It would be a nice cute story,if the english was at least s little readable. Its OK to do a story in your own language

that got me too until I red the ending funny

your English is terrible. Good idea, bad author.

so funny.

I don't get it. What's with your grammar?

Hilarious!

Wait

What is going on? I didn't quite get it.

Wow, I just laughed my ass...phalt off reading this. You did a great job, despite the bad english. Muy bien, hermana, muy bien.

The idea behind this story was really cute and funny, and I liked it. However, it seems you're having a little bit of trouble with your formatting. Your English, though, is quite good, especially for you being a native Spanish speaker.

I speak a little bit of Spanish myself. I'd be more than happy to help you with words you may not know in English and with formatting your story correctly so it's in story format and not script format. If you'd ever like any help, feel free to PM me. I'd truly love to help you with your writing, as your story ideas have quite a bit of potential.

Keep up trying, sweetie! :)

Loved this story :)