Are You Ready For The Future

im not quite sure about this. im never quite sure about anything, but this seems to be the top of the list of the things that-im-not-quite sure of. the lights come on and everybody stretches and blinks in the sudden light because it's what you do. you go to a play. you watch. you clap. you blink and stretch. then you go home. and it's done with. it might have changed your life. it might not have.

i really only care for tiny's sake.

gideon grabs my arm, he tells me he's going to go speak to sex-god and i can't really blame him. im to preoccupied to be good company to him right now. but hey, since when have i ever been good company. but right now im even less good company.

i can't see tiny. so i assume he's backstage congratulating all his actors, even the really creepy guy in the dark clothes that was supposed to portray me and kinda did an okay job. i don't want to interrupt that, so i text him

Will Grayson: hey. im here.

Tiny Cooper; hi. I'm waiting.

that's all i need before im pushing my shoulder against the stage door that says 'fabulous people only' because i might not be a fabulous person but ive spent a lot of time around one and its probably rubbed off on me.

i don't care that it's only been a week, i don't care that i was the one that broke it off. all i know is that tiny cooper is back here somewhere and i need to find him before my mind combusts from sheer need. as daft and cliché as it sounds (and fuck if i don't hate clichés) i miss tiny. i miss his incurable energy. i miss the way he can bare my presence for more than an hour and still smile and look happy. i miss the fact that when he first met my mom he bought her a motherfucking glass bowl.

i miss his presence.

i spot the other will grayson, and he offers me what looks to be an encouraging grin but instead looks a bit like he was forced to eat my schools casserole and jerks his thumb in the direction of the male bathrooms.

im going to go and hopefully reunite with my ex-boyfriend; who i broke it off with and it's in a toilet? im drowning in the irony.

i nod at him and my feet carry me in the direction of the bathroom and i hope to fuck that it's empty cus i don't won't to have an audience. id like to save the kinks for later in the relationship.

im pushing open the door and im not about to say that i bowed down to his feet and begged for his forgiveness. Cus i didn't. nor did i write a song for him.

Me; Hi

Tiny; Hey

he doesn't seem nervous. his face is red but that could just be from the adrenaline of the bloody play.

Me; ...i came

Tiny; that sounds wrong

i laugh and so does tiny. it's a bit strange-fuck that it's a lot strange but at this moment i couldnt give a crawling fuck about the strangeness of it all because tiny's here, and he's laughing. and he's not ignoring me.

Me; i liked your play

Tiny; it isn't mine. it's the worlds.

i smile at him, and it's awkward and wonky as hell because i don't think i can really pull off a smile but it seems to work as tiny's 800-watt smile hits me in the face like a bulldozer.

Me; the worlds a lucky person

Tiny; that doesn't make sense.

Me: nothing ever does

we're quiet for a moment, but it's not awkward. it's not particularly pleasant but ive never liked pleasant. well ive never liked someone like tiny before.

Tiny; what you did really hurt me

Me; i know

Tiny; ive never loved anyone like you before

Me: i try to be original

Tiny; you said i didn't love you

Me; i know

im just taking it. because i know that if i say something it'll probably be hurtful and sarcastic because that's what i fall back on. i have these horrible steel walls of sarcasm and pain that deflect any true emotion i could possibly possess.

Tiny; it hurt

i look him squarely in the eyes. because he thinks it didn't hurt me? every part of me was screaming that day on the swings. every part of me wanted to start chucking bricks at myself when i saw tiny's face fall like a kicked puppy. i know the only way to make up for it. i know what he wants. but i can't give it to him yet. i can give him the next best thing

Me; i really really like you, tiny

he grins again, this big huge, shit eating grin that makes me stare at the floor because i make that grin happen and fuck if it isn't slight hot. in a totally creepy way.

he takes a step forward. and then another. and then another. until he's right in front of me and he's leaning down and when i glance up he's centimetres away from my lips and i just want to pull him down and crash my lips against his but i don't because tiny has to make this decision for himself. he could back out any minute now.

Tiny; i kind of really really like you too

and then his lips are on mine and it's different because this time im not crying about a boyfriend who didn't even exist or trying to force myself into love. this time it's just about us. and our totally weird , totally gay and totally awesome future.

The End.