Trying not to cry because my siblings are in front of me on the other couch but I can't hold it in. - Crying - Man this is really good! Thank you for writing this story. Loe it

I appreciated the update. I liked the part with Erza especially, frustration is hard to express and you've done it well.

HOLY FUCKING GOD THIS SUCKS

I have an idea take it if you want, maybe the spirit king wouldn't let anyone tell Miss Lucy she was dying because it would disrupt his plan somehow because he was making her a spirit, or something, it would be either an opportunity to introduce an o.c celestial mage or make her a unique spirit eg, spirit of wishes, and she comes and grants the various people who make wishes different things? Meh. Liked the story angsty, a little, but not too depressing.

I liked your story. It really got the tears flowing. Although, I do admit that any story with cancer in it gets to me.

I am a cancer survivor and I hope you don't mind but I read the reviews to see if anyone had mentioned anything about the technical side of cancer like you mentioned before your story.

Though you didn't go much into details, I would like to object with the "critic" that said that the 3 months that Lucy had left to live is not believable. It actually is believable considering that later in the story you mention that she had had symptoms for about 3 months prior to seeing a doctor. So that gives the cancer 6 months to fully manifest and take her life.

I will explain this from my experience, although I had cancer in my femur (thigh bone) instead of lung. The principals of cancer is basically the same, no matter where it is located. I myself had started getting symptoms 3 months prior to finding out and I only found out because I could no longer bare the pain. The tumor was actually growing at an alarming speed and a month after I found out, it broke my femur and rendered me unable to use my leg. Had the tumor been in my lungs instead, I would not be here right now.

Just a couple more things, since you plan on rewriting. Towards the end, to make it more realistic, make it so that the cancer is really obvious. Paler skin, difficulty breathing, weight loss, chest pains, stuff like that. This is if you plan on having her die. To make it more convincing you could also write it so that her lungs are initially riddled with multiple tumors making it inoperable.

If you are going to have her survive and have her and laxus live happily ever after, it could be a tumor in one lung only making it operable but having to act quickly to get it before it gets too big or spreading to other parts of the body. I would also suggest having her go through chemotherapy to ensure that it didn't spread.

If you have any questions about cancer, feel free to PM me. I will be more than happy to answer your questions. I actually like having people asking me about cancer because there are so many people dying from cancer but not a lot of people that actually know what cancer is. I enjoy sharing my knowledge and experience on the matter and I think that its pretty amazing of you to write such a story even though you have not experienced it or know anyone who has.

try make it more laxlu and more happy end

That was damn good your an amazing writer ;)

So good but so sad! Nice job, although I wish we could've seen Natsu's reaction to her having cancer.

i always listen to music if i read and right at the moment lucy dies the song Lucy by Skillet plays. i'm still crying
good story

Awwww its so sad! TTTT

This was heart wrenching. The ending was sad, and the last line was memorable. I like the speech with Loke, but maybe have it more emotional since it was his second owner who passed.

Hello again! Glad to see that you’ve entered for another round. I agree with you when you say that stories revolving around a disease are best written by someone who is an expert, someone who has been afflicted, or someone who has had to watch a person in their life go through it. That being said, it was rather brave for you to choose to write about this nonetheless. However, it would probably have been a tad better if you researched a bit more into the disease to avoid mischaracterizations as much as possible. For example, it isn’t really realistic to diagnose someone to have only three months left to live. Usually, the beginning signs manifest themselves, and that’s when a patient goes to a doctor to have them checked. If they’re terminal, a more believable time limit would be at least a year.

Okay, onto the technical stuff. Grammar, first off. You have this tendency to use run on sentences too often. There are two different thoughts combined into once sentence that comes out garbled and as an effect, nonsensical. You can use a number of punctuation marks like a comma or a semi colon to dissect that sentence. Or you could just put it in another sentence entirely.

"Miss Heartfilia ,you have severe lung cancer you have 3 month to live 4 at the best." The doctor said.

Should be

“Miss Heartfilia, you have severe lung cancer. You have three months to live; four at the best,” the doctor said.
(keep in mind that dialogue isn’t a separate sentence when you utilize ‘said.’ You’re quoting what that character’s statement was)

Other than mistakes such as tensing inconsistency, particle usage, other punctuation errors, and sentences without complete thought (they were cut about half way) there were also a lot of confusions about words. For example, ‘herd’ instead of ‘heard.’ Again, feel free to PM me if you want a more detailed account on the grammar issues. I’d be glad to help.

Moving on to other aspects of the story, such as ICness. Honestly, while Lucy’s portrayal was okay-ish, some of the other characters could have used a lot of work. For example, the commonly used plot device of Natsu just randomly, crassly dumping Lucy for Lisanna, without any explanation or thoughts from his side whatsoever. Also, it’s important that we see exactly how Laxus decided to get involved in Lucy’s life, given as they aren’t characters who have interacted that much. We have to see their relationship as the characters in your story evolve.

Also, you have to explain why no one noticed her health deteriorating. Those symptoms would have manifested physically. Was she using some sort of spell to cover it up? Another thing you might have had to explain was why Wendy noticed it but didn’t say anything immediately. When writing about characters that aren’t your own, really think about each line and action from their perspective. Would they really have done/said this?

Those things being said, I would have to rate this story average to a little below average. However, I do also have to add that I found the ending poignant and touching. The way she died was executed well –it was simple, yet haunting and powerful at the same time. And with that, I end my review. Thank you for submitting your work. Keep on writing and never stop!

this...im crying omg help! So sad! Waaaaaah :(

i wish he could kiss her DX