Taking a break from writing KamuiKagu smut, I'm going for comedy and OkiKagu.

Contains some spoilers in later chapters and Kamui's OOc-ness.

Disclaimer: None of these characters belong to me, except for the fic itself. They all belong to the brilliant, genius and wonderful Sorachi Hideaki.

Family meeting is never a good thing

Gintoki has always disapproved the idea of Kagura having a boyfriend. It feels wrong somehow seeing her walking hand-in-hand with a boy. Especially after the incident with the giant prince or monster or…thing, he completely disgusts with it. And that is just the dating part, what if it was the marriage part? Although he always says that he wants to get rid of her as fast as possible, Gintoki feels sick every time it crossed his mind.

And now… he felt like throwing up a bucket or two when that Shinsengumi boy who always calls him "danna" broke down the door and demanded his Kagura's hand in marriage.

No… literally, he really took her hands, albeit cuffed them and said to throw her in prison. Don't worry, the marriage part was real. However, it's a bit…different. Okita said that Kagura had to marry him or she had to end up in jail due to the Shinigami incident, along with the rest of the Yorozuya of course (including Sadaharu-even though he didn't do anything). He stated that he HAD proposed to her when he caught them on the ship. To be brief, it was a political marriage.

We all know Kagura would never agree with it, even though it concerned her freedom and things like that. She would object it with violence of course. She screamed, kicked around and fought him with everything she got, they would wreck the Yorozuya Office if Shinpachi didn't stop them (earning a few bruises and broken bones along with it). Kagura stated that jails would be much more pleasant than him. Since jails will just be…jails, rather than extra whips, candles or anything else that can hurt her physically and mentally.

Didn't want Kagura to end up behind the cells (since her bald dad would chase him around and cut his head off before he knows it), Gin decided to arrange a meeting between two families, the Shinsengumi and the Yorozuya, like the Tama-Yamazaki case. However, it seemed like luck wasn't at his side. Actually, it was laughing at his miserable state. Without knowing the marriage issue, Umibozou came back because of the "anxious" feeling he got. After knowing the information, Umibozou stunned then screaming that he would kill Gin for not looking after her. He felt like he was getting hit by a giant meteor, lost his second set of hair or Kamui suddenly go bald like him (when he actually thinks about it, it wasn't that surprising, but it still hurt knowing his baldness goes through generations). Speaking of Kamui, that guy also dropped by, asked to participate in the meeting (it was more like threatening actually). So, the Yorozuya's number was added up to five members, including Sadaharu.

The fateful day finally arrived. They met up in a traditional Japanese restaurant. Surprisingly, the weather wasn't bad like the TamaZaki case, no raining, no wind and yes, no storm or tornado either… Actually, they occurred somewhere else, nearby, along with volcano eruption and tsunami too. Even the TV reported them.

"This is the weather report, natural disasters are happening suddenly! It's getting out of contr-"

Shinpachi quickly turned off the TV nearby, stuttered awkwardly.

"G-Gin-san… Are they all because of us?"

"No way…" Gin stated simply, picking his nose.

Two 'families' sat on each side of the table. The left was the Shinsengumi, included with Kondo, Hijikata and Yamazaki, who was forced to come along. While the Yorozuya was consisted with five members (one was a dog, but he deserves more attention). The atmosphere was tense, it felt like a negotiation between two countries during war. To clear off the suffocating atmosphere, Yamazaki spoke first.

"N-Nice w-weather today…"

None of them replied him, which only made things more awkward. However, it seemed like only Yamazaki and Shinpachi was bothered by it. The rest of them kept their poker face on.

"Che… That Sougo is doing stupid things again." Hijikata broke the silence with his complaint, lighting his cigarette in process.

"You should be happy for him Toshi! Our boy has finally found love!" Kondo squealed in happiness like a teenager girl, completely ignored Hijikata's protest about 'our boy' thing. Suddenly, he noticed the huge amount of killing intent coming from the other side of the table as he leaned in and whispered nervously "W-Why is Umibozou here? And who is that boy next to him?"

