Please take this in the spirit in which the advice is offered: kindly. Obviously, English isn't your native language, nor are you fluent in it. I'm sure you read and understand it, but you haven't got a lot of grasp of the syntax or the grammar of the English language. You also can't keep your verb tenses straight (the same)... past, present, future - they are all different in English, but not in all languages, and apparently not in your native language. I suspect that yours is a non-SVO language, but English is... in English, the verb must go between the subject and the object. I'm sorry, but I wasn't able to make enough headway in your first chapter to tell if your native language is SOV, or OVS, VSO, or what. Since English is my primary language, with Russian (an SVO language, like English) and Yiddish (an SOV language) being the languages in which I am next-most fluent in (and also being fairly fluent in German - another SOV language), and given that I'm proficient in French, Polish, Ukranian, several dialects of Chinese, Arabic, a little Hebrew, and some Hindi and Farsi, as well as a few African languages, I understand the problem, and I think that if you find a beta who is fluent in your own language AND in English, you probably have a good tale to tell. I hope you get a good beta to help you out. :-)

Greetings...I have been reading this story, and I think it's amazing. However, I think (no offense intended, believe me!) that you should get a beta whose first language is English (or is at least fluent at that level) to go through the story again (or rewrite it in another language if you can), as the phrasing (especially the prophecy) reads like the writer isn't a native English speaker (and, to me at least,) makes it somewhat distracting and hard to enjoy. This is just my personal opinion, and if you don't agree, please tell me so.

Keep on writing!

Samuel Fox

While I like good Severus Lily stories, I am somewhat confused about this one.

On one side, Lily now is married to Severus after she exploited and betrayed him. On the other side, she so selfishly exploited and betrayed him for the sake of the spawn the one who done so much evil to him.

Unlike Harry, I don't think James is really "good".

James Potter is not Harry Potter. He is a bully who like to bully Severus at a ratio of 4 to 1- "The marauders vs Snivellus". That's not "self defense" when you choose to confront your "enemy" at 4 to 1.

James is a bully who chooses to cover a serious crime-one of attempted murder. Instead of insisting that Sirius be punished fully and seriously for the crime of trying to feed Severus to a werewolf. James and Dumbledore covered up the crime. Sirius also "got away" with little to no punishment. James could have at least broke his friendship with Sirius if he has a sense of goodness. But he is not "good", James just stop the incident to prevent Remus from biting or killing anyone and getting into serious trouble.

Also, even after the attempted murder, James, Sirius and friends STILL secretly bullies Severus until at least 7th year according to Sirius.

So really, why should Severus act so kind to the baby like he did in this story?

I mean Lily has so much feeling that focus on James and Harry while she ignore the evil cause and effect James' actions has on people like Severus.

And why should the opinion of people like Sirius even matter before they really redeem themselves and change.

Sirius is the one who tried to attempted to murder Severus by werewolve Remus. Or do people just expect Severus to want to go to that location at that specific time with that specific method?

The way the author has Severus act so caring toward Lily and Harry when Lily hurt him (even in the later chapters) and James done so much evil to him may be somewhat unrealistic.

It makes it seems as if evil done by James and the results they causes are justified.

If James didn't evilly bully Severus so much to the degree of being complicit in the murder attempt then still bully him, then I think you story would have made sense.

But in this story, Lily care so much for the person who done so much harm to Severus and choose to exploit and use Severus selfishly for the sake of James spawn that it's wrong.

I know a mother wants to protect and help her child most times, but when it exploits, harm and use others like tools then it becomes wrong.

While Lily at the end chooses to marry Severus, she still held a lot of bias by caring for Sirius thoughts so much and not really recognizing the harm done to Severus by James, Sirius, herself and others.

So if there is a sequel, I think Lily should pretty much try to earn Severus forgiveness, acknowledge his sacrifice for her and give him his own children with her.

Interesante final!

Hated it. I always thought of Dumbledore as an old, manipulative bastard.
And Lilly is acting like a b*itch. She may feel the pressure but she is the one to make the decisions.
She can't tell Severus that Harry is his son and then move and take him away again the next second.
I always liked your Lilly character but now I hate her. And whatever happens next I don't see her redeeming herself. I don't think I will ever like her again.

I loved it. I can't wait for the next chapter.

Good job, can u write more. Please

Me parece una solución muy cruel por parte de Albus, es decir, pobre Severus!

Espero que Harry extrañe mucho, mucho a Severus

En fin bue capítulo

I love it and I can't wait for more. I would say this is the best chapter so far.

... that was brilliant

"but Lily wasn't the brightest witch of the century for nothing"
Never in the books is said that Lily was the brightest witch of the century.

What Lilly did to Severus is unforgivable, no matter the circumstances. Hope there is going to be some major fallout after they get Harry back. Lilly has a lot to make up for.

I read it...

I found your story today and kept reading until I finished! I am always happy to read a snily story! I really like how you are not rushing the two into a relationship. I've always felt stories that did this to be a bit lacking in realism. Lets face it, Lily and Sev hadn't seen eachother for years and both of their lives changed drastically in that time. You are doing a great job and I look forward to reading more in the future.

I absolutely love this story please update this as soon as possible!