There are many spelling and grammar errors in this chapter. Please find a Beta, so you can publish better works.

Good day!

Your story contains content too explicit for an M rating. Have you thought of moving it offsite to a place like DeviantArt or Archive of Our Own, where content like this is permitted? MA fics have been deleted in the past, so it might be a good idea to tone it down or remove it before the admins find it.

Wouldn't it be easier to create an account somewhere else, upload the MA stuff, and tell your fans where it is after you pull it down here, rather then logging in one afternoon to find yourself banned and your stories gone, with your fans wondering where you went?

JaysonFour of Critics United

I my honest opinion, a Lapras of some other large sized water-type pokemon would be the most suitable for Ash's team, as it would allow him to carry more than just himself when using surf, you see? any way interesting start to this story, I hope to see the next chapter soon.

Maril or azurill because azumaril is beast

It doesn't have to be kanto right? So why not let him get a lotad or feebas. I like milotic and ludicolo. Anyways great. Altough i skipped the lemon. Not into that stuff guess to pessemistic when it comes to it. Not dissing. I like where you're headed and aside from spelling and grammar errors really good.

Your spelling and grammar are a crime against the Ebglish language, get a beta.

Say what you will about fluff sometimes you just need a good lemon.

I like it. A little rough around the edges,maybe a scratch on the case but pretty good.

Hey if you're screwing with stuff, get Piplup or one of his evolutions to learn swift. You add those star things to a whirlpool move and you have an awesome combo for the Contests. (God I love combing moves Aerial Ace Steel Wing. Volt Tackle Iron Tail Agility. Quad Punch Machamp Only - Fire Punch Thunder Punch Mach Punch Ice Punch all hit at once. Or combine it with close combat for an Elemental Melee.

I think ash should have a totodile

Interesting start, the story could use a bit of refinement grammar wise but is otherwise pretty good. Can't wait to see how things continue as time goes on. Also for Ash's water type you could always use vaporeon.

Ash's water pokemon should be Gyarados

I would probably say Krabby, its a great water type