Omh I feel so sorry for is meant to be a happy time and she ruined it

Nice story Vickir and it's good to see another TB writer out there.

I like your style of writing, the narrative pieces are very descriptive and thoughtful, I would like to see more of them. The conversations are good, although possibly a bit too long with nothing else happening at the same time. People generally talk while they're doing other things, and this is what I (personally) like to read. All conversation and nothing else reminds me of the daytime soap operas (my work colleagues insist on talking about) where the characters cannot walk and talk at the same time.

I would like to have heard more about Scott's love from the start. A very important issue for him and one of the pivotal issues of the story would have more impact if you mentioned it at the very beginning as well. That way, we can see him focus on the rescue while knowing the turmoil in his head.

Looking forward to seeing more from you!

Hi here vickir!
I was so delighted that you entered the TIWF Christmas challenge. Well done! Your take on the opening line was very interesting and who would have guessed Scott's inner turmoil about his lady at the end! I wished I could have known a little more about her to understand his pain. A few subtle hints earlier in the story would have been great!
A few things I noticed that you could work on if you wanted to was the excess of dialogue in places. You have a very nice narrative style as is evidenced in the closing paragraphs. I'd love to see that integrated throughout. There are definitely some punctuation and layout problems in the story but when we had such a short time-frame to write this can understandably be missed. If you would like me to check this for you, I'm happy to help :)
I look forward to reading more of your stories in the future

mcj

excellent

I had a very difficult time trying to read this story because, in essence, it completely lacks punctuation where the dialog is. Unless there's a question mark because the person speaking is asking a question, there isn't a single bit of punctuation inside the dialog.

I also got really confused as to this woman that Scott is saying Merry Christmas to, because there's no setup at all for him missing a love of his, early on in the story. So I felt like I got hit out of the blue with something that was pulled out of the air, rather than me being prepared for it.

My advice (not that you asked for it, but I assume people who post to want actual feedback, lol) would be two-fold:
1) Make sure you are punctuating dialog, and correctly. It's very difficult to read a story that isn't punctuated, and throws me from being able to immerse myself in the story.
2) Try to decide what the main point of the story is, and make sure it's a through-line from the beginning to the end. I can't tell if the point of this story was to get to Scott toasting his lost love or if it was the fact that they had a rescue on Christmas or if there was some other point altogether, and that makes it meander for me rather than tell me something. In this case, if you wanted it to be that Scott was morose every Christmas after having had to say good-bye to his love for the sake of joining IR, then it needed to be something that was threaded throughout the story from the start, not something that came up out of the blue after writing about a rescue.

I was VERY happy to see you'd entered the challenge, and am definitely looking forward to more from you! :-D

Terrific story, you make us really feel sorry for Scott. "Trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never met." Just can't be done, hope he can get over his heartache one day. Merry Christmas to you too, vickir!