Okay, since someone did ask whether or not Lupine Horror is aware I used his character Black Wing, the answer is: Yes, he knows and he got a free preview of the chapter right before I posted it. His only request to me borrowing Black Wing to put into my stories is that I tell him which ones so he can read them later.

Give me some credit people. While I hate writing disclaimers I do give credit where credit is due when borrowing someone's character, especially to someone who writes an awesome story that I'm following.

"By the Root...my aching head..." said Naruto.

Black Wing had supplied the liquor, and right now Naruto was really, really regretting that drinking contest. Damn that brat for having such a high alcohol tolerance!

Still, Naruto won by the slimmest of margins...and they had pranked Zelretch a few times while dead drunk... so it wasn't a total loss.

Naruto grimaced and tried to find a way to kill this damn hangover because Kurama sure as hell wasn't helping him.

Black Wing, to his amusement, wasn't joking about his trigger happy nature with his magic. Illya had cat ears, Sakura had puppy ears...and was that Tsunade in a bunny outfit? What the hell?

Finally Naruto found something that would convince Kurama to stop the pounding in his head. He sent a double of Tamamo for him to 'play' with.

Black Wing woke not soon after, and in no better shape than Naruto was in at the moment. By that time, the man had found something to cure the resulting hangover with that didn't involve a certain kitsune. He handed one vial of it over to Black Wing, who gave him a nod in thanks.

"You weren't joking when you said you got trigger happy. What the hell sort of magecraft was that?"

"Not magecraft. I have a magical core that's separate from my prana, and it allows me to do more with my magic," said Black Wing.

Naruto gave Black Wing a speculative look.

"What kind of things?" he asked, a plan forming in his head.

"A lot," said Black Wing cryptically.

"Say I had a pair of souls stuck inside a seal as a fail safe. Would this magic be able to remove them safely without losing them long enough for me to plant them in new bodies?"

"I would have to look at the seal first, but it should be possible. Why?"

"The souls of my birth parents are currently trapped in the same seal keeping a certain pain-in-the-ass fox at bay, and if I were to try and access his full power, they would show up. Frankly I see no reason to lose such powerful assets (shinobi wise anyway) just because I wanted to tweak that seal," said Naruto bluntly.

Black Wing looked speculative.

"Sounds difficult. But interesting."

"I'll supply the bodies and all the books on shinobi seals we have in exchange for your help," said Naruto, "I know for a fact that Tamamo-chan has a bizarre knack for the exploding kind and I don't mind sharing."

Black Wing gave him a fanged grin. This could be a good distraction for his girls and he rather liked Naruto. It was hard not to when they both had a penchant for pranking Zelretch.

"In the meantime, no fighting until this hangover ends?" suggested Naruto. He was not getting into an epic battle with such horrible pain.

He heard his opponent for said 'final exam' snort in agreement.

Black Wing, in the spirit of boredom, had borrowed a copy of the current laws of Uzushiogakure. The more he read, the more he liked Naruto. As a friend of course.

Rule 4: If the lady says she's not interested, then she's not interested. Bothering her further opens you up to becoming the test subject of the week, survival optional.

Rule 5: minor crimes are acceptable. Major ones are not. If you're caught then you are the next test subject to whomever is bored at the time and has a slot open. Again, survival optional.

Black Wing laughed when he read that one.

"Reading the laws?" asked an amused Haku.

"I was bored and there was a copy on the table at the room we're staying in."

"They're in every room. It's less of a warning and more of a 'just so you know' type of deal so Naruto doesn't have to fill out paperwork because of untimely death due to idiocy."

Black Wing snorted with amusement.

"The more I learn about his personality, the more I like him. Very few people who feel the full force of my aura avoid fainting within the first five minutes," said Black Wing.

He had let Naruto feel a sample of the aura he had gained when he had absorbed all the curses from the Grail. He was very surprised when Naruto didn't faint immediately like almost every other person he had met.

Then he was introduced to Kurama and it turned to understanding. The Kyuubi no Yoko was little more than a giant ball of negative energy and Naruto had been exposed to it since before he was born. More so when he finally started to learn how to use the fox's chakra. He was used to that sort of thing by now.

