Elizabeth Bennett stared blankly at her dark ceiling, flat on her back. Recently, her bedroom seemed too small and her bed too uncomfortable for sleeping. Night after night, she tried desperately to get comfortable and think of things that would help her drift off, but nothing worked. It was either too hot or too cold. Tossing and turning, throwing blankets around, and even going to sleep on the couch on the living room. Counting sheep definitely wasn't working. Her mind would always wander to other things and those things eventually brought her mind right back to him. And thinking of him was the reason she was awake.
Lizzie rolled over and grabbed in the dark for her cellphone. Reaching it, she checked the time. 2:30AM. Letting out a groan, she swung her legs off the bed and sat on the edge. She lowered her head into her hands, grabbing at her brown hair and pulling at it in frustration.
"What is wrong with me?" she whispered out loud. "I'm a twenty-five year old, independent woman and I can't sleep because of a boy."
Even as the words came out, Lizzie knew it was the biggest understatement of the century. He was not just 'a boy'. He was William Darcy. The William Darcy.
Lizzie threw herself back onto her bed, staring at the ceiling again. Everything in her room reminded her of Darcy. In elementary school, he was Lizzie's number one enemy. It was a constant competition. Darcy could run faster, but Lizzie read the harder books first. Darcy did better in math tests; Lizzie better in history. With all the competition, they tended to end up together at recess and lunch, just trying to outdo each other. But whenever Darcy asked if Lizzie could do something after school, Lizzie always said, "William Darcy, we are not friends. We're enemies. And enemies don't play after school."
As they grew into middle school and high school, Lizzie and Darcy really were best friends. Although, Lizzie still teased Darcy that they were not friends, but enemies. They studied together, went to school games together, and even crashed school dances together instead of finding dates. Darcy was there for her the first time her heart was broken by a boy. Lizzie was there for him when his parents suddenly passed away, leaving him with his little sister to care for.
They went to the same college and even graduated on the same day. Then things started to change. Lizzie was offered a job she could not turn down. Suddenly, she was hours away from her family, home, and her entire comfort zone. Darcy helped her find, rent, and move into an apartment close to her work. Then, he went back home to his sister and to run the company he inherited from his father. The distance was hard for them both. They kept in contact via phone, text, and occasional video chats, but it was not the same.
Lizzie's eyes began wandering around her bedroom. The bedroom Darcy helped her move into. There was the desk, Darcy helped her put together because she was helpless with tools. There was the stack of books on her floor, all from Darcy. There was the all the pictures of them together with all of Lizzie's sisters, Charles Bingley, Charlotte Lucas, and Darcy's sister Georgiana. Even the picture that had had George Wickham in, but Darcy had long ago took some scissors to his face and cut him out. Then Lizzie made eye contact with two black, plastic eyes. She rolled herself off the bed and picked up Wilbur, the stuffed bear Darcy had given her for her tenth birthday, off her dresser. She sighed. "Wilbur, what am I going to do?"
Lizzie sat back down on her bed and placed the bear in front of her. A younger Lizzie would often use the little brown bear to vent out her frustrations and she was about to do it again. "Wilbur, he told me loved me. And you know what I did? I threw it back in his face," she said quietly. "I told him no way, not ever. He was crazy for even thinking about it." Lizzie could vividly remember the look on his face. It was so defeated, sad, and humiliated. It was burned into her memory. She rubbed her eyes, trying to rub the image and the tiredness away. "I let him go! I let one of the most eligible, rich bachelors in the country go. Not to mention how attractive he is." Letting her head hang down, she continued, "That sounds pretty shallow. But after everything he did for Lydia and Jane. And for me." She whispered quietly, "He was my best friend. And I really don't know him as well as I thought I did. And I have never been so wrong about someone." Lizzie picked up the bear and shook it, pleading with it to provide words of comfort, "Wilbur, I can't lose him. What should I do?"
