Snooping Isn't Polite
DG32173

Sarah: couldn't get this out of my mind so I had to write it down. I hope you enjoy.

DISCLAIMER
I don't even own the theme, so how can I possibly own The Vampire Diaries? The answer is I can't. I'm just a broke girl writing fanfics for my amusement and posting them online to share my creativity. I'm not even getting paid to write my fanfics.

WARNINGS
ALTERNATE UNIVERSE! Set shortly after Damon snaps Jeremy's neck but before the trip to Duke in Season 2. Rated M for my sanity, not that I have any.

SUMMARY
Stefan's spending the weekend hunting. Elena shows up at the boarding house to confront Damon about snapping Jeremy's neck only to find the boarding house empty. So she decides to wait for the blue-eyed Salvatore in his room, where she stumbles upon the journal he once mentioned keeping. And curiosity gets the better of her… besides, he's read her journal! Damon/Elena

Chapter 1
Caught Ya

Elena groans when she sees Damon's car is gone as she parks in her spot in the driveway to the boarding house. "No matter, I have a key. I'll just wait for him," she tells herself. With that,, she gets out and locks her car before making her way into the boarding house. She makes sure to lock the front door behind her. She's not a vampire. She can't defend herself should some bad guy come calling.

She takes a deep breath before climbing to the second floor and making her way to Damon's room. Though she's never actually been in his room, she knows where it is. It's literally the farthest room from Stefan's that the boarding house allows. Any closer and the brothers would probably kill each other from sheer annoyance.

Elena pauses outside Damon's room, her hand on the doorknob as she tries to get up the guts to enter the temperamental vampire's domain. "For Christ's sake, Elena. He won't kill you for being in his room," she tells herself, turning the knob. "He might try a little harder than usual to seduce you, but he won't kill you."

She pushes the door open and takes in the simple elegance of Damon's room. Damon keeps his room extremely neat compared to Stefan's room. Sitting at an angle from the door in the middle of the room is a king-sized mahogany four poster bed. It's meticulously made. Beneath the bed is a Persian rug. Probably the real deal rather than a look-alike. To one side is a huge fireplace. Next to the bed is a single drawer nightstand with just one pile of books in front of it. A few of the books had toppled off the stack and trail towards a full-length mirror.

A quick check proves that the one of two sets of doors leads into a huge walk-in closet and the other set leads into an en-suite bathroom. On the wall opposite the bathroom and closet is a huge fireplace. There is currently no fire going, so that tells Elena that wherever Damon has gone, he hasn't been here in a while. Damon's ridiculously fanatic about keeping a roaring fire going in the room he's in when he's in the boarding house., as if he'd get cold without one.

Elena sighs, raking a hand through her hair. She has no idea how to track him down. Besides, she'd prefer this conversation be held in private where no one else she cares about can get hurt. So she'll just have to wait. She decides to pass the time by seeing what books Damon likes. As she approaches the stack of books that are most likely first-editions, she notices a leather-bound book laying on the nightstand, separate from the other books. Frowning, she picks it up. That's when she sees the initials engraved on the cover: D.S. She immediately recalls that Damon had once mentioned that he had once tried to keep a journal. This must be it.

Elena makes herself comfortable on Damon's bed, noting that the sheets are not silk, as she had expected. But then she forces her attention back on track. Curiosity about what could be inside this journal is eating her alive. She has never been one to so blatantly invade someone's privacy. Then she reminds herself that Damon had had no qualms about reading her journal and leaving her little comments at the end. 'Fair's fair,' she decides, flipping the journal open to the first entry. She begins to read, noting that it was written just after she had convinced him to trust her again by taking her necklace off and telling him he could compel the truth from her.

You know, I've never been one to keep a journal. That's for Stefan and Elena and other people eaten up by emotions. Ah yes, Elena Gilbert, the very reason I decided to start one of these damned things. Normally, I keep my thoughts to myself and completely ignore my emotions. Vampires work on instinct, not emotions. Emotions get you killed in this un-life.

