Chapter 83

What The Fuck?

The sentiment had coursed through Fitz's mind and body from the second the phone rang inside his and Olivia's bedroom and altered their lives forever. The information relayed about Mellie was so upending to his system that every move taken, and every word spoken was performed under the weight of extreme numbness. Even with years of regrets, headaches, arguments and visceral loathing, the notion of her death felt so wrong. The thought, let alone the actual reality, of her no longer on earth was so foreign to him that he seemed like he was going through the motions via an out of body experience.

The profound shock was compounded by the anguish that engulfed him because of the effect the development would have on their children; not to mention being separated from Olivia and all of them again so soon. And so, between flooding memories and the reality of the present, Fitz tried to steel himself for a definite ending and what was to come afterwards. Cloaked in such extreme emotions, the already long flight felt endless since it also lacked the reprieve of genuine rest.

Even in instances where he managed to shut his eyes, his mind stayed busy with questions, doubts, hopes and fears. So consumed by such uncertainty, all data gained on Mellie's movements up to the point of her crash didn't seem to register no matter how thoroughly his private investigator tried to explain. Eager to put them all out of their misery; Fitz requested the reports, solitude and to be left alone for the duration of his flight.

Although the Argentine scenery was majestic in all its lush and vibrancy, it was pretty much a blur to a distant, distracted Fitz. After the thirteen-hour flight that it had taken to reach Mendoza, Fitz was on his last legs. Mentally and physically drained for some time now, his patience was nonexistent by the time he debarked and was loaded into the darkly tinted luxury van. The lavish surroundings would have calmed most people but Fitz was too everything to be persuaded. He was too angry that things had come to this; angry that he couldn't prevent it and quite frankly too sad and too disappointed. Mellie could have chosen another way; completely reinvented her life, but she had decided to court jealousy, revenge, and manipulation instead. And quite possibly paid for it with her life.

Tormented by his thoughts, Fitz retrieved his phone and called the one person that he knew he could undoubtedly find solace. In spite of his mood, his lips slightly upturned at the speed which Olivia answered. He heard relief in her voice but also detected strain. Fitz's forehead creased at that, and guilt and trepidation that flowed through him shifted.

"Livvie, sweetheart, hi. Everything okay?"

"Oh, I'm a little tired. But I'm a lot better now. What about you? How are you? Where are you?"

"I've been better but we're finally here. Making our way through the city as we speak. What are you doing?"

Olivia glanced in Karen and Gerry's direction and saw that they were brazenly hanging on her every word. Hyper aware of her audience, she dug her teeth into her bottom lip before replying. "We're just finishing up dinner. I think a couple of people want to speak with you."

With a wary smile, Olivia handed over her phone and stood up from the table. She took a minute to reflect on how the teens' attitudes brightened upon connecting with their father and then she left the room.

"Liv?"

Hearing Karen call out to her, Olivia stood up straight over Nicholas' crib and dabbed at her eyes before exhaling and thanking God that only her back was visible from Karen's vantage point. While she had given the kids the space to speak freely with Fitz she took the opportunity to sneak off and fall apart in private. But through the onslaught of blues she remembered to count her own blessings by spending time with one of her biggest. Although currently pregnancy hormones were taking her through the wildest mood swings of her life, her son continued to be a reminder of the light. Grateful for the confirmation, Olivia relished him and their bond even through sporadic tears.

Once Oliva was confident that her mask was firmly in place again, she picked Nicholas up for added distraction and comfort and then faced the nursery's entrance. She smiled frighteningly wide at the waiting Karen as she closed the gap between them.

The glint of curiosity returned to Karen's eyes as she studied Olivia but she kept her thoughts to herself once again; opting to hand over the phone without further comment. "Dad wants you. He wondered where you were."

Olivia nodded and tilted Nick towards his sister. "Can you take him down for me? I'll feed him as soon as I finish up here."

Karen made a silly face at Nicholas and bounced him on her hip. "Ooh can I do it? Let me do it, Liv. Take your time with Dad. You can even take a nap if you want to. I'll get Ger to help me with him for a bit."

Olivia bristled slightly at the very real possibility of noticeable cracks in her facade. But instead of pressing Karen for the meaning behind the offer she expanded her smile and added, "Thanks."

Once she was alone Olivia turned her attention back to her call as she slipped into her office.

Calmer after conversations with his family, Fitz relaxed in his seat and even debated methods to keep him in his current state. While narrowing his choice down to an audiobook or a podcast, the sudden jerk, deep sway and turn of his vehicle froze him with fresh fear and then confusion. As soon as he got his wits about him and was prepared to question what was going on until the head of his detail was in his ear explaining the newest development.

