Fugaku warily watched as Orochimaru approached. Though the man was a fellow Konoha ninja, he found himself on guard against him. The vibes the man gave off around the Uchiha were unsettlingly similar to those of a fangirl, complete with the whole "I want your babies!" element that the fanboys generally lacked. Unfortunately, he had to deal with the man because as well as being a scientist, Orochimaru was also a medic with skills nearly on par with those of Tsunade-hime and exceedingly discreet to boot, and the problem he had been suffering through when he'd engaged the man's services was not something he wanted to bring to a woman.

"Fugaku! Just the man I wanted to see!" Orochimaru said with what may have been genuine cheer despite the fact that it seemed a bit forced when he reached him.

"What do you want?" He asked, forcibly tamping down his Sharingan which was struggling to activate as his fight or flight instincts kicked in.

"I've got good news and even better news!" Orochimaru exclaimed. "Which do you want first?"

"I'll take the good news." he said, having noted Orochimaru's slight twitch as he'd said "Even better news" and decided that he would need to receive the good news before he tried to kill Orochimaru over the "Even better news", otherwise he wouldn't get it.

"The good news is that I found the sample that you gave me for examination which my assistant had misplaced." Orochimaru said.

"What's the even better news?" he asked, wondering exactly how bad it would be.

"The injury you suffered after Itachi's conception didn't render you sterile." Orochimaru replied cheerfully.

"Oh, is that all? I learned that this morning when my wife came to tell me that she had been waiting until she was reasonably certain she wasn't going to have a miscarriage before she informed me she was pregnant." he said, figuring that it was that whole creepy stalker vibe that had made him think that Orochimaru had been giving him some bad news.

Deciding to get out of there before he turned his Sharingan on a fellow Konoha nin and started an incident as such things as turning one's Kekkei Genkai on a comrade were seen as a threat, he turned and walked away after a perfunctory "Thank you for your services".

"He took that better than I thought..." Orochimaru said as he watched Uchiha Fugaku walk away completely unconcerned about the fact that he was going to have a child born on the wrong side of the blanket in a few months. "Well, I'd better get back to the lab to make it in time for Kushina's appointment. She's gotten very testy since she was impregnated."

Nine Months and Change Later:

Minato sighed as he examined the small squalling creature that had come out of his wife's...his wife's...He wasn't going to think about that bit. Well, now that they knew for a fact that Kushina could get pregnant and stay pregnant without the Kyuubi killing the child, the next one was going to be his.

"Do you want to name him?" Kushina asked, having noticed that he was less than enthusiastic about this blessed event and apparently wanting him to participate in come capacity besides "The guy who's pushing the Kyuubi back in".

"Well, ever since I read Jiraiya-sensei's book, I've been partial to the name Naruto..." he mused.

"Naruto...I like it!" Kushina said as Biwako handed the cleaned up infant to her.

It was at that point that things went to hell.

"It looks like someone's been a very naughty girl!" the masked intruder who had killed the guards and the midwife and her assistants said as he examined the child he'd just snatched.

Seven Years and Change after that:

Mikoto watched as Fugaku angrily stormed up to the house carrying a familiar looking boy with dark red hair, grey eyes, and whisker marks on each cheek. Considering the fact that the man was covered in green paint, it was obvious that the Uzumaki child who was something of a holy terror had managed to prank her husband. Though why he had brought the child home with him rather than tossing him into one of the holding cells and waiting for ANBU to come and pick him up as the other officers who'd been on the wrong end of one of his pranks usually did, she didn't know.

"That son of a bitch! I'm gonna rip his heart out with a spoon, and then I'm gonna storm the afterlife and stab that bastard Minato repeatedly!" Fugaku yelled the instant he'd stomped through the door, holding a very spooked looking Uzumaki Naruto.

Quietly gathering Sasuke and Itachi, she shooed them out the back door. Fugaku rarely lost his temper like that, and when he did, people died. Lots of people.

"What's wrong dear?" she bravely said as she attempted to take the Uzumaki child whom her husband had such a tight grip on that he could barely breathe from Fugaku before he accidentally did something unfortunate and brought the Hokage's wrath down on their heads.

"My son!" Fugaku said as he got a firmer grip on the boy who was struggling to escape. "He's my son!"

This brought Mikoto and the Uzumaki child who had been wriggling his way out of Fugaku's arms up short. Mikoto went slightly pale as the full implications of what her husband was saying hit. Kushina, Kushina whose fault the Kyuubi attack was had...her husband had...and then Minato had...

She would've wanted revenge on both Kushina and her husband for being unfaithful and untrue, but to go so far as to do that to an innocent baby...

"I...I have a father?" A stunned and hesitant sounding Naruto said, tearing her out of her thoughts on the cruelty of the Yondaime who had apparently used his last act to get his revenge on his wife and her husband.

The amazed and hopeful look on the boy's face which - now that she thought about it - closely resembled her husband's tore at her heart and she found herself gathering both husband and child into a hug in spite of her anger at Kushina and what her husband had obviously done behind her back.

That was the start of Uchiha Naruto's first day in the Uchiha main family's household. Things soon found a new normal as Mikoto tried to treat the boy who was like a mini Kushina who had taken the old adage of "Don't get mad, get even" to heart as one of her own. Unfortunately for Sasuke who had grown used to being the baby of the family until he suddenly wasn't, he had been a frequent target of Naruto's retaliatory pranks. Itachi however immediately took to Naruto and seemed to be happy that he now had two little brothers to poke on the forehead and tell that he would train with later. Fugaku tended to spend a great deal of time at the office though, most likely to escape from the increasingly frequent arguments that erupted as he continued to protest his innocence in the matter and constantly insisted that there had been no affair despite the living, breathing evidence otherwise.

Eight Years after that:

"So, are you going to preach to me about how you're going to defeat me with truth, justice, and the Will of Fire, and about how morality and faith in your comrades will prevail?" the masked ninja asked the teenage boy who stood firmly against him and Madara and their Moon's Eye Plan.

"No," the dark-haired, whisker-cheeked, Cat Sage replied. "You lot are in the way of my plot to take over the world with the Power of Ramen-ttebayo!"

"...And, this is why we don't breed with the Uzumaki!" the Edo Tensei Madara groaned as he buried his face in his hands after his brain finally rebooted after actually managing to register his descendant's statement on the fiftieth attempt.

"You know," the Edo Tensei Tobirama said to his brother who had also been summoned from the dead, "This would be absolutely hilarious if so many people hadn't died."