Nowhere Man

Author: Liz Camp

Warnings: Jet is damn cute when he blushes...and this comes from a lesbian. Speaking of lesbians...there's a lot of gay action in this fic, all male. (methinks)...so if you don't like it, don't read it.

Disclaimer: Trigun, Bebop and Nowhere Man ARE mine *large men in white coats crawl out of the woodwork and grab the author* Wait! Waiiit! Shit... they're not mine. *the men nod to themselves, disappearing, for now.*


Author's notes: Stuff. Reactions. More stuff. And Ed.

---Previous Chapter

"Hold up on the drama for a second," Spike arched an eyebrow at the pathetic looking heap of blonde in front of him.

"What do you mean, again?"

Vash ignored the question, muttering something about fate and being cursed.

Chapter 7----







/Vash, I sense your troubled, what's wrong?/ Vash stopped his frantic tirade as his brother's soothing presence filled his head. The three spectators looked on, curious what had silenced him.

/Trouble...you think I'm troubled. Well, yes...I suppose I am troubled, seeing as I have another BOUNTY on my head!/

/*amused laughter* Oh really...oh, Vash. You see what happens when you intervene in your pet's affairs? How many times is this now?/

/Three times, three! And I've never done anything!/

/Oh, but you did...you got involved. I swear, you haven't learned a thing in all these years. Sometimes, I wonder about you./

/Knives...*warning tone*..don't start this again./

/What? I'm only implying that if you ignore the *lesser* beings of the universe, you might be a great deal happier./

/Stop it...I don't want to get into this again./

/Very well, but don't think this discussion is over. And Vash?/

/What?/

/Do be careful...and hurry home./

/Thanks Knives./

Somehow talking, even arguing with Knives always calmed Vash down. Maybe it was because he couldn't speak to anyone else in that manner, maybe because Knives was his brother...or maybe because Knives was just...Knives. Whichever it was, Vash had calmed down quite a bit and could now turn to face his audience.

----

Jet watched Vash as he went through his little breakdown. Well, Jet wasn't actually watching Vash, he was really trying to sort out the pieces of their latest gun battle in his head. The whole thing seemed a little off, and he had several questions to ask the blonde, but later, after they were out of immediate danger.

Spike had seen more of Vash's movements than he had, so they could compare notes before he asked any questions anyway. Comparing notes...when had his life gotten so complicated?

Right around the time he lost his arm. Jet shook off the thought, turning his attention back to the blonde in front of him, who now looked considerably calmer. He decided to repeat his partners question.

"Vash, what do you mean again? You've had a price on your head before?"

"Well..." Vash clumsily got to his feet, "it's a pretty long and complicated story so I wont go through all of it, but the last time was a case of mistaken identity." Vash laughed nervously.

"What do you mean, mistaken identity?" Faye asked, showing interest in the conversation for the first time.

" I wouldn't want to get the parties involved upset with me, and it's not nice to point out other people's mistakes, so I'll just leave it at that."

"Hey, Spike, speaking of mistakes," Faye glared at her friend, "what the *hell* possessed you to storm the Red Dragon headquarters? Do you know how much shit we caught from that?!"

"Yeah, sorry about that," Spike winced at Faye's expression, "you guys weren't supposed to get involved."

Jet shook his head angrily, "No...no Spike. We were involved from the beginning, it wasn't fair for you to go off alone. We're partners." Spike turned away from his friends, sitting down near one of the consoles.

"Look...can we not talk about this now? We've got more important things to deal with than 'fairness'." Jet and Faye sighed simultaneously.

"Fine, for now." They both said. Vash quirked an eyebrow at the pair as they glared at each other. Vash coughed to himself.

"Well, this is nice and all...but we've arrived at Faye's destination." Faye broke the staring contest between her Jet and herself with a smile.

"Good, let's go." Vash watched her, confusion written on his face.

"Go where? We're wanted criminals, wouldn't it make more sense to not go out in public?"

"Oh yeah," Jet started, sarcastic, "you're cautious now, but where was your sense of self-preservation when you *dove into a burning building?!*" Vash looked wounded by Jet's words.

"Hey, that was different, Knives would've been really upset if I promised him something, then forgot it."

Spike smirked, "This Knives guy sounds like someone I'd want to meet." Vash's eyes grew really wide.

"NO!! I mean...ah, no. No. Knives is not...a people person. At all. Ever." Spike was about to reply, when Faye stepped between him and Vash.

"Yeah, this is fun and everything, but Ed is probably waiting for us, or staring at a shiny object-either way."

