The Fosters

Title: "First Time"

Description: Old memories, good and bad, are recalled after Mariana is caught grabbing some condoms by her mom, who doesn't react well. Can Lena fix this not just for Mariana, but also her wife?

Characters: Stef, Lena and Mariana, with a cameo from Jesus

Rating: NC-17 for Stef & Lena action

Author's note: First fic for The Fosters. I can't believe it's also my first NC-17 fic. Yikes. Please note that Tweetums did a yeoman's job as my beta. I must have been a time traveler in an alternate life because I like to flit from present to past tense at whim.

"You're late."

Lena turned in the entryway to see her wife, ensconced on their built in sofa, nursing a drink that didn't appear to be water.

"I was at the school board meeting. You know how much they love to hear themselves talk. What's wrong?"

"We had a deal. I took the boys and you took Mariana."

Crap. "What'd you say?"

"She's fifteen-years-old, what do you think I said!?"

"Stef."

"Lena, she's too young. She's going to get hurt. It's my job as a parent to protect her."

"By shaming her?"

"I didn't shame her Lena."

"Then why do you look so guilty?"

Stef leaned back, suddenly defeated. "You should probably go…" Stef waved her hand upstairs towards Mariana's room and Lena nodded.

Lena jogged up the stairs and found her daughter sprawled out on top of her bed, eyes red from crying. Callie caught sight of Lena, grabbed her book and headed downstairs.

"So, mom said you two had a talk."

"Is that what she called it?"

"What would you call it?"

"A double standard - boys will be boys, but girls…"

"That's not true."

"She asks Brandon whether he needs more condoms. She bought the morning after pill for Jesus because he was too stupid to wear one. I was trying to be responsible and…" Mariana teared up again and buried her face back into her pillow.

Lena sat down beside her on the bed and gently rubbed her back. "Mariana, I'll say the same thing to you that I said to Jesus. You're 15. That's still…it's still really young."

Mariana sat up. "But why did Mom get so mad at me?"

Lena sighed. She loved her wife. Desperately. But sometimes…

"Mariana, Mom isn't mad at you. She's scared. And sometimes fear comes out as anger. That doesn't make it okay, or hurt any less. But know that it's because she loves you so much."

"And she doesn't love Brandon or Jesus?" Mariana asked, pointedly.

Fair point. "You remember when you first came to live with us?" Lena suddenly asked and Mariana nodded.

"You were terrified of us for such a long time, understandably so. But I can remember the first time Mom made you laugh. It was something ridiculous and silly and…

Mariana managed a tentative smile as she and Lena shared a look, "Mom." They said in unison, and both smiled.

"Yeah." Lena pulled Mariana into a tight hug before letting go, but she kept one arm snug around her daughter as she continued.

"What you don't know is that night, after you were in bed, your Mom cried harder than I'd ever seen her. Because you'd laughed, and it was beautiful and she was so…angry at everyone who had ever hurt you. She wanted us to do everything in our power to protect you from ever feeling that way again."

Mariana offered a watery smile, "You did."

"We did our best."

"But I'm not that little girl any longer."

"Oh honey," Lena laughed softly, "Even when you're old and have ten kids of your own, a part of you will always be our little girl. But you're right. You are growing up. And if you want to have sex with Zach, then that's your decision, just like Brandon and Jesus. I am glad that you took the time to be responsible."

"That's what the books you gave me said. That I shouldn't leave it up to the guy, and even if I went on birth control, that's not enough to protect me from STDs."

"Very true. But honey, as your mama, I need to ask. Is Zac pressuring you?"

Mariana shook her head. "Zac's been great. It's me. I'm not saying it's going to happen tomorrow or anything, but I wanted to be prepared. I didn't want to end up like Lexie, freaking out or anything."

"That's good. And if you have any questions, you know all you need to do is ask?"

Mariana gave her mom a funny look.

"What?"

"It's just, have you ever even had sex with a guy?"

Lena paused for a moment and then she laughed. "I can't say that I have. But quite frankly the mechanics of it all? That's the least of my concerns. It's all of the feelings and vulnerabilities that come into play. If you need to know more about the mechanics, maybe you should do some more reading."

"I've got those parts memorized." Mariana giggled and Lena rolled her eyes before giving Mariana a final squeeze as she stood up. "Thanks Mama."

"You're very welcome. I love you, and so does Mom. And we're both here for you, okay?"

Mariana nodded, "I know."

Lena returned to her bedroom and found Stef finishing up her nighttime ritual at the sink and joined her in the washroom.

"How'd it go?" Stef asked.

