Not a bad start. I like how you introduced the characters in the opening flashback. I gotta say I was surprised that Mason ended up being the victim. I didn't expect that out of everyone there, so good job keeping things unpredictable.

Still, I was disappointed there was no time period song for the flashback. Also the new lead seemed a bit too contrived. Mason friend just happens to become an ME and get him re-examined? Seems a bit too convenient. Also you might want to work on those ending chapter lines. They seemed kind of weak.

Still this was a decent start and it will be interesting to see where the case goes from here.

Is that "Eliza" girl from chapter 1 going to appear in chapter 4?

Interesting. I can actually see this as an episode. I am intrigued... who followed them? And who killed Mason? Maybe Sarah or Luke? Or maybe it was a burglar?

Interesting. Nice job with building up the tension. I think that Luke's father may be involved but I am really, really not sure. I don't think that Caroline killed him.

This isn't finish, is it?

This story isn't done yet, right?

Interesting. Maybe killer knocked him unconsciousness before hanging him? I would like to read what happens next.

ooh, like it!

Whoa, that sounds interesting. Keep going, please!

Interesting premise. I'm curious to see where you're going with this.

One problem I had with the start was that it didn't really establish much identity for Mason, our victim. Is he a perfectionist? Is he pushing the actors too hard? Is he friends with them? All we really saw was that he reprimanded a girl for being late, which really doesn't tell us if he's reasonable or unreasonable.

I have to admit, some of the dialogue between the detectives didn't sound entirely in-character either. The banter between the other characters was a bit better, though.

Still, it's an interesting start, and I hope to see more soon.