"And Ed is who?" Vash was confused, again, but relieved at the subject change. Discussing Knives various moods with humans was not his favorite pastime.

Faye replied before anyone else, "Ed is...Ed. She's sort of an idiot-savant hacker extraordinarre. The last member of the Bebop team." Jet snorted.

"Team nothing...bunch of freeloaders is more like it." Vash turned his attention to Jet.

"I remember you saying something about an Ed...this the same person?" Jet nodded, and Vash grinned, "Well, then...let's go! Faster we pick her up, faster we leave." The three looked at him.

"Leave for where? Not like we know what's going on..." Spike muttered under his breath, but Faye picked it up.

"Ed knows; she's the one who contacted me." Faye muttered over her shoulder as she walked out the door.

--------


"Jet-person! Faye-person! Spike-person, Ed is so happy to see all of you without any holes!!" The strange red-headed...thing leapt at each person as she(?) called their names. Vash could only watch as she turned her attention to him.

"Ed wants to know who Spiky-head is." Vash looked stricken, much to Spikes amusement. People looked like that a lot around Ed.

"Ed, this is Vash. Vash, meet Ed. She doesn't bite...friends."

"Woof! Grrrr...." Ed bared her teeth in a weird grin, then dropped her bag on the ground. She opened it to reveal a calm-looking Welsh Corgi, "And this is Ed's assistant, cowdog extraordinarre Ein!"

"Ein!" Jet had a huge grin plastered on his face as he rushed over to the dog, "How you been boy?" He knelt down and hugged the dog, then seemed to realize people were watching him and straightened up, clearing his throat to conceal his embarrassment. Ed pat Jet's leg gently.

"That's okay, Ein missed Jet-person too!"

"Who said anything about me missing that good for nothing flea-ridden eating machine? Now I'm going to have yet another mouth to feed." He folded his arms across his chest and scowled. Vash cautiously approached him.

"Umm...Mr. Black-sir? I have plenty of food, and I can coo-" Jet glared at the blond who 'meep'ed and shut up quickly, backing away.

"I've never had to rely on charity to feed my crew, and I never will. We'll get along fine."

"But it wouldn't be charity...I was just-" Vash was interrupted yet again.

"Thank you for your offer, but I've already bought groceries."

"But-" Jet stared Vash down into silence. Spike decided to interrupt the two men...Vash looked like he wanted to disappear into the cracks between the floor tiles.

"Vash, when Jet has something stuck in that thick head of his, no one can change his mind." Spike smiled when Jet looked at him, mock offended. Vash nodded, inching closer to Faye, leaning down to whisper.

"Is he...always this scary?" Faye winked at Vash, placing a hand on his shoulder for effect.

"Naww, sometimes he can be downright mean."

"I heard that Faye! If you've got time to make snarky comment, you've got time to tell us what in Solaris is going on." Faye gave her feminine little laugh.

"Naww..I'll let Ed handle it on the ship, she knows more anyway."
----------

"So, what you're saying is that all of us, except Ein, have two bounties on our heads." Ed looked up from her computer to nod to Spike.

The entire group was gathered around Tomato, Ed's computer, watching as she pulled various images up on the screen.

"-and the official bounty is a joint effort between Mars government and ISSP?" Jet continued from Spikes question.

"Yep, yep yep!" Ed sang.

Spike then interrupted Jet, shoving him further away from the computer to get a closer look. "-and there's another unofficial underground bounty, twice the official one, to see us dead?" Jet shoved Spike to the side, looking over Ed's shoulder at the screen.

"You got it!"

"Can you trace the unofficial bounty?" Both Jet and Spike, together. Ed waved her hands in front of the keyboard.

"Tracing...tracing, where arrreee yoooooou? Got it!" Jet pushed Spike out of the way to read the information onscreen.

Jet frowned, "The money is held in dummy accounts at Med-tek labs, which we all know is a-"

"-Red Dragon owned and operated front." Spike finished. Vash tapped Faye on the shoulder.

"Are they always like this?" He whispered to her. She nodded.

"Usually worse, it's gets embarrassing when they finish each others-"

"Sentences!" Spike and Jet grinned at Faye, who rolled her eyes. Vash decided to ignore the weirdness.

"So, just to recap, I save his life," Vash pointed to Spike, "and through him, I end up saving your lives, "He points to Jet and Faye, "and get...a bounty on my head." Vash slapped his forehead loudly.

"No, wait! Two bounties on my head, one to see me dead by some dragon-club,"

"The Red Dragon Syndicate, everyone knows who they are." Jet looked at Vash questioningly.

