Hey! I like this start so far! I saw that the author 'BloodyMarryMe' and you made a fanfic together and I wanted to see your other works -So I came from the story 'I Don't Like you!' (Nice story If I might say.)
So, Yeah! Keep up the good work and if you ever talk to 'BloodyMarryMe' again -Tell her that We love you guys!~

Your's Truly,
Nari!~

This chapter fills like a filler episode or a sort of 'omake' part after the anime. However, I love reading about Hearts interaction which brings out family-like or domestic feels. I like how the crew teases Law when they had a chance. It was like 'yeah you're the captain but hey I gotta do what the older brother does to the younger ones'. Leon is really doing his job well as a mother hen and even though he hates to be called like that, he somewhat enjoys doing it. It is like a show of his authority on them or rather he had a right to 'spank' those little boys when they are getting bratty, lol. Also, Law is just so cute when he was getting 'teased' like that.
Thanks for the update :D.

Finally got to the last chapter and I’m a little sad there isn’t more for me to read.

This has been a good pace to introduce a small chunk of your characters, but it feels as if “plot” has been left out. Now, I don’t think this is necessarily a bad thing. You have a particular plan in motion that is dependent on multiple OCs that all have their own problems and resolutions. A set “plot” could would be difficult or would really hinder other character’s development because they would n’t be apart of said major plot. So, the major plots of traveling and making their captain king makes sense to follow. As they all travel together, the all grow through smaller plots for each character.

The one thing I noticed was that when you write your descriptions, they can get a little wordy. I don’t think its bad that you have that nice amount of detail, I just think the sentences get too long and are harder to follow at times. Revising those longer sentences down into a few smaller sentences might help keep the reader on track.

And among the OCs...I think that Elais is my current interest. There has been a few mentions I picked up about him. I’m intrigued by the idea that he has a certain power, but I will see what that is in the future. Among he canon characters, I enjoy Shachi and Penguin the best. They really do know how to dispel the tension caused by angst, anger and drama. How you wrote them was really good for that needed comic-relief!

I am looking forward to the next update!

Favorite quote that makes no sense out of context: I could write “maybe” if you want.

I think this chapter really helped me warm up to Leon again. The thing I needed was characters that were extremely aware of Leon’s motherly nature and said something about it, not just accepted it. Oz and Law pretty much accept the way that Leon acts without resistance, but Penguin and Co. really teasing Leon about being “da Mamas” with a flock of children just clicked it on place. That whole scene made me laugh. I think adding a bit of humor kinda helped break the overbearing tension for me. I just needed to wait one more chapter to get there.

I see we are slowly picking away at all crew members and learning about their pasts. Just a small comment about “trust issues” stuck out to me. I like how we got to see more of the crew in this chapter compared to the last two. It’s still a small crew, so there will be time to see more revealed. We are learning more and more about Oz as well. It will be quite an interesting story if each new character has an equally unique backstory as Oz. I give you many props for undertaking such a big project if that is the case!

Oh boy! That was really something! Interesting twist at the end.

This was also a good chapter. Nice interactions between Law and Oz, but I am starting to have mixed feelings about Leon. I do like him, but apart of me feels his motherly nature is a little too overbearing for me at times. I like the moments more where he shows that tough-love side. Like forcing Law and Oz to deal with their problems alone. Leon was kind to help out Oz and kinda go against Law, especially what happened. Though, this moment also showed how Leon is still loyal to Law, and helped him, but then was like: deal with it you two. I’m not a fan of seeing him pick up others like a child and how doting he was over Law and even Oz in previous the chapter. Maybe it’s because I don’t know more about Leon yet. Also, I’m trying to look at it from a OP-Perspective. This might just be one of Leon’s funny quirks: he is overly motherly. It’s good for Law and Oz at least. I think with more time, I will get used to Leon and all his quirks.

And, my favorite out of context line was: what’s wrong with your face? I actually burst out laughing at that.

I knew it was all apart of Law’s plan, but Auntie was an compliance, too!? That didn’t even cross my mind. Though, this brings me back to something I said for chapter 2 about how everything looped together nicely, but I had wished to see the conclusion on said loop. The conclusion of that loop was not what I had intended to see! It was a very nice twist I forgot to mention. It was something simple, but unexpected.

