look. LOOK. you can't just do this to me, okay? you can't just. leave this giant agonizing pile of feelings out where anyone can trip and impale themselves on it. because you did, and i did, and i'm sCREAMING CONSTANTLY ABOUT IT. AND I SENT IT TO MY FRIEND ALSO BECAUSE IF I HAD TO SUFFER THEN SO DO THEY. HOLY SHIT. THIS DESERVES SO MUCH MORE THAN I CAN ACTUALLY WRITE FOR YOU, OKAY, THIS FIC DESERVES A GODDAMN _ESSAY AND A HALF_ AT LEAST ON ALL OF THE EVERYTHING YOU DID AN INCREDIBLE JOB AND ALL I HAVE IS ANGUISHED YELLING? SO YEAH, HAVE THAT, I GUESS, THANKS A LOT FOR RUINING MY LIFE WITH YOUR EXCELLENT EXCELLENT FIC, HAVE A NICE DAY

Hi, I can't seem to sign in but I thought I'd leave a review anyway, just to say that I enjoyed this story very much (especially the interaction with Katsura). It's always rare and enjoyable to find a fanfic that reflects such wonderful feelings and imagery - so, once again, thank you!

Very well written oneshot, and I love how you have characterized Kenshin and Katsura. Good job!

I really like the thought and skill that went into this. In the manga they don't make as big a point out of it but the fact that Kenshin takes to dishes and laundry has always stood out to me as part of his need to clean his hands, even years after the blood has been off of them. I also like the way you emphasize his need to separate himself from others, especially his concern about scaring them. That's a big part of his becoming the wanderer/hobo character, I think. Loved the scene with the toddler. We know he loves kids so his fear that he's left blood on the boy was poignant. Well written.

I really liked the slow progression from his first dispassionate kill to the scenes at the end (the bamboo forest, the toddler, the sake). It let me see every stage of the seeing-blood-in-everything thing, and it also showed how he got more emotional as time went on, even if he didn't let it affect him too much outwardly. My favorite part was the two ending lines. It feels like it's at that point that Kenshin realizes that Hiko was actually right, but Kenshin's already done so much that he has to see it through to the end.

Great story. I especially liked the part with the child. The contrast between the kid's innocence and Kenshin's guilty conscience was particularly well done. Good job.

i had always thought that he was not exactly untouched by the killing but he feels bad, it's something he will have to live with but i also believe that after a while in his wandering the guilt and self recriminations will have started to fade but he will remember and there will still be guilt (just not the oppressive, soul wracking guilt), his need for atonement will still take precedence but to me it seems more of a 'honor' thing that he'd vowed to himself and likely to tomoe's memory.

darned if i can remember where the quote's from and the exact words but i keep picturing robert preston saying it but the gist of it is: "the guilt you feel will in time not be as strong as you feel it should be nor will it last as long as you believe it should." -i think of that when i imagine kenshin during his rurouni days, it's there in his mind but not constantly.

like the story... it's not really so bad at first and then he's killing more and more until he actually thinks about it and notices it in his need to wash more frequently, tasting blood in everything and then although he doesn't allow it to distract or impede him or show outwardly how it affects him... after the war when he's no longer fighting, i think, would be when the above would start to happen and he would have to work to feel the pang of guilt...

wow, i went off on a tangent. lol
good story, very insightful.
gin

I really liked this story! It was very interesting and deep. You have a good way with words

Loved this. I thought you did an excellent job of Kenshin falling into a pit that he didn't even know was there. I found the image of the bloody handprint on the child particularly effective and haunting.

This is actually in line with the manga. Near the end Kenshin talked about Tomoe and what he did as a Hitokiri. There were several scenes showing him obsessively washing his hands and clothes, saying that he always smelled like blood no matter how hard he washed. Of course, it wasn't until later, in the manga at least, that sake tasted like blood to him; right before he and Tomoe first met. A VERY good story.

This is beautiful! Very, very nice introspection on Kenshin.

Obsessively watching Trust and Betrayal..? I suppose, it does.. such a detailed and vivid recounting of the deadly assignments juxtaposed surrealistically against normal mundane daily goings on.

His direct and to the point communications with Iizuka and Katsura; unemotional and distant interaction with the others, discomfiture when presented with anything outside his function as a sword.

Its almost as if Kenshin is writing this himself, had he been capable of introspective evaluation of what his tasks are costing him; which he was not. He is highly aware but cannot acknowledge his perceptions.. leading to his only overt manifestation of his internal conflict.. his obsessive washing.

The tone of this account is stark and sombre.. like black and white war photos.. with the horror of the grim reality perceived internally by the readers.

Congratulations and thank you so much for writing this. Excellent retelling, the best from this point of view.. and I've read a LOT.

Goes well with all the expectations of the live action sequels.

Very nice work. The part where Kenshin imagines blood on the toddler's kimono is very telling.

In the manga, we do also see Kenshin washing his hands vigorously. However, it's more subtle than in the OVA.

You know.. ... The only thing I have complains about is this... the story is too short _ I want more, your style is awesome. :) Pretty inspiring. The reader practically sees a movie while reading. I'm looking forward to see more from you!

Beautifully done. I loved it.