding a few suggestions of his own, he couldn't help but notice just how much like his princess she looked. Without warning, he caught her up in a fierce hug. "I love you," he whispered to her.
"I love you too." Usagi smiled brightly and pecked him lightly on the lips. "But if you ever piss me off, I'm gonna have to bust a cap in your ass."
It was Mamoru's turn to laugh. "Bring it on, Odango. I'd love to have you do anything concerning my ass." Usagi howled with laughter and swatted him on the arm.
"You're so fucking cheesy. Now remember, we have to pretend to hate each other so they won't suspect anything. This is gonna be SO much fun. I can't wait to see their faces four days from now when they find out that they can't mess with us and get away with it." Mamoru could've sworn he saw devil horns growing on his new girlfriend's head. 'Girlfriend. I like the sound of that.'
'You have no idea how much I like the sound of that,' Neo cut in. 'Now, when do we get to sleep with her?'
'Shut the fuck up, Neo!' Mamoru mentally shouted.
'Fine, fine. But you know you want to.' Mamoru just shook his head and pulled Usagi in for another kiss.
Four days later, Halloween night:
Japanese pop music blared through the arcade as Usagi came through the door dressed up as a whore from the American Wild West. She had the corset, frilly skirt and fishnet stockings that came with the saloon floozy look. Her hair was pinned up into ringlets and a large hat on her head with a peacock feather floating jauntily in the air. She looked like every guy's wet dream come true.
She spotted Mamoru across the room standing near the punchbowl with Motoki. She caught her breath as Mamoru turned around to get more punch, his thigh muscles clearly outlined by the tight as hell brown suede pants that he was wearing. The light cotton shirt he was wearing was opened to reveal his muscular chest and the sleeves were rolled up to his elbows. 'Holy shit,' she thought, 'and I thought he looked good naked!'
Meanwhile, Mamoru was standing near the punchbowl feeling like punching Motoki, who was dressed up like a pimp, complete with a multi-coloured trench coat with faux fur collar, gold pimp watch with fake diamonds around the face and the tackiest ruby ring on his pinkie.
'Whoa, Usagi alert!' Neo shouted, instantly jumping to alertness. 'DAMN she looks HOT! Mamoru, did I ever tell you how much I love you?' Mamoru turned in the direction Neo was pointing and sure enough, he saw Usagi standing in all her whorish glory. He flashed her a grin that showed just how much he loved her outfit. Neo waved when she licked her upper lip in what could only be described as a naughty way. He rolled his eyes in Motoki's direction, who was too busy yammering away about the success of his party to notice the exchange of lust-filled looks between them.
She sidled up to them with the girls in tow. Mina had dressed up as a very scantily clad French maid, further reinforcing Mamoru's opinion that she was very much a whore; Raye, who, with her new hair cut, had no choice but to come as a dyke dominatrix in an ominous looking outfit of black leather and a riding crop; Amy had come as a slutty nurse whose incredibly short uniform just wouldn't stay buttoned up, thus revealing a surprising amount of cleavage; Makoto came to the party as a genie who only granted wishes of the sexy variety.
As soon as the girls reached them, Makoto looked at Mamoru up and down in appreciation. "Damn Mamoru, you can ride me any time!"
"Er...um..." his eyes immediately flicked to Usagi who looked like she wanted to split Makoto in half by pulling her legs apart. "That's ok, Makoto. I'm all good." Usagi smiled sweetly at him, letting him know that he said the right thing. He tapped his watch lightly, letting Usagi know that it was almost time for their plan to commence.
Usagi nodded her head and turned to Motoki, her puppy face already in place.
"Motoki, I think I smelled something weird coming from the boiler room. Gosh, you don't think it's a gas leak, do you?" Mamoru almost laughed at the irony of Usagi playing the innocent when she was dressed up as a whore.
Motoki furrowed his brows in concern. "I don't know. Dad said that we'd been having trouble with the furnace lately. I think I'm gonna go check it out."
"Let me come with you," Mina immediately volunteered as Mamoru and Usagi had predicted. It was only a matter of time before the rest of the rats take the bait. Sure enough...
"Yeah Motoki-san. It's a good idea to take us with you just in case," Makoto said. "Who knows what kind of shit you're gonna run into down there?" Usagi and Mamoru had to bite their lips to prevent themselves from smiling.
"I think that's a smart idea, Motoki-san. I have studied the chemical elements of many types of gases. If it _is_ a gas leak, I'm sure I'll be able to identify it," Ami said confidently, her eyes gleaming at the thought of putting her knowledge in practice. Rei just nodded in agreement.
"All right. This way," Motoki practically shouted over the loud music. He led the entire group to a door in the back of the arcade and flicked on the light switch, revealing a staircase leading to the basement. "The boiler room's down here."
He led them down the stairs, their footsteps making loud clunking noises on the worn steps. Mamoru and Usagi lagged behind the group, a bit of evil lurking in their eyes.
"Hey, who the fuck are all of you?" they heard Motoki ask. They grinned.
