Doubt

"Why don't you go to the hotel, check in? The hotel isn't going to hold our reservations forever, we'll go in shifts."

She wished he wouldn't act concerned all of the time. There was a moment of awkwardness in the police squad room when he had told her to get some rest. He could have directed the same offer at JJ or Reid, but he didn't. He directed it at her.

"I'll sleep when he confesses," she said tiredly, following Reid out of the room.

From behind her she heard JJ quietly add, "We all will."

Emily rubbed her temple as the headache that seemed to be ever present over the past few weeks since Straus's not so veiled threat started to pound again. The short phone call earlier had been a reminder of what the Section Chief expected of her. She hated politics, and she had no intention of doing what Straus asked her to. There was no way she would be a pawn in Straus's game. In the short few months she had been with the team she felt like she fit. And it felt like she was betraying the acceptance they had shown her by keeping this information from them.

Every time Hotch looked at her she felt like he knew what Straus had asked of her. It felt even worse when Emily realised he expected her to go through with it; he scrutinised her work, questioned every question she asked him. Hotch may have accepted her but he didn't trust her, and while she completely understood why considering her background it was starting to get to her. Emily had already begun putting her plan into motion to rectify that, she had already begun studying for the Foreign Service exam. She didn't want to leave; she loved working with the team. They were different from the colleagues she had worked with before.

Reid was a fascinating person. His childlike appearance disarmed many a seasoned agent, who stepped back in wonder when he began to recall one of the many statistics he held in his brain. While growing up, Emily had moved around so much she never had any friends to confide in. JJ and Garcia had already set about remedying that.

Being the newest member of the team, Gideon had put her through her paces and was starting to include her in the team briefings. Gideon wasn't an open individual, and the emotional turmoil he experienced recently was beginning to show. As someone who only just been working with him for a few months, Emily didn't feel like she could approach him to offer an ear to listen.

And that left the dilemma she was facing at that moment in time. Derek Morgan. The man whose reputation preceded him. A reputation she quickly found was a front he liked to uphold, but was completely untrue. Sure, he probably had his fair share of female companionship. But he was a genuine guy, a good guy. On more than one occasion, Emily found her imagination wandering, imagining what it would be like on the receiving end of one of his 'lines'.

He made her feel welcome, offering her chance to open up without judgement. Soon after meeting him she reluctantly she told him about a disastrous date, referring to a favourite author, only to be surprised when he finished her quote. All of a sudden the innocent flirting and teasing they exchanged took on a whole other dimension as her intrigue was sparked.

She had resolutely told herself he was off limits. They all made her feel welcome. But it was the concern in his voice when he told her to go to the hotel a few moments ago that had nearly been her undoing. It made her want to rethink her resignation, hoping they, he, wouldn't think less of her if it ever came to light what Straus had asked of her.

"Hey Emily," Emily sighed as she heard Morgan calling out her name. JJ continued to follow Reid, shooting a confused glance at Emily as she passed her. Emily turned expectantly to Morgan as he caught up with her. "Are you okay?" His hand touched her elbow gently, and she quickly glanced down at it but didn't shake him off.

Emily fought to control her expression as the headache surged again. "Yeah," she assured him. "I've just got a headache." The concern in his expression deepened, as he gave her another once over.

"You sure? Because you're never this quiet. If you wanna talk…" Emily waved him off as his hand dropped, flashing what felt like the first genuine smile in days.

"No I'm fine, I promise," she lied. The fact that he cared enough to question her denial touched Emily, but only served to reaffirm what she already knew in her mind. She didn't want to betray them. Emily could see the doubt in his eyes as he seemingly let the subject drop. He looked a little disappointed as he returned to the task he had been doing before he had approached Emily. Just as he was retaking his chair, Emily called out to him. "Morgan," he looked up from his file. "Thank you," she said sincerely.

His teeth flashed as he smiled at her. "Always." Continuing out of the room, Emily sighed. Sometimes she wished he would live up to the reputation.

For the second time in a few months, she would be moving on. Doubt weighed on her mind as she thought of the changes the next few weeks would bring. She doubted whether she could bring herself to write her resignation letter and leave the few people who had ever accepted her for who she was and not who they wanted her to be.

Author Note – Hope you enjoyed it, if you have a few moments let me know what you think.