I am so terrible omg

but I just have such a huge mental block with my Brittana fics and I just got addicted to Frozen (which is my new all time favorite movie omg)

Soooo I was like "wow Elsa and Anna are cute together omg but that's incest" then I started reading Elsanna fanfics and decided to write my own DX I am soooo sorry to my Brittana fic readers. I swear to god I'll update as soon as I can!

BUT FOR NOW.
Hello, to those who don't know me or haven't read my previous fanfictions, I am Aurora and I will be your guide on this emotional icesty story. I'm a sucker for emotional stories and I enjoy writing them and hopefully you enjoy reading them because this is one of those. I have to warn you: I can be very graphic, and there are going to be a few triggers in the upcoming story. For example: eventual rape and eventual self-harm. The self-harm is only like once or twice, though.

So if you're easily triggered, do not read this. Okay? Okay.

This also flipflops between POV's, but will be primarily from Elsa's POV.

So the timeline is about three months after the events in "Frozen"; the two sisters have grown closer and - augh I explain it in the story. You'll catch on fast ;)
Please don't forget to R&R and if you read this entire bolded intro good for you xD
Heeeeere we go, Chapter One of 'Monster'...

Conceal, don't feel, don't let it show... The more times I repeated it in my head, the less effect it had on my heart. Don't let them in... don't let them see... be the good girl you always have to be... It was no use. My heart was as stubborn as my mind.

She's my baby sister for Christ's sake! Ever since that damned dream my brain thinks it's okay to feel for her in unsisterly ways!

It was just a dream.

Right?

Right.

I sighed and looked down at the frost beginning to take over my hands.

Guilt, fear, confusion, and anger were swirling inside of me like an angry blizzard. My room was covered with frost and the distant sounds of a hailstorm attacking my kingdom filled my ears. It was so cold in my room, I could see every shuddering breath I took.

I didn't want to shut her out again. I really didn't. It hurt to hear her knock every day and beg me to come out.

I rarely came out and when I did it was in the middle of the night to relieve myself and get food and a drink. I barely ate, though.

I'd been in here for a few days and each day Anna knocked on my door and begged me to come out.

But today she hadn't.

I wondered if she was okay.

Loud angry knocks filled my ears and my attention was turned to the door. It was shuddering with each thud, the hinges threatening to give way to the intruder.

"Elsa!" Anna snarled angrily. "Elsa, please, this isn't fair! You can't just come back into my life and make me think we're best friends again and just turn around and shut me out! That's not fair!" She yelled and I could hear the tears in her voice. "Elsa, just tell me what's wrong! We can fix it together, I promise!"

But we couldn't.

No matter how hard we tried, we'd never be able to fix it.

What I felt – what I feel – is wrong. Sinful. Disgusting. Whatever relationship we'd had before was shattered by these emotions, and nothing could ever fix it.

"Elsa!" She pounded harder and I began to worry about her breaking down my door, though I knew her small form wouldn't be able to even make it crack. "Just come out!"

I felt a silent tear escape my eye. It slowly ran along my cheek. I shut my eyes tightly and more tears escaped.

"Please don't shut me out again..." Anna whimpered, collapsing against the door and giving up on trying to force it open. "Please, Elsa... You promised you wouldn't. You promised..."

I slowly walked up to the door and leaned against it, sitting on the icy floor. "I'm sorry," I whispered after a moment of silence.

"You're sorry?" She growled. "That's all you have to say?! Really, Elsa, really?!" I heard her stand up angrily. "You lead me onto thinking we're going to be sisters again, then you slam the door in my face after promising you would never shut me out, and all you have to say is sorry?!" She sobbed angrily. "Fuck off!" She rarely ever cursed, and that made it all the more hurtful. "That's not fair, Elsa! You need to come out and tell me what's wrong or shatter the bridge between us forever!"

My heart stung and I choked back a sob. "A-Anna... please, it's for the best..."

I heard her let out a muffled hiccup of emotion.

"Elsa..." She whimpered brokenly. But the choice was already made. I couldn't be around her. Not with my emotions flying out of control like this.

"I'm so sorry," I whispered, putting my head between my curled up knees and sobbing.

I listened to her fading footsteps and my heart broke all over again. I didn't want to hurt her... but it seemed I had no choice...

Anna's POV

"She just... shut me out again!" I cried into Kristoff's chest. "She told me she'd never leave me again, Kristoff!"

We were inside the ice harvester's cabin, the crackling fire keeping the small room warm. Sven and Olaf were in the corner sound asleep.

"Judging by the weather," the blond began, "I'd guess she's got something going on in here." He put his hand on his chest.

He was probably right. No, he definitely was. It never hailed in Arendelle unless the Queen was upset. And judging by the particular fierceness in this storm, I could only assume she was under some sort of emotional battle.

"But she'd tell me because I'm her sister!" I argued. "It's what sisters do! They tell each other secrets and what's bothering them so they can fix it together!"

Kristoff bit his lip. "Well, maybe it has something to do with you. I mean, why else wouldn't she tell you?"

"Me?" I gasped. "What could I have possibly done to her!"

"Maybe she thinks she'll hurt you again. I mean, that's what made her go all ice crazy before, isn't it?"

"Yeah but-"

"But maybe she still has doubts," he interrupted. "I mean, she's still discovering new things she can do with her power, so maybe she's afraid she'll go out of control again."

