A/N: Hello to any kind folk who have decided to check out this fic. Much appreciated. This is just a little fic I thought I'd jot out. It's not intended to be anything monumental or life changing. I will freely confess my mythology of SH is a bit dodgy. I haven't watched the first couple of episodes yet but I do enjoy the chemistry between the leads and the comedic potential of the fish out of water story with Ichabod. I thought I'd play around with that a bit.

Now, as for a romance between Ichabod and Abbie… Ichabbie? I think at this present time, it's a fine line to walk. Part of Ichabod's appeal is his huge sense of right and wrong and gallantry. Having him happily cheat on his wife doesn't really fit into that picture of him, even with the fuzzy marital situation he finds himself in. So, for that reason, I'm certainly not going to start this fic out with hard core lusting between these two characters because, at this point, it would be completely OCC. However, that doesn't mean I can't have a little fun with their dynamic. ;)

If you're wondering about the title – to be jargogled means to be confused or all turned around – it's an old English word that has fallen into disuse, although I still rather like it.

Okay, enough from me. Thanks again for checking this story out. It's just meant to be a little bit of fluffy nonsense with some (hopefully) sweet Ichabbie moments that will make you smile. Please enjoy…

the jargogling of ichabod crane

By Louise Blue

"She was his north star, the fixed point round which his world turned.

For as long as his heart beat, or hers, he believed they would always share a destiny."
~David Gemmell~

Fall of Kings

CHAPTER ONE

Jenny Mills cocked her head and watched the dark SUV careen around the open field. The car fishtailed as it swung around and just missed a row of shrubbery and now it was heading towards her. Jenny was forced to step back as the driver overcorrected wildly and the car was suddenly thrown into a messy series of donuts, grass and dirt being thrown up into the air before the car finally came to a halt. Jenny shook her head. "Girl be crazy," she announced to no one in particular. The SUV wheels spun noisily on the spot, throwing up more dirt and mud but all that did was bury the wheels deeper into the ground. Jenny waited until she heard the engine finally stop before walking up to stand in front of the SUV. She folded her arms in front of herself and regarded the two occupants of the car. "I think you've got yourself bogged, Evil Knieval," she called out to the driver.

The driver opened the door and stepped out, his eyes dancing with excitement. "That was most exhilarating," said Ichabod Crane jovially. "A thoroughly enjoyable experience."

Jenny watched Abbie climb out of the passenger seat and little more gingerly, looking shell-shocked more than anything else. "I don't know if my sister would agree with you there." She couldn't help but smile. "You're looking a little pale there, Abs. You okay?"

In typical Abbie fashion she immediately strived to show no weakness. "Of course I am," she said hotly. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"Because you never even used to like to go on the Ferris Wheel at the carnivals," said Jenny smugly, "let alone the roller coaster." Her sister's love of playing it safe whenever possible had frustrated Jenny no end when they were growing up. That was why she couldn't help but take a certain amount of perverse delight to see the uptight Abbie stretching her comfort zone for this weird, British guy.

Ichabod looked intrigued. "What is this wheel of ferrets of which you speak? It sounds most interesting."

Abbie shook her head. "No, Ferris wheel, not ferrets and it's not interesting, it's stupid."

"What's a ferris?" frowned Ichabod.

"You only think it's stupid because you're afraid of heights," volunteered Jenny.

"You're afraid of heights?" repeated Ichabod in surprise.

"No, I'm not," huffed Abbie.

"You so are," said Jenny, enjoying her sister's discomfort. Abbie really didn't like broadcasting any chinks in her armor.

"I need to get my car unstuck from the mud," said Abbie.

"Nice subtle change of the subject," said Abbie dryly.

Abbie ignored her. "And then I think this driving lesson may be over for the day."

"But we will resume tomorrow, yes?" asked Ichabod eagerly.

Jenny hid a smile as she watched Abbie carefully pick her next words.

"You know, Crane," said Abbie slowly, "driving isn't for everybody. Maybe it just isn't a skill set you're meant to have."

Ichabod looked taken aback. "But the use of these mechanical beasts are traditional in this age. I must master this mode of transport." He shrugged. "Of course, I would prefer a good steed between my legs—."