She looked into its unblinking eyes for a few minutes and then threw it down. "Shit. This is happening." Lizzie jumped out of bed, grabbed her keys, and ran out the door.
William Darcy stared blankly at the laptop screen on his legs. Sitting in the living room at his house, Darcy tried unsuccessfully to catch up with work. He glanced at the clock. 4:17AM. He knew he should go at least try to sleep in his actual bed tonight, instead of passing out in the chair that had become his bed for the last few months. However, he also knew that without work, his mind would meander to Lizzie. And every time Darcy thought of her, he could feel his chest cavity collapse and his heart ache.
Pushing his laptop and paperwork to the floor, Darcy let his head fall back against the chair and closed his eyes. Maybe just this once, he could sleep without Lizzie being in his dreams. Some dreams were amazing, a perfect fantasy, with moments of holding her, kissing her and living at his house together. Although, most of the time, it was a rejection all over again. Lizzie saying she hated him and never wanted to see his face again. It was these dreams that kept Darcy working all night.
Rubbing his tired, dry eyes, Darcy let his mind wander to Lizzie's actual rejection of him. Again. He felt so stupid and humiliated and that feeling never really went away. Moments before confessing his feelings to her, he was so confident that she felt the same way. But the bewildered look in her eye, her immediate negative reaction, and not to mention the running away, told Darcy otherwise. He felt like he had lost her forever. Unsure of how to approach Lizzie afterwards, he avoided her at all costs. Darcy stayed at the office or at home, eluding places and people she might be involved with.
Then Darcy received that panicked phone call from Jane about Lydia and Wickham. Darcy spent far too much money and time, looking for them and putting an end to their stupid plans. But he would do it again in a heartbeat if it meant Lizzie would be happy. He never saw Lizzie during that time and begged Jane and Lydia not to mention his involvement to her. The last thing Darcy wanted was Lizzie feeling indebted to him.
Stretching out his arms and legs, Darcy stood up. He moved slowly around the house to turn off lights and prepare for bed. He was already in his sweats and undershirt. All he needed to do was crawl into bed and pass out. Maybe he'd sleep in a guest room and not the bedroom he'd had since birth. Maybe that way Lizzie would stay out of his head. Darcy was about to flip the lights off in the entrance hall, when he heard it.
Thump. Thump. Thump.
Darcy froze. Immediately, thoughts of burglars, murderers, and crazy paparazzi went racing through his mind.
THUMP. THUMP. THUMP.
Someone, or something, was banging on Darcy's front door. Then he heard it. A small, muffled voice saying, "Darcy? Darcy, I know you're in there. Let me in."
Darcy moved slowly to the door and looked through the peep hole. There, in her pajamas and old sweatshirt, stood Lizzie Bennett. She was pretty short to begin with, but the way she was folding her arms and waiting nervously made her look very small indeed. Darcy swung open the door instantly. It was so fast, Lizzie jumped back in surprise. With the door wide open, Darcy realized how cold it was outside and that Lizzie only had her socks on. She breathed a sigh of relief, shaking in the cold, "Oh thank heavens you're awake."
"Good hell. Get in here," Darcy exhaled and stepping aside, so she could pass him. Lizzie hurried by him without looking at him. She had been in this house so many times before and knew where every room was, but as she walked in, she suddenly felt awkward, like she didn't belong here anymore.
Darcy closed the door, locked it, and turned to Lizzie. She was facing the other way with her back to him. Worried, he asked, "Are you okay? Is … Is something wrong?"
Lizzie turned slowly and simultaneously shook her head no, looking down at the ground. There was silence then, that neither one of them knew how to break. Awkwardly standing in the dark entrance hall, Lizzie rocked back and forth on her feet, not sure how to start this conversation. She battled with herself on what to say. Now that she was here, she felt like a crazy person coming here so early in the morning.
Darcy stood still, looking Lizzie up and down. Even with her messy brown hair in a ponytail and dirty socks, she was beautiful. The way she pulled on her pony tail nervously, chewed on her bottom lip, and the slight pink flush to her cheeks made Darcy melt inside. After everything that had happened, all he wanted to do was to be her best friend again. The person she relied on and confided in.