"Yeah, that. So now, we're running, I have wanted people on my ship, and Knives is going to *kill* me for what I'm about to do."

"And that is?"


/Yes, please do enlighten me, brother./ Vash winced at the dangerously calm voice filling his head.

"I'm going to take you...home."

"What?" The four humans asked together.

/WHAT?!?!!!/ Vash winced.

"Well, it's the only logical choice, really. No one knows about my home except Knives and it's his home too. They have no information on me, we heard that much back at the bar, so it stands to reason we'd be safe there until we can come up with some sort of plan. You know, a plan that comes up with a way for everyone not to die painful deaths, but Knives is not going to like this." The humans watched Vash as he grew still, and the color drained from his face.
-------

/Oh no, Knives is quite beyond *not* liking it./

/Come on Knives.../

/No. Absolutely not, I will not have spiders touching foot on Eden. Once was bad enough!/

/But they've got nowhere else to go./

/Let them rot/

/You can't be serious. Besides, I'm taking care of them, you know I can't abandon them defenseless and alone./

/They're bounty hunters, Vash. You know...bounty hunters, guns, blood, money, all the people who used to chase and try to kill you? Hardly defenseless./

/But there's this giant organized crime thing coming for them...the dragony sins or something./

/The Red Dragon Syndicate./

/How?/

/I keep appraised of current spider politics, they amuse me. It's great fun to watch the infantile systems they come up with fail./

/They're after me too Knives./

/One of the reasons for you to come home. Alone./

/And the others would be?/

/Me./

/And you think that's enough?/

/It should be. I'm...alone here, and you're alone there; it's only logical we should be together./

/I'm not coming home without them. They're my responsibility./

/Responsibility....responsibility?! You have no such obligations for creatures such as them. They got themselves into...whatever it is, not you./

/But...you miss me, don't you Knives?/

/Whenever you're away. I still don't see-/

/You want me to come home, right?/

/Yes, now just listen to reas-/

/And when I get back, you want us to...get reacquainted, right?/

/Vaash.../

/Well, it will be a *very* long time before I get back if I'm not allowed to bring them./

/Just exactly...wait. How long?/

/I'd have to find a safe place for them, find the people chasing us and stop them./

/You can't stop an entire organized crime ring by yourself./

/Well, that's why it'll take so long, who knows when I'd get home.../

/.../

/I could be away for months, years even./

/....../

/And goodness knows how I'd stop them...it's not like the old days, when gangs were small and pretty dumb. Who knows what could happen./

/ALL RIGHT! I'll do it, I'll let them stay, damn you. Just don't expect me to be civil./

/Wouldn't dream of it./

/Sometimes, I hate you Vash./

/I miss you too Knives. I'll talk to you later, on the comm./

/Comm? That's so...primitive./

/Oo... sorry Knives, I gotta go!/

-----------

The color slowly bled back into Vash's complexion as he blinked, looking around.

"Okay everyone, I have a safe hideout we can use. Only problem, my brother lives there, but as long as no one uhh...provokes him," Jet stared pointedly at Spike.

"He means you." Vash sighed.

"I mean all of you. We're going now, but when we arrive don't ask questions. Don't ask me where we are, how we got there, or why it's there in the first place; I won't answer any of those and Knives will just get angry. You don't want Knives to get angry, he tends to go a little crazy."

"Okay, I have just one question before we go." Spike said.

"That is?"

"Why do you freeze up in the middle of our conversations? Are you doing your statute imitation or just ignoring us?"

"Oh, well," Vash cleared his throat nervously, " I have this thing. In my brain...not a bad thing!" He stared at them innocently, "Just not normal. It makes me freeze up every so often when I'm in deep thought, so ignore me when it happens and I'll eventually snap out of it."

"...brain thing." Faye repeated, disbelieving.

"Yeah, it's not harmful, just really, really annoying sometimes." Faye gave him an appraising look, then shrugged.

"....okay then, let's just go then." Ed had been surprisingly quiet through the whole conversation, but now she stood up, walking over to Vash to pat his knee reassuringly.

"Don't worry Spiky Vash-person. Ed has a funny brain too!."

"This is going to be a long trip." Vash looked up at Jet's grumbling.

"Oh no, only a couple of days." Jet tried not to roll his eyes at the blonde's smile.

"I stand corrected."




A/N: Yes, it took a long time... yes it's mostly plot....but the next chapter has Spike and Jet trapped on a giant ship...so that's good. Ill get it out faster, I swear. And I still love feedback.