Bleeding Out

Chapter 4 ~Not how I wanted it~

A/N: I do not own anything. When it is 'italicized' it is the character's thoughts. Italicized and Bold is flash back dialogue. Look up art/Adlet-298624322 for image of the creature. All rights to image go to the artist erebus88, I do not own it. I am using it as inspiration for the creature.

Sam had been twisting and turning his phone in his hands. He had started to do research on how to track down an angel, specifically, Gadreel. He had a bad feeling all day, mostly centered around Dean. He hated how they had parted, hated how Dean considered himself poison. He felt bad leaving Dean in that state knowing that he would find the first bar and probably drink. Sam hated how Dean was when he drank a lot. He never told him but, Sam was so proud of Dean when he had quit drinking. He had seen his dad throw away his life through alcohol and how it had changed him in the worst ways.

Dean was well on his way to liver failure and then a year in purgatory, not by choice, had gotten him sober. Dean would have coffee in the mornings instead of whiskey, one beer instead of four at lunch and one with dinner. Sam had forgotten what Dean was like before hell, the apocalypse and the loss of Bobby. Now he was able to get a glimpse of that again and, he preferred him that way. 'Why didn't I tell Dean that? Why not say how proud I was of him? Why not remind him of who he was when he was slipping?' Sam asked himself.

He wasn't even paying attention to his research anymore. He kept looking at his phone, looking for phone calls or text messages from Dean. He had considered calling him but, he wasn't sure if he was ready to talk to him yet. He hated what Dean had done, taking away his choice to live or not. Sam felt he was being selfish, that he did it not to be alone. Dean had said once before that he could do this alone but, he didn't want to. 'The sooner he wakes up and realizes that this life is not for me the better' Sam said to himself. He placed his phone down on the table and stared at it for a moment.

Cas had spoken to him about how Dean was a fool for all the right reasons, how he had learned how important family was. How much he learned by being human, how much he had learned from Dean and myself especially. Sam had considered it himself, if he were in Dean's shoes would he make the same choices as Dean? How many times had they made deals, been possessed and vessels? How many times have they gone wrong? Sam couldn't do that anymore, wouldn't do that anymore. So, if it was reversed he would have to let go, for good.

Sam decided that they would both benefit from a very open talk. He knew how much Dean hated the 'chick flick moments' but, a talk was definitely needed. Sam decided that he would be the bigger man and call Dean first, ask him to come back to talk and see where it went from there.

Sam scrolled through his contacts and found Dean's number. He had his finger over it, considering whether he should call now or give him a few days more on his own. Sam had another feeling something was wrong and decided to call.

Sam had never had to wait so long for Dean to answer, 'unless he's preoccupied' Sam thought. Sam cringed as he thought of all the questionable hook ups Dean had made in the past. It was still ringing and he was about to hang up when he heard his brother's voice on the other side.

"Hey Sam" Dean answered. He sounded like he was straining to speak as if he was in pain.

"You ok?" Sam asked. He was on alert as soon as he realized Dean had taken a long time to answer. 'Maybe it wasn't a pleasure hook up but, a hunt' Sam thought as ha listened to the momentary silence.

"Yeah, never better. You ok?" Dean asked. Sam's brow furrowed as he heard the change in his brother's voice. If it was possible, Dean sounded worse.

"Dude, you sound horrible. You sure everything is ok?" Sam asked. He was hoping for once that his brother would tell him the truth. They were separated and Dean was possibly on a hunt and sounded hurt. He was waiting for Dean's usual "I'm fine" and some comment where he referred to him as "Samantha". Sam hadn't realized but, there was no response from Dean. He was met with silence and silence from Dean was not a good thing. Sam had stood hoping it was a signal issue that made it difficult to hear him.

"Dean?" Sam asked with more worry in his voice.

Sam raised the volume slightly and realized Dean had probably used his phone as bait again. "Jerk" Sam said as he hung up the phone. Not hearing the Dean say his name seconds later.

00oo00oo00oo00

Dean had tried to answer his brother. He had heard Sam call his name and he sounded genuinely worried. Dean had opened his mouth to ask for help when he heard Sam's reply to his silence.

