Tsuna is raised by the Varia.

What were his first words?

The Varia were crowded around the little body with a head of brown fluff for hair.

"Voi, Lussuria, what's this thing doing here?"

"Mou, Squalo, the Ninth didn't want his grandchild to be raised directly in the Vongola, he'd be found out in no time and have a target on his head."

"Ushi ushi, so the old man thought that we'd look after it. Hey Boss, what do ya think about your nephew?"

"Creepy prince, you are not worthy to speak to the great Xanxus-sama! Do not worry Xanxus-sama, I, Levi, shall get rid of these annoyances for you."

Xanxus just grunted, feeling the effects of his hangover. "Shut up trash, if the old man is going senile, then raise this thing up to Varia quality and have him loyal to us. Screw them."

Mammon just mumbled in the corner about the cost of child care.

Lussuria picked up and cooed at Tsuna, who woke up to start crying at the stranger.

The unanimous response after 2 minutes of crying was: "THROW IT OUT THE WINDOW!"

Lussuria shield the child from the noise while plucking out the note tucked into the blankets.

Varia,

This is young Sawada Tsunayoshi, child of the Head of CEDEF, Sawada Iemitsu. His mother has recently been assassinated, and his father is too busy with Vongola affairs. He's 9 months old , so expect first words soon!

Please look after him,

Vongola Ninth.

P.S – Xanxus, cut back on the drink, the Varia budget is suffering.

The marital artist started to squeal in excitement at the prospect of hearing a child's first words and rushed off to "prepare a room for Tsu-chan" leaving the baby and note in Xanxus' lap.

At this point, Tsuna had stopped crying, but the new weight in his lap made Xanxus open his eyes. He looked down to see his 'nephew' .

"Trashy shark, take the thing away, I don't want it."

"Voi, Leader, it's your kid not mine."

"TAKE IT OR I'LL SHOOT YOUR FACE! AND THE REST OF YOU, GET OUT!"

The rest of the Varia left the room, with Squalo grumbling about taking care of a brat and cursing Lussuria for disappearing.

A month later, the Varia encircled Tsuna lying on his back like an animal sacrifice.

"Peasant, you said the small peasant was going to speak? I do not hear anything. Small peasant, the prince demands you entertain him."

The Varia on the verge of leaving, turned to go, only to hear a giggle.

"Twas! Twash! Pesan! Wittle Shits! D-die!"

They turned white.

"Fucking gay! I told you to make the brat loyal to the Varia! Not speak like us!"

"Mou, Boss, you guys are so loud! No wonder little Tsu-chan got influenced by you barbarians!"

Oh god, what would the Ninth do once he found out about this? He demanded a video of this moment.

Bel turned to Mammon in the corner doing something on a laptop, "Peasant, what are you doing?"

The reply chilled them even more, "Sending this to the Ninth, he promised me a lot of money for this."

They were soo fucked.

And so Tsuna was raised and trained by the Varia, wreaking havoc on the Vongola and Varia, described as the ultimate mix of the Varia, skills, efficiency and language.

None of them forgot how much shit hit the roof when the Ninth found out. The old man his lost his voice for 2 weeks, while Iemitsu only found the news adorable and continued with his mission.

And so, that was the start of Tsuna's childhood with the Varia, and the start of his acceptance and eventual inclusion in their dysfunctional family, but Tsuna did grow on the ragtag group.

…

I think.