"I did what I could, but you're going to have to talk to her." Lena said as she stripped off her blouse and began to wash her face.

"About what?" Stef asked.

Lena rinsed the soap off her face and blindly reached out a hand for the towel Stef was already passing over. She quickly scrubbed her face clean and then turned to face her wife.

"Why you came down like a straight-laced Victorian when you saw your daughter, rather than your son, grab a couple of condoms."

"I didn't…" Stef argued, indignant.

"But, you did." Lena said simply. And that was that.

Lena finished her nighttime ablutions in silence as Stef had what appeared to be an internal battle with herself in the doorway. Lena started to walk pass her into their bedroom, when Stef reached out a tentative hand.

"Lena…"

Lena stopped immediately. "Stef, we've talked about this. For years. And we agreed that this would be a sex positive house for everyone, whatever permutations that took. Talk to me. Please. Because this isn't you."

"What do you want me to say Lena? Like father, like daughter? God, I heard myself, and I…" Stef suddenly let go of Lena and headed into their bedroom, Lena at her heels.

"Honey…"

Stef started angrily stripping the pillows from their bed, "I tried so hard. And I made so many bad choices." Stef suddenly stopped and held onto the final pillow. "You know. I have so many regrets."

Stef's eyes well up, and Lena sighed in sympathy, coming up behind her and turning her around. Lena grabbed the pillow from Stef's arms and tossed it onto the pile before she pulled Stef into her arms and held her close for a moment, kissing her neck softly before letting go enough to take her wife's face in her hands.

"I love you. And maybe you'd change things if you could do it all over again, but every one of those decisions led you to me. And I can't be sorry for that."

Stef looked up into the face of the woman she adored and smiled through a couple of errant tears. "When you put it that way…."

"She's going to be okay. I'm not saying she's not going to get hurt. We all hurt. If Gretchen hadn't broken my heart I never would have moved to California. Do me a favor. Don't think about what was, think about what might have been on that couch with whatshername if your dad hadn't interfered."

"You want me to imagine having sex with another woman?" Stef asked archly.

"No! That's not what I…" Stef snickered and Lena not so politely shoved her towards their bed.

Stef crawled in and Lena joined her, turning off the light and deliberately turning her back on Stef. Stef didn't consider this a deterrent and snuggled up against Lena's back. She dropped kisses against Lena's neck and slowly down her shoulder, pushing Lena's tank top down her arm. Lena maintained her mock indifference but then Stef worked her way back up and whispered against her ear.

"Why would I want to imagine anything when I've got you?" Lena let out a bark of laughter and rolled over to kiss her wife.

Saturday morning, just after ten, Stef knocked on Mariana's door, pushing it open ever so slightly to catch her daughter's eye, "Can I come in?"

Mariana, lying on her bed and playing with her phone, shrugged.

"Are you here to force me into a chastity belt? Or do you want to pin a scarlet letter on my chest?"

Stef did her best not to laugh at her daughter, the drama queen. "I came to apologize." Mariana, mollified, nodded her head.

"Can I?" Stef gestured to the bed and Mariana scooted over to make room. "You know, Mama and I had a deal. I'd talk to Brandon and Jesus about sex, and she'd talk to you. "

"Why?"

"Because I made a lot of bad choices when I was around your age. And I didn't want to burden you with them."

"Like what? Did you sleep with a ton of guys or something?" Mariana's joking, but her eyes go a bit wide when Stef doesn't contradict her.

"I don't know if you could call it a ton, but yes, I slept with a lot of different guys."

"Did you…"

"What?"

"Did you…like having sex with guys?"

Stef sighed. "I wanted to." Mariana was now in rapt attention, fascinated to learn something ever so slightly scandalous about her mom.

"My father. You know he struggled a lot when he realized I might be gay. He worried about me, and he wanted to protect me the best he could. And so he sent me to talk to a priest at his church."

"You mean to 'degay' you?" Mariana laughed at such a ridiculous idea, but sobered when her mom didn't join in and she realized that that's exactly what had happened.

"He wasn't trying to hurt me. But he did. And I'm really sorry if my reaction last night made you feel even one ounce of shame. Sex with the right person is a pretty fantastic experience, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with you for wanting that."

"What about with the wrong person?"

"Your mama would probably say that it could be pretty fun in the moment."

"And you?" Mariana asked.

Stef knew she owed her daughter an honest answer. So she took a deep breath and laid herself bare. "It can also take away a piece of your soul that's really hard to get back."

"Mama said you were just trying to protect me."