It was Lizzie who broke the silence. After her inner battle, she panicked. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come up here at this crazy time. I'm sorry for bothering you." She made a quick move to the door to open it, but Darcy stepped in front of her. With her pathway blocked, Lizzie stopped and pushed her palm against her forehead, scrunching her eyes closed.
Darcy said quietly, "Did you drive all the way up here? This late?"
Lizzie nodded without taking her hand away from her head or opening her eyes.
"Why?" said Darcy, confused.
Lizzie's hands dropped to her side and her head hung down. "I know what you did for Lydia." She took the chance and glanced up at Darcy's face. His face fell a little bit and he instinctively shoved his hands into the pockets of his sweats.
"Oh," was all he said.
Silence again. Lizzie was getting frustrated. Why was it so hard to talk to him now? She began, "Look, can we maybe go sit down and talk? I … I just have some stuff I need to… uh… talk to you about."
It was Darcy's turn to stare at the ground. He nodded and led the way to the living room. Upon entering, he hurriedly kicked his laptop and paperwork into the corner of the room, so she wouldn't trip over them. He sat in his chair and gestured for Lizzie to have a seat on the couch.
Lizzie sat, but it didn't last long. The silence and her fatigue were killing her. She felt like she was about to explode. She stood, started pacing, and the words just came tumbling out. "Okay Darcy. I just need to say thank you. Thank you for helping Lydia and fixing everything." Darcy opened his mouth to interrupt her, but she continued, "No. Will you just let me talk? You don't need to talk right now. You know, you always do that. You fix stuff. You fixed Jane and Charles, you fixed everything with Wickham, including Lydia and even Georgiana. Even at your company! You've done so many amazing things there to better the lives of your employees and clients. You would give up anything to fix stuff and you never ask for gratitude. In fact, you tried to hide it from me that you fixed the thing with Lydia. But you know what I don't understand?" Lizzie stopped, realizing how suddenly frustrated she was, and looked him dead in the eye. "When I said no to you, you left. I never heard from you. How come you fix everybody else, but you don't want to fix us? We could have found a way to be normal again, right? Why were you avoiding me?"
Darcy's mouth was slightly open and his eyebrows were scrunched together. His mind was racing. She says thank you and then blames their wrecked friendship on him in the same breath. But no words came out. He didn't know what to say to that.
Lizzie folded her arms and began tapping her foot. "Well? Do you have anything to say?" Darcy remained quiet. Lizzie continued, knowing she was being irrational, "You were my best friend and you just disappeared. How do you think I felt?"
Darcy sprang up from his seat and began running his hands through his hair. It was his turn to explode. "Are you kidding me, Lizzie? Are we seriously having this conversation? I needed to fix us? All of this is my fault because I try so hard to fix things, but I just forgot to fix us? If I remember correctly, you were the one to run away from me. You disappeared." He walked to the other side of the room and turned his back to Lizzie.
Lizzie knew he was right and she felt awful. And this was not how she wanted this conversation to go. Why was she being so emotional and avoiding what she really came here to say? She began again, "No, Darcy, I'm sor-," Darcy interrupted her. He turned and took huge steps to be right in front of her. He leaned forward to emphasize what he was saying.
"What about me, Lizzie? Did you know that Ana has been asking about you? Why you don't come over anymore, why we don't talk. And I didn't have the heart to tell my own sister that I ruined our friendship with my crazy feelings. How do you think I felt after you left? I was the one who poured my heart out to you. You. My best friend. And you didn't even give it a second thought. You said no way, not ever was it going to happen. You threw it back at me so fast that I didn't get the chance to fix anything."
