Please forgive me for the sorrow

For leaving you in fear.

For the dreams we had to silence

That's all there'll ever be.

Still, I'll be the hand that saves you

Though you'll not see that it is me.

-Within Temptation, Hand of Sorrow

-0-0-0-0-

The blade sliced through the flesh of the monster without a sound and the silenced creature fell to the ground, dead. Not a single cry had permeated the darkness and he idly walked closer to the camp. He had no fear that he'd be seen with the light of the campfire. It didn't matter because he couldn't be seen except by very, very few beings. There was only one huddle next to the fire, a tuft of blonde hair poking out from underneath a blanket. It was cold that night, and Fenrir was at his back, the engine still cooling from the long ride.

Sephiroth watched the rise and fall of Cloud's chest, even in sleep. He had made sure the moment he'd seen the monster that he was silenced so that the man's sleep wasn't disturbed. He didn't think the man got enough sleep as it was and he still often worked himself to the bone until exhaustion overtook him. It reminded him so much of himself back then.

When he'd woken in the lifestream, it had been as if he'd been asleep for a long, long time. Like all the bad things he'd done he'd watched in a nightmare. He was dead, he knew that, at least for now, and that was where he belonged. He didn't deserve life, monster that he was. He had caused this man untold pain and he was paying his penance. It was minor semantics that what he was actually doing by watching over Cloud was less a punishment since he actually wanted to do it.

Being a spirit, Sephiroth had no need to sleep or eat and he'd begged Aeris to shield his visage from Cloud, who was normally so perceptive. The man could see things no one else could, like Aeris or Zack, even if sometimes it was only out of the corner of his eye. The last thing he wanted was for Cloud to start seeing him and think he'd gone mad to his paranoia. Even a year after his unfortunate reincarnation in Kadaj's body, he could see that Cloud was not convinced he'd 'stay in his memories'.

Slowly Sephiroth sat down next to Cloud's head and brushed his hand over the spiky, yet soft locks. He could feel it…barely. That was the problem with not having a real body. He had very little feeling for anything except things that were spirits like himself. He could feel Masamune, the connects as he killed something, and just the slightest bit of Cloud thanks to his multiple dips in the Lifestream, but nothing else. Cold and heat didn't affect him, and neither did distance. He might as well be a summon, as he'd tied himself to that body so that no matter where Cloud went, he dragged Sephiroth with.

Yet it was so difficult to look Cloud in the face. He remembered every expression from when he'd gone mad, imagined every tear that the boy wouldn't shed. Zack and Aeris had forgiven him, naturally, but he had refused to even entertain the idea that there could be any forgiveness for himself. He didn't deserve it, he knew, and more than that, he didn't want it. He needed to live with it, without forgiveness, as the true penance for his deeds. Only if, and by some miracle if, Cloud forgave him would he ever consider that he might, by a miniscule bit, think that it could be had in the future. He was honestly torn between wondering if Cloud could forgive him, feel anything but loathing, and the thought that of course he would, he was Zack's friend and would heap forgiveness upon his shoulders disregarding that it was the worst thing the savior of the world could do.

Cloud shifted in his sleep, burrowing deeper into the blanket as the wind blew through the treetops. It didn't ruffle a strand of Sephiroth's hair, nor did he feel it…but he did wish he could. If he could, then that would mean he could somehow help keep him warm. Instead, he cast a Fire2 on the slowly dying embers of the campfire, turning into a blaze again to help stave off the cold.

Sephiroth kept his vigil throughout the night, taking out a few more monsters that curiously crept toward the fire. Before sunrise, the telltale movement of Cloud caught his attention and he watched as the man sat up slowly. Those blue eyes tinged with mako's green stared at the still burning fire and he looked around warily. They didn't pause at his figure, didn't even see him, and Sephiroth could almost see the question, the concern, in his gaze as to who must have stoked the flames in the night. There were no monster carcasses, he had disposed of them, leaving no evidence of his presence. Yet he didn't think he was going completely unnoticed. Whether he would admit it or not, Cloud knew that he was being shadowed.

