Lost for Words

Summary: Jaime struggles in bringing Brienne comfort (post-sexual assault, not described).

Disclaimer: I don't own A Song of Ice and Fire, it's the property of George R. R. Martin.

AN: I was inspired by LAXgirl's A Different Kind of Justice. Rated M because of past rape content (not described)

...

The night was cold enough for the travellers to see their own breath. They were walking anxiously in the dark, careful to avoid unwanted attention. Tension was high in the air; they had no food, no shelter, and were both physically and mentally drained.

The first inn they came across was quite small, but it would suit their needs. The place would provide them warm beds and hot meals. There were few clients in the sitting room, which was unsurprising considering it was so late in the night.

Jaime Lannister lost no time in making a deal with the elderly innkeeper; all he needed to do was to show him a handful of Dragons and they had two rooms prepared for them. Just as he was requesting for water and soup, he felt something clutching at his sleeve.

"I want a bath." She murmured, avoiding his eyes. Brienne let go of his cloak, embarrassed by her gesture.

Jaime nodded gently in her direction and requested a hot bath be prepared for her as soon as possible. The owner woke his daughters so they could get to work. Jaime paid little attention to his host, his eyes following instead his companion as she quietly made her way to her room.

...

Jaime knocked at her door with his stump, holding a bowl of soup in his left hand. "It's me."

No answer was given in response. 'Maybe she chanced upon a dreamless sleep', he thought hopefully.

He slowly opened the door, uncertain whether it would be appropriate to visit her. The room was chilly, the fire of which the innkeep's daughter had lit seemingly having died out some time ago. It was big enough to have space for a bed, a bathtub, a small table, and a chair.

Brienne was in her tub, her back facing the door. She was furiously scrubbing her arm with soap, red marks appearing on her skin beside the blue and purple bruises that covered her body, a token from her recent assault. The scene was oddly familiar; he once warned her not to scrub the skin off, it seemed like a lifetime ago…

He would make attempt to be more courteous this time. "Forgive me, my lady. I didn't know-"

"I can't get their smell off me."

Jaime gave a sharp intake of breath. It was the first time Brienne acknowledged aloud their existence. His stomach twisted as she continued to rub her arm harder, if that was possible.

Jaime closed the door and set the bowl of soup on the table. He made his way slowly towards her, bringing the chair with him and sat beside the tub.

Her usually stunning blue eyes were now red and swollen, making it apparent she had been crying. Her teeth were chattering from the cold and he could see goosebumps on her neck. Brienne had most likely been soaking in her bath since the moment it had been made ready, but now the water found itself chilled by the surrounding air.

Jaime moved his arm towards her to gently take the hand clutching the soap in his own, to prevent her from injuring herself. The simple contact made her jump. She removed her hand from him on impulse, trying to cover herself with her arms and legs.

He probably should have expected her brusque gesture, but it still took him by surprise. He wanted to bring her comfort, but it pained him to see that his touch brought her fear instead. They had grown closer in the last weeks, sharing one another's embrace at night, reasoning it a need for warmth. The closeness came more frequently, sometimes during the day. Their hands would touch lightly willingly while walking. He enjoyed brushing her hair behind her ears just to see her blush, turning away from embarrassment. It was all they were willing to share, but they were both content with it.

They had hardly spoken to one another since the assault two nights previously. She had shut herself inside her walls, but never came out. They had made him bear witness to the scene; he had screamed, he had begged them to stop. He was ready to give them all the sapphires in the world, but in the end, he couldn't save her. Jaime had desperately wanted to speak to her, but after several clumsy attempts he had ceased, embarrassed by his own helplessness.

"The water is cold." was all he managed to babble. She looked up at him, and seemingly for the first time in forever, their eyes met. He held his gaze to hers, as if trying to tell her everything he couldn't give voice to. I was frightened, I still am. Let me help you, comfort you, tell me how. Talk to me, let me in. I'll protect your heart. I care for you. I love you. Please, trust me.

All too quickly, Brienne broke the contact; staring instead at the little waves which formed on the water's surface. They didn't know how to be around each other. Jaime stood reluctantly and followed his steps towards the door. His heart couldn't have felt heavier than it did at that moment. He reached the doorknob, pausing only a moment before leaving the room.

He would have stayed if only he had heard the faint "Don't go" that had escaped her lips.

...

AN: Yeah I know, angst-angst-angst. It's the first time I'm writing about sexual assault, I hope that Brienne and Jaime's reaction are not too exaggerate or farfetched or OOC. Reviews are welcome. I might write a different ending where Jaime stays, I'll see how it goes.

Beta reader: Maimedlion from tumblr (thank you!)