I came back to this godforsaken town with one goal in mind: free Katherine. That has been the only thing that's driving me these past hundred-and-forty-five years. And the time I can free her is soon.

But pretty much as soon as I came to this town, I met Elena. At first I mistook her for my lost love, they look that much alike. I quickly realized that this look-alike was human. Human! Anyways, that was a while ago. Stefan got to her first. I taunted him, flirted with her. I only realized that something was different about this girl when she fucking slapped me! I had smelled the vervaine as soon as I got close to her, but I was certain I could seduce her away from my brother. The vervaine would force me to work harder, but I've always liked a challenge. Only she shocked the hell out of me by slapping me for attempting to steal a kiss. No woman has ever slapped me, Damon Salvatore, in my life.

That's when I realized that this girl was more extraordinary than just her uncanny resemblance to Katherine. Hundred-and-sixty-nine years walking this planet, seducing women and no few men. And even thinking about it now, all these weeks later, my cheek still stings at the memory. That girl packs one powerful swing.

That only upped the ante for me. I continued working my charms and good looks to my advantage. I used her best friend as a walking happy meal for a time. Man does that girl ever shut up? Let's skip the unpleasant walk down memory lane. Anyways, Emily, the bitch, betrayed me and destroyed her own crystal to keep the tomb from being opened. I stood true to my word to the bitch and made sure her bloodline survived through the years. That bitch owed me for the trouble I went through to make sure her bloodline flourished after she was burned. I kept my word, counting on her to come through for me in the end and reunite me with Katherine. Then she betrayed me, possessed her youngest descendant, and used the girl's body to destroy the crystal. To say I was pissed is an understatement. If Emily couldn't hold to her end of the deal after all the trouble I put myself through, then I decided I should show her how I repay betrayal. I lunged in to drain the girl, Bonnie, of her blood and strengthen my already formidable Power. But brother-dearest and his oh-so-lovely girlfriend leaped in and ruined that plan. Still, my Power grew a bit. Not as much as it would have if I had drained the girl completely, but some growth is better than none.

I was about ready to pack my bags when I found a link that promised he knew a group that wanted the tomb open as bad as I do. So we set up a meeting and I made it look like he got away from me for the good Sherriff. But as I was waiting to meet him, get the information he had, and kill him for unloading all those wooden bullets into me, I got a call from Liz to thank me for killing him. What. The. Hell? Still haven't figured out who the real slayer is but boy was I pissed.

I had only one option left to me: Bree. But as I was making my way to my car to make an immediate trip to Georgia, I heard a crash. My first thought was 'lunch'. That is until I recognized the vehicle that was laying on its roof with the tires still spinning: Elena's SUV. A quick take of the scene showed me the sequence of events. Elena had been driving away from the boarding house as fast as she could when a vampire decided to use one of the more painful tactics in stopping a car: standing in the middle of the road. I managed to chase him off before he could get to Elena.

She smelled of my brother and no longer smelled like a virgin. I was I little pissed that I wasn't her first. But that she was out on the road instead of in Stefan's room told me that baby bro had royally screwed up. Then she pulled the complete damsel-in-distress and fainted in my arms. But first she whispered four little words that told me exactly what Stefan did wrong: "I look like her." Baby bro, you don't go keeping from your girlfriend that she looks exactly like your ex. Most people would call that a no-brainer, but apparently my brother's not that smart.

Well, I was stuck with an unconscious girl in my arms who was badly hurt by little bro. I couldn't just leave her there to be feasted upon by that vampire that caused her crash. So I took her to Georgia with me. And we had fun. She surprised me by just how much alcohol she could hold. I was trying like hell to get her drunk, but she held her own too damned well. What was she like before her parents' died? That question has crossed my mind more than once.

So when we came back, Stefan managed to sweet-talk his way out of trouble. Soon after, I revealed to the lovebirds my new plan to open the tomb, given to me by Bree before I ripped her heart out. The grimiore. Ah, that lovely book of spells. I felt like I could actually trust Elena, which made her the first person to earn it since I was human. I placed my trust in her when she told me I could trust Stefan to help.