"Naruto sent me to warn you that a known Snake Summoner is heading into the village."

Black Wing raised an eyebrow.

"Why warn me?"

"She's more unhinged than most, and she might try to jump you once she sees that lamia tail of yours. He thought you might appreciate the heads up before she hears about you and the fact you have a harem," said Haku with open amusement.

Anko Mitarashi was not known for being discriminate about her partners, and she had a thing for snakes. The second she heard this Black Wing could speak snake tongue, she would definitely seek him out, and Naruto liked him enough to give him a warning before she came in.

Besides, it wasn't his problem once the warning was given.

Anko took one look at Black Wing, then at his tail, then back at him again. Naruto counted to ten before she damn near jumped him. She didn't make it far before Black Wing's girls stopped her.

"On a scale of one to ten, how good is she?"

"Sanity wise or power wise?" asked Naruto.

"Either."

"Sanity wise? She's been doing laps around the insanity deep end for years now. They know her as the Snake Bitch. Power wise... She's one of the better shinobi, but she was held back because her sensei was a traitorous dick. On the plus side she is very good at getting information from reluctant parties," said Naruto immediately.

"Aw, I knew you loved me Naru-chan!" she said with a wink at him.

"No, I just don't feel like snake-proofing my room. It annoys Medusa and frankly it's too much work," deadpanned Naruto.

Anko stuck her tongue out at him.

"I'm surprised she would jump someone underage. I'm barely fifteen," said Black Wing.

"Old enough to kill, gaki," said Anko with a grin.

"She's a shinobi. If you're old enough to kill someone, then you're old enough to drink and do anything adult. Rather sensible really," said Naruto dryly.

"Right. Keep her off of me and I'll help separate those souls from the seal now that I've had a look at it."

"Good thing that pervert was able to get me a sample of their DNA. Makes recreating their bodies so much easier," said Naruto.

Jiraiya, when he heard why Naruto needed it, had been quick to send the samples through Anko. Having his student back was something he was looking forward to...if only to dump the hat on Minato's head so he could escape the paperwork.

No one told Kakashi Naruto's plan. Mostly because he had been on a string of suicide missions since Naruto was banished.

"And that time moves faster on the other side than this one. Should speed up the coining process," said Black Wing.

"Which reminds me. Have you seen my personal army of homunculi yet? Zelretch got me hooked on this game and the next thing I knew I was recreating the damn thing. Should have seen Acht's face when I managed to pull it off!" Naruto asked with a grin.

"You haven't though I have a sneaking suspicion this has something to do with those bizarre house elves in my room this morning fixing the bed," said Black Wing.

He had seen some brown thing in his shared room with the girls that morning fixing the mess with expert efficiency and had originally thought it was a house elf. Closer inspection revealed it wasn't, but the thing had simply said that it was ordered by Naruto to keep all the rooms tidy. Leaving the room revealed more in different colors, with a gray one leading those.

He had no idea what they were, and was only slightly curious as to their purpose. He had figured out that the blue ones regulated the water, the red ones were fire elements, and the green ones were poisonous, not that it would effect him any. The gray ones seemed the most intelligent, ordering the brown ones around like servants.

"What in the Root is that?" asked Black Wing baffled.

"The Hives. Or to be more precise the area where the storage seals are located for the minions. Again, I fully blame Zelretch for getting me hooked on the games," said Naruto.

There were four hives, and a fifth one in the process of being created.

The first one was a basic hill, and Naruto demonstrated which of the 'minions' came out of it. The browns stood in order after he brought them out.

The second one looked like a miniature volcano of sorts. It held the red minions which started juggling fireballs between them out of boredom.

The third one was a poisonous green and held a slight smell that warned anyone away. It held the green minions who disappeared when they stood still too long. Closer inspection of those revealed several different poisons on their claws.

The fourth was made of something wet, possibly from the bottom of a lake. It held the blue minions who were the weakest of the types but at the same time the most useful. They were the medics.

"What's the fifth hive for?"

"My own unique minions. I'm going to make them orange for the hell of it. They're going to be specifically for heavy hitting and seals, so they will be chakra-based. It's easy to make the hive, but altering the coining process to make them isn't," said Naruto with a shrug. Besides, he liked orange.

