This is boring, i was expecting that Ruby would be out on her own as the summary kinda points to, not with her team. Maybe you should put that her team become fugitives, seeing as it is now seems like Ruby is the only one who leaves Beacon and goes out on her own.

Ok, normally I try to leave a mostly positive review on stories I read but honestly I just can’t with this one. I know you’re not active here anymore and odds are probably won’t read this, but a note to anyone reading the reviews: this is not how you write decent fan fiction.

So to start, your style makes it extremely difficult to tell who is talking. You use paragraph breaks to show someone different talking but also have other characters reactions in the same break.

It seems like you didn’t even bother to proofread these chapters at all l, the spelling mistakes are many and would easily be caught if you had bothered to read through it.

The thing that annoyed me the most is you basically glossed over very important plot details! You introduce an opposite creature to the Grimm, and I’m like “Ok, a little out of nowhere but this could be interesting” and that it. You introduce it, have it do it’s thing, then POOF it’s gone. You completely changed the rules of the RWBY universe, if you set that up in the beginning of your story it would have been fine but you just introduced it out of nowhere. Same goes for the Grimm barrier.

And let’s not forget what a Mary Sue your OC was. You show how badass he was and then have him do exactly zero fighting. It was eye rollingly bad. And don’t get me started on his dialogue.

Honestly the only reason I kept reading this story was because I was 30 chapters in and it was too late to turn back.

I wanted to like this story, I really did, but it’s just bad and I don’t understand why it got so popular.

So this is a little over the halfway point so thought I’d drop a review. So there are some pretty prevalent typos throughout this story, The plot is interesting and the characters are for the most part in character.

I think my biggest criticism is the thing you seem to be striving for. You talk about causing water works but honestly I feel nothing. You have events happen to the characters but don’t take the time to describe how they feel. Like in your rape scene, yeah ruby is angry of course she is, but you have to make the reader feel the anger with the character. Tell us why she’s angry, what thoughts are going through her head. That could have been a very powerful, dramatic moment but it felt rushed and almost unimportant.

Overall good job tho, I’m going to continue reading and I’ll see you at the end!

You keep forgetting important details like, I don't know RUBY BEING SHOT IN THE SIDE. After she gets shot while being chased back into Emerald Forest nobody says anything about it and nothing is said about taking the bullet out and patching the wound up. NOTHING! Evenn after she has to strip down because her cloths are soaked, nothing is said and nobody panics. I find this very annoying.

Where i can see the rest of this fiction, i dont found the Minesniper

I'd like to think that the decision he thought and thought and thought about some more was getting coffee

Yay for lemony goodness! Am glad you chose not to use the words pussy or cunt. Not sure why but it seems that there's less effort into the lemon scenes when those words are used.

Holy crap. Words cannot describe my relief when she escaped. I was beginning to believe that she was gonna be stuck in that sex dungeon for a while.

WHY THE HELL DO PEOPLE LIKE MAKING CLIFF HANGERS!?

Other Me: so they would want to see the next chapter more?

Oh yeah

Yeah...sorry I couldn't do it. I had plans, but I wasn't sure if it would still be your story if it went my way. I may do a parody someday, if I may.

Hmm, interesting idea with the "alter-ruby" but based on your earlier writings of Ruby's alter ego I would say that she would not have the fury to do what she did if she was already "split" so to speak

OK so i got to say I really enjoyed the Hellsing Ultimate abridged reference there.

Wow so i guess whiterose is thing now. Wel im glad but i kinda think that it was anti climactic.. i sorta hoped for more awkward moments and stuff like that but anyways great chap. XD

Loved this fic, read it all in one session. brillian, and i would suggest that anyone should read it. Glad to hear that the sequel is coming out :D

Love the Hellsing abridged reference