Big mistake. As soon as I figured out where the grimiore was hidden, or, rather, buried, I headed straight for Father's grave. And what do I find but little miss liar and her boyfriend. I have to admit, I felt rather betrayed by her. She knew damn well that I just don't give my trust to someone. Stefan had the grimiore in his hands. I knew the only way I would be able to take get it from him was if he thought I would bring harm to Elena. At that point, I could care less what she would think of me. She lied to me, she deserved what she got. So I used my vampire speed and snatched her up and held her against me a good distance from her doting boyfriend. I threatened to snap her neck and kill her. Stefan called my bluff. I may have been pissed that she broke my trust, but I cringed at the thought of actually killing her. But then a much more appealing thought entered my mind. Turn her into a vampire. So I told him exactly what I would do to her if he didn't give me the book. He was taking a little too long to think about it so I bit my wrist and pressed it against her mouth, forcing her to swallow my blood by blocking her off her nose. Stefan realized just how serious I was and handed over the book. He can't stand the thought of anyone joining the undead, whether they wanted it or not.

That was last night. I find out today Elena had been kidnapped as soon as Stefan got her home. So what if Anna killed her? She'd come back. Then who walked into the library this evening but little miss captive. She told me that she had convinced Stefan and Bonnie to help. Psh, how can I believe that when you already lied to me once? Then she blew my mind by taking off her necklace, setting it down, removing her hand, and challenging me to compel the truth from her.

And here I was thinking she was smart. I could have used that little opening she gave me to turn her into my dark queen so easily. I was sorely tempted to do just that up until I looked in her eyes. She had lowered her walls and let me have a peek at who she really is. That's when I realized what was going through her mind when she had gone with Stefan to retrieve the grimiore. She wanted to protect those she loved. And dammit if this girl didn't have more love in her than Jesus Christ himself. How can anyone love that damned much? I saw in her eyes that she was putting her full trust in me. So I decided to give her one more chance, telling her so as I put the necklace back in its place around her neck.

She left me here with a lot of thoughts racing around my head. This human girl draws me towards her like nothing I've ever known. And she's not even mine!

Elena continues to the next one, this one written after the bachelors' raffle where he had taunted Rick, not realizing that he had been inadvertently taunting Elena as well.

Well, hell. My big mouth came around and bit me in the ass and just might have cost me Elena's friendship. I'm Damon Salvatore, a fucking vampire, and I'm worried about losing a human girl's friendship. But, the truth is, she's the first friend I've had since Katherine-the-bitch waltzed into my life in 1864 and turned Stefan and I against each other.

The only friend I have right now and I could very well have lost her friendship because I couldn't keep my mouth shut. If I had listened to her attempt to tell me about her research into her birth mother, I wouldn't be feeling like such a dick right now. Sure, I like to make people think I'm a dick. But, really, it's all an act to keep people at bay. And Elena seems to be the only one who can see through the act I've perfected since I turned. Seriously, what's with this girl? All the things that others take as a sign to keep away only seems to draw her in! Does she have no self-preservation?

Then Stefan filled me in on what happened right outside The Grill, the message Isobel sent Elena. Damn the bitch! I should have killed her! Elena doesn't deserve this! She's just trying to reach out to find out about her birth parents. She just wants to find a way to get parental figures back into her life. She's just a teenager, for Christ's sake! She was supposed to have a few more years with the parents who loved and raised her before having to go out into this world. This isn't the nineteenth century, where you were considered an adult at sixteen!

I'm going to have to grit my teeth and apologize to her. I don't do apologies, but I owe her more than I care to think about. She's been like a light in these shadows I've lurked in for so many decades. She's doing her damnedest to redeem my ass, and I'm finding myself unintentionally fighting her every step of the way. I hate apologizing for something I've done. I normally don't regret my actions anywhere near enough to even consider apologizing. But Elena's changing me. I just hope she knows what she's doing cause I sure as hell don't.

Elena keeps reading, shamelessly immersing herself in Damon's private thoughts. Then she arrives at the one he wrote the night he killed Jeremy. And all her questions are answered as she finds out just how much damage she had unwittingly inflicted on him.

