DISTANCE OF THE HEART

For Lucy

Chapter One – Denial is a funny thing

The red blocks of hell stared at him, as if daring him to do something, daring him to act. They flashed menacingly and he growled back at them. They continued to flash. On. Off. On. Off. With a strangled cry, he sat bolt upright and threw the damn thing across the room, chest heaving as it smashed into the wall, pieces flying from it instantly.

He ignored the banging from upstairs, Mr O'Cowell could get fucked anyway for all he cared, and slowly laid back down, one arm covering his face.

5AM. Five o' clock in the mother fucking morning. He growled again, although it was really more of a grumble because hell if he could make a decent growling noise. The banging slowly came to a stop and he heard footsteps stomping their way across the floor, loud muttering in their wake.

A smile twitched at the corners of his mouth. Well, at least he had ruined someone else's night as well. Correction, morning, his mind reminded him and his face set into a heavy scowl once more.

It had been months. Three long fucking months and yet he still couldn't sleep at night without him. He sighed deeply and rolled over, one arm underneath his pillow, the other coming up to muss at his two toned hair as if he could simply shake the thoughts from his head.

He smiled bitterly as he mused on this. Oh, how convenient that would be. To just forget. To forget the memories, the friendship, the love. Was it love? He sure thought so. It's just to bad that Bert didn't.

Jean felt his chest tighten as he thought of the name. Bertholdt. He had spent days, weeks, even months in denial. Pretending that it wasn't attraction that it felt, slipping 'no homos' every time he so much as brushed against his friend. Bert caught on pretty quickly of course and took charge of the situation. Namely, attempting to suck out Jean's soul through his mouth.

Nevertheless, all of Jeans dreams had come true at once, he was the happiest man on earth, yadda yadda yadda. Now, not only was this Jean's first homosexual relationship, and man didn't he just cringe when you used that word, it was his first real relationship ever.

He'd had a crush on his neighbor for just about forever but this feeling with Bert pretty much sucker-punched that baby into next week. Mikasa was a crush, Bert was love.

They spent pretty much every day together, Bert made him feel better abut his shitty job, his shitty apartment, his shitty landlord and in turn Jean helped Bert study, made sure he rested and told him he was awesome.

So, the two of them made a pretty great pair. Of course, Jean wouldn't be throwing alarm clocks at his bedroom wall at five in the morning if this was still going swimmingly.

It all started when one of Bert's pen pals suddenly announced that he was moving to their little town. In the beginning, Jean had been skeptical about all of the guys, and some girls, that Bert wrote to. However, it made Bert happy and he made some good friends in the process, so how could it hurt?

So one day, Jean and Bert are hanging out at Bert's, Jean reading some mind-numbing fact off of a flashcard and Bert getting flustering because he just can't darn remember it. All at once, there is a knock on the door and Bert, grateful for the distraction because Jean is really starting to piss him off, runs down to open it.

With a sigh, Jean follows, albeit moodily as he was so damn bored of studying when there could be video games to play. As he reaches the bottom of the stairs, his eyes widen. For there, in the doorway, is his boyfriend and man he has never seen.

Now this in itself could be a pretty ordinary scenario, if the man at the door hadn't dropped his bags, buried his fingers in Bert's hair and kissed the living daylights out of him.

Jean spluttered as he took in what was going on in front of him. It's okay, his racing mind told him, Bert will push him off any second now.

But any second never came and Bert launched himself at the other man and proceeded to attempt to eat his face.

Jean stood and watched for a moment. His brain attempting to catch up with what had just transpired in front of him. He closed his eyes, feeling a sharp sting and shook his head sharply. He was not going to cry in front of these assholes.

Instead, he walked up to them, grabbed each of them by the shoulder and wrenched them apart. They looked surprised, as if they had forgotten that anybody was there. Jean turned to Bert first.

"You are an absolute arsehole."

There, short and sweet.

He then turned to the blonde man and smiled before punching him in the face. Ignoring Bert's sharp cry of horror, he pushed past the two of them and walked out of the front door.

The memory slowed faded away and Jean sighed again. That was three months ago and he still remembered it as if it were yesterday. He grumbled again and shut his eyes, finally drifting off into an uneasy sleep.