He woke up half an hour past midnight. The room was dark, but the corridors were well-lit – one of the first things Danny had learnt when he started dating Linda was that a hospital slept even less than a police station.
Breathing still hurt, but not half as much as it had five hours ago, and Danny knew it wasn't the pain that had stirred him. He was waking up around this time every night for more than three years now, whether there was someone calling him or not.
Three years. Were it already three years that he hadn't seen Joe?

At his side, curled on a small stool, Jamie moved in his sleep. Somehow the sight of his little brother next to him, looking like a child and yet so old, made Danny's eyes water. The more he missed Joe the more he realized how much Jamie mattered to him. Ten years more or less – Jamie knew him. Better than most other people. He knew what a jackass he could be, and still he was here with him.

When Danny had admitted that he would never say he was proud of his little brother, he had been sure Jamie would leave. Joe in Jamie's place would have, he knew that. There was only so much each of them could stand from each other, and it was obvious that he had come very close to the edge with Jamie today.
But still, he was here. He had not left but sat down next to Danny again, in silence mostly, till eventually both of them had dozed off.

Jamie murmured something incomprehensible and stirred again, trying to get away from an unknown enemy.
"Jamie? Hey, Jamie!" Stifling a groan Danny reached over to shake his brother' arm.
The younger one jerked, his eyes flew open and around the room, still looking for whomever must have chased him.
"It's okay, I'm here. It's okay." Danny's voice wasn't as steady as he wished it to be, and Jamie frowned. "Danny?"
"Hey, kid. You've been dreaming. It's okay. Just you and me."
Jamie nodded slowly but still looked confused. "You're crying."
"What?" Danny felt for his cheeks and found them wet. "I never cry. Idiot." He tried to laugh but it hurt so bad that new tears came, and he couldn't do more than hold back another cry.

A few minutes passed by in silence, and when Danny dared to move his head again he expected to find Jamie asleep again, but the younger was still staring at him, both worried and patient.
Danny closed his eyes. He knew he still owed Jamie a lot talking – excuses, explanations… there was a lot they had to get over with. The mere thought of it, though, made him wish for another bullet.

"Danny?" Jamie's voice was very gentle. Danny grunted but didn't open his eyes. Why did he have to tell Jamie everything he felt? After all, Jamie knew him – he should know about Danny's thoughts concerning him, too.

"Danny, I don't want us to go through everything that happened once again" Jamie smiled sadly as Danny sighed in relief, "but I need you to accept the fact that I'm a cop. And whether you think I'm cut out for it or not, I'm not gonna change this. I belong here. And I want to belong in your world, too, cause you're… cause we're family. And I know that it isn't easy with me all the time either but… this is me. And I want you… I really hope you can take me as I am. Right now."

Danny opened his eyes to see Jamie had shut his tightly, probably trying to stay strong. He swallowed. "Of course you are."
Jamie opened his eyes and Danny quickly looked up to the ceiling. "A cop, I mean. You're a Reagan. You'd be a damn great lawyer but of course you feel at home with the NYPD."
Jamie bit his lips. "Okay."
"And of course you're part of my world. No matter how much I think you screw up you'll always be my brother." He sighed. "I don't know if I can promise you more than that, kid. But… remember when I said I couldn't lose you? I said that because I couldn't."
He looked at his little brother whose face was twisted with fear and relief.

"I love you, Jamie. I know I don't tell you often, I know I didn't tell Joe often, and I regret it every day. I thought you'd know it, I mean… but I do. No matter what, you and Erin and dad, and grandpa… you mean the world to me, just like Linda and the boys."

Jamie nodded slowly, cursing the lump forming in his throat. "Thank you, Danny. You know, we love you too. Joe also did."
"I know." This time Danny didn't care about the tears. "I know." He swallowed. "So we're good?"
"Yeah."