Lizzie had never really recognized how tall he was until the moment he was towering over her. And she had never seen him like this before. His hair was messy, and he hadn't shaved in days. There was all this emotion riddled across his face. Darcy was not a person to wear his emotions on his sleeve. He kept things to himself even when he was really upset, but the Darcy in front of Lizzie right now was not that person. His face was flushed and his eyes reflected everything he felt: sadness, regret, love, maybe even desire? It was the same face of the day she rejected him, but worse. He looked broken.
Darcy continued, searching her face, "Why did you come here? To make me feel worse about everything? Because I've tried to find a way to fix this. I would give up everything I have if it would restore our friendship to what is was before all this. But I can't find one way. I can't." His voice got softer as he said, "I don't know how to fix it."
He was so close that Lizzie could smell his faded aftershave and the laundry soap smell of his always freshly clean clothes. Lizzie took a step closer. Looking into his sad eyes, she whispered, "William?"
At hearing his name, Darcy let out the breath he was holding and let out the smallest of smiles. Lizzie always knew how to calm him down. She edged closer and closer to his face. Darcy began breathing heavier and heavier. Slowly, he reached up and pushed some stray hair behind her ear. He glanced down at her lips, his body begging him to do something crazy. He cupped her face in his hand, stroking her cheek with his thumb. Closing her eyes, Lizzie leaned into his palm. She waited. She knew what was coming. She had had her own share of relationships to know that Darcy was going to kiss her. She kept waiting, but nothing happened. Opening her eyes slightly, she could immediately see the battle within Darcy's mind written all over his face. He was frowning, nostrils flared, and his eyes locked on her lips.
Darcy was frustrated and emotional again. So much for calming him down. With a groan of frustration, he threw his hand away from her face and marched away from her. He pushed both his palms into his eyes and leaned his head back. "You are so confusing!"
Lizzie was embarrassed and shocked. She gave him the opportunity and he didn't take it. What was she thinking, that he would kiss her and everything would be okay? Now, he was on the other side of the room, clearly more upset than ever. She knew she had to tell him. She had to say the words, but she didn't know how.
"What do you want from me?" The incredibly soft words came from Darcy, not Lizzie. He had dropped his hands and was looking directly into her face. Lizzie was panicking. She looked anywhere but at him and began pacing again.
"I don't know," she said.
"What do you mean you don't know?"
Lizzie gasped, "I don't know!"
Darcy threw his hands in the air, "Why did you come here if you didn't know what you wanted?"
"No, I know what I want. I just…" Lizzie hesitated.
Still across the room, Darcy wheezed, his voice cracking, "Elizabeth. Just tell me. And I'll do anything. I promise."
Lizzie was stopped pacing and stopped in front of him. After a few moments of silence, she looked him dead in the eye and said, "We're not friends, William Darcy."
Darcy let out the breath he was holding and lowered himself onto the couch, covering his face with his hands. He quietly said "Okay, Elizabeth. I get it."
Lizzie panicked again and took a few steps backs. "No! No, that's not what I meant. Ah! Why is this so hard?" Lizzie took a breath. "I meant that I don't want to be friends."
Darcy lifted his head up slowly, looking extremely confused. "What the hell, Lizzie? That means the same thing."
"No, it doesn't!" Lizzie continued, "I don't want to be friends because um…" She stopped, hesitating. Maybe she shouldn't do this.
Suddenly, Darcy was standing and staring her down. After taking a few breaths, he said "Why don't you want to be friends, Lizzie?"
Lizzie exhaled. She couldn't do it. "I… uh… well…"
Darcy waited. Whatever she was going to say, he wanted to hear her say it. He wasn't going to say it for her. There was silence again as Lizzie pulled on her ponytail and chewed on her lip. Finally, she covered her face in her hands and mumbled something.
Darcy took a small step closer, "What?"
She mumbled it again. Darcy sighed, "Elizabeth, I cannot understand you."
So Lizzie tried to yell it, "I'm in love with you." She had started out very loud and got a great deal quieter as she realized what she was saying.