"Wouldn't we all," sighed Jenny, trying to remember the last date she'd had.

That comment earned her a slap and glare from Abbie. "Jenny," she hissed disapprovingly.

Ichabod looked a little confused but continued on. "Riding a horse is easy, you simply point their head, clench your thighs together and direct the beast where it needs to go."

"If it helps any, I pretty sure Abbie's thighs were tightly clenched during that lesson." Jenny's eyes sparkled with impish teasing. "You know, more than they usually are."

Another slap on the arm from Abbie. "I swear, one more word from you and I'm taking you back to the asylum," she hissed, her paleness now replaced with a decided blush.

Jenny grinned. "Hey, don't be shooting the messenger, girl. How long has it been since someone pointed their beast at you and told you which way to come, I mean go," she asked, tongue in cheek.

Abbie's glare was practically nuclear now. "You know I carry a gun, right?"

Ichabod was looking between them in confusion. "I'm sorry, ladies, but should I know the meaning of this exchange between you?"

"Definitely not," said Abbie emphatically.

"But we will continue in our lessons?" pushed Ichabod.

Abbie hesitated. "Ah, well…"

"My sister is in fear of her life with you behind the wheel," interjected Jenny. "She's worried you're going to kill her with that lead foot of yours."

Ichabod looked taken aback. "I would never do anything to endanger your life, Lieutenant," he said quickly. "I would gladly give my life to preserve yours." Ichabod's expression was one full of concern. "You do believe me on this matter, don't you, Miss Mills?"

Jenny watched Abbie move a little uncomfortably on the spot. Her usually unflappable sister looked a little fluster. "It doesn't matter," said Abbie, trying to brush the topic aside.

Ichabod took a step closer to her and laid a solicitous hand on Abbie's arm. "But of course it matters," he said intently. "I could not live with my conscience if you thought otherwise." Ichabod straightened up, his face becoming determined. "We shall have no more driving lessons," he said firmly. "It is clear they are a cause of distress to you."

"Hey now," said Abbie in annoyance, "who says I'm distressed? I'm fine and I'm not afraid." She jabbed a finger at Ichabod. "And I'm going to teach you how to drive even if it—"

"Kills you?" offered up Jenny sweetly.

"Takes until Christmas," countered Abbie, looking decidedly unimpressed with Jenny right then. "Now then, can we work on getting my car out of the mud, please? We all just need to go and find some rocks to pack behind the wheels to give them some traction."

"You need a plow horse," noted Ichabod. "They are mighty creatures more than capable of retrieving your vehicle from this predicament."

"We don't have plow horses, Crane," said Abbie shortly. "We have rocks, go and find some." With that Abbie turned on her heel and walked away from the two of them.

Jenny watched her sister stalk off, slight frame all stiff and full of indignation. "That shouldn't be as much fun as it is," she smirked, knowing she'd gotten under Abbie's skin.

Ichabod watched her leave as well. "I fear I have upset Lieutenant Mills. That was not my intent."

"You didn't upset her, Crane." Jenny turned and started to walk in the opposite direction, looking for rocks. "I did." She shoved her hands in her pockets. "And it was fun."

Ichabod fell into step beside her. "You purposely sort to discombobulate your own sister?" he asked in confusion. "Why?"

"You got a brother, Crane?"

"No."

"No brothers or sisters at all? You're an only child?"

"That is correct."

"Then I can't explain it to you. It's a power play thing."

"Why would you want to play with power between the two of you?" asked Ichabod. "You are sisters, you share the same blood. Would that not make you on equal footing?"

"Yeah well, Abbie always seemed to be more equal than me," said Jenny dourly. "I mean, I think the sister who gets the other sister institutionalized for years is kinda the one with the upper hand in the relationship, don't you think?"

"Miss Mills has already expressed her deep regret about the decisions she made when she was little more than a traumatized child." Ichabod stopped and bent down to pick up a rock about the size of an orange. "It is somewhat ungracious behavior to continue to hold her actions against her when you have accepted her apology on the matter."

"I may have forgiven, but forgetting is another thing," threw back Jenny. She grunted. "I don't know why I'm bothering. No big surprise you'd take Abbie's side on this."

