A/N: Caradoc+Sirius= Cigarette Daydreams by Cage the Elephant. Seriously.

2 updates this year!

Thanks to Kate for the beta xx

Whiskey was a dreadful drink, in Sirius's opinion. It tasted hideous, wasn't thirst quenching in the slightest — a massive flaw in a beverage — not to mention, it turned Sirius into an idiot. Whiskey, Sirius had decided, was completely to blame for his current predicament. Because if he'd just stuck to beer, there was no way Caradoc would have convinced him to go clubbing, he hated those places usually.

And if they hadn't been drinking whiskey, Sirius's usual mellow vibe wouldn't have vanished when that big bloke pushed him, and he wouldn't have started a fight that Caradoc had to step in and help him finish. Because while beer seemed to dull his emotions, making him less concerned about life, whiskey did the opposite. Every frustration, every injustice, every tiny little annoyance he'd put aside in the last few weeks to focus on Caradoc and his emotional distress had burst out, right in the face of a muggle who looked like a heavily tattooed, better groomed version of Hagrid.

Caradoc was still forcibly towing Sirius away from the scene, the monstrous muggle was a block behind them, he'd paused to spit a mouthful of blood in the gutter - remnants of Caradoc's swift uppercut - but he didn't look like he was through yet.

"You twat!" Caradoc grumbled, as he tugged harder on Sirius's arm to make him move. The muggle was closing the gap between them quickly with his long legs.

Sirius tried to wrench his arm free, "let me fight him!" he insisted, "I've got my wand! That fucking wanker! He thinks he's such a hard bastard!"

"That's because he is a hard bastard," Caradoc replied. He almost sounded like he wanted to laugh, "You can't fight a muggle with your wand, do you want to get arrested?"

Just as he said these words the street was lit by flashing blue light, and for a moment Sirius thought Caradoc had managed to make a portkey — while running and dragging his resisting butt along — then he realised the light was coming from a muggle police car.

"For Merlin's sake!" Caradoc spluttered, he looked back at the big muggle who was causing a scene. He was yelling after them, and there was blood smeared across his face from his nose; the one good shot Sirius had got in before it had all gone tits up.

"Come on," Caradoc urged, "we really don't want the Ministry to come bail us out of muggle jail."

Sirius agreed with this at least, his cheek was aching where the muggles rock solid fist had connected with it. He let Caradoc drag him into the dark doorway of a shop and allowed himself to be pulled into apparition.

The alleyway beside Sirius's flat seemed to sway as his feet hit the cobblestones. Sirius had to steady himself on the wall as the world took its time to right itself. The rough bricks under his palm were wet, he hadn't even noticed it was raining here, but it was, a steady chilly drizzle that reflected the street lamps, turning the air orange at the end of the alley.

Then Caradoc's loud laugh echoed on the high walls and Sirius looked around, surprised to see him leaning against the bricks, laughing so hard he could barely stand.

"What?" Sirius said, unduly annoyed to be laughed at. He rubbed gingerly at his sore cheek and glowered at the man beside him.

"You are such a dick," Caradoc replied, glimpsing Sirius's still furious face which seemed to make him laugh even more.

"Fuck off," Sirius said, the agitation and adrenaline from the fight were still with him, why did Caradoc think it was so hilarious?

"Don't start on me," he chuckled, holding up his hands in mock defence, "I never knew you could be such a mean drunk."

"I'm not!" Sirius said, indignantly, "that bloke, he started it, wanker-"

"He could have snapped you in half, he was massive!" Caradoc was laughing properly again, "sorry, sorry," he tried to straighten his face but couldn't manage it, "why are you so serious?"

Sirius opened his mouth angrily but his grumpy retort died in his throat, something wonderful was bubbling up in his chest as he watched Caradoc laugh, it was smothering the anger, pushing it aside as he felt lightheaded with the desire to laugh too. What had he been thinking, getting in a fist fight with a guy twice his size?

"It's my name isn't it?" Sirius said with a snort, "Serious Black"

Caradoc rolled his eyes at the terrible joke, "I suppose you did punch me once," he mused, laughing to himself again, "that should have warned me, remember?"

Sirius nodded, he did. It hadn't seemed funny at all at the time, but now, "James called you a fag but I punched you." He snickered, "that doesn't make any sense."

"I think there was more to it than that," Caradoc said, he had actual tears of mirth on his cheeks now, "not quite a hate crime."

Sirius grinned at him, it felt so good to laugh. So bloody good. His face actually hurt, the unused muscles twinging painfully in his cheeks, or maybe that was just the developing bruise. But it was all nothing compared to the light, delirious ease of laughter.

