Reviews for The Price
tresemellon chapter 1 . 6/7/2016
What an intriguing concept! I'm an absolute sucker for Drinny so of course I had to read this! And you didn't disappoint. The premise of this one-shot is a little on the darker side. I think Crabbe and Goyle may be a little bit OOC, because I can't imagine them actually doing any real harm to anybody. But perhaps I'm wrong? It's not a bad thing, just a thing I noticed. But it definitely works with the story.

I like how Draco acts as Ginny's knight in shining armour! However, it's a bit confusing that we get no indication as to why he did what he did. Was it pity? Perhaps he has a crush on the Weasel? ;) Not that it really matters, I suppose, because it's not like it would be a vital component to the story anyway! I like your characterisation of him anyway. He's somewhat cheeky and mischievous instead of the usual brooding, moody teenager we usually see lol! The little Drinny moment at the end warmed my heart. I'm sure the whole 'Ginny needs to pay Draco back' thing is just an excuse of his so he can kiss her ;) Or maybe that's just my excuse for him.

This one-shot could easily be expanded if you wished. You could definitely add in some more information, or perhaps continue the story as a whole, but it stands just as well on its own.

SPaG:
[infront] - [in front]

[Where both Slytherin and Hufflepuff resided.] - I feel it a little bit unnecessary to make this a new sentence when it easily can be connected to the one prior. Just a little nit-pick. But perhaps this is just your style as the rest of the paragraph seems to be laid out in this way as well, however I think it's a bit unnecessary to do so. Also if I recall correctly, and please do correct me if I'm wrong, I don't remember Hufflepuff's common room to be in the dungeons with Slytherin. A little bit of inaccuracy there.

[Barely a second later he turned the corner] - This isn't so much grammar, it's about the stylisation. I'm not sure whether it's because I'm looking at it from a weird angle or whatever but the word 'he' isn't italicised like the rest of the text. I'm also thinking that maybe it's a bit.. unusual to have the whole thing italicised. Surely it would work the same if it was just regular formation. Readers are smart enough to figure it out, I'd assume. You mentioned at the beginning that Ginny was having a flashback so, at least to me, it's pretty obvious already that it's an event from the past. Just a suggestion. I'm also confused actually as to how Draco saw Crabbe and Goyle if he was around the corner? I'm pretty sure he can't see through walls.. Maybe I'm misinterpreting.

["Get out of here before I change my mind Weasel!"] - Minor punctuation issue. Comma required before Weasel.

[..quickly let it go and grabbed book bag and papers from the floor and ran away.] - Seems to be a word missing after grabbed. Grabbed her book bag and papers? Grabbed the book bag and papers? I'm going to rule this off as a typo-thing.

[It was the next morning that she saw him again.] - Change that to when. Also you could conjoin this sentence and the one following it as it kind of runs together, and the third one now that I think about it.

[Her eyes settled on the wood and she recognized it as hers, hurrying up to stop short infront of him when he spoke though she had been determined to shout at him for having her wand.] - This whole sentence seems to be a bit of a mess to me and I'm not even quite sure what the part after her recognising it to be her's is meant to mean. Again, [infront] - in front. The sentence doesn't seem to flow well in my opinion.

["Can't you keep care of your own things?"] - Keep should change to take.

["What?" she asked rather angry at herself...ungodly hour like this.] - Again, I'm confused as to what these sentences mean, and what relevance they have to the story.

[choosed] - [chose]

[So now it's time to pay up Weasel.] - Comma needed after up.
Guest chapter 1 . 11/18/2013
schrijf door!
sailorangelmoon1 chapter 1 . 11/9/2013
Wow this is getting good!
Guest chapter 1 . 11/5/2013
sweer