The tension in his shoulders was clear as Cloud broke his camp and settled back on Fenrir, heading still farther north to Bone Village. Honestly, Sephiroth didn't have a clue what the man was doing this far north anyway. Shouldn't he be back in Edge with Tifa and his…family?

They reached the small village by mid afternoon. He had expected Cloud to continue on, further, to whatever destination they were heading for, but instead he paused and negotiated for a stay in a tent nearby the workers. Even after all this time, Sephiroth didn't understand what went on in the man's head at all. The only things on the continent was the temple that had once held the Ancient's key, upwards toward Icicle, and then…the northern crater.

Cloud paused, buying a few necessities like potions and elixirs even though he was far more deadly than any creature that ever lived. If he was powerful enough to defeat Sephiroth, then what did he have to fear? It seemed a waste of a day to him, but then again, who knew what went on in that head? His expression was entirely unreadable. The next morning he set off again, but this time pressed on hard. He didn't stop for the night even in a blizzard and he reached Icicle Inn within another day…but didn't rent a room. It was as if something was driving him onward, ever faster.

At that point, he knew where Cloud was going, though not why…and why not just ask his pilot friend to take him there? He had to leave Fenrir behind at the inn, knowing that such a recognizable bike would keep itself safe. Who would steal from the hero of Edge? That made the travel slower, but Cloud had at least managed to have a sense of direction now. Sephiroth wanted to berate him, at least a little, for going so far deep into the cold without any extra gear. SOLDIER-enhancements or not, he was still human and liable to freeze.

Frowning, he watched as after another day, they reached the crater wall. Cloud took one of the blades from First Tsuguri and dug it into the side, using that as a jumping on point…and leaping further into the crater. He slid down, bracing his feet as he slid down the wall, not that much snow to go through, surprisingly. As the side leveled out to a plateau over a deep pit, Cloud walked forward to the one thing that remained after their battle: Masamune.

The physical aspect of his sword stood, buried by the blade into the earth and held vertical like a grave marker, much like how Cloud cared very much so for the buster sword of Zack's, marking where he'd died. A gloved hand touched the hilt, but drew back almost instantly, as if shocked at himself and respect. Sephiroth didn't mind him touching the sword, Cloud was the only one he'd ever allow to do so.

"I thought so."

Sephiroth tilted his head, the sound of Cloud's voice shocking. Cloud never spoke, mostly because he was always alone. He'd…almost forgotten what it had sounded like. Besides, talking to yourself was a sign of madness, wasn't it? He almost said 'Thought what' before he remembered that Cloud couldn't see or hear him.

"I know you're there, you know." Cloud didn't turn, kept his back toward where he'd come from and unknowingly where Sephiroth was. "I can't see you. I can't hear you…but I know you're there. Did you think I couldn't sense you? Even dead…I can feel you. I know what Aeris 'feels like', and I know what Zack 'feels like'. I know what you 'feel like'."

He could practically feel, through the Lifestream that allowed him to do this, Aeris asking if he wanted to be seen and heard, and he couldn't have any way of making his fervent 'no' felt. He'd almost sent a psychic wave through her through their connection, begging her to keep it up. He couldn't, couldn't, bring more pain to Cloud.

"I knew that what I fought a year ago was just Kadaj, and your genes. It may have looked like you, but it was still Kadaj's body…and this sword… That wasn't the real Masamune. I put this here four years ago, digging it out of the crater. I didn't think anyone would come get it and I was right. There's even…a bit of dirt on it." As if that was a great crime, Cloud dusted off the hilt with his gloved hands.

"What are you doing by following me? Are the insane Sephiroth that I killed three times…or the man that I looked up and adored? The man that I loved?"

Sephiroth's eyes didn't widen at the declaration, because he knew of Cloud's feelings. They had been…so painfully obvious back then. He had seen that it was more than just hero worship like the others, had seen the desire in his gaze the very few times that their eyes had met, and also their hidden affection. He would be a fool not to know what Cloud felt…and even if he was a fool, which was arguably true after what he did, Zack had told him.

