LOL!

Did you see the beginning of the Ranma 1/2 amine episode "All It Takes is One! The Kiss of Love is the Kiss of Death" where Ranma was relaxing face-down at the beach, and a (uncursed) boy asks "him" out to his yacht with Ranma voicing acceptance, then Akane hinting strongly that "he"'s a GUY, then after being asked by the boy if "he" IS a guy Ranma affirming the fact, scaring the boy away?

Since Sun wasn't breathing for a moment or two when she comes to you could have had her say "Hey Tomboy, your Mother says she misses you & she's proud of you"

"Work is good for you, Ranko" Nabiki smirked "Try it sometime"

"Starting at the age of ten about twenty places during the training trip then since coming to Nermia the NekoHatten & Uuchans, which has been good for me. So how about you take your own advise Nabs & get a job"

Pluto should have said

"She's angry & frusterated she has lost more then any of us"

"How can you say that?"

"Her father, mother, her in-laws, two friends & two best friends & several of them right in front of her"

This doesn't make sense

Mercury fades as she dies turning back into Ami (her civilian form) her mother comes in & sees her dead but can't tell anyone why she crying for Mercury

Why?

I get the secret identity but any hospital staff that sees Mercury change into Ami would know why she was crying for Mercury but if no one saw her change they would see the senshi taking Ami

So wouldn't it be "couldn't tell anyone why they took her daughter?

You keep saying that time erased but to when because it more or less goes

Sailor Ranko by Fire
Send Ranma & Akane to Jubban & Learn from Mr. Miyagi
Ranma recruited by senshi
Sun retires, Return of Sun & nearly dies
Trapped in Jadite's dimenssion
Train Akane, Final Battle & Rejected by Mother

Sailor Ranko Love Story by you
Ranma goes to talk to Uuchan while Akane vs Shampoo
Flashback to training Akane
Nodoka's regret, Akane vs Mousse, Akane's wig
Proposal, return to dojo & Ranma gets biology lesson

Twice in a Millenium
R&A get married, Akane is made a senshi
they find Ranma's familiar
Ranma & Nodoka reunited

Black Moon Eclipise of Sun
Return to Jadite's, Return to Nermia?, Yuka possessed
Move out of dojo/transfer to Jubban, to Sun station
Nabiki gets Konatsu to follow them while Sun remembers past life, Return of Usa
Sun & Io help Neo-Moon, Mars then other senshi remember
To Jadite's dimension/Sun & Io to Crystal Tokyo
Help save universe then return

Granted Ranma & Akane may forget what they did in Crystal Tokyo but given they remember everything else as do the rest of the senshi. So, why wouldn't Konatsu remember being sent by Ukyo & Nabiki?

Ok, I understand that
While Sun & Io were in Jedite's dimension the senshi forgot they were senshi, the NWC forgot Ranma & Akane got married

So they transfer & leave Nermia, they help Neo-Moon which restores the senshi's memory which in turn gets Senshi sent to Jedite's while Sun & Io are sent with Neo Moon to Crystal Tokyo. Now while this is happening back in Nermia Nabiki is getting Konatsu to spy on Ranma & Akane.

He finds out & tells them then Ranma & Akane return to the past which except for trip to CT they & the senshi remember so how is it erased?

It's boring. Not bad writing, just a really boring story with not much happening and what does happen is kind of lame.

This is the second time I've read this and I have to voice a pet peeve.

If a scene takes place out of doors when a character generally cannot fall to the FLOOR... They fall to the GROUND...

When the scene takes place inside a building they fall to the FLOOR not the GROUND...

Sorry for the all caps - I'm not yelling its just for emphasis.

This is a very small comment:

She kneeled and waited at the door for them to all come back and enjoy a nice family dinner together.
She knelt and waited at the door for them to all come back and enjoy a nice family dinner together.

You do very good with word usage and usually use the correct form.
Many do not (using sneaked instead of snuck) (here instead of hear) and etc.

Sun should have started glowing sickly green (sign of Shi Shi Hokodan) after she woke and fixed her leg

Last chapter Ranko & Akane don't goto school because of Genma's death and when they leave you make no mention of how there dressed before going senshi so we assume there in their normal outfits yet all of a sudden when they stop being Sun & Io, Ranma is in a school uniform

So no school & Ranko is wearing a girl's school uniform while Akane is wearing one of her normal outfits

This doesn't make sense

Two problems with your story

1) You say it's a Sequal to "Black Moon Eclipse of the Sun" so Ukyo should have already known about Ranko & Akane before she sent Konastu to Jubban

2) Sailor Pluto can teleport by herself so she shouldn't need Sun's help

If you read "Black Moon:Eclipse of the Sun" you wouldn't have Ukyo thinking that Akane might be a senshi because Konatsu told her & Nabiki that both R & A Saotome were senshi