"Jerk" Sam said and then hung up.

Dean had said his brother's name just as he heard his phone tell him that the other person had disconnected the call. Dean looked briefly at the screen as he saw the time of the call flash for a moment and then he lost the battle with consciousness.

Dean started to come around a few moments later and his first feeling, thought and focus was pain. There was not a part of him that did not hurt, even breathing hurt. Dean was able to move slowly into a seated position to get a better view on his injuries. The wound on his shoulder was bleeding some but, not as much as it was earlier. The bandage that he had used to bind his ribs was ripped when the Adlet had slashed his chest which was the reason it hurt to breathe. Dean knew he had to rebind all of his wounds before he could finish this hunt.

Dean had looked around for his duffel bag when he remembered that he had left it in the cave. He had come out only with his weapons when he had heard movement from outside. Now Dean would have to get up, get to the duffel and then do triage. He groaned and leaned his head back for a moment as he thought of his task. 'Why couldn't I have been a Jedi, I could really use the force right now' Dean thought. He gave a small laugh as he imagined himself extending his hand and bringing the bag to his side.

Dean was moving slower now that he had lost more blood, received new injuries and had used all of his energy in killing this thing. As he stood, regained his balance and slowly started to move to the cave he caught sight of Edgar. He stared at him as his dead eyes stared right back. The look of horror and pain still etched on his face. 'He was reaching for, asking for my help, wanting me to save him. I failed him. I failed again' Dean thought as he stared at Edgar.

"I really am poison" Dean said as he turned away and continued into the cave.

Dean was exhausted, out of breath and sweating by the time he made it to the opening of the cave. He still had to go a ways before he reached the area he was in last night. He stopped for a moment to try and gain some more strength to continue.

"Could have really used the help Sammy" Dean said as he closed his eyes.

Dean had been relieved to see Sam calling him and was kicking himself for not being honest for lying to Sam, again. He could have been honest and asked for help, told him how hurt he really was. Then when he was ok, he would take off and leave Sam alone but no.

"You just had to be an asshole, right Dean" he said to himself.

He felt a little better and made his way over to his duffel and collapsed onto the ground. He had thought about calling Sam back and telling him about his situation. Then he thought of him not answering, of just yelling at him or worse, refusing to help him. 'What if Sam said no, what if he said "so" like he did in the church? Would he think I was worthy of this fate? To die alone on a hunt, bloody and weak?' Dean thought. Tears came to his eyes as he thought of Sam just turning him away, not caring. 'What if he did come and saw Edgar's body, what would he say? What would he do?' Dean was caught up in his thoughts.

Even when Sam was possessed Dean did not hold anything he did against him. Sam had been taken over by Meg and she had used him to kill hunters. She had killed one and then went after Jo, shot Dean and then went after Bobby. Dean knew it wasn't him and would never bring up that hunter or what he did or could have done to Jo or Bobby. Yet, somehow he figured Sam would not forgive him for getting another innocent person killed. He didn't forgive himself so, how could anyone else.

Dean was slowly starting to take care of his wounds. He started with his chest seeing how if he bound his shoulder first it could reopen and the bandage would move. So he looked for the holy water he carried, thankful he carried extra bottles and started pouring it on his wounds. He groaned as the gashes on his chest burned and smoked. He applied it several times and once it stopped reacting he started to prepare needle and thread. They were deep enough that they needed to be stitched.

Dean slowly made his way through four gashes, trying to do as best as he could. His hand was shaking and his breathing was erratic, he knew he was starting to go into shock. Once he finished with that he took out gauze pads and ace wrapping and bound his chest. He had to do it tight enough to support his ribs while it also was easy on the gashes. Once he was done he began on his shoulder once more. This time it was easier and quicker seeing as, it wasn't new but old and just needed new bandaging.

Dean knew he had to burn the body of the creature as well as Edgar's. He could not let Edgar become a poltergeist or a spirit that could not find peace and rest. He had done enough to him, he needed to make this right, not for himself but Edgar.