"These people, my 'friends,' are here for the Hentai Writers' Conference with their stories in hand ready to be edited...by all of you," Usagi informed the shocked group of people in front of her.
"What the hell are you talking about Odango?" Rei asked in a shrill voice. She glanced around the crowded room filled to overflowing with writers in every shape and size, dressed in various costumes to get into the Halloween spirit. "Why are you doing this to us?"
Mamoru narrowed his eyes. "I seem to remember asking myself that when I woke up on that fucked up island in nothing but a porno-style loincloth and a cheesy t-shirt. I asked myself that very question when I had to go back to school and work, facing embarrassing inquiries about my 'delicate condition.' At first, I had no idea what the fucking hell they were talking about but I knew it had something to do with the six of you." He put his arms around Usagi's shoulder and grinned at Motoki. "Oh yeah, I guess your little plan worked. I've been enjoying the fruits of your labour for four nights now."
Motoki's jaw dropped. So his plan _had_ worked but they had been planning this all along. "But...but...if you guys are together now, why put us through all this? Shouldn't you be thanking us instead of punishing us?"
Usagi's eyes flashed dangerously. "Motoki, you really ARE a cunt, you know that?"
"A pretty dumb one at that," Mamoru added. "Just consider yourselves lucky that I don't tie you all up and let Queen Beryl's youma ass rape all of you until you can't stand. But then again, that's what these guys are for," he added, pointing towards the eager audience behind them.
Usagi spotted a beefy-looking woman with really short, curly hair and coke bottle glasses, dressed up as Indiana Jones. (CR: this is for you, LS! HAHAHA!) "Hey Rei," she fairly sang, malice in her voice, "you'd want to hide your cunt from that 'girl' over there. I hear she's a cunt hunter."
Rei turned in the direction Usagi was pointing and paled, hiding behind Makoto who immediately smacked her upside the head. "I'm not getting MY cunt hunted, you manly whore!" she exclaimed.
"Hey! When is the seminar gonna start?" a person dressed up in a many-tentacled alien costume shouted. "I gotta go home to watch the Star Trek marathon, ya know!"
"Take it easy, people. The guest panel has arrived and they're VERY excited to read your stories as well as give you all some pointers," Mamoru told the crowd soothingly. "Did I also mention that our distinguished guests have also starred in their own short-lived hentai anime a few years ago called 'Moomoo Stink and the Hell Raisers?'"
"Oh yeah! I remember that!"
"I loved that show!"
Usagi rolled her eyes at the sexless freaks surrounding her. How could they have watched that anime if it never existed? Stupid cunts. "Well all, I'm afraid we must leave you now for the next six hours. Mamo-chan and I have a dance to attend." They turned around and started ascending the stairs.
"Wait Usagi-chan, Mamoru-san! Take me with you! I had nothing to do with it, I swear!" Ami begged. "It was all Motoki and Mina's idea!"
"You fucking sell-out!" Minako screeched. "You were the one who knocked Mamoru out with a cast-iron skillet!" The two girls started arguing as the would-be authors formed a tight ring around them, preventing their escape. Mamoru linked hands with Usagi and started up the stairs again, locking the door behind them once they got upstairs.
"Well, those losers should keep them busy for a good six hours," Usagi said once they were back on the dance floor. "I only wish it was a month-long 'conference' so they would know what it was like for us on that island."
"It wasn't _that_ bad, was it?" Mamoru asked, nuzzling his lips into her hair. "Seeing me naked was the highlight of the month."
Usagi rolled her eyes. "You're such an ego-maniac. Keep that up and I won't be sleeping with you any time soon."
'You stupid cunt!' Neo yelled. 'Take it back!'
'How am I supposed to show her who wears the pants in this relationship if I keep folding every time she pulls the 'no sex' card?' Mamoru snapped.
'If you're talking about those fruity-ass lavender pants you might as well give up now cuz you win arguments sooner if you were dressed in a Scottish kilt with a sports bra on your head than with them. Give up, buddy, you're whipped.'
Mamoru shrugged. 'I guess I am,' he thought happily, planting a kiss on Usagi's lips by way of apology. "Happy Halloween."
"Happy Halloween."
Epilogue:
They had been sitting in the cold, dank basement for a good four hours now, the party long over but the conference just beginning. Motoki and the girls had just heard a forty-three chaptered story in-progress about the Sailor Senshi and their love lives delivered by a lily-livered little shit of a man that looked like he had been out in the sun for only a couple of days in his entire lifetime.
"Oh good lord, it's the _same_ exact sex scene over and over," moaned Makoto behind her hand.
"I feel sorry for his wife," grumbled Ami. "She must be so bored in the sack and must have to rely on...other methods to get off."
"That dyke keeps looking at me weird," Rei whispered, fingering her hair self-consciously. "Don't let her get near me, Mako-chan."
They groaned as the pale man began reading another chapter. "Hey, your story faaking sucks, you dried up old cunt!" Minako screamed in frustration.
"Easy, Mina," soothed Motoki. "Only a couple more hours to go." He clenched his teeth as the man started reading the sex scene from chapter three in his latest chapter. "You suck, you unimaginative cunt! Get the hell outta my face!"