Darcy was moving before Lizzie even realized it. Abruptly, Darcy's hands were on gripping both sides of her face, his fingers pulling at the back of her neck, and his lips came crashing down against hers. There was such an urgency and need to his kiss, Lizzie froze for a moment, but before she knew it, she was responding like she had never responded before. Lizzie grabbed at his waist, pulling him closer, and deepening the kiss. Darcy wanted so much to feel her body pressed against his that he began slowly and unintentionally pushing her backward. Lizzie's hands wandered up his chest and back, grabbing, feeling every muscle. Without warning, her back was pushing against the back wall, and Darcy was pushing against her. Eventually, Lizzie's fingers found their way to the bottom hem of his t-shirt and snuck under it. His skin was electrifyingly warm and sent chills throughout her body. Lizzie's cold fingers against his skin were driving Darcy crazy. He instinctively seized Lizzie's hips and lifted her higher against the wall, pressing harder against the wall to keep her in place. Lizzie's legs naturally wrapped around his waist as her hands abandoned their warm place under his shirt and wrapped tight around his neck. It was then that Darcy realized he was probably going too far. He reluctantly broke the kiss, breathing heavily. Without relinquishing his grip on her waist, he leaned his head against the wall right above Lizzie's shoulder.
"I'm sorry, Lizzie. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that," he gasped. Lizzie was quiet, taking deep breaths with her eyes still closed. Slowly, Lizzie removed her legs from around his hips and slid down the wall to stand on her own. Her hands slide down his chest to rest on his waist. Darcy started to pull away from her, positive that he had pushed her too far, but her fingers tightened their grip around his waist, stopping him.
"Elizabeth?" Darcy asked, searching her face for some sign as to what she was feeling.
"Dammit, Darcy. If I had known you could kiss like that this whole time, I would have fallen in love with you a lot sooner," Lizzie replied, finally looking up into his face.
Darcy let out a relieved sigh and chuckled, "Well, if I would have known that's all you needed, I would have done it a lot sooner." Lizzie grinned. Darcy took a deep breath and asked, "Are you sure about this, Lizzie? You're not just messing with me or something?"
"I'm not messing with you, I promise." Lizzie said earnestly. "I'm so sorry I treated you like I did when you told me. I just… I just freaked. I was scared. Scared of my feelings for you and how our relationship would change. But I was mostly scared of losing you." Lizzie looked into his eyes. "I didn't want to lose you, so I avoided you."
"That doesn't make any sense," smirked Darcy.
Lizzie rolled her eyes. "I'm aware of that. Why do you think I came up here? " Darcy gave her a small grin, but didn't reply. Lizzie continued, "I hated the thought of never seeing you again. And I realized I was wrong about everything. About how much you mean to me, how much I care about you and Ana. Especially you." She smirked, as Darcy let out a small laugh. She got quieter and said sincerely, "How much I loved you, Darcy."
Darcy truly smiled then. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pressed his forehead against hers. "I'm having a hard time believing this is actually happening. Are you sure you're not going to change your mind? Are there hidden cameras or something and this is an elaborate prank?" he said, looking around the room.
"How the hell is someone supposed to get hidden cameras in the Darcy house? I had to squeeze through a gap in the gate just to get to your front door. I'm lucky I have a small head, or I'd be stuck in your gate right now. I didn't realize how much you bumped up the security since we were kids until I was trying to break in again," Lizzie observed, wrapping her arms around his neck.
"Good to know I need a better gate if small children can fit through it. And if you are going to sneak in through my window like you used to, you should just let me know ahead of time so I can just buzz you in through the gate," Darcy said mockingly.
Lizzie chuckled sarcastically, "I'll have my secretary let you know the dates and times."
Darcy grinned, "You don't have a secretary. I do." He leaned in to kiss her again, but before he reached her, Lizzie began speaking again.
"In all seriousness, Darcy, I'm not messing with you. I love you. A lot. I would never do that to you. And I want to be with you," Lizzie declared. Darcy grinned and kissed her again. Lizzie pulled the back of his neck toward her to intensify the kiss. Darcy responded quickly, pulling her closer to his body by tightening his grip around her waist. When they finally broke apart, both were breathing heavily and their faces flushed.