"That's my job. And honestly? I wish you…and your brother…didn't feel the need to rush into this. I promise, sex isn't going anywhere if you wait another couple of years. And I wouldn't be your mom if I didn't worry that he's somehow pressuring you. But if you're sure that this is what you want for yourself, then that's your decision."

"Of course, it probably wouldn't hurt to give the poor guy a book or two to read first."

"Mom." Mariana said, mortified.

"Hey, I'm simply saying that he's not going to be an expert. It may take a bit to get the hang of it all. If it's what you both want, and he's not a complete ass, then you'll be alright."

Stef pulled Mariana to her and hugged her tight, kissing her head. "You're still going to be my baby."

Mariana reveled in the security of her mom's embrace and readily agreed, "Forever."

"You better believe it." Stef gave Mariana another quick squeeze before releasing her and standing up.

"You know if you want to talk again or…after, your mama and I are both here."

Mariana nodded soberly.

Stef suddenly seemed to get an idea even as she back towards the door, "Hey, maybe we should invite Zac over again… give him some pointers…"

Mariana's horrified expression was all Stef needed as she exited her room with a laugh and bumped right into her wife.

"Hey." Stef smiled knowingly at her Lena, who had clearly been hovering.

"Hey. I take it everything's okay?"

"I don't think I traumatized her too much."

"Good."

"That doesn't mean…"

"Stef."

"Hey, I can wish we were having this discussion her freshman year of college."

"Fair point."

That night, Lena prodded Stef to stay up late to watch an old movie, Dance Girl, Dance, on AMC. So they grabbed popcorn and a bottle of sauvignon blanc, and snuggled in under a blanket on the couch. As the credits began to roll, Lena glanced up towards the stairs. It was late, much later then she and Stef usually stayed up, and the kids had been quiet in their rooms for sometime. It was now or never.

Lena took Stef's now empty glass out of her wife's hand and placed it on the coffee table. Stef, comfortably relaxed on the couch, started for a moment, but recognizing Lena's appraising look, she smiled and reached out to catch an arm and drag Lena down towards her. She was just leaning into a kiss when Lena put out her hand to stop her.

"Stef, are we still sure about this?"

"Huh?" Stef asked, confused.

Lena paused, and suddenly looked a lot shyer than she had in years. "Your parents are just upstairs, what if they hear us?" Lena bit her lip and Stef's eyebrows shot up into her hairline.

Wow. Stef felt the need to clear her throat. "They're very sound sleepers."

Lena held Stef's gaze for a moment before glancing down at her lips.

Stef felt her heart skip, but forced herself to wait. This was Lena's show and she was more than happy to let her take the lead. Slowly, achingly slowly, Lena leaned into her until their lips finally met. The kiss was soft, almost tentative, and Stef could feel every nerve ending in her lips come alive.

"I love you," she whispered between kisses. Lena switched angles, but continued with the delicate; butterfly kisses, and Stef couldn't help but imagine what it might have been like to be part of Lena's first time. Just the thought had her deepening the kiss.

They made out on the couch like teenagers, (albeit ones with slightly better finesse), while keeping their hands entirely in the neutral zone. Eventually, Lena allowed hers to wander ever so slightly and 'accidently' brushed against Stef's breast. A moment later Stef repeated the move and Lena gasped. Permission tacitly granted, hands crept under clothing and headed towards second base.

Stef was the first sneak in under a bra and graze ever so softly against a nipple.

Lena groaned, "Oh God. That feels…"

"Show me." Stef demanded, and Lena complied. She came in with both hands from the top, shoving down Stef's brastrap and grabbing both breasts from the sides, lifting them out and skimming her thumbs delicately over the nipples.

Their kisses became hotter and more intense, while their hands, with full permission, continued to skate over each other's breasts. What one did the other immediately returned in kind.

Lena now rested fully on top of Stef, buried under the thick blanket and let her hands coast down Stef's sides before she brought them back up to clasp her breasts, and then down again to brush the waistband of her jeans.

"Love, please." Stef demanded.

"Are you sure?" Lena asked.

"Oh God, yes."

Lena brought her hands together at the top of Stef's jeans, but rather than make her usual quick work of the button, her fingers fumbled ever so slightly.

"Lena!" Stef demanded in a harsh whisper, suddenly ready to just get on with it.

Lena just smiled and continued to take her sweet time before she popped the button and slid down Stef's zipper. She shoved Stef's jeans open as far as they'd go and let her fingers slide down and under Stef's underwear to tangle in the small patch of soft curls just above where Stef clearly wanted them and paused.

"Have you ever…" Lena asked.

