It was the middle of the night in Lost Wages, and Larry Laffer was preparing for a night of safe sex with a lady of the night. He had just collected and purchased a Jugs magazine and a bottle of cheap wine, and now he quietly asked the clerk if there were any rubbers available in the Quiki Mart, which appeared to be empty except for the two of them.

"Sure, we got lubbers!" the turbaned clerk said cheerfully. "What kind lubber you want? Smooth or libbed?"

"Uh, ribbed," said Larry, "for her pleasure."

"Colored or plain?" asked the clerk.

"Colored," said Larry, "Make it pink. I don't want to bore her."

"Lubricated or rough-cut?"

"Oh, lubricated. I want her and me to feel like we've been oiled down."

"Striped or plaid?"

"Plaid. Striped makes my shaft look like it's been cut with a knife."

"Peppermint- or spearmint-flavored?"

Larry was getting tired of these weird questions. "Peppermint. Ladies of the evening usually prefer a more, feminine flavor."

"Oakie doakie, meester," said the clerk. Then suddenly, he shouted into the apparently empty store, "Hey, everybody! This weirdo just bought a peppermint-flavored, plaid, lubricated, colored, libbed lubber!"

To Larry's surprise, heads poked out from odd locations among the aisles and shelves, and the people who owned those heads said as one, "WHAT A PERVERT!" Larry blushed hotly.

The loudmouthed clerk put the magazine, wine, and rubber into a shopping bag and said, "There you go meester. All together, that'll be $8.00 prease."

Larry handed over the money with a pleasant, "Thanks a lot, big mouth." The clerk blinked in mock-shock. Larry walked out of the convenience store and did not come back.

As he left, to his further embarrassment, the clerk shouted, "Hey, meester! I hope you enjoy your peppermint-flavored, plaid, lubricated, colored, libbed lubber!"

Larry knew he would. Yes, he knew he would.