Darcy could not help but smile, "Damn, I love kissing you. I've loved for you so long, Elizabeth. I didn't know what I'd do without you. Thank you so much for being crazy and driving here in the middle of the night."
Lizzie laughed, "Oh, anytime! You can definitely expect more crazy behavior. But as much as I love you, my back is starting to hurt against this wall."
Darcy took a few hurried steps back and pulled Lizzie away from the wall. "Sorry. I guess I got a little carried away."
Shaking her head, Lizzie replied, "Oh no! I'm definitely not complaining."
Darcy pulled her to the couch and they both sat down. He wrapped his arms around her and Lizzie let her head rest on his chest. They sat for so long without speaking that Lizzie's eyes began to droop. Darcy noticed and said, "I'm sorry. I bet you are crazy tired."
"I'm exhausted. I haven't exactly slept well lately," Lizzie yawned.
Darcy sighed, "I know the feeling. You are definitely not going to drive home right now. You can stay here. With me."
Lizzie lifted up her head and looked him in the eye. "Are you sure? That's not too fast or anything? I don't want to impose or make you feel uncomfortable. Or Ana for that matter."
"She won't care. She really likes you." Darcy smiled. "We'll take this slow, okay? I don't want to rush it because I don't want you running away again. You can sleep in a guest room, or even the couch if it makes you feel better about it. Although, if you wanted to stay in my room, I wouldn't complain," Darcy teased, kissing her temple.
Lizzie laughed, "I think I'll hold off on your room for a while. Wouldn't want the maids to start any rumors, do we Darcy?"
"You know, you don't have to call me Darcy all the time. I have a first name and I'm okay if you wanted to call me William or even Will," he grinned.
Lizzie smirked, placing her head back onto his chest, "I can handle Will, but I'm calling you Darcy when you are being a turd."
Darcy laughed, "I'll allow that because I love you."
Lizzie grinned and let out a content sigh, "I love you, too, Will."
Georgiana woke up as the sun began shining too brightly through her curtains. She glanced at her alarm clock. 9:32AM. Stretching and sliding out of bed, she made her way into the hall. Ever since whatever happened with Lizzie, Ana got into the habit of checking on Will when she got up especially on the weekends when he didn't have to go into the office. Sometimes he didn't sleep at all and was sitting in the living room working. Sometimes he was asleep, but jumped awake as soon as Ana began moving around the house. Quietly padding through the house, she made her way to his bedroom. She tried to be extra quiet to not wake him up. Ana silently pushed open his door and glanced around his room. No Will. Ana sighed. He must have fallen asleep in that dumb chair again.
Ana headed toward the living room. Now she was determined to wake him and make him move to his bed. He couldn't possibly be getting good enough sleep in that little chair. When she got to the living room, she gasped. No one was in that chair, but there were two people curled together on the couch under a thin throw blanket that they usually kept over the back of the couch. One person was definitely Will, but other person's face was covered by the blanket. Whoever it was definitely had a firm grip around his waist and Will had a tight grip around her shoulders.
Ana's gasp was loud enough that Will stirred a little and opened one eye. He immediately saw Ana leaning over the couch trying to see who the other body was. Will started subtly shaking his head and shushing his sister. Ana mouthed to him, "Who is that?"
Will grinned tiredly and mouthed back, "Lizzie."
Ana beamed and mouthed excitedly, "Really? Are you dating now?"
He mouthed back, doing his best not to disturb his sleeping companion, "I think so."
Ana smiled mischievously and said very loud, "About time," definitely waking Lizzie up and startling Will. Ana walked toward the kitchen and yelled back, "Get up, lovebirds, and I'll make you guys breakfast."
Lizzie, surprised and a little confused, looked at Will. Will laughed, "I told you she wouldn't care."