Title: Chop Chop

Author: S J Smith

Rating: K+

Disclaimer: Don't I wish I owned something of this.

Summary: Hardison's sure something's going on.

"What's Parker doing with Eliot?" Hardison wagged his thumb over his shoulder as the pair left the room, Parker punching Eliot in the shoulder.

"Don't ask questions you don't want the answers to," Sophie said, in her most mysterious manner.

"What's that even mean?" Scowling at her, Hardison folded his arms. "Is there something going on that I should know about?"

Sophie smiled, getting to her feet. "Just let it come naturally, Hardison." She touched his shoulder as she swayed over to Nate, leaving Hardison to fume.

"Don't like my girl just leaving with Eliot. Oh, no. He's got all that – and that – and his hair." Hardison glanced around, then picked up his cell phone. He could tap into the whole building with the app he designed, and check out the cameras. No one said he couldn't spy on Parker. It only took a few taps to find them – in the kitchen. The kitchen? What were they doing in the kitchen? All right, he could get Eliot in the kitchen, the man thought himself the next Iron Chef, or something, but what was Parker doing there with him?

Wait, was she picking up a knife? Parker with weapons? "Aw, hell no," Hardison said, scrubbing his hand over his face. That'd be all anyone needed, Parker with something other than a taser. Worse, her getting good with something other than a taser. Did Eliot have any clue what he was doing?

Getting up, Hardison followed them to the kitchen, hesitating outside the door. He could hear Parker laughing, and Eliot's voice was too stupid sexy low for him to make anything out. This couldn't be good. Shoving open the door, he said, "Hey, girl, I just, oh, sorry, Eliot, didn't know you were busy." And what were they busy with? Was that a bunch of food there on a cutting board, little green things, all chopped up?

"You're not supposed to be here," Parker said, her face falling in an exaggerated pout.

"Why? I mean, why?" Hardison splayed his fingers across his chest. "I mean, you're my girl, and Eliot's my," what was Eliot, anyway?

Eliot cocked his eyebrows up under that bandanna he wore, spinning that big-ass knife around his hand like it was a baton or something. "Jealous?" he asked.

"He's not jealous," Parker sighed, rolling her eyes.

"What if I am?" Hardison asked. "That's right, what if I am? I mean, you going someplace with my girl, and showing her your secret ninja knife cooking stuff. What am I supposed to think about that, anyway?"

"I can't believe you, man, I can't fucking believe you." Eliot stabbed the knife into a wooden block and took a couple of steps closer to Hardison, shaking a finger at him. "Parker and I are friends and she asked me to show her how to make you - "

"Beep beep beep beep!" Parker shouted. "Eliot." She punched his shoulder again, and he turned his glare around on her. "It's a secret, remember?"

"Secret? No secrets," Hardison said.

Her face scrunching up even more, Parker kicked at the floor. "Fine! Hardison, I asked Eliot to teach me how to make you a special meal." She wrinkled her nose. "Except I suck at it. I'd do better stealing you a special meal than buying you a special meal, and Eliot offered to cook for me if I at least helped, so I said I'd help, and then."

Hardison tried not to gape. Hoped he didn't fail. "You'd do that, for me?"

"Yeah?" Parker eyed him cautiously.

"And now the surprise is ruined," Eliot said. He looked like he wanted to stomp his feet. Instead, he gritted his teeth, and growled something under his breath.

Parker and Hardison exchanged looks. Hardison shrugged, coming all the way into the kitchen as Parker put her arm around Eliot's waist. "We'll both help!" she chirped.

"Yeah, man," Hardison said, laying a hand on Eliot's shoulder. "And you could eat with us afterward."

Parker grinned brightly. "'Cause everything's more fun in threes!"

"Everything?" Hardison looked at her behind Eliot's back. Parker smirked in response. Eliot leaned back, breaking their gazes. Well, hell. Parker was right about other things, she was probably right about this, too. "Everything," he said, and leaned down to give Eliot a kiss.

~ end ~