Murdoc admittedly hadn't felt much guilt when he had run Stuart Pot over with his car, if anything he'd found the whole thing really entertaining. He seriously couldn't understand someone just standing there instead of getting out of the way when there was a speeding car coming towards them. It had been less entertaining when the courts put him in charge of the now comatose nineteen year old, but then give or take a few weeks he'd found even that could be fun. A bit hard to explain to women and men he tried to have one night stands with why there was a knocked out kid lying on his couch, but other than that it'd been strangely funny bullying the unconscious boy. The second accident he had to admit might have scared the shit out of him, for one thing he feared they'd certainly send him to jail this time if the kid died or got hurt even worse, and he really hadn't wanted to hurt the kid more than he had before. It had been a weird moment when Stuart had stood up; rain falling from the smog filled sky, blue hair plastered to his head from the rain, face bloodied, and two abyss black eyes just staring at him or maybe into him. It made him scared as shit to see something like that, but the more overwhelming feeling was something akin to a very strong and weird attraction. The first word he thought was "beautiful" and he'd admit that out loud for years to come, no shame in finding a pretty boy pretty.

The accident did lead to yet another hospital visit; the doctor didn't seem all too surprised that Murdoc fucked up and put the kid in the hospital again, he seemed more amazed it had taken a year for it to happen. Stuart's mother on the other hand was somehow shocked by this and outraged which was an expected thing, but then again a smart woman wouldn't have wanted someone like Murdoc to be her son's care taker for a year.

He thought it'd be over, he'd miss the kid, but they'd move on. It wasn't until the doctor came out again over an hour later to tell them what all they could tell from a basic look over of the man. He told them that he had suffered minor brain damage, basically his already bad migraines would come more frequently and possibly stronger, but there wasn't anything too dangerous other than that. The worst of the news was that Stuart was now completely blind in both of his severely fractured eyes. The first accident the front of the car had caused enough damage to fill his eye with blood, of course at the time they couldn't tell much for the future about that, but with this second accident both the first and second eye had been damaged beyond repair. At this Murdoc had for the most part zoned out, he hadn't heard exactly everything other than Stuart was now legally blind in both eyes and that he had been the complete cause of it, and now he had Stuart's mother crying and screaming at him and he couldn't blame the woman one bit though in future he'd say she over reacted to the situation at hand.

Murdoc wasn't fond of guilt or feeling bad, they were feelings he didn't know how to handle or to show. He came from a family of no guilt and a family that beat you within an inch of your life if you even dared to cry or say you felt like shit about something. He didn't know how to handle feeling guilty and like complete shit over what he'd just done to this guy. He had sat quietly in the waiting room while Stu's family talked to him and most likely danced around the subject of his now being blind and the fact he'd been in a coma for a year of his life. He waited until they left and then he went into Stu's hospital room to talk to him.

He felt uneasy around him; not because of the black endless eyes or the way he automatically turned his head to look in Murdoc's direction when he entered the room, but he felt uneasy thinking about the negative ways Stuart could react to what Murdoc had done to him. He had sat down in a chair seated beside of the bed, had thought about something to say, and was grateful the man couldn't see him.

"I'm sorry"

That was it, that's all he could get out, and it sounded like he was full of shit.

Stuart tilted his head a bit to the side like he was trying to identify the voice or maybe just assess the situation.

"You're Murdoc?"

The black haired man nodded his head in response then cursed himself for thinking Stuart could actually see him nodding like a moron.

"Er yeah that's me, I'm the one who um...Who did...This to you"

He felt awkward, he wasn't good with these situations. He wasn't good with feeling like total Hell and knowing that he'd just fucked this guy up and made him miss a year of his life.

"I still don't know how to feel about it you know, like...It's really a shock I guess." Stuart lowered his head smiling sadly.

Murdoc felt like screaming; he thought about how back at home his father used to beat him until his bones were broken for doing something wrong. He expected Stu to lash out at him, scream, or to try and attack him. Fuck he deserved all of that, but there the blue haired man sat just staring down at his hands.

"I know this is really weird and all, but since I can't-can't exactly see you...Could I maybe touch your face so I could kind of like tell what you look like?"

It was a weird request considering he felt like those black eyes could stare into the very depths of his damned soul, but he agreed to it anyways. He stayed perfectly still as the younger man's long fingers gently touched his face going over every line, crease, scar, and the greasy hair that hung over his face.

"So what did you find out?"

Stu folded his hands on his lap again fiddling nervously with his thumbs.

"Er you seem really pre-I mean...Nice, you seem nice"

Murdoc laughed; it wasn't even funny, not really, but he was far from nice. He'd put Stu in the hospital twice and caused him to lose his sight and he was positive there was no way to fix that and he was pretty sure that if there was he'd pay in full for it of his own free will just to make the guilty feeling go away.

The guilty feeling is the one feeling that seemed to always stay. That was why he visited Stu in the hospital every day for the next two weeks until he was released and was more than eager to offer the blind man a room at his place. He felt like maybe there was a good side to that second part when he found out the boy could play keyboard and had the most beautiful singing voice Murdoc had heard in his entire miserable life. Guilt did make him put Paula into the band and guilt hit him every time he had to look Stu, now known as 2D. For the first couple of years of knowing the blue haired man he told himself guilt was the reason he was always around him, why he insisted on taking care of him as much as he could, and why he would defend the younger man. Guilt is only a good excuse for so long though.