Hello! So, in this fanfic, the Tardis is having a midlife crisis (Oh la la!) and the Doctor has to not only deal with her shinanigans, but everyone else's too!

The pairings in this fic are mostly whouffle (Doctor and Clara), the Doctor and the Tardis, and maybe a bit of Jack and Clara. There will be no rose bashing, but I will ignore all forms of romance in between them.

So sit back and enjoy! :D

Chapter 1:

"What? What do you mean you want a motorcycle? How would you even ride a motorcycle?" the Doctor asked.

The Tardis made one of it's weird WOosH WoOsh sounds. "Oh." the Doctor muttered.

"Can you really understand that?" Clara asked, frowning.

"Oh, come on! You can too, I've seen you do it!" the doctor gave her a smile that was a mixture in between pride and fun.

"Well not when it's whooshing that fast!" Clara said.

"Hey! The Tardis is a 'she'!" the Doctor stated.

"Call the snogbox what you want! For me, it's an 'it'." Clara said. The Tardis whooshed once more.

"Don't you dare use that word to describe Clara!" the Doctor said, a shocked expression on his face.

The Tardis whooshed once more. The Doctor looked even more shocked than before.

"What? No, you can't– you..." the Doctor said.

"What did she call me this time?" Clara asked, leaning over on the console.

"She didn't call you anything. She..." the Doctor was still fazed.

"Doctor? What did she say?" Clara asked, concerned with the Doctor's reaction.

"She –" the doctor started, but at that moment the Tardis shook uncontrollably.

"What's she up to this time?" Clara asked, holding on to the console for dear life.

"Oh, you said 'she'!" The Doctor grinned, a mili-second before being knocked to the other side of the room.

the Tardis finally calmed down. "Oooow!" The Doctor said, rubbing his head.

"What was that?" Clara shouted. She loved traveling with the Doctor, but she wasn't that fond of his space ship trying to kill her.

"Oh, don't worry, the Tardis is just throwing a tantrum. She—" the Doctor started, but got interrupted.

"Shut up! Both of you!" said a young blonde girl. "I want to know who you are, how I got to the Tardis, and where's the doctor!" she was pointing a gun at them, and looked ready to shoot if she had to.

"You do know that's a water gun, right?" asked Clara.
"What?" Rose asked, looking at the 'weapon' in her hands.

"Yeah! look, it's obviously plastic!" Clara pointed to the gun.

"Oh…" Rose said, looking slightly embarrassed.

"Rose, what are you doing here?" the Doctor asked, examining her with his sonic screwdriver.

"How do you know my name? And why do you have a sonic screwdriver?" Rose backed away.

"Rose, it's me: the Doctor! I regenerated!"

"Doctor?" Rose asked, jumping into his arms. "Oh my god I missed you!" she said.

"Hi! I'm Clara!" Clara said, standing there awkwardly.

"Rose!" Rose said, letting go of the Doctor and holding her hand out to shake Clara's. They shook hands, and immediately started a conversation about how silly Rose had been with the water gun, while the Doctor went to argue with the Tardis.

"So what's happening, exactly?" Rose asked.

"I don't have a clue!" Clara admitted.

"Umm, excuse me, ladies?" the Doctor called. "I suggest you hold onto something. Tight!" the Doctor said.

Rose and Clara didn't argue. They may have not known what on earth was happening, but they did know that when the Doctor told them to hold on, there was a reason behind it.
The Tardis shook once more, this time much harder than the previous time.

Finally, when it stopped shaking, the doctor asked: "okay, who appeared this time?"

"Who what this time?" Rose asked, confused.

"the last time the Tardis shook, you appeared." Clara explained.

"Oh." Rose said.

"Well, this is unexpected! Hello there!" an american man said, winking.

"Jack?" the Doctor asked.

"Jack!" Rose agreed.

"Hi! I'm Clara" Clara greeted. Jack stared at her and turned to the doctor.

"What's my ex doing here?" he whispered.

"You dated?" Rose asked.

"Dated? We were married, my dear!" Jack acted insulted.

"What? I did not marry you!" Clara announced.

"Er, yeah you did!" Jack said, turning to the Doctor and mouthing "girls!".

"Jack, how could she have dated you if she doesn't even remember?" Rose asked.

"Good point. How could anyone forget me?" Jack asked. "But I swear I dated a girl called Clara Oswin Oswald!"

Clara and the Doctor burst into laughter.

"What?" Rose and Jack asked.

"Nothing!" the Doctor and Clara both said in the same time.

"Okayyy" Rose mumbled.

At that moment, the Tardis shook again. Rose and Jack grabbed the railings, while Clara and the Doctor held on to one another, which was stupid, because neither of them were anchored to the ground, and therefore they got thrown across the room.

"Oooow! Why does that keep happening?" the Doctor compained once the Tardis had stopped shaking.

"I don't know! Maybe if you hadn't grabbed me we wouldn't have fallen!" Clara suggested.

"Hey! You grabbed me, too!"

"I was startled!" Clara justified.

"Umm, excuse me, but would you two lovebirds come here and greet the people that just randomly appeared in here!" Jack said. The Doctor blushed, having completely forgotten Jack and Rose were there, and Clara walked away, mumbling something about Jack being annoying.
"What? How did we get here?" the man asked.

"Mickey the Idiot! Marthat the... er... Martha!" the Doctor said, spreading his arms to give them a hug. They both looked a bit shocked, and did not accept his hug as they did not know who he was.

"Where's the Doctor?" Martha asked.

