Please...continue this? This story is amazing.

I suppose it has proved a longer wait after all! But if you wrote being forced and not because you wanted to, I don't imagine I'd like it as much!

This has been a very interesting story to read! I like how you've adapted their characters to the new backstory. Very nice! I'm curious to see more, when you're ready. :)

Here's to hoping you'll write another chapter!

Please update! :)

Keep up you are the only one with this kind of idea (really nothing similar in ff) and don't worry about school it gets easier if you don't stress.

Ch. 11

There's something minor that's been nagging at me slightly with this story, or the style, and I think it's the emotions. They're present, they're natural and logical and all that, but they just don't seem terribly immediate, if that makes sense. It's like the story's in a little bit much of a rush to really explore these feelings it mentions. It's not egregious by any means, and it is of course a matter of taste, but there does seem to be a little much "tell" rather than "show." It's not this chapter as such, it's just something I'm trying to articulate. It's like music rising to a crescendo, building and building, and then-stopping. Perhaps if some of the internal expositions were written as conversations, you might find that they build in a more natural and emotional way than monologues. Sorry to be so vague and waffly. It's not a major problem at all, as I said. There are some parts where it does, usually Esla-centric, but others where I just feel left hanging a bit. It's just that the heart of this story, of Frozen itself, is emotional bonds, so don't be afraid to really let loose.
Or it could be you are, and I'm just not recognising them properly...

The end of this chapter is very well done indeed. A lovely little, almost fairy-tale, touch. A perfect little touch.

Ch. 12.

"As the three" seems awkward to me. "As the three of them," or "as the trio" might be better.
Also, "bane" sounds a little too strong and negative. Perhaps "hindrance" might be softer, and still get the idea across.

Here's an example of another of the very minor niggly things about this story. Kristoff acts on instinct, managing to avoid the guards. It seems a little too convenient that all choices seem to be the right ones, all impulses correct. In other words, plot is driving character actions, and not the reverse. Again, it's just a very minor niggle, but if it could be fleshed out just a bit, it might make the story stronger. For example, in this case, "Kristoff became aware of the sound of footsteps coming from somewhere to their right. Footsteps marching in unison, and the soft clink of swords. He knew from experience that soldiers were never pleased to see people loitering on deserted streets, so he grabbed hold of Anna's wrist and started dancing a waltz." Okay, maybe not the last part. But just something to flesh it out. If you feel that's too long and you want to increase tension, maybe something like "Kristoff became aware of the sound of marching footsteps coming from somewhere to their right.'Soldiers!' he hissed softly. 'There must be a curfew! Hurry!'" Soldier-sounding marching deserted streets best not get caught.
Again, this is something that only stands out as I'm looking at this story with a similar eye as I would for one of my own. And my comments may not even be valid - I might be way off base. Other readers should *not* take these as reasons to avoid this story. They are not.

"...a piercing cry of, "Witch!"" - comma not needed. "...a piercing cry of "Witch!"" is fine. "...a piercing cry of "Which?"" is also acceptable in certain circumstances. Usually when shopping.

Okay, cool action scene at the end, and a nasty cliffhanger. This is a great example of letting character drive the plot. It's completely natural that Anna would call out to her sister. And by doing so, distract her, and set up the next chapter. Exactly what I was getting at earlier.

Oh come on! That's the last chapter at this stage? No fair! Okay, I do understand how RL concerns must trump writing, but what a place to leave us at...

Ch. 8

I think you nailed Elsa's reaction to her parents' deaths. If anything, perhaps it could have been even more dramatic, but that's just me wanting to see her powers manifest.

A short chapter, but at least you'll be glad to know I haven't spotted any notable editing slipups...

Yeah, who needs physics when you have magic? However Olaf's snow clearly isn't that sort, or he wouldn't need the cloud for summer. Perhaps Elsa freezes not just the water in the air, but the carbon dioxide as well, creating dry ice. Which would be a lot more dangerous to touch on its own, but perhaps it can be sort of combined with water ice to have some quasi-magic properties. Or it could just be massive enough and cold enough not to melt at a quick touch. Apparently you can make a binary heterophasic solid composed of water in the ice form with methane at the ratio of 1:5.75 methane-water which will remain stable at 60 F and 100 Bar of pressure. Not that I necessarily understand all that. There's also something called "hot ice" which is sodium acetate but not really the same thing.