The man's eyes welled up with tears. "My wife seems to like them."
"Well, you're wife's a whore who gets hers elsewhere," he retorted. "In fact, I think I used her services just last night. She kept complaining about her husband's two-inch dick and the fact that he couldn't think of anything kinkier to do in the bedroom other than licking her cunt. You really should work on that."
"MOTOKI! You cheating bastard!" Minako screeched. Thus began an argument between the two, effectively ending the advice session for the time being. The dyke Rei was so afraid of approached the makeshift stage.
"Hey there, gorgeous," she said in a fake man's voice, winking at the frightened girl. "I like your hair. Where'd you have it done?"
"Um, my friend cut it for me. I really have to go now. My friend gets jealous every time I talk to other girls, right Mako-chan?" she asked desperately, elbowing the girl in the ribs.
"Err, yeah. That's me. Very jealous. I don't like sharing _this_ cunt."
The dyke simply smiled. "That's ok, you can come along."
The two girls gulped. "Um...." They were saved from having to answer when the dyke simply crumpled to the ground unconscious, Ami standing behind her with a lead pipe in her hand.
"You know, you're getting pretty good at that, Ami-chan."
"Thanks Mako-chan. NO ONE messes with MY cunts without my permission!" she declared. Makoto and Rei gulped and backed away nervously. "What? What'd I say?"
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CR: That's all folks. It's finally done! I worked like a faaking bitch on crack to get this out before the midnight deadline. Right now it's 11:16 so I've got a little more time before the contest closes. Now if only my stupid dial-up connection would connect. HURRY UP, you slow-ass bitch! I don't have all night you know! I'm gonna put up this un-edited version cuz I'm just too damn tired to read it. If it's all crapped up, don't bitch at me cuz I'm really not in the faaking mood to hear it. I'll look at it tomorrow and replace it when I'm good and ready.
November 6, 2002
CR: Hahaha...this story's been done for almost a week and you're just now reading it. If you guys had gone on Aria's Ink you would've seen the end much sooner. Let me just take the opportunity to thank all those who reviewed here, AI and ASMR. To explain the ending for some of you guys...it's really more of a private joke between LS and me more than it was meant to be the ultimate revenge against them. In our opinion, getting stuck in a locked basement with a certain hentai author for 8 grueling hours editing his work is THE ultimate punishment next to...I don't know, spreading glue all over your pubic hair, waiting for it to set and yanking it off in one determined pull. OUCH! So, if you didn't like it, go suck on Neo and walk it off cuz I'm NOT writing a new ending. What would you guys think if we did a continuation of this fic in time for Christmas? I'm still trying to convince myself that it's not such a bad idea and I think LS is too. *smacks herself on the head* Get back to work on your essay, whore! @_@;;;;;
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Moomoo Stink and the Hell Raisers
Chapter 5
By: crystal_rose and ladysolo
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Mamoru wandered the streets of Juuban aimlessly, not in the mood to stay in his boring apartment for one minute longer. It had been three days since the evil cow had arrived gloriously on the island to take them home as if he were Moses himself parting the Red Sea. He scoffed to himself and rolled his eyes at the image. He still hasn't said a damn word to the evil cow and his minions since their "rescue."
He almost laughed at the evil cow's face when he and Usagi stormed wordlessly onto the boat that would take them away from the island where evil was born. He knew the evil cow was thinking that all his planning had been for naught since he and Usagi didn't say one word to each other on the way back and they sure as hell didn't say anything to His Cowness. Ever since their failed attempt at lovemaking-Mamoru's face darkened as he thought of everything that happened since he heard the evil cow's voice over the communicator-he and Usagi just couldn't face each other. He couldn't really blame her for not wanting to see or speak to him. Not after everything he said. And Neo was being a real bitch about the 'not sleeping with Usagi' thing. Wouldn't even speak to him, that stupid, vengeful cunt wrapped up in a smooth penis-y coating.
But as promised, he HAD switched the orders numbers for the ice cream cones to super-absorbency tampons as soon as he stepped foot in his apartment. They arrived at his apartment the next day and Mamoru snuck in the arcade after closing time to do a little switch-a-roo. The next day, Mamoru strode into the arcade, the most innocent of expressions on his face, and heard the evil cow screaming angrily into the phone.
"No, I did NOT order a hundred super-absorbency tampons, you half-wit! I run an arcade, not a drugstore!" Mamoru hid his grin behind a menu. The evil cow's face was scrunched up in anger and Mamoru could almost swear that his nostrils were flaring. Typical cow reaction. "I'm going to say this again, you douche-bag. I. DID. NOT. ORDER. ANY. FUCKING. TAMPONS. Ya got that, bitch? Now, you either take this shit back and give me the ice cream cones I ordered like a good little whore. What do you mean you have to speak to your manager? Listen you little pussy, give me back my cones or I'll shove a hundred tampons up your tight ass. Hello? Hello? Answer me you little prick! Hello?" Motoki slammed the receiver down in disgust. "That little shit-sucker hung up on me!"
