A/N: thank you all SO much for reviewing. You're really spurring me on to write more of this story. As requested, this is mainly Liv and Amanda, though the next chapter will involve our boys and a bit of the case as well. Please review if you liked it, or didn't!
"I can give you a prescription for a course of antibiotics." Melinda said, pulling out a pad and a pen. "But if your symptoms don't improve, you really do need to go to the hospital and let them examine you properly."
Amanda shivered at Melinda's words and Olivia rubbed her arm gently, trying to soothe her. Melinda had done a quick examination of Amanda, and checked all of the cuts and injuries that she could see. She had been worried about the new cut on Amanda's hand being infected, t the stitches has been clean and neat under the bandage when she'd checked. After much coaxing, Amanda had revealed that she'd noticed some bleeding when she'd been to the toilet that morning and that she'd had an increase in pain, but she'd point blank refused for Melinda to examine her any further, despite Olivia gentle words of encouragement.
"It's likely that you've got an infection from one of your internal wounds Amanda." Melinda explained, handing the prescription to Olivia. "Hopefully these will work."
"Great. Thanks." Amanda replied in a monotonous tone. She felt humiliated, fed up and most of all she just wanted to curl up and pretend that nothing had ever happened to her in the first place.
"I'll leave you two to it." Melinda said, gathering up the equipment she'd used. She glanced sadly at Amanda who was still not looking at her, her heart breaking for the detective. "She'll need to start that course tonight Olivia, I can't fill it myself otherwise I'd have gone to get them for you."
Olivia shook her head slightly, realising that Melinda was speaking to her, "that's fine, I'll go now. Thank you Melinda."
Olivia stood up, watching Amanda carefully for any signs of distress as she walked Melinda to the door. Melinda held her elbow gently, pulling Olivia a litre bit closer. "Are you doing okay Liv? I mean this can't be easy, not after everything with…"
"I'm fine. I'm good." Olivia cut Melinda off before she could say his name, but even the mere thought of him sent shivers down Olivia's spine. "I'm just so worried about her." She admitted, glancing back at Amanda who hadn't moved an inch.
"She's strong Liv, she'll get through this. She's got you and the squad on her side." Melinda said, but Olivia couldn't help but think of the uphill battle that Amanda was facing. The recovery from this most recent assault would have been difficult enough but ever since she'd revealed what had happened on Atlanta, Olivia had found herself wondering if this truly was something she'd be able to get over. But Melinda didn't know that; and it wasn't her place to tell her, so instead she just thanks Melinda again and nodded, promising to keep an eye on Amanda's fever.
Olivia sighed and rested her head against the door after she closed it. She was going to have to go out and fill Amanda's prescription and she didn't know how well the blonde was going to take the idea of being left alone. She'd been so anxious while Melinda was checking her over, Olivia had been able to tell that she was struggling not to be overwhelmed with the panic that had been triggered by Melinda needing her to open her mouth.
Frannie had settled again by Amanda's feet and she showed no signs of leaving her alone, and Olivia thought this might work in favour when it came to her actually leaving Amanda's apartment for a short while.
"Hey." Olivia said, trying to keep her voice soft but Amanda still startled at the sound. She looked up at Olivia with wide eyes, panic still clear on her face and Olivia sat down slowly, planning how best to tackle this new panic.
"Liv." Amanda whispered. Her voice was shaky and she barely got the word out past the short gasping breaths she was taking. The panic was racing through her, making her body feel like it was on fire. She had just about managed to keep her composure while Melinda had been there, but now it was threatening to overwhelm her.
Olivia reached for Amanda's shaking hands, noticing how warm she was again and she threaded their fingers together, trying to ground Amanda in reality. She was worried that Amanda would sink completely into a panic attack and Olivia knew all too well what the implications of that could be.
"Honey can you look at me?" Olivia said, moving one of her hands so she could tip Amanda's chin, hoping that the blonde would make eye contact. As she gently cupped Amanda's jaw she could feel her teeth chattering and she wasn't sure if it was the panic or fever or a mixture of both.