Ch. 9

Cool, another Elsa POV chapter.

A couple of places where hyphens would help: "gruff-looking" and "power-hungry." Also "older-looking."

"The only thing Elsa had ever been afraid of was herself." - Yes. Very yes.

I am really not a trolls fan, or at least not as Kris's family, but it's canon so I blame Disney. The movie isn't perfect, but then if it was there'd be a lot less room for fanfics...

"belayed" - I think you mean "belied." Belay that order, Commander Riker! "Belie," on the other hand, is to give a false idea or show something to be wrong; run counter to.

"Kristoff's brought a girl home!" came a voice from somewhere in the mob.
"No way! It's a boy! Look at his boobies!"
(Sorry. The trolls remind me of BOB a bit too much...)

I'd have preferred a more gradual releasing of Anna's memories, or at least one done by the sisters rather than lifting a magical block by an outsider, but that's just me. But very nicely done anyway.

Ch. 10

A very nice chapter with some lovely emotional beats as Elsa finds her family again.

The issues with coronation ages and being queen is something Disney screwed up (Elsa would have been queen the moment her father died in reality; she would have had a regent rule for her until her majority, however. In Elsa's absence, Anna would be queen already) so we can pretend for the sake of the story that Arendelle has some strange rules.

No serious editing snafus either. However, "alright" is better as "all right."

I'm glad you appreciate this style of review (including editing issues). I wouldn't do them if you didn't welcome them - and of course if you spot any errors in my work, by all means sing out.

My reviews for the last three chapters. As usual, the focus is more on technical stuff...

Ch. 5

A-ha! The speech difference between the noble and the commoner is mentioned! I was wondering about that. Good bit of character-building there, as the movie doesn't have them with different accents.

I like the indication Kris has to be in awe of the SQ's power, though it would be nice if it were fleshed-out a little (at least from what we see in the movie). Perhaps Kris has had another encounter with the mysterious witch of the woods...

Not familiar with the term "heel of bread" I looked it up and it looks like another of those terms more common in American than British English. Interesting. It's cool the things you learn from fanfic... (Oh, and it was completely obvious in context, don't worry.)

Double-whammy here: "Sven and I usually usually make due with roots and berries."
-"Sven and I usually make do with roots and berries."

Nice fleshing out of Kristoff, with bits of backstory and hints of personality.

Ch. 6

I hate morning people too. But Anna would totally be a morning person.

This strikes me as slightly awkward. "...collided with a large rock or a piece of ice." You're telling the story, at this point, in a fairly neutral third-person, with just occasional checks into Anna's head. Especially in this paragraph. So there seems no reason not to have a clear idea of what the sled struck. I just keep thinking of Anna, cartwheeling through the air, thinking "Now, was that a rock, or a chunk of ice, that we just hit?" If you don't want to make it clear, "collided with something hard." Or just make a choice: collided with a rock, for example. It doesn't seem crucial enough to warrant this mystery, is what I'm on about, I guess.

"Pulling him off his feet," not "off of his feet," is better I think.

If Anna's so ready to attack the SQ, I'm not sure it helps to describe her (Elsa's) eyes as "wide and fearful" as seen from Anna's POV. Perhaps just "wide," and shift the "fearful" to when Elsa realises "The woman didn't seem malicious." Or perhaps "like an animal at bay" if you want to combine nervousness and danger.

"It was you." she said - ""It was you," she said (comma). Conversely, "snow at her feet, "With the..." - "snow at her feet. "With the..." (new sentence).

Good action scene, easy to follow. In one way I like the way Anna seems to instantly lose her fear of the SQ, like she has some instinctive knowledge she can trust her. In another I'd like to see this trust earned a bit more.