And Stef, who'd been about ready to move on, took one look at the oh so tentative look on her wife's face, and eagerly fell back in, shaking her head.

"Have you?" She asked

"No. But I've thought about it. A lot."

Stef could easily imagine a younger version of her wife thinking about it, and felt her desire inch up another notch.

"With me?" She asked, her voice coming out a bit hoarser than planned.

Lena simply nodded, and Stef pulled Lena into her for a deep kiss, channeling the girl she'd been she wrapped her arms around Lena and spun them around so she'd be on top, but completely tangling the blanket in the process.

"Stef." Lena laughed, a bit mummified, and wiggled the blanket around in order to make more room.

Stef simply let Lena wiggle beneath her to her heart's content while she started laving kisses down her neck.

"No more talking," she said.

Stef reached down and dragged Lena's blouse up, taking her bra with it, but without removal, (safer for rapid redress). She took a moment to appreciate the view before bending down and taking a pert nipple into her mouth. She laved it with her tongue while massaging its partner with the palm of her hand.

As she ventured lower and let the blanket fully cover her head, it was easy to remember the only first time that mattered. Luckily, rather than impossibly tight jeans that had needed a whole lot of non-elegant finagling, today Lena hadn't bothered to change out of the skirt she'd worn to work. Stef smiled – well planned.

Shoving Lena's skirt up in one easy move, Stef laved kisses over delicate skin. After more than ten years together she knew her wife's body nearly as well as her own. She definitely knew what drove her crazy, what made her sigh and what made her pull Stef's hair nearly out of her head and decided Lena had given her the perfect opportunity to try for all three.

She took a moment to massage Lena through the thin barrier of lacy underwear and felt Lena's groan. Stef kissed an inside thigh even as she dragged them off, taking just a moment to shove them into her pocket before she resumed her place and got down to business.

Minutes later, just as Stef swiped a particularly sensitive spot then darted away, Lena bit down on the blanket, a second away from cursing. Then Stef did it again, Lena's toes curled and she involuntarily arched her back, seeking more attention right, right…

"Damn it, Stef, would you please just…"

Stef chuckled, doing an excellent job of a pretend first-timer. She flitted from here to there, and ramped Lena up more and more, but never stayed in one spot long enough for Lena to make it over the edge.

So the very next time she headed back and began to suckle Lena's clit, Lena wasted no time, wrapped her hands in Stef's hair and held tight, refusing to let her make another move. Stef seemed more than willing to oblige, and, blessed relief, finally added her fingers to the mix. Lena's eyes screwed shut and she held her breath, bit her lip hard enough to taste blood and exploded.

Seconds later she released Stef's hair and gave a relieved sigh as Stef continued to gently massage her back down to earth before she crawled up Lena's body, and finally poked her head out from beneath the blanket.

The kiss was raw and hard as Stef grabbed Lena's hand and directed it straight down the front of her pants.

"Please."

Lena had to fight the tight confines, but she wiggled her fingers down and around, using the pressure to her advantage as she rubbed Stef's clit hard and fast. Stef buried her face beneath Lena's mass of hair, alternating kissing and biting at Lena's neck before she bucked hard against Lena and went still.

A sound from upstairs made both of them jump and scramble to stand. Unfortunately, the blanket had other ideas and sent them crashing inelegantly to the floor. Their eyes met in horror even as they frantically rolled around to untangle themselves. Rising to their feet, Stef kept the blanket firmly in front of them while she buttoned up and Lena shoved down her bra and blouse. Once they were more or less presentable, Stef wadded the blanket into a ball and jogged up the stairs. Near the top they ran into a sleepy-eyed Jesus on his way down.

"Hey babe." Stef said.

He blinked and yawned, "What are you guys still doing up?"

"The movie just finished. See you in the morning. Don't eat too much." Lena responded as she continued passed.

The second he was out of sight, they grinned at each other and raced to the safety of their room, closed the door and fell against it in relief.

"Oh God, that was close," Stef said.

"Can you imagine?" Lena asked.

"Hey, it was all your idea. I was the innocent virgin you set out to seduce."

"Yes, I had to work so hard at it too."

Stef tried to maintain a poker face, but one look at Lena and they both burst into uncontrollable laughter. One would be able to stop and then the other would get them started again. They finally collapsed together on top of their bed, exhausted.

They lay on top of the covers together for a few moments before Stef rolled into Lena and kissed her wife on her cheek. "Thank you."

"Anytime."

Stef threw Lena a skeptical look.

"You know what I mean," Lena said.

And Stef did. She settled against her wife on top of the covers, both still fully dressed but content in the moment.