Far off, in a distant fandom, a loud crack could be heard through the air.

"what was that?!" Bella screamed

"i dont know but it wasnt thunder" Edward said

"oh it was just the Harry Potter fandom again" said Alice

"what happened now"

"a sexy guy with blond hair just collapsed"

"wtf why do they get all the attention" said Jasper

"it was probably louder cause theyre a bigger fandom"

"oh, right" they all agreed

*back in our fandom*

Draco groaned cos eating Apple, the man he loved, hurt him and also he was tearin away a piece of his soul

"DRaCo wTF YOU CANT FUCKIN EAT YUR HORCRUX"

then Draco was dizzy an he fell on the ground cos it hurt alot

and suddenly a black thing came out of the bite in the apple and made a horrible vision

Neville the Badass was making sweet love to apple as the horcrux juice spwed out of Apple

"Oh, Apple..." hallucination Neville the Badass said

"Ahhh, Neville the Badass yur so good!" hallicunation Apple screamed

Draco and Harry looked up in terror

"i dint know apple was a screamer, he dint make a noise when we had sex" Harry murmured

and Draco strted sobbing "WHY APPLE HOW COULD YOU" he strted twitching "I THOT YOU LOVED ME"

and Harry quickly ate apple so Draco cud stop crying

srsly

it was fucking annoying

"i have baslisk vemon in my teeth" harry said "i am the new badass"

and then real Neville the Badass was like "NO WAY BRA IM THE BADASS GO SUCK SOMETHING"

and so he walked away and evry step he took his shoes yelled "BADASS MOTHERFUCKER WALKING THROUGH"

and then Draco held the core of apple in his arms

and he was like "omg he's dead"

"why"

"why did you kill my bby"

"OW HOLY MERLIN FUUUUUCK THAT HURTS"

cos the horcrux was gone now and it felt weird

"part of you is dead" Harry whispred and they made out

and then Harry was like "can i top this time"

and Draco was like "no cos i always top"

"why"

"cos im sexier now shut up" and they started to take off their clothes

mmmm yeahhh hot and steamy sex

and then McGongall saw them and was like "boys boys no time for sex now cos look its raining muggles"

Harry and Draco looked up in the sky and it was srsly raining naked muggle bodies

"shit they look just like wizards" Draco said

Harry got pissed. "yeah cos its not like they humans"

"wait whAT THE FUCK ITS RAINING MUGGLES"

TBC