Ok

Plz continue this fic its awesome! if you could make it less gloomy for jpshjosh neh well js ne

This was beautiful. I think I almost cried.

AU headcanon accepted, btw. Well done, Ip.

Why would you do this? You're crushing my heart ;n;

I really like this idea (Joshua's such a little troll) but uggghhhh my heart...

Are you seriously not going to continue this?! This was...amazing. Really good.

This could become some great AU! Your writing was emotional for a supposedly unemotional being. I would love to see this go on and become something more. It's great as a one-shot, of course, but it feels like it's missing something at the end.

Hello again. It’s been busy, but I think I can squeeze in enough time for an adequate review.

This intro has some highly engaging imagery: “- dropped down and half-finished, bits of skin clinging to bones, naked and empty and so very confused” as well as “Jellyfish codes swimming through cyberspace”. Code and generic data making more sense to Joshua than people; his “artificiality” is cemented in these first few lines very well.

Transitions further down become stronger as we see Joshua in his trapped state with striking clarity. Being stuck in the world as he is, he chooses to make the most of his isolation by exploiting the ones he seems quite jealous of. Treasures are lovely things to look at, but in the end they are nothing more than cold dead vanities. The warmth and depth of “reality” is what he really longs for.

There is a sort of 'search for genesis' going on inside Josh’s head I see. I can’t help but feel, not in a angry way, that this is a rant about being (feeling) abandoned by one’s god, or rather God himself. It makes more sense with the story of TWEWY and its themes being brought into focus, but I feel it hits closer to home with me personally. Not in a negative way, I’ll have you know. In fact, I can feel a strong sense of empathy for Joshua in this particular depiction.

Now perhaps I shouldn’t say this, but Joshua’s raving about his nature as a “glitch” is continually reminding me of that little girl in Wreck-It Ralph (Vanellope von Schweetz, was it?). No insult intended, as I found the connection to be somewhat heartwarming.

His sense of like-mindedness with Neku, and the identity of the “new character” were both evident very early on in your descriptions. Interesting how Neku’s character is known for shutting out the world of noise with more noise in fact. Neku wants nothing to do with the world, while Joshua’s incompleteness leads him to feel isolated off from the very same world. They are on very opposite planes, yet trapped within similar circumstances. Neku doesn’t want the attention, but finds it in Joshua anyway. Neither of them will admit it, but having each other around does them both good and bad at the same time.

Sad, but again well described. Joshua is imprisoned by his ageless, malformed nature. Not to make KH reference, but I believe I’ve said that Josh is much like a Nobody: He begins empty, heartless and ageless, but he begins to “re-grow” a part of his former self when exposed to emotion and complete beings. Regardless, he must feel destroyed inside after being ‘filled’ by such emptiness.

“Joshua. Is not. Alive.” Robotic and sorrowful all at once (gives me some ideas for Rise XD). Again we see more of Joshua’s overpowering angst mixed with Neku’s echoes of loneliness. There is a bit of confusion in this line “And he’s terrible and selfish and cruel but he’s all Neku has and why aren’t you here?” From here onwards it seems as if the dialogue has been blended with prose a bit unevenly. I understand this scene is meant to convey more of a reaction to Neku’s words, rather than a word-for-word account of what he said. Still, it leaves me wonder whether this line was heard, spoken or both. Powerful scene all the same, so no offense I hope?

“Neku is anger and frustration” I think I know that happened here. I may be wrong, but am I right in saying that these ongoing scenes were affecting you strongly as you wrote them? I can read the angst, the sorrow and the betrayal so potently here it’s as if you felt this way yourself. Perhaps I’m wrong, but I guess painting a picture this dark and desperate would make anyone uncomfortable. To be fair, I’m rather eating it up indulgently. You’re writing never fails to have a jaded lure about it.

Being acknowledged by others validates our own existence, and value. Now thanks to his ignorance of how to handle emotion, Josh finds himself reenlisted in his own downward spiral. The harder he presses the more Neku resists because of more betrayal; however, this time it was fatal. He is so close to being important in someone’s eyes, but naturally the mischievous Composer ruins his chance. It would kill you to have put all that effort into getting someone’s attention, only to lose it in an instant.

It is extremely emotional at this point. Joshua is being decimated inside, not realizing that all he had to do was reach out for Neku when he had the chance. Now, naturally, when it’s far too late, he breaks down and admits, in a roundabout manner that all he really wanted was to belong; to be loved. Corny? Not in the way you portray it, no. “Unborn words sit on his lips, not yet developed, not sure how to be spoken.” This was fantastic, in the darkest and most beautiful way possible. You made this whole fic well worth anyone’s time.

Now…I hope you forgive me for this, but I will try to be honest and critical from now on: I will say that I caught a number of areas lacking commas, and at least area without proper capitalization “Will Neku do it? he asks.”Additionally, many of these descriptions still don’t feel as developed as I had anticipated. I would say the deeper you delve into this work the more detailed it gets, so that issue rather resolves itself. My final and only mild, personal complaint has to do with some of the scenes of internal angst. None of these points were overdone individually, but the sheer total amount seemed a tad excessive by the time I reached the end. I feel this piece was so powerful that it rather urged you to keep adding and adding, but I’m not sure if a reader would feel the same way (then again, I really have no right to say, as my work is consistently subpar in this department, as you know).

I agree that none of these issues are major, and I feel like a damned asshole for bringing them up in the first place. I wish I were one of those writers you could look up to; I wish I was someone whose advice and skill you could take seriously. Sadly, I feel that none of this is my place to comment on. I regret this especially since Systemic was a horrible example of my shoddy talent. I have no right, or wish to criticize you. That’s why I’m saying these things as a friend even though I shouldn’t be considered as such.

Regardless, I loved this piece and I have missed your writing terribly. Good to see you still dedicated and active in the field of writing.

oh my god. just... wow. that was awesome and sad and it made me want to cry and just wow. words cannot express how amazing this is. just wow.