"But more than any of that…why won't you talk to me? Even just to…taunt me. I saw the dead monsters, I recognize the slash marks of Masamune. You're not…him, the one that wanted to take what I loved, otherwise you wouldn't protect me."

Finally, Cloud turned to look around him, almost but not quite landing on where Sephiroth was standing. "Please…I'm begging you…talk to me."

For what felt like an eternity, Sephiroth spoke since the first time he'd gone mad. "I can't." Only when blue eyes widened did he realize Aeris had ignored him. At the very least, he still couldn't be seen, given how Cloud was looking almost frantically around. "The dead shouldn't talk to the living…and especially I shouldn't make a sound in front of the savior of the world."

"…Savior of the world," Cloud muttered, his tone making it clear that he hated the term. "I didn't set out to save the world, but to stop you. I was always…hoping to get through to you."

"I was too far gone, Strife. No one's voice could reach me over the roaring of her words in my head."

"Cloud." At his silence, those blue eyes hardened. "My name is Cloud, so call me by that."

After he had almost abused his name? Only his insane self had taken such liberties before… "…Cloud."

He watched as a shiver went down the man's spine and he didn't know if it was from cold or the ring that his deep voice had unintentionally put on the name. "What are you doing, following me?"

"It is…my penance."

"Penance?"

"Self-imposed. I destroyed your life, your world, everything you loved. To see you reminds me of what I did, floods me with guilt and remorse, and that is what I deserve."

"Don't you want—"

"Forgiveness? No. I deserve none. This was not just some small mistake, Cloud. This was not just a matter of making a bad choice. I ended up destroying the world…and you remade it. Midgar is gone, to be replaced by Edge."

"And if I said that I forgive you?"

"Then I would say you are truly born of Zack's affection and caring, or that you are a saint as Ms Gainsborough is. I took the most from you before anyone else. By all rights, you should loathe me forever."

"I don't…and Sephiroth? I don't think I can do it again. Kill you. I just can't do it anymore."

"I hope you won't have to." There was a heavy silence that fell between them before Sephiroth finally asked, "Do you wish me to cease?"

"No!" The word was practically belted out to him before Cloud calmed himself. "No. Please…don't stop."

Risking it, hoping that Aeris hadn't changed something else, he approached and touched his gloved fingers to Cloud's cheek. There was no reaction and he silently breathed a sigh of relief. "Then I will remain at your side, being the invisible hand next to you. Not that I believe you will ever need me…but I'll be here to help you."

"A Sephiroth summon?" Cloud quipped with a shallow smile and Sephiroth actually chuckled.

"I suppose so."

"…Okay, but Sephiroth?" Cloud's head lifted and looked right at where Sephiroth's head was, and if it hadn't been for the unfocused look in his eyes, he would have gulped in fear that he was seen. "One day…I'll get you to let me see you. Then I'll…talk to you face to face…and get you to take my forgiveness. Then you'll let me touch you and you'll touch me." There was a puff in the cold air as Cloud sighed. "And maybe…one day…I'll even get you…to accept my feelings."

He didn't say anything for a long moment. "I'm honored by your thoughts, but Cloud…your feelings were accepted a long time ago."

Those beautiful blue eyes went wide as saucers. "Then…do you…return them?"

Sephiroth couldn't answer though, no matter how many times after that Cloud almost begged him to, repeating the question over and over. He dared not. It wasn't that they weren't returned, because Sephiroth had never felt for another person as much as much as he did for Cloud, but that he knew he had no right to have them. He accepted those feelings...had his own…and he would push Cloud as much as he could to someone else. Rufus, Reno, Tifa, Vincent, anyone else. Anyone else but him.

That desperation, that almost childish begging expression on blonde man's face firmed and there was conviction as he said, "I'm not giving up, Sephiroth. I'll always be chasing after you, even if now you're the one following me."

I know, was all he thought as the man yanked Masamune out of the ground and strapped it to his back, resolutely climbing out of the crater.

-0-0-0-0-

(Dunno if I'll continue this or not. Not sure what else I might do, but I was inspired by the verse I posted up there from one of Within Temptation's song that sounded so much like Sephiroth that I could cry.)