I really do enjoy the interactions between the characters and how I’m slowly getting to know them, but I wish I could have seen a little bit more of other characters. This was a lot of Oz with his head in a bucket or toilet (for good reason). I would have liked to see Law’s manhunt. Maybe not from Law’s perspective, but from other’s perspectives. Like Shachi and Penguin working and they suddenly see Law stalk by the door twenty times, progressively looking angrier and angrier every time he passes by. In my mind, I find that humorous. Still, this was a nice chapter and we got to meet sweet Bells! She’s a beautiful danger, just like her human. :)

I’m still thinking more about Oz’s secret because there is still something I am missing. I’m going over all the physical descriptions you laid out for me to observe, but it’s very obscure. That’s a good thing by the way. It’s keeping me curious and I can’t wait to read the next chapter!

Also, I’m very intrigued about what Elias is planning...

I really love the dynamic between Law and Leon. Leon is the tough-love type of person, but he is still a people-person and cares about others, even if they are strangers. That’s why Leon could probably pick up on Oz’s Catty Secret whole Law couldn’t. Your version of Law definitely loves to crawl under the skin of people that are easily irritated by it. So, while manipulative and cunning, Law lacks that softer side that Leon has. Now, I mentioned that I believe Oz’s secret is a physical thing he tries to hide, which is why he wants no one to look at him, but since Leon is that people person, Oz let his guard down and Leon probably SAW the secret. I don’t think he necessarily picked up on secret through intuition on its own, but I’ll see when I get there. Also, liked how Leon didn’t even bother telling Law the secret and wanted the good doctor to suffer in humility. Niiice.

Now, one of the things I noticed in this chapter is that sometimes sentences can get a little wordy. It could be a style thing because it wasn’t confusing for me to follow, it was just different from what I am used to. This chapter also really showed me how you portray the inner feelings of all the characters and not just focusing on one at certain times. So, omniscient third person. It’s not something I am used to and feels weirdish to me, but with the type of story you are going for, it makes sense to use this style compared to a limited scope. It’s something I will get used to with time, but might also give me ideas later on, ja?

Also, really loved the conversation between Oz and Law about how important one part in a giant engine can be, no matter how small. It was a very nice touch that showcased Law trying to be nice, but somewhat flopping because he can’t “people” well enough. Double loved how Oz ended up on the sub. Law totally planned that. There is no doubt in my mind he totally did that on purpose. So, don’t worry Oz, he probably “borrowed” all your belongings and will “give” them back to you. Including your cat.

Law in this chapter was definitely less stiff than he was in the first chapter. His dialogue was even more enjoyable. I feel like you have started to fall into a good flow with your version of Law, ja? I still want to see some more atmospheric settings, but it wasn't really a deterrent to the overall chapter because the character interactions were extremely strong. I also really like the narrative you use to explain the inner thoughts of the characters, especially with Oz in the beginning.

I loved the interaction between Oz and Law. We got to know a little more about Oz, but I also got clarification that he IS hiding secrets. Also, I really enjoyed how you revealed a piece of information between Oz and Law, which looped into the conversation between Law, Leon, Elias and Auntie. Then, the minor "conflict" between Law, Leon and Elias was settled by Shachi and Penguin (especially since we got an small glimpse of their feelings in the middle of the chapter). It was a well formatted plan and executed just as well. The cherry on the top would have been Law talking with Oz to wrap everything up in one cute little sitting. However, I will assume you want that scene to larger and not rushed, which was why it wasn't included in this chapter. In any case, it set up a good foundation for what I expect to come.

I know there will be more hints in there about what might be up with Ozzy. He is the "main focus" of this arc, so I'm paying close attention to what you reveal about him. He has a peculiar fear, which makes me go back to that "cat theory" again. Even though I know he does not turn into a cat, but for the sake of humor, Oz's secrets will be placed in the Cat Theory Folder. From what his fear is, I believe his secret is something physical; it's something he doesn't want people to see on himself or maybe something he can do (like turning into a cat, possibly). I will just have to see when I get there.

I am excited to get to chapter 3! :)

I have many things to say, and say I will.

The name you chose for the submarine. Mwuah~ A gorgeous choice, my friend. P-e-r-s-e-p-h-o-n-e~it rolls of the tongue. While the Polar Tang is the canon name, I like to see what other non-canon names people come up with. That is the fun of fanfiction, after all. :)

I thoroughly enjoyed your introduction of Oz. He's a fiery little whippersnapper. Though, I did notice how you mentioned his eyes a few times, and I started to look closer at the other traits you focused on for him. As I was reading, I felt there was something you were trying to hint at, especially since you mentioned a cat. At first, I thought that Oz WAS the cat. No, he was not that cat. However, I still want to believe there is something more to Oz based on what you have given me, I just don't know it yet. I'm sticking to the cat-theory that it is cat-related. Now, speaking of the cat, Teisei is delightful. I liked how Bepo communicated with him told everyone what the big kitty said. It's an icebreaker, Oz. Don't worry you're sweet little head.