"Are you saying I have a bias towards the Lieutenant?" asked Ichabod indignantly. "I can assure you, madam, I speak only the words my conscience dictates."

"Yeah, funny that your conscience always seems to want to dictate towards my sister," said Jenny in mild annoyance.

Ichabod bent down to pick up another rock. "I find that to be a baffling and nonsensical statement, Miss Mills."

Jenny watched him straighten up and her eyes narrowed. "Can I ask you a question, Crane?"

Ichabod inclined his head slightly. "But of course."

"How do you see all of this working out?" Jenny waved a hand around. "I mean, the Horseman, Katrina trapped in another realm, you being out of your time, the whole fate of the world on your shoulders kinda thing. What's your end game? Do you see yourself somehow managing to free Katrina and then ride off into the sunset together, you and your powerful steed?"

Ichabod blinked. "I must confess I do not know what the future holds for me." He pressed his lips together and looked away. "And perhaps that is for the best. These are more than uncertain times. Too much knowledge of the future could defeat us all."

"But best case scenario, you'd want to be reunited with Katrina, right?" she pushed him.

"She's my wife," said Ichabod softly. "Of course I long to be with her again."

"And where does that leave Abbie, if you and Katrina get your happily ever after?"

Ichabod frowned. "I'm sorry, I'm not sure I understand what you are trying to ask of me, Miss Mills. I wish nothing but good things for your sister. She has been a kind and faithful friend to me in what has been my darkest hour of need."

"And that's it?"

"Is that not enough?" asked Ichabod in surprise.

"Abbie doesn't make friends easily and she doesn't let people in very often." Jenny tilted her head. "But she let you in. She's got a soft spot for you." She pursed her lips. "I just can't work out if that spot is in her heart or her head when it comes to you."

Ichabod made a pained expression. "Again, I find myself at a loss to fathom your meaning, Miss Mills."

"I just don't want you dicking my sister around." Jenny bent down and picked up a couple of smaller rocks. "She has a habit of forming attachments with wildly inappropriate men and it always ends badly."

"I can assure you that I would never dream of sullying Lieutenant Mills' reputation or anything else with any kind of dicking, as you called it," said Ichabod sharply. "Ours is a professional relationship only."

Jenny snorted inelegantly. "No, it's not."

"Alright," said Ichabod, floundering slightly, "perhaps professional doesn't entirely encapsulate the totality of our association. I suppose that scope could be broadened to include… ah…well—"

"Weird?" offered up Jenny. "What you two have is weird."

"Unique," countered Ichabod. "I believe that aptly describes our situation. Unique."

"You got that right." They were walking back to the car now. "If you spell unique as w-e-i-r-d. Just don't mess with her head, okay?"

"A moment ago you were more than happy to upset your sister," pointed out Ichabod. "Now you rally to her defense. Completely needlessly, I might add."

"Yeah, because she's my sister, I get to screw with her, no one else," said Abbie. "That's the way that works."

Ichabod shook his head as they walked around to the back of the SUV where Abbie was already busy stacking rocks against the back tires to provide some traction. "It's hard to perceive any relationship working with those kind of complicated contradictions."

"What are you two talking about?" asked Abbie sharply.

"Frankly, Lieutenant, I'm not entirely sure," said Ichabod.

Abbie glared at Jenny. "What have you been saying? Was it about me?" She transferred her glare to Ichabod. "Don't talk to my sister."

"But that would be impolite."

"Same old Abbie," said Jenny laconically. "You never did like to share your toys. It's Lilly Bell all over again."

Abbie rolled her eyes. "Seriously, are we still talking about this? That doll was given to me."

"And it would have killed you to let your little sister play with it once and awhile?" shot back Jenny.

"You always got your toys dirty," said Abbie defensively. "I didn't want Lilly Bell getting dirty."

"It's a toy, you're meant to get them dirty," said Jenny in frustration. "I swear, you're such a control freak."

"One of us had to take charge of things," said Abbie fiercely. "Otherwise anything could have happened to us."

"Anything did happen to us," said Jenny pointedly. "You being all super freak controlling about everything didn't change anything."