Mamoru smirked and lowered the menu. "Bad day, Motoki?" he asked, feigning concern.
Motoki snatched a towel from behind the counter and began to wipe down the already spotless counter. "Yeah you could say that. Some little bastard messed up my order and now I've got a ton of ice cream and no cones! All I have are tampons! And these tampons are the hugest things I've ever seen! I swear to God, either these things are supposed to be used on horses or the women who use them must have the largest puss-"
"Excuse me, mister. Can I have an ice cream cone with chocolate ice cream and lots of sprinkles?" a little girl with pigtails interrupted Motoki's tirade. (CR: this faaking keyboard is driving me crazy! Stupid school computer. It won't let me type the letter R. RRRRRRRRR! GD it!)
Motoki narrowed his eyes and stared dangerously at the cherubic little girl with large eyes who reminded Mamoru of Usagi. "You want an ice cream?" he asked, his tone low and eerily quiet. The little girl nodded. "With lots of sprinkles, you say?" She nodded again, this time very enthusiastically. "Coming right up, sweetheart."
The little girl clapped her hands innocently and tried to hop on the stool next to Mamoru. He watched as she struggled to lift herself onto the barstool before turning to him and batting her eyelashes in a wordless plea to help her out. 'Geez. She even acts like Usagi.' Muttering about the dangers of women and little girls who know how to work their puppy faces to their advantage, he scooped up the child and set her down on the stool like as if she were a sack of potatoes.
Behind the counter, Motoki was busily at work fixing up the child's ice cream cone, which made Mamoru curious seeing as how he made sure to get rid of every single cone in the arcade. Mamoru could've sworn he heard Motoki cackling but wasn't sure.
Finally, Motoki turned around and thrust something forward to the anxious child. "Here's your ice cream little girl." Mamoru swallowed a laugh when he saw that Motoki had partially pulled the tampon out of its applicator and opened it up, creating a makeshift cone. The little girl looked at Motoki's offering rather askance and wrinkled her little nose.
"That looks like what my mommy puts up her pee-pee hole during her angry-happy days," she observed. Mamoru snorted with laughter. "I don't think I want to eat something in one of my mommy's pee-pee hole Band-Aids. That's yucky."
By this time, Mamoru was rolling around on the floor, tears pouring down his face. The look on the kid's face was priceless but Motoki's...it was magic. It was a cross between an angry bull and an amused village idiot. Serves the bastard right for getting the toughest customer he's ever had wrapped up in a cute little package.
"This," Motoki said through gritted teeth, gesturing at the tampon with his free hand, "is not a 'pee-pee hole Band-Aid' ya little rugrat. _This_ is called a tampon and it goes up your mother's cunt."
Mamoru felt like smacking the stupid cow on the head for using that kind of language around a little kid.
"What's a cunt?" she asked innocently. She pouted then shook her head defiantly. "Never mind. If you don't give me my ice cream in a _real_ cone, I'm gonna beat your silly cunt!" (CR: this should look VERY familiar to a certain reviewer who shall remain nameless. Sorry for using your review but it was golden and I've never laughed so hard in my life after reading a review)
Mamoru had to admire the kid for standing up for herself against Motoki, a man who was usually patience personified but only until someone messes with his precious cones. He grimaced at the unintentional ecchi mental images that came with the words "Motoki" and "precious cones." That was just...gross and a completely un-Mamoru-like thing to think about. Yet another thing to hold against his ex-friend-turned-cow. Stupid cunt. Now he had to stab his eye out to distract his mind from wandering into the world of yaoi-a world that he, and most definitely Neo, didn't want to go.
'You damn right I don't want to go there, you brainless cunt!' Neo shouted from beneath the lavender slacks and new silk boxers. 'Usagi must've left you hornier than I thought if you've resorted to having ecchi fantasies about this apron-wearing cow.'
'I am NOT having ANY ecchi fantasies about that bitch!' Mamoru sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger. 'Look, let's not fight like this. I know we're BOTH frustrated...'
'Damn straight! It's all that cunt's fault!' Neo shouted in Motoki's direction. 'Of course, you didn't do anything to alleviate the situation either, you dense cunt.'
'HOW the motherfucking hell was I supposed to know she was standing BEHIND me when I said that shit to throw them off! She wouldn't even listen to me...'
Neo sighed. And people said HE was insensitive, only wanting to please himself.
'Mamoru, you've gotta find that girl and apologize like a bitch for saying that stuff. It's obvious that you're not happy without her and if YOU'RE not happy, I'M not happy if you know what I mean.'
'I know. But every time I see her walking to school she turns crosses the street and walks away. If I enter the arcade, she leaves. How am I supposed to talk to her if she won't stay long enough for me to say a word?' Mamoru sighed dejectedly, watching Motoki and the little kid arguing about getting a refund for the fucked up looking ice cream cone.
"I want a refund you turd!" the little girl screamed in Motoki's face. She got so angry that she stood up on the stool so she could look him in the eye. Mamoru held onto the back of her shirt woodenly to prevent her from falling and rested his head in his other palm.
