I am very late. Please forgive me.

Chapter 12 – Year 14

These poems written of my love to you,

I've been sending them for 15 years straight.

As always there is no reply,

There still is no reply.

The scenery outside has now changed to white.

Since the day of my accident, it's been a year and seven months in total. Since that fateful day when I was run over, all my memories were lost to me. All I could remember was you.

Eren.

Why did you leave me?

Why did I do wrong?

Why won't you reply to my letters?

Why won't you come back?

Hanji says that I have been recovering nicely. Most of my memories are back in my head, there was nothing wrong with my motor skills, I was gaining a new poetry fan base. Not to mention that I was just contracted to star in the latest hit drama show, "Love Letters", albeit I got only a small part.

Petra and my other co-workers were also relieved to see me back in full swing. I was churning out three poems a day, plus one to you. The more I wrote, the more we published, the more people read it, the more fans I had and there more I felt that you were slipping away from my fingers.

Correction: You had already slipped away.

The question was, would you ever come back to me?

I could remember most things now, I really could. But the most important memory I needed to have in solving this puzzle was not there. I could remember you, clear as day. I couldn't remember why you left me. I could remember your dazzling smile. I couldn't remember what did I do you wrong.

I could remember lots of things.

But I can't remember why.

It's frustrating.

It burns my mind up, having to write you a poem every day, sending it to you, but not knowing why I have to do this in the first place.

If I could remember, then you would be here with me.

If I could remember, then I won't be suffering so much.

If I could remember, would it make a difference?

Assuming that I regained all my memories, would that bring you back to me? Would that allow me to find a reason as to why you left? Would that memory hurt me more, or would it crush you instead?

Under all that frustration, this is what I actually feel.

Fear.

Even if I know the answer, even if I grovelled at your feet for forgiveness, would you be able to accept me?

You must have walked out on me for a very good reason, no doubt about that. I trust you judgement on this issue.

If you had walked out on me on that basis, then who's to say that you would definitely come back to me?

Who's to say that you won't want to see me?

I slammed the bottle of beer on the counter, startling the bulky bartender who was cleaning a glass. He smartly avoided me while he tended to the other customers. My head was dizzy, the world was spinning. Round and round and round it went, like one of those merry-go-rounds that you liked so much.

A jab was felt on my back. "Hey man, are you okay?" A voice. Not yours. Not anyone I know.

"Hnn." was my half-hearted reply.

The man spoke again. "Heart-break? Looks like it."

I opened my eyes to a slit.

"You know, don't worry over it to much. You could always find someone else in your life. There's plenty of fish out there in the open sea!"

The man was drunk. Definitely. Not as drunk I was though. Cutty Sark on the rocks was good for my stomach, but bad for my liver and brain.

"Plenty of fish, huh?" my voice did not sound like my own. It was slurred, husky, drunk.

The man must have nodded. "Yep! No doubt about it! The gal who left you must be stupid. I bet she's forgotten all about you anyway!"

I noticed that the man had a southern sort of drawl. I noticed that he said 'gal' when you were actually a guy. I noticed what he said made sense.

And I noticed the tears that started to fall out of my eyes.

Even by the fourteenth year it didn't return,

Everyday was frightening and uneasy.

I just wanted one glimpse of you.

I just wanted one word from you.

Hontouni gomenasai minna-san! I have no excuse to why I've been AWOL for so long and all I can give you are my apologies!

Thank you to all those who still support my story! I owe you guys a lot! Arigatou gonzaimashita!

I will also be trying to finish the rest of my stories soon!