Ch. 7

I definitely prefer your Elsa-centric chapters. You write her very well. Maybe as you seem to get further into her thoughts - with Anna, it's almost as if you're just skimming the surface, possibly as she's usually interacting with someone else while Elsa is a alone. This chapter has some lovely bits as Elsa realises what has happened.

I love scenes in stories where the incognito prince/princess or other powerful person is revealed. Usually good for a smile or chuckle at everyone else's discomfort.

Watch your capitals and commas: "...sled?" he looked as though he might faint, "I'm fairly..." - "...sled?" He looked as though he might faint. "I'm fairly..."

I think "Anna didn't want to hope that..." would work better as "Anna didn't dare to hope that..." She certainly wants to hope it; but does she dare?

"Kristoff went on," is another bit you can chop out.

Ha! "...a Doctor Who special to be disappointed in." Oh so very yes. What the hell? Wooden Cybermen? Does not compute (literally)... And after such a good Fiftieth as well. Is Clara still supposed to be a mystery, or is the mystery why we are expected to care?
Okay, okay this isn't the Doctor Who fandom. I'll carry on tomorrow (it's a lot slower reading with a view to writing reviews like this - I'm basically reading with the same attention to detail I'd use for my own stuff when revising).

I was less than certain the midway point of the story was the correct time to unveil Anna's memories. Seemed like a great deal of potential for Anna to be uncertain of this Snow Queen and her claims to be a sister. Having no choice but having to work with Elsa and maybe install this total stranger on her throne in the interest of saving her life. It would have been an internal see-saw for Anna.

Reading this now I think it's clear you chose the correct path. Elsa's decision to help is 100% believable. There are still fences to be mended but the return of Anna's memories was a huge step in reminding Elsa her family needs her. Probably the only thing that could have gotten her off that mountain.

You do a great job with these emotional confrontations. This chapter and the last.

Hang on.

No Olaf?

Yes. Camp at night. What was the point of her hiring a guide if she was going to ignore his expertise? I felt it should have been something Kristoff stuck to his guns to in the film.

Just noticing Kristoff’s reluctance to do anything weird like let the Reindeer take the first bite of the carrot in front of a girl.

Enigmas. Good line.

How has Elsa survived, I wonder? Shelter, she can provide (be interesting to see how sophisticated,
without the benefit of the excellent education fandom seems to agree she got). Clothing, too. But you can't live on ice and snow. What does she do all day? Raid farms? Hunt animals? These are things I wonder about, especially when she left as a child.

Spelling mistake you might want to fix: "and had simpy taken to whacking Elsa" - "simply"

Also: "fazed" not "phased." - faze [feyz] To cause to be disturbed or disconcerted; daunt. "Your phaser doesn't faze me, Commander Riker!"

It's always interesting to speculate on just how Elsa's power revealed itself. I wish the movie had said something about it - every other magic power has a source, so why not this one? It's a minor issue in terms of the story they want to tell, but it does feel a bit sloppy. I like the way you've done it, especially with the way her parents react - there's already a strong hint in the movie that they know they're being a bit sneaky with the playing around. And I do like the way you finish that section. I'm a sucker for "burdensome powers" angst...

Not much to say about the meeting with Kristof, because I think it's very well done. I'm not entirely sure it feels "nineteenth century" but that's a relatively minor issue. I quite liked the way the movie introduced them (with "Lutefisk?" guy) but the noise of chopping in a quiet wood would certainly attract her to him. Anyway, I quite liked Kristoff so I am interested to see where you take him.

I like that this time Anna has some provisions. I wonder if you might not benefit from a few more paragraphs, however:
"Once Anna was dressed, Gerda thrust a heavy rucksack into her arms and said, "There should be enough provisions in there for a week's journey, and enough money for a lot more." Gerda stuck her head out into the hallway and, deciding the coast was clear, motioned for Anna to follow."
This struck me as a little odd - to me, the different action suggests a new paragraph. Just using a basic rule of "one thing, one paragraph" seems it might make things flow better.

