So, maybe I was a bit precipitous in my opinion (in chapter 17's review) of Kate's behavior as mental illness. It seems (based on these last two or three chapters) that she realizes her interpersonal reactions are merely learned behavior from her past life history. Kate (AND Rick) now have learned to more closely analyze what they say and do to others with an effort to determine WHY? they're saying and doing it. Is their reaction really based on the other person's present behavior, or is it based on perceived actions and results by OTHERS in their past? In so doing, Kate can (and has) either reduced or stopped her reactions if the present doesn't truly warrant them. Maybe there is hope for a Caskett true-love ending.

As portrayed in much of this story, Kate is psychopathic, with some neurosis and psychosis thrown in. For instance, Kate consistently avoids the discomfort or pain of an emotional kind. Whenever she becomes uncomfortable with someone else's behavior, she immediately thinks why (in her mind) this is occurring and transfers her perceived thoughts and motives to the other individual. In her mind, HER thoughts and perceptions are the ONLY thoughts and perceptions the other individual can have. She never bothers to communicate with the other to determine how accurate she may be. Still, if the other person doesn't agree she'll disregard any responses as a lie or, at least a complete misunderstanding on the part of the other.

The psychopathy comes by her thinking ONLY of her own pain or fears and never even considering the feelings or reactions of others. They don't count. Only her efforts to avoid her own discomfort of the situation have any bearing to her. In other words, she doesn't mistreat the other intentionally to deliberately hurt them, she does it solely to accomplish her own relief without any regard as to how her reactions may negatively affect the other. Since the others are usually good friends or co-workers (many - her hideaway boyfriends are even lovers she's known for many years if she bothered to think how her actions would affect the others, any reasonable person with equal background and information would realize her actions would also cause these people significant emotional pain. She can't be bothered to even consider them in the overall picture of her intended actions.

The neurosis is her constant fear that, no matter how well things are going for her, it cannot last. That's too bad because this creates fear in her and she will immediately take actions to alleviate or avoid these fears. Because of her seemingly complete lack of empathy for others' feelings, it would seem Kate is incapable of finding love. Even if she thinks she truly loves someone, her neurotic fears that something will screw it up will force her away from the loved one to avoid any pain for Kate.

Loving Dr Burke in this story...

This long love story was as wholly entertaining as "What's Love Got to Do With It?" This was not only for the Love story itself, but it was fascinating to watch the two main characters fumble themselves from s semi-friendly relationship in the 12th Precinct to the deepest and darkest recesses of despair.

But for the fascinating discussions between Rick and Kate in their sessions with Dr. Burke, and some letters each had written the other, there would/could be no Caskett as each was convinced the other harbored so much dislike for the other, there was no hope for even trying to recover any friendly feelings; nevermind a relationship which might end in love.

Kate and Rick wrote these love letters completely opening their thoughts, feelings, and very souls to the other. Since neither had any intentions to mail theirs to the other, both were absolutely honest. Naturally, for a spot of crisis (as if the misunderstandings and hurt feelings weren't enough), these letters are eventually delivered. All-in-all, a smooth-reading and delightfully written story results.

only now that i have seen your story. very good read! thank you.

Great chapter
I relly enjoy the care they both took to wriz to each other. Trying both not to give too much, trying to leave enough space for the other ... They are attentive, both interesting in making things ettig better although Castle is much more obvious in his plan. Beckett probably does not realize that she may still have hope. She just wants to have a novel opportunity to tell him what it was for her ...

In almost all your chapter, there is very definitive and sentence that tells us so much:
"Dying had been all too easy. It's coming back to life that's hard." is for example just so perfect

So, a small progress but they are trying and are as honest as they can

Reading the letter was probably not an appropriate behavior
And I'm glad that you let us know that Rick is also conflicting about it

Reaching for Dr Burke is also the potential beginning for a massive mess ... but Castle need to know whether he could (indirectly) hurt Beckett or not
It seems like Dr Burke is not going to be easy to manipulate and need to know his motive and to be certain of his honesty ...

Green light for Castle, but I appreciate how sensible he is about his next step towards Beckett

Great chapter
A lot of thinking for both of them (and I liked it)
Castle is very focused on trying ot understnd wht happened and has now realised that he was a trigger for her PTSD.
He is on mission: he is going to look after her and is ready to be less present if it helps

Despite this very desesperating day, Beckett is still trying to go further: eating, dealing with nightmares and flashbacks. She realized her mistakes. Still moe comfortable i hiding but willing to talk ... Regardig Castle, she is also ready to move on. It's easy for her to believe that they are done. She was so scared/ so covinced that they had no chnac, that there is no doubt for her at te moment.

Very well done !
Thanks for sharing

Finally, the first encounter between Beckett and Castle ...
What a bad sequence for Kate: Lanie, the psych eval, and then Castle ...
I still felt she was kind of brave to go to Castle in her current state.
I guess she still had some hope, or maybe she just felt she had to do it whatever the consequences would be ...
I'm not sure she currently believe that she can love him, that she can get over her PSTD associated to seeing him. Anyway, ti would be easy for her to discard this option: he has been crystal clear: he doesn't care anymore ...
She has all the reason to feel desesperate

Meanwhile, Castle is upset, his anger directed agaisnt Beckett (but not for long) and then against Espo, Ryan and Lanie (and probably himself)
Why did he not trust himself concerning Beckett ? He knows her better than her own friends. He should be glad to realize how well he can understand her, but for the moment, he sounds just shocked by seing her cowering ...