"I TOLD YOU WE DON'T GIVE REFUNDS YOU LITTLE BRAT!" he screamed back, shoving the tampon-cone into her tiny hands. "Now take it before I shove this up your mom's pee-pee hole!"
Apparently, Motoki had pushed the little girl too far for she threw the ice cream concoction in Motoki's face, hitting it dead on. Mamoru wasn't surprised; Motoki's head was as big as his ego. The kid jumped down and ran out of the arcade, crying her eyes out. Just as the doors closed, Usagi and Minako stepped through, looking behind them in concern.
"What happened, Motoki?" asked Minako, grimacing uncomfortably. She desperately wanted to excuse herself from present company to run into the washroom and pick the wedgie out of her ass. Was it just her imagination, or were her panties getting smaller and smaller? They must have shrunk in the wash, she reassured herself.
"Someone from the warehouse messed up this week's ice cream cone order and delivered a bunch of huge-ass tampons instead. I swear, the women who use these things must have the biggest cunts in the world or something," he grumbled irritably.
Usagi snapped her head up when she heard Motoki explaining his little dilemma. She had been trying to ignore Mamoru's silent pleas to look at him but couldn't resist a tiny grin when she learned that he had gone through with his evil plan after all. Mamoru grinned back and ever so slowly let his eyes travel to Mina who was covertly trying to pick her butt by standing in front of a video game. Usagi nodded almost imperceptibly.
"ARGGGH! I can't take this anymore! Excuse me Motoki, but I have to visit the ladies' room." Without waiting for a reply, Mina sped towards the washroom like a bat outta hell, her hair flying behind her.
Just as the ladies' room door slammed shut, the little girl and a very big man entered the arcade and headed towards the counter where Motoki was stationed. "That's him, Daddy! That's the man who said he wanted shove something up Mommy's pee-pee hole!"
Motoki visibly paled and clutched the towel to his chest as the huge man with the snake tattoo on his face lumbered up to the counter, his leather jacket, pants and boots creaking with every step. "Are you the incredibly stupid man who made my daughter cry?" he asked Motoki menacingly.
"Um...Well, you see sir, it was all a huge misunderstanding on her part," he explained lamely before throwing the towel in the man's face and racing out the back door, the man and his daughter in hot pursuit.
"Get him, daddy!" she cried, running after the two men as fast as her little legs could carry her, leaving Mamoru and Usagi alone in the uncharacteristically quiet arcade.
"Um, tell Mina that I went to the Temple," Usagi mumbled, already making a hasty retreat to the door when Mamoru's hand shot out and grabbed her own.
"Can we talk, Usa? Please?" he asked. "I promise I won't take up too much of your time and if you want to leave after I say what I have to say, you can." After considering the request for a few seconds during which time, Mamoru's heart pounded in his chest, Usagi finally nodded her head. "Not here. At the park."
Usagi sighed and followed him wordlessly out the door. They said nothing on the way to the park, just a few short minutes away from the arcade. Finally, they reached a bench overlooking the lake and sat down.
"What is it you wanted to say, Mamoru-san?" Usagi asked softly, not trusting her voice. "I thought you said all that you wanted to say on the island."
Mamoru and Neo winced. 'She is NOT gonna make this easy for you, buddy,' Neo observed. 'I suggest grovelling.'
Mamoru ignored Neo's relentless commentary and looked at Usagi in the eye. "I never meant those things, Usa. I was just saying them to throw Motoki and the girls off guard. I didn't want them to suspect anything until we've paid them good for what they've done to us."
"Yeah right. Just like you didn't mean it when you called me a 'fat, lazy cow who did nothing all day but stuff her face with caffeinated sweets and fail tests like a bitch in heat,' right?" she replied bitterly. Mamoru's face turned red from embarrassment.
"I'm really sorry I said all those awful things to you, Usa. I've never taken the time to look beyond your faults because I didn't want to see mine. I've seen a whole new side to you on the island; one that I'd like to know very well. Please forgive me, Usa?" He made no move to touch her; he didn't want to scare her off before she's had a chance to mull over his apology.
Usagi grit her teeth and tried hard not to let Mamoru's honeyed words lull her into forgiving him so easily. What if he hurt her again?
"I won't hurt you, Usa. Never again," he said when she unwittingly spoke her thoughts out loud. "Please Usa. Give me another chance."
"You promise you won't make fun of me anymore?" she asked timidly.
"I don't think it's right for a man to make fun of his own girlfriend..."
Usagi gasped and gaped at Mamoru, silently asking him if he just asked her to be his girlfriend. He nodded. "Are you fucking around with me, Mamoru, cuz if you are, it's not funny and I'm gonna Sailor Moon Kick you in the nut sack."
'Oh man, TELL her you're not kidding!' Neo shouted, shivering with fright.
"I'm not fucking around with you, Usa. I really want you to be my girlfriend." Usagi squealed and launched herself into his arms.
'That's what I'M talkin' bout!' Neo crowed triumphantly. Usagi pressed herself closer to Mamoru, not noticing her close proximity to Neo. 'Well, hello again, sugar cunt,' Neo purred.