You know, it would be so goddamn easy to find a nice sunny spot and take my damned ring off. It would hurt a whole lot less than hearing pretty much the same thing from two women with the same face and voice. I was so damned willing to forget all about these decades Katherine played me the fool if she just said it was me she wanted. Okay, not really, but that didn't stop the pain when she said that it had always been Stefan. Turns out she just wanted a little roll in the hay with yours truly with no emotions involved. Not happening. I tossed her out, got lost in the bottle for a whole day, and wound up in Elena's room, determined to make her admit the feelings I know damned well she has for me. I'm not blind and I'm definitely not stupid. But that backfired in my face. It will always be Stefan, she said.

Dammit, what the hell does he have that I don't? I can have my pick of girls in this world, but when it comes down to the ones that really matter, it's Stefan! The alcohol and the doubly-broken heart turned tonight down a road it should never have gone. I was overwhelmed with the urge to lash out in my pain and Jeremy was unfortunate enough to show up at the worst possible time. I ended up snapping his neck.

I can't get Elena's cry of grief out of my ears. I was frozen to the spot as the reality of what I had just done came crashing down. Then I fled back here to the boarding house faster than I've ever moved in my life. Elena had broken my heart and I retaliated by snapping her brother's neck. Dear God, I pray that he was wearing a Gilbert ring. If he wasn't, I will never get her back after this. Maybe I should just take off my ring and let sunrise end it all. How can I trust myself after this? I've never lost control like that. Never. I've always been the one who kept in control no matter what. Things would be so damn easy if –

"You know, snooping isn't polite," Damon's voice crashes through Elena's concentration. Elena jumps, dropping the book. She puts a hand to her heart. Damon merely walks over and lays down on the bed next to her. "But since you're so close to the end, you might as well finish," he remarks.

"Damon! Make a noise next time!" Elena says raggedly.

"Elena. Vampires don't make noise unless we actually work at it," Damon retorts, tucking his arms behind his head. "So, you gonna finish reading that or are you going to get to why you're here in the first place?"

"Why didn't you tell me?" she demands.

"Tell you what? That Katherine fucked with my mind? Yeah, no. I don't go for the whole wearing my emotions on my sleeve," Damon says, closing his eyes in an attempt to ignore her. As if it would be that simple.

"No, you prefer to drown your emotions with alcohol and end up doing stupid shit," Elena snaps.

She raises a hand to touch his cheek but his hand lashes out and grabs her wrist, preventing her touch. "Just because you now know what was going doesn't make things any different, Elena," he says, keeping his eyes closed. "You said it would always be Stefan. Don't go changing your choice just because you now know what that bitch did barely twenty-four hours prior to that." He opens his ice blue eyes and locks gazes with her. "But don't go thinking that I don't know what you really want, Elena," he sneers, sitting up until his face is inches from hers. "I know you better than he ever will. You and I, we're more alike than you want to admit. I've seen your inner fire. I bring it out in ways he can't even comprehend. I know damned well that you've seen the disappointment that shines in his eyes when you try to shrug off all that grief and guilt you've been lugging around since your parents died. I know damned well how much that disappointment hurts you. But I'll let you in on a little secret. If Stefan really loved you, he wouldn't want you to carry that burden around forever. But then, it's not really a secret because you already know that. Doesn't it make you wonder what he'd do if you gave up fighting who you really are? Give up fighting against the inevitable return of the girl you were before the night your parents' car when off Wickery Bridge, Elena. Stefan's the only one who doesn't understand that this girl we've been seeing these past few months isn't all there is to you. Believe me, that's not love. You can't love someone when you refuse to accept all sides of them. That's just painting a pretty picture of them in your head and falling for the picture. Take it from someone who knows that first hand." With that, Damon releases her wrist and lays back down on his bed. "Put the journal back on the nightstand when your done with it," he says softly, closing his eyes.

