Disclaimer: I do not own Smallville or anyone or anything in Smallville.

Summary: An AU version of 6X13, "Crimson" onward. Perhaps you've seen a show in which Chloe Sullivan is a serious reporter comforting her friend in the midst of his love-life crisis and supporting her other best friend as she marries a morally-bankrupt billionaire, all the while dealing with her own drama; This is not that show. Featuring Drunk!Chloe and RedK!Clark.

There were three hours to go before Chloe had to go to Lana's engagement dinner. She had bought her dress, a form-fitting bright red number that showed all the right curves in all the right places.

Jimmy stood in his apartment, watching Chloe twirl in front of the mirror. "Do you think this is alright?" She asked him anxiously, grimacing as she stared at her figure in the dress.

He smiled reassuringly at her. "It's fine." He said, licking his lips at the back of the dress and how it accentuated her ass.

She turned and saw where his gaze was directed at. "Jimmy!" She quirked an eyebrow, smirking at him.

He looked up at her face with a grin. "What? it's a nice view."

She put a hand to her temple, shaking her head. "I don't have time for this, I'm scared out of my mind!" She said, turning back to the mirror to look at herself.

Jimmy rolled his eyes. "You look fine, Chlo." He assured.

She frowned at herself in the mirror.

He sighed and slowly pulled out a flask from the inside of his coat, walking over to the kettle and pouring it into the kettle. 'Maybe some liquid courage will help her out.'

"Here." He said, pouring a cup of Coffee and stirring it for her. "Made it strong, just how you like it." He grinned.

"Ugh, thanks Jimmy." She ran her hands through her hair and then reached out, grabbing the cup with both hands. "I need this."

A little known fact was that while Chloe Sullivan did love her coffee, she was particularly fond of an extremely strong blend that was only sold in a single place in Metropolis. Paint-thinner strong. If it wasn't smooth white chocolate or double caramel then it had to be this.

His grin widened. "No problem, I'll go check out the whole 'Love potion' thing." He said, using his fingers to make quotation marks around the words 'Love potion'. In truth he just didn't want to be there as she drunk the beverage; he didn't understand how she could consume the monstrously strong brew.

"Great." She replied, downing the cup in one go as he turned away. Her usual approach to the near-acidic stimulant.

She watched as he left the room and then looked down at the now-empty cup. "I need another cup to soothe my nerves." She murmured under her breathe.

Two and a half hours and another twelve cups of 'Strong Coffee' and she felt... confident. 'I think that... Maybe I should go to Lana's...? ooh, shiny... LANA'S PARTY! God, maybe I overdid it on the coffee...' She smiled widely and slowly stood up from the couch, exiting the room.

She walked into the hallway. 'Maybe I'll listen to some music while I go... Try and work off some of the excess energy!' She grabbed Lois' Ipod off the side and looked between her shoes. 'Trainers, thigh-highs, sandals... The thigh-highs seem like a good choice; Reminds me of my boots in high school!' Her drunken smile turned into a massive grin as she put the boots on and stepped towards the door.

'Now what should I listen to?' She pondered as she put the ear pads in. 'Yeah, this is good. I like this!' And with that she stepped out the door, singing (Read, slurring) along with the song as she walked down the hallway towards the stairs.

"HERE I AM! DUH-DUH, DUH-DUH, ROCK YOU LIKE A HURRICAAAAAANE!" She sang boisterously.

The man standing guard at the door stared at her with a blank expression. "Name?"

She grinned even wider. "Chloe." She giggled.

He silently stared at her, urging her to continue. "Chloe...?"

She giggled and blushed. "...Suh-llih-van." She sing-songed, giggling again. It had always amused her that Lex's security was so inept, but she didn't quite get why this guy didn't recognize her; Surely Lana had mentioned her in the past? She pouted at the thought that her friend hadn't mentioned her.

He scrolled over the list held in his hands. "Hm, yes, Ms. Sullivan. We have you on the list. Do you have your invitation?"

She looked away shyly. "...Maaaaaay-be~."

He stared at her dully for a few seconds until she caved and handed him the paper. What a boring guy!

He gazed at the list and then the invite, as though disbelieving, though he kept the same expressionless look on his face. "...Everything seems to be in order Ms. Sullivan, please head on in." He stated dully.

"Thank you, Jeeves." She curtsied awkwardly, giggling again when she nearly toppled over and merrily skipping past into the elevator and pressing the floor number twice.

When she entered the room everyone turned to look at her, numerous people raising eyebrows at the girl wearing inappropriate footwear and a massive grin.

She looked around, a blush turning her face light-pink and steadily growing deeper and deeper until her face was practically glowing bright red. "Eep." She stepped next to one of the windows and pulled the massive red curtain in front of her, blending in save for her shining black thigh-highs.

Lana stood up, smiling widely, if slightly confused that the other girl seemed to be dressed like a highly-paid hooker. "Chloe!" She greeted her.

After a few seconds Chloe peeked around the corner of the curtain. "...Hi." She blushed again, wrapping it around her further until only her right eye was peering out of the curtain, practically glowing hazel-green. She had the vague thought that maybe she wasn't behaving appropriately, but then she shoo'ed away the errant thought with a wave of her hands.

Lana bit her lip. "Are you... Alright?" She asked her, raising an eyebrow as the blonde released the crimson curtain in favour of gesturing madly at the air.

Chloe threw the curtain aside and grinned widely as though she had not, just seconds ago, been acting like a shy and retiring field-mouse and then a crazed schizophrenic. "I'm fine!" She said, spreading her arms wide and walking around the table to envelop Lana in a massive hug.