'Hello yourself, handsome,' Usagi's nether region replied coyly. 'I have a feeling these two are finally going to be able to finish what they started a few days ago. Frankly, I knew it was bound to happen. It's obvious that they were just too damn proud to do anything about it.'
'You got that right, sugar. How's about you give me a kiss?'
'Oh you.'
And so, Mamoru and Usagi kissed, blissfully unaware of the conversation going on below. After a few minutes, they pulled apart and Usagi nestled comfortably in Mamoru's embrace.
"You know, there's still the matter of getting revenge on those bastards," Usagi reminded Mamoru. "I've already begun the panty-switching and you've already done the tampon thing but we need something BIG. Something to tell them not to mess with us ever again."
"Did you ever get Rei back for cutting your hair?" Mamoru asked, running his fingers through her now shoulder-length hair. Usagi grinned wickedly.
"Yeah."
"Well? What is it?"
"I cut hers."
"That's it?" he asked incredously. "I would've thought you'd come up with something more heinous than that."
"Oh I did. I snuck into her room early in the morning and gave her a butchy hair cut. You know, sorta like that loudmouth American talk show host, Rosie O'Donell. She looks so different, you'd never recognize her ass if she walked past you on the street. Grandpa and Yuuchiro took one look at her and fell over laughing their heads off until they had to beat each other with brooms in order to stop. The scream that ripped from her mouth made the loss of my own hair seem worth it." Usagi tilted her head back and laughed. Mamoru couldn't help but admire the beautiful, carefree picture she just made.
"I wish I could've been there to see it. Rei needs to be taken down a peg," Mamoru mused. "You know, all these little things that we've done to them aren't even close to what they've done to us. We've gotta do something that make them all wish, from the evil cow mastermind to Ami who probably had to be threatened with bodily harm to participate in their dastardly plan, that they were never born. But how..."
They sat on the bench in silence for a few minutes, pondering the perfect revenge. "I've got it!" Usagi exclaimed, jumping up from the bench in her excitement. "You remember that Halloween party that His Cowness is going to throw at the arcade?" Mamoru nodded, already liking where she was going.
"Well, we're going to..."
As she outlined her plan to Mamoru, with him adding a few suggestions of his own, he couldn't help but notice just how much like his princess she looked. Without warning, he caught her up in a fierce hug. "I love you," he whispered to her.
"I love you too." Usagi smiled brightly and pecked him lightly on the lips. "But if you ever piss me off, I'm gonna have to bust a cap in your ass."
It was Mamoru's turn to laugh. "Bring it on, Odango. I'd love to have you do anything concerning my ass." Usagi howled with laughter and swatted him on the arm.
"You're so fucking cheesy. Now remember, we have to pretend to hate each other so they won't suspect anything. This is gonna be SO much fun. I can't wait to see their faces four days from now when they find out that they can't mess with us and get away with it." Mamoru could've sworn he saw devil horns growing on his new girlfriend's head. 'Girlfriend. I like the sound of that.'
'You have no idea how much I like the sound of that,' Neo cut in. 'Now, when do we get to sleep with her?'
'Shut the fuck up, Neo!' Mamoru mentally shouted.
'Fine, fine. But you know you want to.' Mamoru just shook his head and pulled Usagi in for another kiss.
Four days later, Halloween night:
Japanese pop music blared through the arcade as Usagi came through the door dressed up as a whore from the American Wild West. She had the corset, frilly skirt and fishnet stockings that came with the saloon floozy look. Her hair was pinned up into ringlets and a large hat on her head with a peacock feather floating jauntily in the air. She looked like every guy's wet dream come true.
She spotted Mamoru across the room standing near the punchbowl with Motoki. She caught her breath as Mamoru turned around to get more punch, his thigh muscles clearly outlined by the tight as hell brown suede pants that he was wearing. The light cotton shirt he was wearing was opened to reveal his muscular chest and the sleeves were rolled up to his elbows. 'Holy shit,' she thought, 'and I thought he looked good naked!'
Meanwhile, Mamoru was standing near the punchbowl feeling like punching Motoki, who was dressed up like a pimp, complete with a multi-coloured trench coat with faux fur collar, gold pimp watch with fake diamonds around the face and the tackiest ruby ring on his pinkie.
'Whoa, Usagi alert!' Neo shouted, instantly jumping to alertness. 'DAMN she looks HOT! Mamoru, did I ever tell you how much I love you?' Mamoru turned in the direction Neo was pointing and sure enough, he saw Usagi standing in all her whorish glory. He flashed her a grin that showed just how much he loved her outfit. Neo waved when she licked her upper lip in what could only be described as a naughty way. He rolled his eyes in Motoki's direction, who was too busy yammering away about the success of his party to notice the exchange of lust-filled looks between them.