Ichabod stepped in between the warring sisters. "Ladies, please, this discussion is going nowhere. I suggest we focus on the problem at hand." He inclined his head at the car. "Freeing this mode of transport from its mud-filled fate."

Jenny shook her head, suddenly fed up with the whole thing. "I'm sure you two have got this covered. You're the Chosen Ones, after all."

"You're going to hold that against me now?" asked Abbie in frustration.

"Neither the Lieutenant nor I chose to be caught up in these going ons," Ichabod defended Abbie. "It is unfair to present it as some kind of conspiracy on our behalf."

Jenny shrugged. "And yet here we are." She stared at the two of them, taking in the united front her sister and Ichabod presented. Jenny felt a sudden jab of pain at seeing her sister slide so effortlessly into a partnership with someone other than herself. They were sisters and they shared a history but yet she couldn't help but feel that Abbie felt closer to this man who was practically a stranger than to Jenny herself. And that hurt. She turned around and started to walk off. "Let me know how it all turns out."

"You can't walk home," called out Abbie behind her. "It's too far."

"Watch me," answered Jenny, not turning around.

#

It was getting dark by the time Abbie pulled up to drop Ichabod off for the night. She cut off the engine and turned to face him. "What were you and my sister really talking about in that field today?"

Ichabod hesitated, still unclear on the matter himself. "She was just expressing concern for you."

"Really?" asked a skeptical Abbie.

"Mm," said Ichabod noncommittally. The truth was, he was still trying to fathom what exactly had been the younger Mill's sister point when it came to her comments about himself and the Lieutenant. The young woman seemed to be alluding to some kind of burgeoning romantic connection between them which was utterly ridiculous. Nothing could be further from the truth.

"You've got mud on you."

Ichabod's ruminations were interrupted by the soft touch of Abbie's fingers on his ear. He started violently, taken aback by the unexpected caress.

"Ow!" exclaimed Abbie, as her finger was bent back at an unnatural angle by his abrupt action. She shook her injured hand and sent him a mystified look. "What was that? I was just trying to get some mud off your ear."

"I'm sorry," said Ichabod hastily. "You merely startled me, that's all." They weren't overly demonstrative towards one another. Why did the Lieutenant feel the need to suddenly touch him?

"I know how you feel," said Abbie in mild irritation. She wiggled her finger. "What are you worried about anyways? Cooties?"

"I have no idea what that is," said Ichabod unevenly. "And I'm not worried about anything."

"Then why are you looking at me like that?" asked Abbie in confusion.

"I don't know what you mean." Was it just him, or did the confines of their vehicle suddenly seem smaller?

Abbie shook her head. "You're being weird. Stop it."

"I am being no such thing," said Ichabod indignantly.

Abbie sighed. "Alright, whatever. I'll see you tomorrow."

"You will." Ichabod smiled at her. He was being ridiculous. There was nothing to Miss Jenny's confused ramblings, he was sure of it. "Good evening, Lieutenant. Thank you for my driving lesson."

"No problem, even though all I could think about the whole time was you kissing me."

Ichabod's eyes went wide. "Pardon me?"

"I said even though all I could think about was you killing me," repeated Abbie. She half-smiled. "It was a joke." She wrinkled her nose. "You know, ha ha, a joke."

"Oh yes," said Ichabod shakily. "Of course, very amusing." He opened the car door and climbed out. Abbie lifted her hand in a brief wave and then Ichabod stepped back as she turned the car engine on again and drove off. Ichabod watched the car disappear down the road. He rubbed absently at his ear, feeling some caked mud there as the Lieutenant had said. Today had turned into an exceedingly odd day. But then, those were the only kind of days he seemed to have now. Ichabod pushed down the confusing conversations of that day and headed in to get some rest. Tomorrow was another day and would no doubt be filled with new challenges. For the first time, Ichabod actually welcomed the thought of such a distraction.

A/N: Now, as I said, my grasp of this rather involved mythology is a little bit unreliable, so please feel free to correct me if I've said something that is incorrect. Also, where exactly does Ichabod live? Realised I didn't know when I had Abbie drop him off. LOL Anyways, let me know if you're interested in seeing more of this story as Ichabod tries to work out the workings of the female mind. Here's a hint… it doesn't go well for him. ;)