"Look at me." She repeated, stroking her thumb feather light across Amanda's cheekbone. "You need to slow your breathing down a little bit okay?"
Amanda shook her head, and tears threatened to spill down her cheeks. "Can't."
"Yes you can." Olivia encouraged, keeping her voice soft but firm. "You're safe right now, nothing bad is going to happen."
Amanda was trying to listen to Olivia's voice, she knew she was right there beside her but alongside that calm and soothing voice she could hear flashes of his voice, of both of their voices, telling her to get down, to open her mouth, to shut up and stop struggling. Amanda pulled her hands out of Olivia's gentle grip and clamped them over her ears, pulling away from Olivia and whimpering at the onslaught of the voices she could hear.
Olivia froze for a second, taken aback by the sudden increase in Amanda's fear and suddenly she wasn't sure that she would be able to manage this panic attack. Frannie had stood up too, picking up on Amanda's change in mood and was whining softly, nudging at Amanda's knees trying to get a response from her.
"I don't want to." Amanda cried, swinging her legs up and away from Frannie, wincing as she curled up in a ball on the sofa. Frannie trotted away to her bed, seemingly understanding that any reaction she'd get from Amanda wouldn't be positive. Though she laid down on her bed, her ears were pricked up, waiting to see if she was needed.
"Please don't make me." Amanda was sobbing now and she screwed her eyes shut as flashes of her attacker's face assaulted her vision.
Olivia got off the couch, kneeling down so she was able to reach Amanda. Olivia grasped her shoulders softly, trying to turn her so that she was facing her but Amanda struggled against her hands, trying to twist out of Olivia's grip.
"Amanda. Amanda." Olivia was a little firmer when she spoke but she still tried to keep her tone non threatening, "You're here in your apartment and you're safe. No one's hurting you." She soothed, moving her hands from Amanda's shoulders to try and prise her hands away from her ears so she could hear properly.
Amanda fought against the hands that covered her own, knowing if they succeeded she'd just get hurt again. She didn't want to get hurt again. She could feel his hands covering her wrists, trying to pull them away from her face but she didn't want to hear his voice. Didn't want to hear him taunt her. She kicked her legs, hitting nothing but air but she had to do something, anything, to get away.
It was clear now that Amanda was stuck in a flashback and Olivia continued to talk softly to her hoping that she would recognise her voice and come out of it. If she didn't, Olivia didn't know what she would do.
"Amanda I know that you're scared but you're safe and I need you to listen to my voice okay? Just focus on my voice."
Olivia was able to lift Amanda easily upright, despite how she was struggling and she hoped the change in position would force Amanda to realise where she was. All that did though, was make Amanda struggle more and Olivia ducked out of the way as one of Amanda's arms came flying towards her face.
"Okay." Olivia said softly, willing Amanda to calm down. "It's okay." Tears gathered in the corners of her eyes from seeing Amanda in such distress and she stood up from where she was crouched beside the couch, determined to do anything she could to ease her suffering.
"I don't want you to hurt yourself." Olivia explained as she approached Amanda slowly, sitting down next to her within arms reach of her. She already knew Amanda's ribs would be sore from all the thrashing around, with her already so unwell Olivia knew that any small thing could land Amanda back in the hospital.
"Amanda it's Olivia, okay? I'm not gonna hurt you." Olivia bit her lip as she decided on her next course of action. It would either work quickly or backfire spectacularly and at this moment in time Liv thought it was a 50/50 chance of either. But she simply couldn't see her detective suffering like this any longer.
"Alright, you're alright." Olivia kept talking to Amanda as she moved slowly, wrapping her arms around Amanda so that she couldn't hit out anymore. Holding her firmly but gently, ever mindful of Amanda's broken ribs, Olivia kept speaking to her, trying to reassure her that she wasn't a threat.
"P-please don't." Amanda stuttered, tears still falling down her cheeks and Olivia's heart broke. "I don't want to."
"It's Liv, I'm here, I've got you and you're safe." Olivia murmured softly, rocking them both gently from side to side, hoping that the action was soothing. "No one can hurt you here, honey, I promise. I promise."
Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Amanda stopped struggling so much. Olivia felt some of the tension leave her body and Amanda sagged in her arms a little bit. Her breathing was still far too fast, almost on the edge of hyperventilating and Olivia loosened her hold a little bit so she could rub wide, gentle circles on Amanda's back.
"Slow down." Olivia whispered, "slow your breathing down. It's okay."
Amanda seemed to understand the command because she sucked in a ragged breath and Olivia saw how she winced, knowing she must be in pain again. "That's good. Slow deep breaths Amanda." She coaxed, slipping her arm back around Amanda to support her.
It seemed as thought suddenly, all of the intrusive thoughts and sounds ceased, slipping away from Amanda's consciousness leaving only a soft voice there. A voice that she instinctively knew was safe. That voice was telling her to take deep breaths, and she was trying, trying her hardest because her chest was burning with the effort, and her ribs felt tight… no that was someone holding her. Two strong arms, but safe arms. Warm and comforting and safe. She let her head drop slightly onto a soft shoulder and she smelled a familiar perfume, the scent finally grounding her, bringing her back from the utter fear she'd been trapped in.
"L-Liv?" Amanda croaked, moving her hands until she could grab onto Olivia's shirt.
"I'm here." Olivia replied, "you're okay."
Olivia let go of Amanda briefly, just so she could grasp her shoulders, moving her slightly so she could see her face. Amanda's hair was stuck to her face with sweat and tears, and Olivia brushed it gently back out of the way, letting her hand rest on the back of Amanda's head for a moment.
Amanda brought one hand up to roughly wipe her face, but her tears had already soaked into the collar of her shirt. She looked at Olivia sadly. "I didn't want him to." Her face crumpled as she spoke. "I said no."
"I know, and I'm so sorry Amanda." Olivia whispered, barely able to get the words out. How she wished she could take Amanda's pain away from her.
"I said no." Amanda whispered, fresh tears streaking her cheeks as she spoke. "I said no."
"Come here." Olivia said as a sob tore from Amanda's throat. She wrapped one arm around Amanda as the other woman fell against her, and she cradled her head with her free hand, murmuring words of comfort against the crown of her head.
"Shhh. I've got you. I've got you."
"Okay can you take these for me?" Olivia said, holding out the four pills in her hand to Amanda.
"I don't want those." Amanda said hoarsely, picking out the stronger painkillers and just taking the Tylenol from Olivia.
Amanda was sitting up in her bed, where Olivia had managed to persuade her to go to after she'd finally calmed her down from her flashback. Amanda had been physically exhausted from the exertion, and Olivia had wanted to make sure she was comfortable before she brought up the subject of her leaving to fill the prescription. Frannie was curled up beside her and Oliva hoped that would make it easier.
"You told Melinda earlier that your pain was worse this morning." Olivia countered, keeping her palm held out. Amanda shook her head and swallowed the other pills with the glass of water Olivia had left by her bed.
Amanda shook her head, "I told you what happens when I take those. And I don't want to fall asleep. Not yet." She reached to stroke Frannie's head and the dog moved to rest her head in Amanda's lap.
Her eyes wandered to the prescription on the bedside table and Oliva realised that she was frightened of having a nightmare while she was alone in the apartment.
"Okay." Olivia tipped the pills back into the bottle. "How about I go get these antibiotics and then you can take them both when I get back?"
"Will you stay?" Amanda asked, so quietly that Olivia almost didn't hear her. "When you get back I mean."
"Of course I will." Olivia smiled, "I already told
You that's no problem."
"I really appreciate everything you're doing Liv. I-I'm really sorry about before. It just all happened so fast."
"Amanda." Olivia reached to hold one of her hands and gave it a gentle squeeze, "You can't control what triggers you, but you can learn how to manage it. And I know you already know that." Oliva said gently, "But this is all so fresh and overwhelming. It's going to take a bit of time. But I'm here okay? I'm here to help you through this. Whatever you need Amanda."
"Thanks Liv."