She sidled up to them with the girls in tow. Mina had dressed up as a very scantily clad French maid, further reinforcing Mamoru's opinion that she was very much a whore; Raye, who, with her new hair cut, had no choice but to come as a dyke dominatrix in an ominous looking outfit of black leather and a riding crop; Amy had come as a slutty nurse whose incredibly short uniform just wouldn't stay buttoned up, thus revealing a surprising amount of cleavage; Makoto came to the party as a genie who only granted wishes of the sexy variety.
As soon as the girls reached them, Makoto looked at Mamoru up and down in appreciation. "Damn Mamoru, you can ride me any time!"
"Er...um..." his eyes immediately flicked to Usagi who looked like she wanted to split Makoto in half by pulling her legs apart. "That's ok, Makoto. I'm all good." Usagi smiled sweetly at him, letting him know that he said the right thing. He tapped his watch lightly, letting Usagi know that it was almost time for their plan to commence.
Usagi nodded her head and turned to Motoki, her puppy face already in place.
"Motoki, I think I smelled something weird coming from the boiler room. Gosh, you don't think it's a gas leak, do you?" Mamoru almost laughed at the irony of Usagi playing the innocent when she was dressed up as a whore.
Motoki furrowed his brows in concern. "I don't know. Dad said that we'd been having trouble with the furnace lately. I think I'm gonna go check it out."
"Let me come with you," Mina immediately volunteered as Mamoru and Usagi had predicted. It was only a matter of time before the rest of the rats take the bait. Sure enough...
"Yeah Motoki-san. It's a good idea to take us with you just in case," Makoto said. "Who knows what kind of shit you're gonna run into down there?" Usagi and Mamoru had to bite their lips to prevent themselves from smiling.
"I think that's a smart idea, Motoki-san. I have studied the chemical elements of many types of gases. If it _is_ a gas leak, I'm sure I'll be able to identify it," Ami said confidently, her eyes gleaming at the thought of putting her knowledge in practice. Rei just nodded in agreement.
"All right. This way," Motoki practically shouted over the loud music. He led the entire group to a door in the back of the arcade and flicked on the light switch, revealing a staircase leading to the basement. "The boiler room's down here."
He led them down the stairs, their footsteps making loud clunking noises on the worn steps. Mamoru and Usagi lagged behind the group, a bit of evil lurking in their eyes.
"Hey, who the fuck are all of you?" they heard Motoki ask. They grinned.
"These people, my 'friends,' are here for the Hentai Writers' Conference with their stories in hand ready to be edited...by all of you," Usagi informed the shocked group of people in front of her.
"What the hell are you talking about Odango?" Rei asked in a shrill voice. She glanced around the crowded room filled to overflowing with writers in every shape and size, dressed in various costumes to get into the Halloween spirit. "Why are you doing this to us?"
Mamoru narrowed his eyes. "I seem to remember asking myself that when I woke up on that fucked up island in nothing but a porno-style loincloth and a cheesy t-shirt. I asked myself that very question when I had to go back to school and work, facing embarrassing inquiries about my 'delicate condition.' At first, I had no idea what the fucking hell they were talking about but I knew it had something to do with the six of you." He put his arms around Usagi's shoulder and grinned at Motoki. "Oh yeah, I guess your little plan worked. I've been enjoying the fruits of your labour for four nights now."
Motoki's jaw dropped. So his plan _had_ worked but they had been planning this all along. "But...but...if you guys are together now, why put us through all this? Shouldn't you be thanking us instead of punishing us?"
Usagi's eyes flashed dangerously. "Motoki, you really ARE a cunt, you know that?"
"A pretty dumb one at that," Mamoru added. "Just consider yourselves lucky that I don't tie you all up and let Queen Beryl's youma ass rape all of you until you can't stand. But then again, that's what these guys are for," he added, pointing towards the eager audience behind them.
Usagi spotted a beefy-looking woman with really short, curly hair and coke bottle glasses, dressed up as Indiana Jones. (CR: this is for you, LS! HAHAHA!) "Hey Rei," she fairly sang, malice in her voice, "you'd want to hide your cunt from that 'girl' over there. I hear she's a cunt hunter."
Rei turned in the direction Usagi was pointing and paled, hiding behind Makoto who immediately smacked her upside the head. "I'm not getting MY cunt hunted, you manly whore!" she exclaimed.
"Hey! When is the seminar gonna start?" a person dressed up in a many-tentacled alien costume shouted. "I gotta go home to watch the Star Trek marathon, ya know!"
"Take it easy, people. The guest panel has arrived and they're VERY excited to read your stories as well as give you all some pointers," Mamoru told the crowd soothingly. "Did I also mention that our distinguished guests have also starred in their own short-lived hentai anime a few years ago called 'Moomoo Stink and the Hell Raisers?'"
"Oh yeah! I remember that!"
"I loved that show!"
Usagi rolled her eyes at the sexless freaks surrounding her. How could they have watched that anime if it never existed? Stupid cunts. "Well all, I'm afraid we must leave you now for the next six hours. Mamo-chan and I have a dance to attend." They turned around and started ascending the stairs.
"Wait Usagi-chan, Mamoru-san! Take me with you! I had nothing to do with it, I swear!" Ami begged. "It was all Motoki and Mina's idea!"