"He's that girl's father so he should at least be here." Hijikata pushed Hijikata away like a fly.

Umibozou coughed to get their attention, he glared over Kondo, who twitched in fear at his piercing gaze. Umibozou inhaled deeply, like he was preparing for a big speech, but it was just a brief, short statement.

"I don't accept a boy with a gorilla for a father."

"I-I'M NOT A GORILLA! And Sougo is a good boy!"

"Che… The only thing good about him is hurting others for his own amusement…"

Overheard their conversation, Kamui smiled brightly like always, except coming out of him wasn't his usual nonchalant air but a huge black aura that fused with Umibozou's.

"I'm Kamui, Kagura's older brother…" He pressed hard on the 'older brother' part "Now, what about that 'hurting others for amusement'?"

"The guy Kagura is about to marry is a complete Sadist…"Gintoki answered immediately.

Shinpachi turned to him instantly, his eyes screamed out 'why did you say that?'.

"Is that so samurai-san?" Kamui turned over to him, his smile darkened "Then I have every rights and reasons to oppose this marriage."

"Me too." Umibozou raised his hand.

"I can't let Kagura marrying someone who has a dog for a mother…" Gintoki spoke casually, pointing at Hijikata who sat in front of him.

"Who are you calling a dog, you bastard?!"

"Sadaharu, can you translate what he just said?" Gintoki pushed his jokes farther by turned to ask the huge white dog behind him.

"Arf!"

"Even dogs don't understand you, you must be some kind of undefined animal." Kamui continued.

"I'LL KILL YOU!"

"Calm down!" Shinpachi stood up, tried to keep the situation under control.

And he failed…as always. The ash tray was sent flying and hit him right in the middle of his glasses (a.k.a his soul), right in the edge. The luck of a straight man couldn't get any worse. Or so he thought, suddenly he was grabbed by the legs and pulled up violently, his head kept hitting against something hard. Then, Shinpachi realized that he was mercilessly used as a weapon by Kamui to fight against Hijikata (who used Yamazaki).

"So you are that wretched boy's mother?" Kamui gritted his teeth along with his question.

"Are you blind, you fucking idiot? How can I be his mother in any perspective?!" Hijikata shouted loudly.

The two of them continued their human-weapon battle, exchanged a few words in process.

"Oi Kagura' s brother! You are stealing my role! I supposed to fight with him using Shinpachi's glasses stand! That's how Gintama works."

"I'M NOTHING MORE THAN A GLASSES STAND?!"

"Excuse me samurai-san, but I have to teach him how to be a decent mother. Or at least to teach his child to lay his hand off of someone else's sister."

"WHO THE HELL ARE YOU CALLING MOTHER?"

The fight continued on. Kondo was unfortunate enough to sit in front of Umibozou, who was glaring at him the entire time.

"N-Nice to meet you…again Umibozou-san…"

Kondo awkwardly gave out his hand for a handshake but Umbozou kept on glaring at him, completely unresponsive.

"O-Okay" He slowly retreated his hand.

"Listen here Gorilla…"

"Y-Yes?"

"Your responsibility as a father is teaching your children what is right and what is wrong…"

"Excuse me… I'm not-" Kondo raised his hand, asked for a permission to continue speaking.

"How dare you let him force my daughter into a political marriage, you bastard?" He shouted on top of his lungs.

Umibozou stepped on the table, grabbed Kondo's shirt, completely ruined the (tiny) serious atmosphere between them. And then, nothing was normal anymore.

"Shinpachi-kun…Is this our fate for being a plain character?" Yamazaki asked while his head was being hit with Shinpachi's.

"No it wasn't… It was the damn author's fault…"

Even in this mess, Sadaharu still managed to fall asleep.

To be continue...

I know...I had become ridiculous... I couldn't believe what I wrote... But I will continue it anyway.