It had been a month since Voldemort destroyed Headquarters. The horrible week following it, with Dorcas's funeral, and the feeling that they might actually lose this fight seemed to have taken all the sadness Sirius had left. He didn't feel capable of it anymore. He just wanted to live in this happy moment forever. There would be more darkness, more fear coming the moment they joined up with the Order again, but for now Sirius just got to laugh.

They both leaned, side by side against the alley wall, trying to draw breath through their almost silent hysterics, snickering at the absurd evening, at their insane lives, at the look on their faces when they caught each other's eye. The rain continued to fall but the whiskey they had been drinking all evening kept them warm. Sirius was drenched to the skin when he turned to look at Caradoc again, and was surprised to find himself being observed rather wistfully.

Caradoc's blonde hair was darkened by the rain, and his clothes were just as soaked as Sirius's, but the happiness, or relief, or release of tension or whatever it was that had put him in this mood seemed to stream out of him. Sirius had never been a big believer in auras, but Caradoc almost had his own atmosphere as he watched Sirius laugh.

"What?" Sirius said, feeling uncomfortable with the scrutiny.

Caradoc just shook his head. "I'm just grateful," he said. "Grateful that you're back, that you're you again."

Sirius had no reply to this. He was grateful too. Caradoc had been here, through his own loses, his own struggles, he'd been short tempered and abrupt at times, but he'd always been present when Sirius needed him.

The overwhelming desire to express this forced its way out of Sirius, and before he'd thought it through he'd thrown his arms around Caradoc's wet shoulders and hugged him so tight he was surprised he didn't choke. But instead Caradoc hugged him back, breathing out a little laugh of shock as he did so. But Sirius wasn't done, it didn't seem like enough, and as he pulled back to look at Caradoc's face he realised why.

A hug wasn't enough because Sirius fancied him, had done for a long time, longer than he should have. This was the first time he felt like he could accept it, the first time he could admit to himself that he liked the way Caradoc had always looked at him.

How the was looking at him right then.

Seized by the suddenness of this realisation Sirius did the only thing that made sense. He kissed him.

Properly.

He took Caradoc's shocked face in his hands and kissed him as if he'd never get to do it again.

Caradoc's reaction was better than he could have hoped. After the initial squeak of surprise at unexpected snogging, he was in no way reluctant.

Sirius had forgotten how miraculous a decent kiss could be, he'd missed it terribly. The thrill of new, of unexplored lips, of unfamiliar technique, all of it made Sirius's heart race, his blood rushed through him, he wanted more.

"You coming up?" Sirius asked, the moment Caradoc pulled back for air, he was surprised by the breathlessness of his voice, and distracted by the intense gaze Caradoc held him in.

"That depends," Caradoc said, not breaking eye contact, suddenly serious, "what's happening here?"

"Er," Sirius raised his eyebrows, he had not expected the free and openly promiscuous Caradoc to ask such things, "I thought that was obvious?"

"I meant," Caradoc clarified, as he pulled Sirius close again, his eyes dropping to Sirius's mouth, "Are you just drunk and lonely, or would you still want to do this in the morning?"

"Oh," Sirius said, he was definitely drunk, he was finding hard to put a proper sentence together now that his hormones were running the show. "Drunk." he admitted honestly, and Caradocs face seemed to tighten, "but not lonely," Sirius hastened to add. "I wouldn't mind kissing you any time of the day. I kind of fancy you actually," Sirius said blithely, "quite a lot." It was a good thing he was drunk, because his last admission felt like something sober him would be very embarrassed about.

Caradoc's delighted expression was only visible for a moment, before his lips were on Sirius's again. Strong and sure, Sirius realised that he had been holding back before. There was something almost urgent in the way his hands held Sirius to him, something desperate.

The energy caught Sirius, it was thrilling to feel so desired, he'd felt out of place for so long, now here was Caradoc, who wanted him so openly, why had Sirius ignored it for so long?

They made it upstairs eventually, but only after the rain had started to come down so heavily they could no longer ignore it.

Sirius tried to shake the dripping hair from his face as he fumbled with Caradocs fly, his cold-numbed fingers impeding his efforts. It was dark in the sitting room, because they hadn't progressed far enough inside to reach the hanging light pull. Caradoc had pushed Sirius up against the closed door the moment they entered, and kissed him so thoroughly, his hands wandering much more purposefully than they had in the alley. Sirius was losing his grip on the present as the heel of Caradocs palm caught the head of his cock through his jeans over and over again. He couldn't focus on anything, he felt like he was fifteen again, discovering the wonder of someone else's hands on him. Then Caradocs lips were at his ear, his hand moving away to rest benignly on his hip, "Are you still with me, Black?" he murmured, his teeth grazed Sirius's earlobe as he spoke.