I really liked the interactions between the characters in this chapter. The dynamics between the crew members is very smooth and natural. I also like the background you sprinkled in with each of the current members. Law and Leon seem like quite the brotherly pair! I really liked Miss Notte and how the crew interacted with her and also her older sister. I hope I get to see Aunt Pluie in the future, but if I just get to hear Miss Notte talk about the old auntie's bones and joints predicting the weather, I'm okay with that, too. You also hit my weak point of characters being given dramatically heavy accents that people can barely understand. I do love those character types, but you have an actually plot reason for it...unlike a certain someone that you know, coughmewithsalcough.

However, at times, it felt like Law's dialogue was a little stiff. Sometimes I was feeling it, but other times it felt like it dragged out in a strange way. I still had fun reading his dialogue and it got a few nice laughs outta me. I think that is just because I'm used to writing him a different way. It will be something I get used to with time. I like how he uses GERMAN, JA!?

Another thing I would have liked to see is more atmospheric descriptions of the setting. I saw a few settings that you built up, but apart of me would have loved to see more. Like adding in more sounds, feeling (as in touch), smells, even taste (especially when Shachi and Penguin enter the inn-think of all that food-mouthwatering food!) and not just what the character sees.

I can't wait to continue through this, and even start on Dragon Chronicles when I can. :)

Well this looks interesting.
Just wanted to check, regarding the subs name, while I understand your reasoning for going with Pespherone, are you aware of the pun about the name Polar Tang? It's a good pun, I hope you know it just for the sake of knowing it.

I enjoy the different approach you took with law especially his writing.

I am so excited everytime you updated and just as always, this is such an amazing chapter. Quite amusing how Law really likes to irritate Oz with his snarky comments. This was only intesified after he learned that he was tricked by Oz and being the Captain, he had the priviledge to be the first one to know it.
I always found everyone's comment of Leon being a mother hen to be always funny. To top it of, this time, some of crew decided to play along. Quite funny how they describe Law as the most stubborn son to be always look out for. It is so cute seeing the crew interacting like this. I really love how dynamic this crew are.
Quite funny how Penguin uses drastic measures to force Law out. It was quite funny too how he scolded them like they were disobedient kids.
I love it how Law is trying to test his abilities in everything related to medicine. I really love reading his progress on this.
Thanks so much for the update :D.

Got to enjoy that Law just realized Oz is a girl, not a boy as Oz tries to endure the examination questions under Law's supervision and learning that she can't leave the submarine at all. The exchanges between Heart OCs such as Elias, Basil and Orpheus with the interactions of Penguin helps give lively atmosphere of the Heart Pirates, which I imagine they would be. I really enjoy Penguin's nickname "Mama" to Leon, who definitely now gives off the "Mother Hen" of the Hearts as Orpheus and Elias agree with it. So hilarious of Leon trying to stop Penguin from purposefully cutting himself, in order to see Law as well that Penguin managed to grab Leon and Law by the earrings before lecturing them to be responsible. Very interesting to see Law trying to use Ope Ope no Mi on Elias, giving the insight of the progress he was making with the Devil Fruit ability. Got a feeling of Elias has an ability that enhances his smell, since Law pointed out to him for already knowing of Oz's gender and it'll be interesting to know what ability it is.

I felt very sympathetic for Law worrying for Belladona as his care companion during his migraine attacks. It really makes sense he would have a cat to help comfort him during those painful moments. And got to admire his resolve as a doctor to check on Oz, despite how painful his migraine he was suffering through as he found Oz, while discovering Belladona was accompanying Oz the whole time. Got to enjoy the little continue bout between Oz and Law as Leon tried to settle them down before Law was stubborn in not wanting to leave Belladona with Oz. The not so friendly banter between Oz and Law is just enjoyable, both trying to understand each other under poor circumstances they're in.

I really enjoyed the brothers relationship that Law and Leon have, especially with Leon acting as the older brother, tried to reprimand Law for his poor actions regarding Oz "becoming" a member of the Heart Pirates. Again, still enjoyable to have Leon as the older brother looking out for Oz, when Oz was worried for Teisei and when he wasn't feeling good. Definitely awesome to learn of Law having Belladona as his own cat, which feels he's an animal person, especially for having Bepo part of the Hearts nakama.