It's good that we know Gerda is to be trusted, or else I'd be highly suspicious. Why risk poisoning when you can get someone to flee in fear of their life instead...
("Bwah-ha-ha!" Gerda cackled as the door shut. "She bought it?" Hans asked, sidling up to the lady's maid and stealing his hand around her waist. "She'll never return, The kingdom is ours, my love," Gerda said, giving him a kiss...)

One thing I would do, and I've been trying to do in my more recent work, is cut down on the number of times the speaker is indicated. For example:
-Gerda shook her head and responded, "No, I told you, I wasn't...-
We don't need "and responded" here to know that Gerda is talking (and responding, of course).

Also
-Gerda cut her off, "There are secrets to this castle that few know," she said.-
Again, we know she said this. There are a number of similar cases. This being something I'm trying to improve with my own writing means it stands out a bit more for me (before posting my latest chapter I removed half a dozen unneeded "saids"). [My stance with concrit is "how would I change this if it were my story?" - in terms of technique, of course, not content, which is entirely up to you. Well, unless you go right off the rails of rationality, but I don't think you will.]

"She had never seen a tree in person before" - Okay, that does sound odd. She never, ever left the castle compound? I do wonder how isolated your life would have to be before you could say you'd never seen a tree. Perhaps "She had never been into the forest before" would be less of a jolt, or perhaps "She had never seen trees so tall before." I just think that someone that sheltered would be finding things outside a LOT more scary. Just change it to "forests" or "tall trees" and it makes a lot more sense.

Nice ending.

Please don't take these minor comments as anything negative - your stories are high quality, but I don't want to just say "great chapter!" and move on.

Prologue:
I like the start. A lot. Good job capturing her fear and guilt. Some lovely imagery. One issue with the idea of Elsa running away as a child is that she still IS a child, with no one to look after her - the issue of what she would eat, for example, bugs me. Not a problem with your story, just with the concept of "running away to live in an ice palace." This would apply in the film as well.

Ch. 1:
Nicely sets the current scene, but it does kind of suffer from the "info-dump" problem: paragraph after paragraph of what is essentially an essay. If this could be presented a bit more like a story - say in conversations - it might come off better. This ends up being a common theme throughout the story - there do seem to be a lot of info-dumps. Converting some of these to conversations would ease up on the slight sense of rushing the story, and also reveal character a bit more. In my own stories I am constantly thinking "how can I present this info in a conversation?" - very often I rewrite paragraphs of explanatory text as conversations, so this stood out for me as a problem I often face myself.

One minor mistake - "they'd learned to make due." Should be "they'd learned to make do." As an American, they're homophones for you, which seems to be why many Americans use "make due" by mistake (in English English, it's more like "make dyou").

As an aside, I'd love an exploration of just how Arendelle's economy has changed - how can an essentially permanently ice-bound winter economy survive? The kingdom must be much poorer than before. I do like the way you've made her parents' search for Elsa be what killed them, rather than some semi-random boat trip.

Actually, I think Anna's formative years growing up alone would make for a good chapter or two themselves, giving a chance to really explore how different she is in your AU.

One does wonder why there aren't any royal cousins or something to act as regent, but that also seems to be a problem with the source material. Is Hans the same character (age, appearance, etc.) he is in the film? You mention a "very large gap in age" which implies he isn't. And as thirteenth in line (based on brothers, rather than being say someone's granduncle by marriage) implies someone fairly young. Unless his father/mother is rather old indeed.

Here's an example of where I think the "conversation" format for info-dumps works better. You state "For some reason she'd never felt as though she were meant for the job..." We, the reader, know why this is-we know she has a sister, so we know her feeling is correct. There's no tension in it, and it's almost like a wink from the author to the readers. If this was worked into a conversation, we could see what sort of reaction this idea would get from people in-universe, and, coupled with the "her free-spirited nature" part, it could help establish her character within the universe, as opposed to the outside-universe authorial dictat.

-"When she gave none he continued, "As you know, I have spent the past six years taking care of this country..."
I think this might work better as "When she gave none he continued. "As you know, I have spent the past six years taking care of this country..."

Onto the next chapter...