Hey guys! I'm really sorry for taking this long to update, but I had a couple of issues with my computer and technically lost my whole work, and school is taking over my life :(
I promise you all that I'll try to update more often because I have big plans for this story!
Aaaaand... As always I want to thank you all for your support, you can't Imagine how much it means to me!
"You killed Peeta…" I mutter. It sounds like an affirmation even though it's a question.
"Katniss…" He sighs "I didn't."
He caresses my cheek, his touch comforts me. I close my eyes and smile.
«Katniss!» Peeta's voice echoes inside my head.
"Liar!" I yell as I snap his hand away from me.
He takes a deep breath and stares into my eyes. I look down.
"Why would I do that?" He softly holds me by the chin, trying to make me look at him. I look down one more time. "Just give me a reason" he sighs "Why would I kill him once I saved his life?"
I stare into his eyes. His words make sense.
I make up my mind and finally understand that it was just a dream though it felt real: Peeta's touch, the way fear stabbed me when I thought I lost him…
My head pounds, I can't stop thinking about Peeta or what could have happened if he were still alive…
I'm not able to say a word. I stare into Finnick's eyes and try to forget about everything, but I can't.
I feel guilty… I make myself sick. I can't handle this… I'm messed up. The games, all the lives that were taken because of me, included Peeta's… All of this broke me into little pieces; though I can mend myself, even if it seems impossible, it'll take time and I don't know how much, but I need to be patient… I've got to be patient. What I'm certain about is that I'll never be the same.
"Katniss?" Finnick's voice gets me back on earth.
My throat's dry, I breathe heavily and my eyes burn since I woke up. I still can't say a word. I sit next to him, hold him tight and bury my face into his chest, finally letting the tears stream down my face.
This is what I meant: I'm not myself anymore; I've never felt so weak…
"I'm sorry…" I mutter sobbing.
"It's okay…" He whispers and kisses my head.
He runs his fingers through my hair.
Peeta's voice still echoes inside my head… I take a deep breath and try to ignore it.
I stare at Finnick. He fakes a smile, I can tell it because it doesn't reach his eyes. He looks sad.
Guilt stabs me one more time… Finnick lost Annie. I've been selfish enough just to care about myself and how I felt; I've never asked him about his feelings. I want to punch me right in the face.
"How are you?" I ask "I mean… How do you deal with this? Don't you miss her?" His expression hardens as I finish speaking and I feel totally stupid.
"Yeah…" he sighs "Of course I do."
I stare into his eyes and caress his cheek.
"I'm sorry…" I mutter.
"Why?" He asks faking a smile "You don't have to be sorry about anything…"
"I do." I insist "I've been just thinking about myself and how bad I feel that I didn't even bother to ask you how you feel…"
"I'm fine… I just try to keep her away from my mind…" His voice fades as he speaks.
We stay quiet for a while. Why did I have to ask him about Annie?!
I hate seeing him like this; I would do anything to end his pain…
"We'll be alright." I mutter as I look into his eyes "I promise you that we'll get through all of this together."
He smiles and holds me by the chin.
"Yes, we'll be alright…" He repeats and gently kisses my lips.
I smile against his lips. I really like the way he makes me feel: Safe, alive.
He rests his forehead on mine.
"I love you Katniss… And I need you." He whispers "And you don't know how much it scares me."
My heartbeat rushes.
"I love you too." I reply "And I'm afraid of losing you."
He stares into my eyes and smiles.
"Has the Girl on fire just said she loves me?" He mocks.
I smile and kiss him. I'll never get used to his mood swings.
"Maybe..." I tease him.
We lie in my bed and I rest my head on his chest. I smile when I hear his heartbeat.
He kisses my head and traces circles along my back.
I lie next to him and kiss his lips as I run my right hand along his chest.
He trails kisses down my jawline, neck and stops in my collarbone.
"I love you…" He whispers against my neck. I get goosebumps when I feel his breath caressing my skin.
He kisses me hard and pulls me close to his body. I wrap my arms around his neck as he holds me tight by my waist. I bite his bottom lip and he smiles as he makes me sit on his lap. I smile and we stare into each other's eyes.
"I love you." He whispers on my ear and carefully bites my ear lobe.
My heartbeat races and I breathe heavily.
"I love you too." I reply before kissing his lips.
He takes his shirt off and I stare at him. He's so strong and beautiful.
"What?" He asks smiling.
"Nothing…" I whisper as I softly kiss his collarbone.
Finnick looks me straight in the eyes as he lifts my shirt just a little. I nod and blush as he takes it off.
He trails kisses from my shoulder blade to my jawline as I run my fingers through his hair. He softly lies on top of me as he continues kissing my neck. We're both breathing fast. He kisses me softly and makes me lie over him. I kiss his neck and then look into his eyes; he runs his index finger along my backbone, until his hand reaches my bra's hook.
He removes his hand from my back and caresses my cheek.
"May I…?" He asks blushing.
I nod and he kisses me softly. He unhooks my bra but doesn't take it off; he just traces drawings along my back as he kisses me.
Someone knocks.
"Oh crap…" I grunt refusing to move a muscle. I don't want to be a millimeter away from Finnick.
"Aren't you going to answer?" He asks before kissing my forehead.
"Hmm… I don't think so." I mutter as I kiss him.
He kisses me back and lies over me.
Whoever is outside knocks again.
"Let me go get it for you…" Finnick says as he leans back.
"Okay…" I reply as I put my shirt back on.
Finnick opens the door and I can see how his back muscles stiffen. I get up and freeze when I see Gale standing outside of my room; he looks angry and disappointed… And I'm sure that I've just lost my best friend for good…