I sat there silently. That did seem believable, I guess.

"Just try to talk to her," Kristoff continued.

"I can't, she won't come out or let me in." I huffed.

"She doesn't come out at all?"

"Well, sometimes I hear her in the middle of the night walking around."

"Well talk to her then."

I grinned and hugged him tightly. "You're the best, Kristoff!"

"I know, it's a curse, really." He winked playfully.

"Oh hush." I punched his arm lightly.

I didn't know what we were, to be honest. We kissed once, yeah, but our relationship felt a little... platonic. Like he was just a big brother to me. I guess the love we felt wasn't that way.

One thing was for sure, though. He was my best friend.

"Want me to take you back?" He asked. "It's pretty dark out."

"Yeah, sure." I smiled.

Elsa's POV

"Why did you go?" I asked the painting of my father hanging in the study. He stood tall and proud. He was immortal in this room. Forever bound by paint and canvas. "Why did you go before giving me good advice on what to do?"

The room was covered in ice, lots of pointy shards had been stabbed into the wall. I was still out of breath from my tantrum of anger and emotion.

"'Conceal don't feel' that's the best advice you could give me?" Hot tears stained my cheeks. Good thing Anna was gone. I didn't want her to see what I could do.

"What do I do when I start to feel? Huh?" I growled, punching the desk in front of the painting hard, ice shards blasting from where my knuckles contacted the wood.

"What do I do then, Papa?" I yelled, throwing more icy blades into the wall, white hot fury fueling me into destroying everything close. "You left me alone for years! You let me cower in the dark, alone, afraid of myself! I saw it in your eyes the day I told you to stay away!" I laughed darkly. "I saw the fear!"

I was beyond screaming now. My throat was raw and painful from yelling so much, but I didn't care.

"You knew that I was a monster and you stayed away!" I screamed through a waterfall of tears and a kaleidoscope of emotions. "I lost you twice! And both times I was left alone in the dark to live in fear and hatred! Why would you leave like that? Huh? Did you ever consider how I felt!" There was a blizzard swirling around me in my anger and frustration.

"If you didn't leave, I wouldn't be stuck with these stupid emotions!" Icicles began to come out of the wall, threatening to close in on me. "If you didn't leave, you could tell me what to do! God dammit why did you go!"

Sadness engulfed me like a typhoon, drowning me in tears. I collapsed to the ground, sobs racking my body. The blizzard stopped, everything stopped. It was freezing in this room, but I couldn't feel it.

I could never feel the cold outside, but I felt it more than ever coming from my heart.

"Why did you leave me, papa?" I whispered brokenly. "What did I do wrong?"

Anna's POV

I watched silently from the shadows of the hallway as Elsa collapsed to the ground in a fit of both rage and sadness. She was sobbing hard into her hands and the ice around her seemed to become even colder. The snow in the air was still, and the room was so quiet I was surprised she couldn't hear my slow breathing.

Watching her like this... it hurt. It broke my heart. But she wouldn't let me in. what emotions was she talking about? It didn't matter, because she needed someone to comfort her.

I slipped through the barely open door into the study and put an arm on her shoulder.

She jumped at the contact, but didn't pull away.

"Elsa?" I murmured softly. "Please tell me what's wrong..."

I watched as she turned to look at me. Her eyes were swirling with unreadable emotions. It looked like she had a storm behind those eyes. Those beautiful, bright blue eyes.

Even now, in her darkest moment of depression, she was beautiful. I always envied her for her grace and beauty. No matter what she did, she did it so perfectly, all while maintaining her gorgeousness. How did she do that? How is it that even with red-rimmed eyes, tear-stained cheeks, and a sniffling nose she was still the most gorgeous woman I'd ever seen?

I watched something flash in her eyes – fear, perhaps? – that made her flinch away from me. She stood up and backed away.

"Elsa-"

"No," she hissed. "Don't... just... please, stay away."

"Elsa, please just-"

"I'm sorry, Anna." She sobbed before turning towards the door and running out.

"Elsa, wait!" I called after her, desperately trying to keep up.

She was always faster than me. Her speed was comparable to Sven's, she was so fast.

I followed a few feet behind her as she passed her room and made her way down the great halls of our home.

My lungs burned for oxygen, but I was determined to catch up to her. I had to. I had to know what was bothering her.

She flung herself right out of the entrance to the castle and I stumbled out after her.

But she was gone.

I could just barely see her platinum blonde hair disappear across a frozen path of ice that led from our castle to the land across from it.

I fell to the ground, gasping for air all while fighting back sobs.

Why wouldn't she tell me what was wrong?

Elsa's POV

I felt terrible. Absolutely terrible.

I saw it in her eyes – the caring, the concern... the fear.

She wanted to know what was wrong with me, but she was also afraid of what I would do.

Oh, Anna... I'm so sorry I made it all so complicated.

I knew where I had to go. I could escape my worries and be alone. Maybe I'd forget my feelings for Anna.

I had to go there.

This time, however, I wouldn't be alone and free. I'd be alone, yes, but I'd be forever shackled into to my cold ways. Not by my wrist, but by my heart. I had to keep up these cold barriers, no matter what.

I'm terrible. I'm a monster. Anna doesn't deserve this.

And yet, it has to be done.

I had to go to my Ice Palace.

Okey dokey, so that was chapter one! Just settin' the mood if ya know what i mean *wink wink*

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until next time! xoxo