"What about the gray ones?"

"There's only ever five at any time, and one of them is for stress release."

"Stress release," deadpanned Black Wing.

"Not like that! He's something we all punt around the office when we're frustrated. Really fun, and it works out frustration when you can't take a break."

"Seriously?"

"Perhaps you should see the punting minion before you complain," said Naruto.

Ten seconds of that minions company, and Black Wing kicked him through the window. He was extremely annoying.

"Now you see why he was made the most durable of the lot," chuckled Naruto.

"Amusing, but I fail to see how this caught Gramp's attention," said Black Wing.

"That's because I haven't used the Gauntlet yet," said Naruto.

Seeing his curiosity, Naruto took the minions out to an unused training ground that needed to be demolished so the genin could clear it out and they could rebuild it. The moment he slipped a metal gauntlet onto his arm, the minions went from calm to a berserker like state.

Black Wing watched fascinated as the things destroyed anything Naruto got them close to. Every time one of them was crushed or harmed, the blue ones would heal them with brutal efficiency.

Finally Naruto removed the gauntlet and the mad enhancement wore off. He sent them back to the hives, and waited to see what Black Wing thought.

"I take it back. I can see why Gramps would find such a game amusing. What's it called?"

"Overlord. Highly addicting and very fun. Headache inducing though."

"I might have to take a look at that universe," mused Black Wing.

"The halflings are thieves, the dwarves are idiots, and the elves are snooty bastards. The only things that don't try to kill you are the humans," said Naruto.

"Definitely have to see this game for myself," said Black Wing.

"So has he mentioned Hero's Throne yet?"

"Hero's Throne?"

Naruto opened up a portal to the town.

"You took apart the Grail and actually reassembled it?" said Black Wing, impressed.

"It was either that, or deal with the Grail throwing a bitch fit because I sent the other Masters and Servants away later. And we added three new Servants."

"Why show me this anyway?"

Naruto thought about that, before he came to a simple conclusion.

"Bragging rights, I suppose. It's not often people like us run into those who have been trained by Zelretch and come out with just enough sanity to pass as sane," shrugged Naruto.

"...Point."

Zelretch was notorious for breaking anyone who had the misfortune to catch his interest, and it was rare for anyone to survive long enough to even remotely master the Kaleidoscope in any form. Finding someone who had suffered similar trials from the old vampire was extremely difficult. So perhaps Naruto had some reason to brag.

Omake: Universal Troll Convention

Black Wing and Naruto had come to the Tower at Zelretch's request. Seeing as they had gotten along far better than he had expected, he was inviting them to a little known party three universes over on a rather dull planet.

"Explain to me again why we're going to this... convention?" asked Naruto with some distaste.

"Because I want to win the coveted prize and bragging rights. We're allowed to bring in apprentices/family members to help out," said Zelretch.

"This had better not be another magical fan girl convention, or so help me I will kick your ass from the Root and back you damn vampire," growled Naruto.

The last time Zelretch had tricked him into a convention in another universe, he had gotten stuffed into his girl form and with Agate. It had taken him a week to get away from that hell.

"And I'll help," said Black Wing.

"Please, you think I would be stupid enough to drag my grandson to one of those? His girls alone would castrate me for it," snorted Zelretch.

"So where are we going?"

"You'll see."

Once they landed, they took one look at the banner, then at the convention goers.

"Is that Yuko Ichihara?" said Naruto staring.

"I think that's Clow Reed over there," said Black Wing.

"Crap, I think I see the golden pain in the ass too," said Naruto.

"New arrivals, over here please!" said a very chipper greeter.

Zelretch dragged them over to the table where they got name tags.

"Where the hell are we?" asked Black Wing.

"The Universal Trolls convention. We have it each year," said Zelretch.

"Oh dear Amaterasu..." whimpered Naruto. He nudged Black Wing who paled when he saw one of the tables. It was full of DVDs.

Among them were 'Happy Tree Friends', 'Robot Chicken', 'South Park' and strangely enough 'Twilight'. In unspoken agreement they decided to keep Zelretch far, far from that table. He didn't need more ammo dammit!