"Definitely," Sirius breathed, he couldn't even tell if it was the alcohol or just the situation that was causing his disorientation. Maybe he was concussed. He wasn't bothered either way.

"Thank god," Caradoc sighed, and he sounded so relieved that Sirius understood this moment meant a lot to Caradoc. More than he'd realised. He forced his floundering brain back into gear, and got his fingers to cooperate, finally getting Caradocs trousers undone.

Caradoc's groan of pleasure when he curled his hand around his length and pulled was worth the effort. It sent a different kind elation zipping through Sirius, an elation borne of power, almost dominance. He kept his hand moving, his grip firm, Caradoc kissed him again, more messily, his breath coming unevenly. Then he shifted, pushing his thigh between Sirius's, his knee hit the door behind, and Sirius had to relinquish his grip on Caradocs cock to prevent his fingers being crushed as Caradoc began to rut against him, Sirius's moment of clarity was derailed by the friction, Caradocs firm thigh created a pressure it was impossible to think through, and within a few fast and desperate minutes they were both shuddering with release. Sirius's still wet hair clung to the side of his face as he let his head fall back against the door, Caradoc slumped against him.

"You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that," Caradoc said quietly.

Sirius smiled lazily, he was pretty sure he knew exactly how long. But he didn't point this out. Instead he wiggled uncomfortably, trying to pull his jeans, and their rapidly cooling wet patch, away from his skin. "Next time let me get my pants off first."

"Sorry," Caradoc said, his amusement clear, then he kissed Sirius again, soft and quick, "Next time," he repeated contently, nodding in agreement.

Caradoc didn't seem to expect much from Sirius, in fact their friendship hadn't really changed in the few days that had passed since they fooled around, Caradoc was his same old self. More himself than he'd been in months actually. And with minimal Order duties, since everyone was still laying low, waiting for word from Dumbledore that the new Headquarters was up and running, the two of them had plenty of time to hang out.

They had spent most of the weekend together, lazing around in Sirius's sitting room listening to his records, and talking. Sirius felt like he hadn't ever talked so much. But Caradoc would just grin in encouragement and Sirius found that he couldn't stop. He talked about everything, his family, his hideous childhood, his friendship with James and his relationship with his brother. His time at school too, the mischief they got up to, the drama of finding out about Remus being a werewolf, how they had become Animagi.

"Wait, you were only fifteen?" Caradoc said, sitting up from where he'd been sprawled on the floor, tapping his cigarette on the edge of Alphard's old cut crystal ashtray. "Seriously, Fifteen?" Caradoc was clearly impressed. "Moody said you and Potter were valuable when you joined the Order, but I didn't realise you were that bloody talented."

Sirius raised his eyebrows, enjoying the praise but shocked that Moody had ever said anything nice about him. "Honestly it wasn't that hard," he said, "like it took a lot of research and practice, but the actual magic wasn't too difficult."

Caradoc shook his head. "That's a pretty amazing thing to do for your friend." Sirius smiled sadly, he would have done anything for Remus.

"So, can I see?" Caradoc asked, stubbing his smoke out and reaching for his coffee mug. He took a sip and watched expectantly while Sirius considered the request.

Sirius had expected this question of course, but he'd never transformed in front of anyone other than James, Pete, or Remus before. He suddenly felt self conscious, and slightly cautious. It had seemed fine five minutes ago to reveal to Caradoc that he was an unregistered animagus, but now showing him proof was daunting, like he was exposing something private, something that could get him into trouble.

But Caradoc was still watching expectantly, and Sirius had clearly gone too far down this path to turn back now, so he took a breath to focus himself and allowed the magic to unfurl itself from inside him.

As his perspective changed with his height, his vision drained of colour. Everything became a more defined monochrome. He was warmer as his shaggy coat prickled from his skin, and the worry that had sprung up inside him moments before vanished as his tongue lolled out, panting happily as his sharper eyes found Caradoc's impressed face.

"You're huge!" Caradoc laughed, reaching out a hand, that automatic human reaction, to pat a dog as it approaches. Padfoot gave a small proud bark and let Caradoc run his fingers though the long scruffy hair behind his ears for a moment, then as contentment rose inside him at the affectionate touch he yipped, and pounced. His large paws landed heavily on Caradoc's bulky shoulders as he licked a sloppy stripe up the side of his face before Caradoc could stop him.

Caradoc grimaced as he laughed and wiped the drool from his face and Padfoot backed away. Sirius came back to himself, turning human again, with the same focusing of magical energy.