By the time they finally reached their destination Fitz's heart was in his throat. And with his facial expression displaying the depths of his distress, it was not surprising to those around him when all protocol flew out the window. Before the black sprinter van completely stopped, Fitz had opened his door and rushed from the vehicle; leaving the agent who usually performed the mundane task as well as other members of his entourage behind. Although Fitz moved with overwhelming sense of urgency, his gait noticeably slowed the closer he was to the hospital's doors. So much so that once he was inside the building, he couldn't bring himself to shuffle any more than a few feet past the threshold.

While Fitz was stuck in place the world around him still moved on; frantically so. If his presence wasn't eclipsed by the chaos of the setting he found himself in, any one of Mendoza's residents would have noticed a former leader of the free world in their midst paralyzed by fear and looking as helpless as a small child. But since people's attention was rightly centered on their own pressing predicaments he stood alone unattended until his team and hospital staff finally approached him.

After a host of introductions and explanations were made and information exchanged, Fitz was swiftly escorted to a private waiting area. There he continually paced until the frequent taunting of worst case scenarios exhausted him. He plunked down into the nearest chair and fumbled in his jacket pocket for his phone. As his call was promptly placed and answered, he gently massaged his aching eyes and exhaled. "CiCi, it's me. Look, I think I have to ask you the biggest favor of my life. Tell me you have time?" Fitz wondered as he eased back in his chair.

Ever since her talk with Fitz ended some time ago, Olivia's ability to concentrate was fleeting at best. Whenever she attempted to do anything productive she thought of him, worried for him. The more they had talked she realized they both were exhausted and simultaneously on edge. Filled with dread and concern, frustrations and longing, it felt as if they kept transferring negative energy between them until they took a minute. When they resumed conversation and centered all talk on their relationship, words flowed smoothly and heightened emotions subsided.

Feeling loved and assured by the time they hung up, Olivia tried to deal with Fitz's physical absence by throwing herself into work. But her mind wouldn't cooperate and never strayed too far from thoughts of him. Knowing the distraction was too great for what was expected and what she required of herself when it came to her job, she focused on family matters.

For the first time that day she allowed herself to daydream. And it all came up babies. She considered gender and names. She thought about new nursery themes to decorate currently unoccupied spaces across the hall from their bedroom and in the home in Vermont. As she browsed online stores she let anticipation be her guide and motivating force.

In a groove, Olivia eagerly scooped up the latest and cutest in baby wear, blankets and plush animals. While choosing and then committing to a variety of clothes and accessories she stuck to neutral colors; whites, yellows and greens. But as she let herself dream a little bigger she added a few pink items to her cart and checked out.

Brimming with hope and happiness at the possibility, she brought her hand to her stomach and smiled. But the serene spell was almost immediately broken by the sound of a vicious wail, causing Olivia to spring from her office chair and go to her son.

Olivia descended the stairs with a cranky Nicholas attached to her hip. Although neither of them were really feeling it, she playfully chastised him for his attitude as she headed for the kitchen with the goal of finding an edible bribe that would calm his temper. But before they could reach their target, she was sidetracked by the ringing doorbell. Finding it odd and a little rude that no one had called to ask or alert her to a visit her forehead creased with disapproval.

It only took a quick glance for her to recognize CiCi through the slivers of exposed glass in the double doors. She sighed internally, knowing she didn't have it in her to balance the woman's frenetic energies with those of her son's. More times than not, it seemed like they fed off of one another. And when she factored in Nick's current moodiness and her own personal woes, she would just rather not. But love, manners, and nosiness got the better of her so she welcomed the blond inside.

Though her greeting was rather muted, CiCi still enveloped Olivia and Nick in her arms and hugged them fiercely. With her bright eyes and personality uncharacteristically dim, Olivia knew without question that she had been brought up to speed.

"This is unexpected," Olivia noted succinctly, the observation encompassing so much.

Cecily nodded. "It is. Why is bubba…?" She pointed toward Nick who now was bouncing on Olivia's side.

Olivia rolled her eyes. "I don't know what his deal is. But I do know that he just refuses to sleep." She detected an embarrassing whine to her tone but she was much too tired and stressed to care; even when she saw pity etch across Cecily's face.

"Poor baby...and mommy." The woman held out her hands to the eager tot and lit up when he accepted her invitation to be held by her.

Relief washed over Olivia at her load being lightened but she was still in no shape to entertain company or accept comfort. If she couldn't have her husband home with her she'd settle for a content child and her nice warm bed. Now she just needed to relay the fact in the nicest possible way. "Look, Ci..."

The phone ringing interrupted Olivia's spiel and forced her attention elsewhere. She darted into the kitchen and grabbed the receiver of the landline telephone. "Fitz? How are you? What's going on? Any news?"

As she listened to his response her eyes remained fixed on the duo watching her with intensity. "Well I left my cell upstairs," she explained. "I was coming down for a quick minute and then CiCi showed so... yes. What do you mean already? You asked her to come?"