"Here!" Eleven said. Martha looked at him suspiciously and then went wide eyed.

"No? You're the Doctor?" she asked.

"Yes!"

"What happened to your face?" Martha asked.

"I regenerated!" Eleven said proudly.

"Seriously? Again?" Mickey sighed.

"I know, right?" Rose and Jack said.

"Oh come on, he regenerated centuries ago! It's old news! And don't go 'again?', because if he didn't he would still be dead!" Clara said, still slightly pissed.

"Wow, someone's in a bad mood!" Jack chuckled.

"Am not!" Clara stamped her foot on the floor.

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"Okay, we get it!" Martha interrupted.

Jack and Clara both crossed their arms and gave each other dirty looks, but they didn't say anything.

The Tardis shook again. This time, no one was prepared, and they all went sliding down to one end of the room, and then the other.

"Ow! What was that!" Mickey asked.

"You'll get used to it!" Jack reassured.

"Where's the Doctor?" Clara asked. They all looked around, but they spotted neither the man, neither his bowtie.

"Okay, where has he disappeared off to this time, huh?" Clara asked, placing her hands on her hips.

Just then, they heard a man and a woman yell at each other at the other side of the console. They went to see who was there.

"Why does the Tardis keep abducting me? And where's the Doctor?" the redhead woman bellowed.

"Stop yelling, the Tardis is already grumpy enough!" the Doctor yelled.
"I'm not doing you any favors!" the woman shouted even louder.

"Donna!" Martha shouted, in attempt to get her attention.

"Oh, he abducted you too, huh?" Donna asked, stopping her yelling for a few seconds. She turned towards the Doctor again, and shouted: "Where's the Doctor? What did you do to him?"

"Martha, he is the Doctor!" Rose explained. Donna looked at her like she had gone crazy.

"What? No, he's not! Did you even look at him?" Donna asked, pointing her hand towards the Doctor.

"He regenerated!" Rose said.

"He what?" Donna looked confused.

"When Timelords are about to die, they create a different body for themselves. It's a way to cheat death! They call it a regeneration." Rose elaborated.

Donna was speechless for a few seconds, until she finally spoke. "What? I... Just... Whatever!" she mumbled, walking over to one of the seats in the control room and sitting down.

Jack took the silence as an opportunity for him to finally say something. He hadn't spoken for ages! At least a few minutes! "And the Tardis shakes in 3... 2... 1..." he said. Everything was silent for a moment.

"Looks like someone isn't always right!" Clara teased.

"I never said I was always right!" Jack retorted.

"You didn't need to say it." Clara justified.

"Yeah, well I—" Jack started, but just at that moment, the Tardis shook once more, and everybody caught hold of something to keep them steady, except Donna, who hadn't been ready, and she therefore fell from the seat onto the floor, letting out a loud "Ow!"

When the Tardis finally settled, Clara started yelling at it, saying things like "stupid snogbox!" and "I don't care if he says you're sexy, that doesn't mean he'll put up with your shinanigans!" Of course, Jack joined in, sticking up for the Tardis, but that was more in an attempt to annoy Clara than to defend the Tardis.

"Umm, Doctor, what's going on?" a young girl with a scottish accent asked.

"Amy! Rory!" the Doctor shouted, throwing his arms in the air and running to give them a hug, passing in between Jack and Clara who were now in a thorough argument.

"Doctor!" Amy said, as she hugged him. The Doctor then turned to Rory and gave him a big bear hug. Rory seemed a bit embarrassed at first, but soon hugged the Doctor back.

"Hey, can I have a hug?" Jack asked, winking flirtatiously at Amy.

"Who's this?" Amy asked, pointing at Jack.

"Hey, didn't anyone tell you it was rude to point?" Jack asked.

"Oh, well if it's rude, then!" Clara said. She then proceeded to point her finger at Jack.

"Hey!" the handsome time agent complained.
"Doctor, what's going on? Who are these people?" Rory asked.

"Oh, yes, right!" the Doctor started. "Okay, let's see... The pretty brunette shouting at the guy, that's Clara. The guy shouting at Clara, that's Captain Jack Harkness. Call him Jack. The blonde, that's Rose. The red head sitting on the floor is Donna, the woman who is talking to her is Martha, and the guy over there: Mickey!" the Doctor explained, pointing at various people in the room.

"You called her pretty!" Amy said, apparently only having listened to that part of what he had been saying.

"What? No I didn't — I — shut up!" the Doctor said, blushing. Amy giggled.

"Oi, Doctor, come here!" Clara ordered.

The Doctor walked over to her and Jack, followed by Amy and Rory.

"Am I bossy?" Clara asked.

"What?" the Doctor said.

"She said I was annoying, I said so was she, but she was bossy too!" Jack explained.

"So I'm asking you, the person who knows me most here, to tell me if I am bossy." Clara said.

"Umm, yes." the Doctor said bluntly.

"Excuse me?" Clara raised an eyebrow.

"Ha!" Jack shouted.

"Well, yes, but just a tiny bit, it's really not that noticeable, and besides, I think being bossy is a good—" the Doctor stopped as Clara crossed her arms.

Clara looked at him with a look that translated as 'You have one second to come up with a better argument!'

the Doctor gulped. "Well, I—" he started, but then the Tardis started shaking, and everyone had to hold onto something for dear life. The Tardis was shaking way harder than before, and everyone was having trouble holding onto anything.

Finally, after about a minute, the Tardis came to a sudden stop and the lights went out.

there was an long silence.

"I still think Clara's bossy!" Jack shouted, followed with the sound of someone slapping him.