Caradoc was still laughing as Sirius plonked himself on the sofa. "Disgusting," he chuckled. "I didn't think I'd ever complain about you licking me," he said pulling up his shirt to dry his face. Sirius got a pleasant eyeful of toned stomach in the process. Feeling brave, and high on the praise of his magical prowess, he clambered on top of Caradoc again, much less gracefully than Padfoot had. Caradoc's reaction was completely different this time, he didn't turn his face away or laugh, instead his wide grin stretched playfully across his face in the moment before Sirius kissed him.

Kissing sober was quite different than the other night when whiskey had led the way. Sirius found himself almost too present, distracted by the sound their lips made, the way the song on the record player skipped slightly, how it didn't seem quite right. But then Caradoc's lips left his, and latched on to the side of his neck instead, his hands were inside Sirius shirt, skimming over the skin, distracting Sirius from anything else.

As he mouthed his way along beneath Sirius's jaw he murmured, "You showed me your special talent, would you like to see mine?" The innuendo was so clear that Sirius just nodded, just as it had been the other night, he was caught up in the fact that he could feel this way again, that he even wanted to feel this way again, and that he wanted it to mean something.

Sirius gasped as Caradoc quickly took him down to the root and it became clear that Caradoc's 'special talent' was a supernatural affinity for fellatio. It was impossible for Sirius to focus on anything besides Caradoc's efficient, steady bobs and the feeling of his cock hitting the back of Caradoc's throat. It had been so long, and Caradoc was so skilled that within two minutes Sirius's eyes rolled back and he came, almost violently, down Caradoc's throat.

"Fucking hell.," Sirius croaked, he was dazed by the speed of it all, everything seemed a bit fuzzy around the edges.

He glanced at Caradoc who was smirking smugly, and wiping the corner of said smirk with his thumb suggestively. "That's what they all say.," he said lightly.

Sirius grinned, not really knowing how to reply to that. He didn't really like being lumped in with all the other cocks that had been in Caradoc's mouth. "Did you want me to…" Sirius started awkwardly as he sat up, re-zipping his jeans as he did so. He had to ask, because Caradoc had fished a lighter from his pocket and was now patting his jacket in search of cigarettes. Maybe he liked to smoke while he had his dick sucked? Sirius pondered.

"Nah, I'm good," Caradoc said, surprising Sirius, who in their right mind turned down a blowie? "maybe later?" he added, and Sirius felt a bit better about that, maybe Caradoc just wanted a reason to hang around a bit longer.

"I'm out of fags too," Sirius said, when Caradoc gave up pocket patting and looked inquiringly towards the crumpled packet next to the posh ashtray on the floor.

"Right then," Caradoc said, getting to his feet, "I'm going to get smokes. Do you want anything else?"

Sirius shook his head, "nope," then he gave the most charming smile he could muster, "Unless you want to cook me dinner?"

"Smokes and a take-away menu." Caradoc said dutifully as he put on his jacket. "Got it." Sirius laughed as Caradoc shut to door.

The record spinning on Sirius's gramophone clicked to halt a moment later and the silence left in its wake was suddenly oppressive. Questions and uncertainties snuck into to Sirius's mind... What was he doing? Was he in a relationship with Caradoc now? Should he really feel this relaxed, this free... thishorny?

Shouldn't he still be mourning Remus? It was nearly four months since the night of the fire and the scary dark space of sadness was still there inside him, but he was able to talk about Remus now, able to smile, to laugh about their history, he was able to enjoy his memories of him because they were only tinged with sadness some of the time.

Seeking distraction, Sirius hooked his record crate with his foot and pulled it closer. He was so proud of his collection, more than a hundred vinyl albums of varying states of shabbiness were jammed into the wooden crate. While he'd been at school he'd decorated it with the stubs of concert tickets and flyers, there were even a couple of photos of him and James stuck to one side. Sirius grinned at the pair of them, scruffy in jeans and t-shirts, both of them beaming at the camera, fifteen and on top of the world. Sirius couldn't believe he'd looked so young, it was barely five years ago. He wondered what James was doing right at this moment, all tucked up in happiness with Lily no doubt.

What was James going to say when he found out that after more than a year of denial Sirius pretty much was shagging Caradoc? Sirius was not looking forward to that conversation.

Sirius pulled an album from the crate, it was an old favorite, one he'd bought during one of his first trips into muggle London with James, back in third year. The cover art with its stylised, androgynous image of Bowie would always remind Sirius of his discovery of this type of muggle magic, wizards didn't make music that sounded like this, or made him feel the way the songs on this record did. The first time he'd listened to it, the music had made him terribly sad and eleated all at once, nostalgic even though he'd never heard anything like it. As he slotted it into place on his gramophone he had no idea how fitting it was for what was about to happen.