While Fitz continued talking Olivia took a seat and tried to process everything that he was telling her.

Operating in a state of shock, Olivia couldn't recall exactly how she had gotten Nicholas down, hopefully for the rest of the night, or how she and CiCi had gathered Karen and Gerry in her office. It was only when her computer made its connection and Fitz's face appeared on screen did the haze she was under lift.

Unfortunately it only lifted so that her heart could sink further. Her handsome husband, with all his swag and vigor was already a shell of himself; looking as if he'd aged years in just hours. Olivia literally bit her tongue to keep from crying out; locked her fingers together to prevent running her hands on the screen to smooth the dark bags underneath his bloodshot eyes or tame his unruly locks.

But it was the sound of the children's gasps beside her that reminded her that the situation was bigger than her feelings. So she tried to focus on them as they hurled questions with distressed fervor at their father. Before Olivia could calm them Fitz threw up a hand and shook his head.

"Hey, guys, I know it doesn't look like it but I'm okay," he promised in a rasped tone. "I've just had a long flight so I'm tired. And honestly...worried."

Fitz paused and had a long, pained look into each of their faces before he explained. "Kare Bear, Ger, the people that I've had searching for your mother found her. You know how I told you that I left to look for her again? Well, I didn't want to say anything else until I had news to share."

"Okay, you're sharing; so where are you? Where is she?"

"We're in Mendoza...it's a city in Argentina. Apparently your mom was leaving and her plane crashed. Guys, she was seriously hurt and it took them a long time to find her but they're doing everything they can."

The teens' reactions to the news was as devastating as Fitz expected. The shouts, sobs, tears and questions were too much to bear; especially from a distance. He just had to believe the support that Oliva and CiCi gave would be enough in his absence.

"Wait: doing everything they can? What does that mean exactly?"

"That she needs a lot of medical attention so they're doing everything in their power for her. She's still in surgery. The doctor thinks, and so do I, that you might want to be here? CiCi has agreed to bring you. If you want to come."

"I do," Karen nodded and Gerry agreed.

"Good." Fitz said. "I know she'll like that."

Wanting to break the suffocating heaviness that settled in the silence, CiCi chimed in. "Just let me know when you're ready and I'll help you guys pack."

"So will I." Olivia stated.

Karen stood but was hesitant to do anything else, while Gerry excused himself from the room. Sad for them, Olivia's eyes filled with unshed tears as she stood and hugged Karen. She kissed her cheek and then held her face. "It's all going to be okay. We're here for you and your brother and your mom. Why don't you go on ahead and I'll join you in a few. I just want to have a few words with your dad."

Once they were alone Olivia felt free to speak her mind. Knowing that Mellie's fate rested with her doctors and God, she concerned herself with Fitz's well being. He looked every bit of what he was going through and it disturbed Olivia greatly. "You know, I'd feel a million times better if you'd let a doctor examine you while you're waiting around. You're scaring me."

Fitz shrugged and stared wearily. "I don't think it's anything that a good meal and long nap couldn't cure. I just can't right now. It just feels wrong to do anything when I'm not even sure Mellie will make it off the operating table. Liv, her chances aren't great."

"I'm sorry. And I know that all of our needs seem trivial in comparison but the kids will be on their way to you shortly. And when they finally get there they'll have to lean on you like never before. Some rest and food will go a long way in helping you be strong for them."

Fitz attempted a small smile. "Now how can I argue with that? You always do know what's best for us, don't you?"

Olivia winked. "Just imagine how big of a help I'd be if I was there in person. Neither Karen or Gerry could have gotten far in their packing so I could join them and be ready to go in no time."

"Livvie, you know why that's not a good idea," Fitz sighed. "That much travel would be torture on your body. It wouldn't be good for you, the baby, or Nick. Not to mention what you'd have to deal with once you got here. Nevermind that you also have work."

"So have you forgotten that I travel for work all the time? I'm a pro at it. And yes Nick is two handfuls but that's where Lindsay's expertise comes in. We could-"

"Livvie, honey, no. I don't want you here for this; it's just too much," Fitz said. He watched Olivia's face twist and fall and wondered if his words may have sounded harsh when he had no intention of them being so. Just in case, he softened his tone to just above a whisper and continued. "Liv, please. Trust me."

Olivia closed her eyes and nodded. "Okay. If that's the way you want it, we'll stay put."

She didn't know how much longer she could hide her disappointment at being excluded so she executed her escape from the conversation. "Look, I should get to helping Karen at least; I promised I would. I'll call you back when they're on the way to you."

Fitz placed a hand over his heart. "Thank 're the best. Hey, I love you."

Olivia kissed two of her fingers and placed them on Fitz's cheek on the screen. "I love you too."