I own nothing. Not even a creative way to say this.

"Now this," Lestrade snickered. "This is the kind of stuff that you should really upload on that blog of yours."

John rolled his eyes as Sherlock staggered up the stairs clumsily. "Yeah - is the camera phone really necessary?"

The grey-haired detective chuckled. "When else do you expect to be able to see Sherlock Holmes acting like such a complete idiot?"

"Idiot!" The dazed Sherlock suddenly blurted, causing the two to jump. "You know... You know who's an idiot? If anywho's an idiot, it's... It's... It's that guy... That guy with the putty-offy face... Uh..."

"Anderson?" John supplied.

His friend pointed emphatically in the air. "Yes. Yeah. That one. He's an idiot."

"Great, okay." John dragged Sherlock into the apartment with a grunt as Lestrade followed behind. "Let's just get you some rest. Sound good?"

The consulting detective muttered something intelligible that sounded a bit like, "Mumufflubgabba..." before flopping down onto the floor with a thud.

John shook his head at a close-to-tears Lestrade, who continued to film Sherlock's every move. "Now this is comedy gold."

"John..." Sherlock muttered.

"Yes? What is it?"

"Jooooooohn... John, come down here."

The doctor knelt down. "What?"

"John, I have to ask you a question. It's very important."

"For the case?"

"Yes, yes," the delirious man waved his hands vaguely in the air, "for the case."

"Right. What's the question?"

"My question... What was it, again?"

John glanced upwards in exasperation.

"Ten bucks he's going to tell you he loves you," Lestrade whispered.

Sherlock sat forward with a jolt and tugged at John's collar. "Oh, right! My question. Now I remember."

"What's your question, Sherlock?"

The consulting detective waggled his head back and forth. "Are you a hedgehog?"

John let out a breath. "Okay," he muttered, hoisting his friend to his feet. "To your bedroom. You need to sleep."

"But I don't want to go to school. They're all so... Average there."

"What?" He continued to drag his friend across the room.

"I always thought I was an idiot compared to Mycroft until I met the other kids. Ha! Ha." Sherlock giggled halfhazardly.

"That's great, Sherlock."

"Wow. Such clever. Many genius. So detect. Wow."

"Sorry?" John glanced at Lestrade, then back to his friend. "Sorry, what was that?"

"Did you know that I'm really smart? I'm really smart. I can tell you've got a date tonight from just your trousers and shoes. From your right eyebrow I can tell that you didn't call Harry like you said you... Harry... Harry Potter. I know him, I think. Do you know him?"

"Harry Potter?" Lestrade doubled over with laughter.

"Irene? Irene Adler?" Sherlock squinted at John. "Is that you? You are absolutely beautiful. Boomerangs."

"Nope, no, I'm John Watson, your flatmate," John shook his head as he tossed his friend onto the bed. "There you go."

"Ah, John. Did you know you saved my life, John? That was you. Thank you."

"Sorry?"

"I said, seven-hundred-eighty-nine times thirty seven is twenty-nine-thousand, one-hundred-ninety-three. Did you know that?" Sherlock's eyes fluttered shut. "I'm extremely clever, John."

"Yes, we can see that."

"Ex... Ex... Exterminately clever." And with that, he conked out.

Lestrade took one last look at the footage before stashing his phone in his pocket with a grin. "Now that's a keeper. Sure it'll come in handy sometime."

He nodded to John. "Alright. I'm off. Good luck with..." he glanced at the snoring Sherlock. "That."

The doctor nodded curtly before following Lestrade outside. He glanced in the mirror as the detective left.

"Hedgehog?" John muttered, shaking his head.

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- Impossible Oswin