It was to the punky guitar of Queen Bitch that Caradocs boots sounded on the staircase outside, and Sirius looked toward the door in anticipation. Whatever doubts he had, they always seemed to vanish when Caradoc was there with him. The moment the front door opened and Caradoc came in Sirius knew something wasn't right. There was a golden packet of B&H in Caradoc's left hand, and a small stack of envelopes in his right. His face was pale, his eyes too wide. He looked scared.

"Sirius," he said slowly, "these," he held the envelopes out, "these were in your mail box down stairs. Do you ever check it?"

"No," Sirius said, nonplussed, "Why would I? I don't know know any muggles." He couldn't understand the problem, or why Caradoc looked so frightened.

He took the envelopes from Caradoc's outstretched hand, and looked at them. They were all addressed to him, but he didn't recognize the handwriting, it was almost childish, very carefully printed.

Perplexed, he tore one open at random, the letter inside was only a few lines long.

Sirius,

Please reply, I need your help. The healer has refused to help us, the full moon put him off. Remus seems the same but I'm scared for him.

Quinn

"What?" Sirius said staring blankly at the page, "What?" He held it out to Caradoc who was standing very still, watching Sirius, pale-faced.

"When is this from?" Sirius asked, frantically searching the envelopes for dates, then there, in the top corner right across the stamp in a circle of smuggy black ink:

Service de Courrier

17-06-79

Bourgogne

"JUNE!" Sirius shouted, smacking the envelope on his thigh and making Caradoc jump, "Remus," he said, as wonderment flooded through him, softening his tone in the blink of an eye, "Remus was alive in June?" he breathed, almost reverently. He looked at the stamp again, "and in France?"

That horrible night in the Black Hills had been on May 26th. Sirius would never forget the day he'd lost Remus, the pouring spring rain, the acrid smoke of the bonfire in the forest, it would be with him forever. But this letter was sent three weeks later, Sirius looked at the postage marks on the other envelopes:

28-05-79

03-06-79

31-08-79

Sirius ripped into the letter dated the 28th of May, two days after he thought Remus had died, he nearly tore the paper it was written on in his haste.

Dear Sirius,

I don't even know if you know anything is wrong yet because Remus didn't say how long he'd planned to stay. But they came for us the first night he was there, they knew exactly where to find us.

I didn't mean to take Remus so far away, but he was hurt and I'd carried him as far as I could. he'd told me before that the magic in my body will come out when I'm under pressure, that definitely happened this time. All I could think about was being at home, with my parents, away from all the fighting in Britain and then everything went black and I couldn't breathe and I held on to Remus so tight then when I opened my eyes I was home. Just down the road from my parents house. I took Remus to my parents, he's still badly injured, but the healer is working on him, he says he could still recover.

I hope this letter finds you. Remus gave me your address after we left Greyback, He made me memorize it so that it didn't have to be written down anywhere, he was always so protective about anything to do with his human life. I took it as a great gesture of trust that he was willing to share it with me. I hope you can trust me too. I'll do my best for Remus, I promise.

Please reply as soon as you can.

Quinn

Sirius was having trouble comprehending what this meant, because it didn't make sense. He held this one out to Caradoc too. Caradoc took it, falling slowly into the seat next to Sirius on the sofa. Trying to apply some logic Sirius opened the next oldest letter. Was this some kind of cruel joke?

Dear Sirius

I have good news, the healer says Remus will recover. He's put him in some sort of magical sleep while he heals. He had a lot of internal injuries and the healer said it will take a while.

Please write back, or send that silver animal. My parents might not be magical but they know about magic, you won't be breaking any laws.

Quinn

Sirius couldn't let himself believe this. How could it be possible?

He tore the next letter open,

Sirius,

I don't even know why I'm bothering to write this, you're obviously not getting my letters. I just wanted to let you know that Remus was awake today for the first time since we got here, only for a moment, but he was definitely awake.

Quinn

And then in a heart stopping moment that held both terror and hope, Sirius realised that the handwriting on the last envelope was different from the others. It was dated from only two weeks ago but that wasn't what had his heart beating in his throat. His hands shook as he tried to open it because he knew that writing. He knew it as well as his own. There were tears blurring his vision as he finally got it open.

Padfoot,

I've got no wand, no access to an owl, and no way to contact you other than muggle post. Check your letterbox!

Also, please come and get me. You must be worried sick.

Love, Moony.

*~End of Part Seven ~*