Elena frowns but knows that is all she's going to get from him. She sighs as she realizes that Damon's words ring unnervingly true. She has seen the disappointment in Stefan's eyes the few times her grief and guilt had slipped enough that her true self had shined through, however briefly. And it had hurt so damn much to see that disappointment in who she truly was.

Elena picks up the journal again as Damon relaxes on the bed next to her. She debates over whether she should finish reading it. Damon had actually caught her in the act of reading it but he had actually invited her to finish reading it. She decides she should just accept that invitation because he would have killed pretty much anyone else who had delved into his privacy like that. He's always been so damned honest with her, almost brutally so. As she thinks back on it, she realizes that she can't think of even one time he has blatantly lied to her face. Even his comments about why their names being on the town charter when Elena first read it were the truth of sorts. Their original selves, their human selves, must have been different from who they are today.

Elena sighs again and flips the journal to where she had left off.

Things would be so damn easy if I could just flip the switch again and be done with these human emotions. But Elena went and broke that, too. How can one human girl be so much trouble to me when I could so easily break her like a toothpick if I wanted to? The problem is, the very thought of doing that makes both the man and the vampire in me cringe. I have never felt so damn strongly for someone in my life. The blind devotion I had for my sire might as well been sheer hatred compared to this tangled web of love, passion, and friendship I have towards that human girl.

And the only thing that's really keeping me from ripping off my ring and letting the sunrise turn me to ash is the fact that I know damn well what it would do to Elena. She may hate my guts right now, but she would be broken if I killed myself. More broken than her parents' death had made her. I know her too damn well. I've memorized every nuance of her facial expressions and body language, every tone her voice has taken, and what it all means.

What really made me snap wasn't the words she said, it was the fact that her eyes were begging me not to press the subject of her feelings for me. She's scared of how she feels for me and that pissed me off like nothing ever has. If she's so damned determined on drawing out the human in me, then why the hell is she fighting the fact that she and I complete each other in ways Stefan only wishes he could complete her? As hard as it is to admit, Elena Gilbert is my humanity. There's no denying it.

If I can't have her is mine, then I'll have to settle for at least getting back the easy friendship we had. Even if I do get our friendship back, that doesn't mean that I won't keep trying to prove to her that I'm the one she belongs with, not my pansy brother who doesn't even like the girl she really is. He thinks that the flashes of fire we've seen in her are signs of my corruption of her.

Psh. Stefan doesn't believe what all her friends are saying, how the Elena we know isn't the real Elena. He has this pretty picture painted in his head of her and is in love with that image. Same way I had a pretty picture in my head of Katherine. Well, the bitch dealt the deathblow to that image herself by admitting that she had honestly been using me. Elena needs to prove to Stefan that the image he has of her isn't who she really is. Preferably not the way Katherine did to me. Even with all that lies between us, I wouldn't wish that kind of pain on Stefan. He's sill my little brother. I'll protect him with my life. Shh, don't tell anyone. Can't have them thinking I'm getting soft.

There's a scrawl of ink after that before the entry picks up again.

Shit! What the hell has little brother been eating this time? I wasn't that lost in thought that I could have missed the sound of his arrival. Anyways, he brought news that Jeremy was wearing the Gilbert ring. That's one worry off my mind. He tried to find out what's going on with me, but, seriously, he's my little brother. No way in hell am I going to get all emotional with him. Elena, maybe, but that'll have to be after I get her friendship back.

Elena turns her eyes towards Damon and is startled to realize that he had fallen asleep next to her. That, or he's doing a damned good job at faking it. She doesn't bother trying to find out which it is. She turns back to the journal and goes to the next entry.

Well, this is fascinating. Little Gilbert decided to break into the boarding house with a homemade stake. Seriously, what is wrong with people these days that they've forgotten how to whittle? Anyways, Jeremy had already decided to give up on the whole "stake-Damon-in-revenge-for-killing-me" plan before I arrived. That's a good thing, cause I really don't feel like explaining to Elena why I snapped her brother's neck a second time. Oh, I'd leave the ring on, but it wouldn't make her hate me any less.