"Urk!" Lana managed to get out, squeezed against the other girls larger chest.

Chloe pulled back, giggling happily. "Congratulations!" She nearly shouted in the other girls face, grinning so widely that her teeth near-reflected the light.

"Th- thank you." Lana stuttered, stunned.

Chloe leaned forwards to whisper in Lana's ear. "I'm gonna go- go- go sit down over there now." She pointed over to the seat next to Martha Kent, who was staring at her, befuddled.

She giggled again and then skipped over to the seat and sat down, putting her headphones back in.

Lex Luthor was generally a very airy individual; if he was angry he would be cold, if he was happy his behaviour would be quite chilly anyway. Simply put he was fairly cool no matter his mood, and generally if he wanted to show an emotion he could act it quite well, and if he wanted to hide an emotion he would do so very well. Right now, however, his expression could be read by anyone with half a brain-cell. He turned to Lana. "Is she drunk?"

Lana turned from Lex to stare at her friend, whom was currently making a miniature escape rope out of her napkin for the small stick figure in her champagne glass that she had made out of straws that she had, apparently, bought from home. "...I think so. That or she's overdosed on this madly strong coffee that she sometimes has." The brunette knew that the blonde, when stressed, had an XXL can of horrific coffee mix hidden in the back of her cupboard; she'd tried it once and was pretty sure her taste-buds had yet to recover. According to the slightly taller girl, she'd been introduced to it by her uncle, a four-star general that, on occasion, had no choice but to pull three to four day shifts without sleep.

They both stared at Chloe, now bawling her eyes out as Martha Kent attempted to comfort her. Apparently she had accidentally unwound the small straw holding up the folded piece of paper that had been "his" head.

"OH BOB, I hardly kneeeeeeeew yoooooooooooou." She sobbed into the older woman's dress.

Well, Lex mused idly, at least he would have the magnificent picture that his father's face currently made. He sneaked his phone out of his pocket and took a picture of Lionel's gobsmacked expression, then, after a pause, turned it to record and towards Chloe.

'...Interesting take on Youth of the nation.' He also resolved to buy the P.O.D. albums. Just for comparison.

When Clark(Kal) showed up Lex might normally have been worried, as would Lana, and Martha and Lionel.

And maybe the last three were, but Lex knew how to turn a situation to his favour.

"And Chloe, I should have known I'd find you here, after all, once Lana is out of the way, maybe you'd have a chance, right? Can't say I haven't thought about it..." He murmured into her ear cruelly.

Chloe looked up at him. "Rea- really! I just thought you were secretly homo-homos-se-sap-sex-" "Homosexual?" Lex helpfully provided the loud lush from the head of the table, ignoring the scandalized looks he received from the surrounding socialites and businessmen.

Chloe grinned and clicked her fingers. "YEAH, that one." She exclaimed.

Clark blinked and pulled back, "What? No, I'm not gay!" He snarled.

She tilted her head and pouted slightly. "Are you sure, 'cause you and Lex WOULD make a cute couple." She giggled again and then shivered. "Ooh, dirty thoughts, those are going straight to my happy place."

He pulled back and regarded her. "Are you... Drunk?" He asked after a few seconds.

She blinked and pondered. "...No. O' course nawtttttt. I had some- CoffffffVee." She trailed off and stared at him. "Y'know," She "Whispered" (Loudly) behind her hand to Clark. "Llama doesn't have any breasts."

Lana went wide-eyed and looked at her, betrayed, as Lex frowned at her. That was just uncalled for, drunk or no.

Clark snickered. "And you do, right?" He asked with a snicker. 'Heh, Llama.'

She grinned widely again. "Yep," and with that she maneuvered the top half of her dress, exposing herself. "See!" She said, lunging forwards to push his nose into the valley between her bra-clad breasts.

He pulled back, dazed yet still grinning. "I do." He took a moment to admire the way her bra pushed them up slightly, accentuating the swell and curve of her breasts and then he reluctantly turned to Lana. "But I didn't come for you." Lois, standing next to the door, frowned.

She frowned as she looked in the same direction as him (Which, in her position, left her staring at Lex.) "Lex? I knew it..." She nodded even as she raised her arms so that Martha could hastily wrestle the younger girl's dress back into position.

He trembled. "NO, NOT LEX!"

She frowned in thought as she looked at the person next to Lex (On her side), "...Mr. Jenkins? I didn't think you were that kind of guy, Clark."

Even Lois snickered at that one.

The Kryptonian frowned down at the clearly drunk girl and shook his head. "And here I thought it was me that was ruining the party. You're managing that pretty well."

Chloe blinked up at him innocently. "Y'know, we could go. They don'-don't love meeeee!" She sniffed, sobbing at the words and shaking off Martha's protective grip.

"And why would I do that?" He asked, bemused.

The petite blonde leaned over and whispered in his ear, actually 'whispering' for once. "...And my birthmark, I don't think you've ever seen it." He had.

Clark stared at her in silence, stunned at her bold words. A quick glance around the table, taking in the nervous Lana, hooker-dressed Lois and then looking down at Chloe, with her tussled blonde locks, hooded green eyes and pouting lips, red dress disheveled and clad in thigh-highs and he made his choice.

His arm around her waist, throwing her over his shoulder was all the warning anyone had. "I'llbeseeingyoulaterBYE!" He rushed out, spinning on his heel and sprinting past his still-shocked mother and a protesting Lois and straight out the double-doors.