Great chapter, in the change of pace and in the description of the pain that both of them are enduring

This chapter focuses on the other side of the disaster that was her shooting: Castle is alone and suffers severe Beckett withdrawal. Castle is unable to write, unable to work with the NYPD and unable to reach Beckett. This long wait is getting more and more painful for Castle. We learn that he did not try to contact her which seems quite surprising. Seeing Jim does not comfort him. Knowing that she is getting better is not that helpful, because then it means that she did not need him and also that she did not care for him. He is a hopeful guy but this is too much (or more exactly too less) for him. So painful to read.
And then, Beckett is directly confronted to her poor choices. Trying to ignore her trouble is not anymore possible in NY. And the “sweet” talk of Lanie made it clear that she was all wrong, that she is not exacty warmly welcome and triggered a PTS. Huge massive failure.
A note of hope: Beckett is now looking for a psychiatrist.
Still painful but still progressing …

She is getting better physically and she has a lot of time to think. There is some kind of clarity in her letter. She has realized that she was in love with Castle. It’s obviously a good first step. But her natural system of defense is already working to make her believe that it's not possible anymore, thinking that “She’s just as much in love with him as he used to be with her”
Still she feels relaxed and maybe there is a connection with the realization that hit her: she is in love with Castle. Talking to him with letter is her control zone. When she tries to visualize him, it’s a mess. The next day, she realized that she is not ready to see him and it’s painful to her..
Very powerful description of the current state of mind of Beckett.

The recovery is so painful (especially because she doesn’t allow herself any relapse).
She wants her life back. She can’t deal with her current physical weakness and obviously ignore her distress. Her job is so important to her. Her detective skill and her excellence as a detective have always been a source of comfort (maybe the only source of comfort/closure) for her. And she lost it all. She believes that she need to be back in detective mode to feel better and she forces herself to exhaustion.
She refuses obstinately to accept her weakness. She swallowed her pain when her mother died for the sake of her father. Maybe she believes that not listening to her own pain will work again. Wanting to recover from anything is in her character. It’s who she is. She doesn’t know/understand the easy way. It’s part of her.
So painful to see her in such physical pain and how she amplified it by her exigence to be who she believes she should be (or she need to be). Being a detective is what helps her to deal with the death of the mother. She feels useful as a detective, not otherwise. So the shooting is much more than a physical accident. She feels that she is even less that the young Beckett who was not afraid by the storm. (I felt this was a very significant detail (well done !)).
Great chapter in which you delve into the numerous misconceptions of Beckett, about who she is (just a detective, she believes), what she can be proud of (being a detective, she believes) and how little she thinks of herself outside of it … Thinking about being loved is thus absolutely out of question. You made it very clear, very believable and not an emergency. The only fight that she aims to perform is to feel strong again and detective again. But then, she is missing a bigger one !

What an incredible mistake she is doing ! It’s painful to read her trying to deal with everything all by herself.
Kate is blatantly lying to her father. I guess the underlying nature of the relationship between Kate and her father has been durably affected by his history with alcohol. I also think that she was used to silence herself because she had to deal with her father illness. Deal with his burden, never be a burden is probably an habit for her.
I guess that Jim does not feel trustworthy enough to confront her and ask her why she feel the need to stay isolated. He probably knows the answer. He had made her believe that she is the only she can rely on, that her father need to be protected. They are still trapped in their common painful history.
Kate’s decision can be seen as a denial. She wants to believe that she can make it by herself. But I’m not so sure that’s what you intended to develop. I favor the idea that she really believes that she will make it although she knows that it will be painful. You made it like she truly believes that she has no other solution. She has many elements to think so. It’s more comfortable for her to shut down all the worries and concerns from her friends and dad. She does want to be a burden. She need to be outside of the hospital, far from NY and sirens. She need some distance from everything.
In the same time, Castle is also drowning.
So painful, so well written

Chapter 7 (I'm not surprised that I could not review this chapter. I probably could not prevent myself to write you how much I enjoyed it)
So 3 or 4 years later, here I'am again !

This chapter is essential, painful and beautifully written.
Not much more to say ( I really enjoyed it).
I first thought that it would be difficult to provide a convincing explanation for her disappearance for months following her shooting. I guess that's where you caught me with your story.
From this chapter, I suscribed to your point of view (her recovery wil be long, Castle will be hurt but she did not know how to do differently)

What a great story !

Chapter 8
This one is another kind of perfection. You made Castle miserable, but also extremely clever and understanding. I think that this one of the most important aspect of your story. Castle and Beckett are not lying (too much) to themselves. Castle knows when he is "crass" (you wrote than in a previous chapter). Beckett knows when she is a "petulent child". Although they are struggling (separately), they still try to analyze their own behavior and the behavior of the other one.

Chapter 5 (posted on chapter 6 (apparently, I already reviewed it))

OK, so I said before that you made the characters clever
Maybe this chapter is the exception that proves the rule !
Beckett is not having a relaxing awakening. Espo and Castle are unfortunately a little bit clumsy (to said the least)
In this chapter, an important event/incident. I did not pay attention to it during my first reading but it's already there (in fact, it was already mentionned in the previous chapter)

Chapter 6
This one is much more adressing Beckett's frustration, insecurity and bad temper.
She is struggling with her current situation (and probably with what happened)
This contrast between her physical weakness and her explosive internal tumoil is so well descrived

Thank you again