Those two may actually be cousins rather than siblings, but they're both damned reckless. It's actually a miracle they haven't faced serious trouble before Stefan and I showed up. Who knew a couple of humans could be such danger magnets? Not only do they attract it, they actually go looking for it! What sane person goes looking for trouble when they've already got a ton of it on their plate? No one! These Gilbert kids aren't sane! That has to be the only explanation for their being so willing to continue immersing themselves in the supernatural world. And I'm just as crazy for caring whether they live or die. I'm a vampire. Humans are my natural prey. But now I find myself protecting these humans and hating myself if I bring harm to them.

I haven't felt this close to being human since the day I woke up in transition. And the one responsible for this is Elena. Part of me wants to thank her for this. And part of me, my vampire side, wants to mark her as mine. My mate. My eternal love. Mine. And that's just ridiculous because she refuses to give me her heart, though I can see in her eyes the desperate desire to give herself to me completely. She's not fooling me.

"I love Stefan." Yeah, okay, I get that, Elena. But I didn't hear you say "I'm in love with Stefan." There's a difference between loving someone and being in love with them. The big question she needs to answer for herself is which one she feels for my brother.

Elena stops for a moment, realizing Damon's right. Is she in love with Stefan? She wants to say yes, but she's not so sure. Damon's words about only being able to love someone by accepting every part of them as a real piece of them are eating at her. And Stefan doesn't accept any side of her that he hasn't personally brought to the surface as real. And dammit all, that hurts! How can someone be so damn selfish?

Before her thoughts run away with her, she turns to the next entry, which was made just this morning.

I've decided that I need to get out of town for a while, just go on a drive. I plan on being back this afternoon but first I'm going to write in this journal for a bit. It's barely dawn. As a vampire, my instincts are telling me to get into a dark place, away from any hint of daylight. If it weren't for this ring on my hand, I'd be doing just that instead of sitting in my room with the curtains wide open and the rising sun shining in. Vampires and sunlight is an unnatural mix, well more unnatural that the mere existence of vampires to begin with.

I digress. The reason I chose to write at this time is, as always, Elena. That girl is constantly in my thoughts and, hell, I even dream of her. Surprisingly, the dreams aren't always ones where I show her my extensive skill as I make love to her over and over. I only slept for a few hours last night, but the dream has been haunting me since I woke up three hours ago.

It was one of those different dreams, the ones where I'm not making wild love to her. This one felt so real I still feel every sensation as I think about it. We were at The Grill. I was getting drinks for the two of us while she waited for me at one of the pool tables.

She smiled brightly at me as I brought the drinks back. Then I kissed her, a chaste kiss on the lips, as I handed her one of the drinks. She took a sip of hers before setting it down on the pool table. "Who's breaking?" she asked, playing with the cue stick.

I told her that I wanted to show her something different, setting my drink down. And then I went around to show her the couples' position of playing pool as one rather than two. She laughed and I kissed her cheek.

It had all felt so damn real and, God, I want it. I want it so damn bad; to be with her and neither of us afraid to show our feelings for each other in public. As much as I hate quoting Disney movies, I'd show her a whole new world if she were mine. But she's not. Anyways, Stefan left last night to go hunting for the weekend. If I'm going to get that drive in before trouble has a chance to pop up, I best leave now.

Elena closes the journal, frowning thoughtfully. She sets it back on the nightstand but doesn't make a move to get off of Damon's bed. She looks over at his sleeping form and she is now certain that he has fallen asleep. He wouldn't allow himself to look so damn innocent if he was awake, not even if he was pretending to sleep. Elena scoots down to lay her head on his pillow.

She'd had a rough night last night, tossing and turning as her conversation with her brother replayed itself over and over. Maybe she could close her eyes, just for a little while. Just a short rest, really. She still wants to talk to him, after all, and she's not going to wake him up for it. 'Just a short nap,' she tells herself, closing her eyes and curling up on her side against him. She quickly falls fast asleep, curled trustingly against Damon.

Sarah: so, was my version of Damon's inner thoughts up to snuff, my lovely readers? Drop me a review and let me know what you think. I do so hope you enjoyed. I'll get to work on chapter 2 now.