Shinpachi stood in front of the Yorozuya HQ, sweating. He pressed his ear in the tiny slit between the door and the wooden frame and tried to make out the sounds within. It sounded like... Gin-san screaming? Lots of crashing, big exploding bullets? Kagura cursing bloody murder? An umbrella being opened, no, two umbrellas being opened? What in the world in happening in there?

It sounded like Sadaharu decided he liked to eat wood and was devouring the floor! It sounded like Gintoki was losing it and was bashing everything in sight! It sounded like Katsura and Elizabeth thought the sky was falling and the only way to hold it up was to Katsurap again, with extra dance moves, and a tank! It sounded like Okita decided to break-dance in the living room with his hand on the trigger of his bazooka!

Shinpachi's knees started to shake. This is definitely not the time to get himself involved. Inside the Yorozuya HQ was a disaster waiting to be let out. Kagura can kick whoever's ass, and all he had to do was to go back later, when it was safe. Shinpachi turned from the door and started to the stair. Yes, that's it. I'll just go watch a few concerts on the TV at the dojo and come back after those morons have exhausted themselves. That way...

Wait, what am I thinking? Shinpachi shook his head. Since when was I such a coward? Follow the Samurai Code! My friends are in danger! I must save them! Tears slide down his cheeks dramatically. "Kagura! Gin-san! I've going to save youuu~!" Shinpachi turned around, sparkling all over, and gallantly began to reach for the door...

And got smashed in the face by it. Why me, he thought. The door exploded, knocking him over the balcony, through the air, and landing his a neat face-plant with the sidewalk. This is Shinpachi the Great's first successful back flip.

Behind him, two beings jumped on the roof of the Yoroyuza HQ. Kagura had a limp on one leg and was leaning heavily on her umbrella. Kamui had three tears in his shirt, a bloody arm, and a bruise on his face. But Kagura was out of breath and panting, while Kamui looked fresh for a fight and was smiling. It was clear who was going to win. However, both of them seemed to have no intention of stopping.

Gintoki ran out from the ashes of the broken door, screaming, looking like all the chocolate parfaits in the world would not be enough to make him stay. He was holding a smashed, beeping cellphone in one hand and a brochure to the farthest planet away from Edo in the other. Pieces of paper, of wood, and of glass flew all around him. His normally dead-fish look was gone and he was aging by the second.

"Hijikata, you b*stard! What do you mean you only do anti-terrorist crap? Two very dangerous amanto are on my roof and they're going to destroy everything in ten mile's radius! One of them is going to kill his own sister! Nothing can get worse! What do you mean Kabuki district is not your shift today? It's Okita's problem? His patrol is in Kabuki today? Wait! Wait! Don't send that sadist here! Things can get worse! No!"

Gintoki looked at the screen of his cellphone. It hummed out a quiet "call-disconnected" tone. Gintoki lost all his color and slowly opened his wallet. It had nothing but a small slip of paper and thirty-seven yen.

The paper had a word and a phone number, and the word was "lawyer". He typed in a number to his phone, and with a deadpan voice, said, "Hey, madao. Get me a damned lawyer. I need to write my will before I die... When am I going to die?"

Gintoki started to laugh crazily, and sweated profusely. "I'm going to die in five minutes, you fool! Leave all my savings to... What do you mean I have no savings?! Who do I leave my debts to? Ah, well, I guess Shinpachi then."

Shinpachi, who had dragged himself up the stairs, tried to punch Gintoki in the face. "Don't leave your debts to me, you b*stard," He screamed. "I am going to die too, you know! If I die, your debt's going to land on Otae! What is she going to do without me, her dear brother!"

But before Gintoki could reply, which he surely would've with a snark answer, along the lines of "hey, are you going to refuse my going-away gift to you," they got blasted to the roof next door, each of them being hit on the head by an umbrella.

From that roof, they saw a terrifying scene. Kagura had blood all over her, and Kamui had what looked like a broken arm. Kagura was swaying. She spit out blood, and wiped her mouth slowly. Kamui's arm was in an awkward angle. He adjusted it with a painful crack, but did not even blink. He was grinning happily. Kagura took a slow step foward. Then her head snapped up and she ran straight to Kamui. He was still smiling.

He knew every move she had; they had fought since birth and she did the same thing every time. She was going to feint toward his arm, but instead will aim lower with her foot and crush his heel, making him unable to stand. Her arm reached out. Her comes the left foot.

But that left foot never came. Kagura didn't aim for his leg, surprising him. She head butted him on the forehead and knocked him backwards. Now she was on top of him. Both of their umbrellas had fallen off the roof. She had a better resistance to sunlight, living in Edo for a longer time. In fact, the time he spent in Edo was underground, in Yoshiwara. Soon he would get dizzy. That was a good move, Kamui thought. If she managed to punch him hard enough to make him unconscious, she may win. She had gotten better. Kamui smiled cheerfully.

Kagura raised her hand. Here comes the punch, Kamui thought. But she had miscalculated. After she punched him, all Kamui needed to do was pivot and throw her off the roof, to the window of the café next door. Then she'll be pierced all over by glass shards and he could retrieve his umbrella. This is my win, darling little nuisance.

Once he got his umbrella, she'd be blasted to next Tuesday. But she did get better. However, how did they ever get into this situation? He had come under a white flag, wanting to say hi before going on with his King of Yato duties, but as soon as Kagura caught a whiff of him she straight out started to bash him up. Kagura's hand made a fist. Kamui tensed himself for the impact. Her punch is not yet strong enough to knock him out.

But the punch never came. Gintoki and Shinpachi watched in shock as Kagura closed her fist over his hair flick and yanked.

Kamui thought she was going to pull his scalp off. Ow! Ow! Gaaaah! He's going to go bald like papa if she continued like that! Gaaaah! Stop it! Stop!

But behind his pain, Kamui was smiling. She had a good hold over him. But he had held back. If he had gone full-out, she would've died long before. But she was holding back too. The monster Abuto had told him about was still chained. Ah, well. Time to end this before he is mistaken for Umibouzo.

He was also late for a meeting. He would have to go all bloody. I wonder what people would say if I told them I was beat up by my own little sister, He thought. But before he could do anything, the weight of his sister lifted off him. Kamui blinked surprised. Abuto was lifting Kagura up, his cape billowing out from behind him. "Enough, little girl. Choose one. Would you kill your own flesh and blood brother or make him bald like daddy? Or would you call peace and go..."

Abuto got punched in the face by two fists, one on each cheek. His nose started bleeding before he even hit started to tilt backwards. One fist by Kagura and the other by Kamui. "Shut up, old man!" Kagura shouted, "I was winning, you p*nis!"

"If you stop my fight another time I'll cut off your other arm, nanny!" Kamui yelled, baring his teeth, and the siblings flipped around, and simultaneously kicked him off the roof.

And this is why, as Okita was walking to work this morning, late for his patrol, was he squashed by a thirty-two year old yato with a mane of light-brown hair.

[End report]