"You fucking sell-out!" Minako screeched. "You were the one who knocked Mamoru out with a cast-iron skillet!" The two girls started arguing as the would-be authors formed a tight ring around them, preventing their escape. Mamoru linked hands with Usagi and started up the stairs again, locking the door behind them once they got upstairs.
"Well, those losers should keep them busy for a good six hours," Usagi said once they were back on the dance floor. "I only wish it was a month-long 'conference' so they would know what it was like for us on that island."
"It wasn't _that_ bad, was it?" Mamoru asked, nuzzling his lips into her hair. "Seeing me naked was the highlight of the month."
Usagi rolled her eyes. "You're such an ego-maniac. Keep that up and I won't be sleeping with you any time soon."
'You stupid cunt!' Neo yelled. 'Take it back!'
'How am I supposed to show her who wears the pants in this relationship if I keep folding every time she pulls the 'no sex' card?' Mamoru snapped.
'If you're talking about those fruity-ass lavender pants you might as well give up now cuz you win arguments sooner if you were dressed in a Scottish kilt with a sports bra on your head than with them. Give up, buddy, you're whipped.'
Mamoru shrugged. 'I guess I am,' he thought happily, planting a kiss on Usagi's lips by way of apology. "Happy Halloween."
"Happy Halloween."
Epilogue:
They had been sitting in the cold, dank basement for a good four hours now, the party long over but the conference just beginning. Motoki and the girls had just heard a forty-three chaptered story in-progress about the Sailor Senshi and their love lives delivered by a lily-livered little shit of a man that looked like he had been out in the sun for only a couple of days in his entire lifetime.
"Oh good lord, it's the _same_ exact sex scene over and over," moaned Makoto behind her hand.
"I feel sorry for his wife," grumbled Ami. "She must be so bored in the sack and must have to rely on...other methods to get off."
"That dyke keeps looking at me weird," Rei whispered, fingering her hair self-consciously. "Don't let her get near me, Mako-chan."
They groaned as the pale man began reading another chapter. "Hey, your story faaking sucks, you dried up old cunt!" Minako screamed in frustration.
"Easy, Mina," soothed Motoki. "Only a couple more hours to go." He clenched his teeth as the man started reading the sex scene from chapter three in his latest chapter. "You suck, you unimaginative cunt! Get the hell outta my face!"
The man's eyes welled up with tears. "My wife seems to like them."
"Well, you're wife's a whore who gets hers elsewhere," he retorted. "In fact, I think I used her services just last night. She kept complaining about her husband's two-inch dick and the fact that he couldn't think of anything kinkier to do in the bedroom other than licking her cunt. You really should work on that."
"MOTOKI! You cheating bastard!" Minako screeched. Thus began an argument between the two, effectively ending the advice session for the time being. The dyke Rei was so afraid of approached the makeshift stage.
"Hey there, gorgeous," she said in a fake man's voice, winking at the frightened girl. "I like your hair. Where'd you have it done?"
"Um, my friend cut it for me. I really have to go now. My friend gets jealous every time I talk to other girls, right Mako-chan?" she asked desperately, elbowing the girl in the ribs.
"Err, yeah. That's me. Very jealous. I don't like sharing _this_ cunt."
The dyke simply smiled. "That's ok, you can come along."
The two girls gulped. "Um...." They were saved from having to answer when the dyke simply crumpled to the ground unconscious, Ami standing behind her with a lead pipe in her hand.
"You know, you're getting pretty good at that, Ami-chan."
"Thanks Mako-chan. NO ONE messes with MY cunts without my permission!" she declared. Makoto and Rei gulped and backed away nervously. "What? What'd I say?"
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CR: That's all folks. It's finally done! I worked like a faaking bitch on crack to get this out before the midnight deadline. Right now it's 11:16 so I've got a little more time before the contest closes. Now if only my stupid dial-up connection would connect. HURRY UP, you slow-ass bitch! I don't have all night you know! I'm gonna put up this un-edited version cuz I'm just too damn tired to read it. If it's all crapped up, don't bitch at me cuz I'm really not in the faaking mood to hear it. I'll look at it tomorrow and replace it when I'm good and ready.
November 6, 2002
CR: Hahaha...this story's been done for almost a week and you're just now reading it. If you guys had gone on Aria's Ink you would've seen the end much sooner. Let me just take the opportunity to thank all those who reviewed here, AI and ASMR. To explain the ending for some of you guys...it's really more of a private joke between LS and me more than it was meant to be the ultimate revenge against them. In our opinion, getting stuck in a locked basement with a certain hentai author for 8 grueling hours editing his work is THE ultimate punishment next to...I don't know, spreading glue all over your pubic hair, waiting for it to set and yanking it off in one determined pull. OUCH! So, if you didn't like it, go suck on Neo and walk it off cuz I'm NOT writing a new ending. What would you guys think if we did a continuation of this fic in time for Christmas? I'm still trying to convince myself that it's not such a bad idea and I think LS is too. *smacks herself on the head* Get back to work on your essay, whore! @_@;;;;;