So sad, but beautifully written

Love the short story

Nice story! "Sad end" win All! Make it more! *-*

(Sorry for my bad English, I Still learn it)

I habe read your work before and I can never remember who I have reviewed and who I havent! I know have read Bubby (the person you gave a shout out too ;) ) and Moonsetta (love her work) but I was always sad that there wasn't really a talk between Leo and his Bros after this. Their kinda was but not enough to satisfy my fluffiness needs... so thank you! This is very well written! :D and I sobbed like a child at the alternate ending! I love my happy endings but sometimes I get in these depressed moods and I love seeing the characters in my show worry and cry over my favorite (which is Leo)! So thank you for sharing your work for the enjoyment of other people!

Ahhh the sad ending just gives your story a whole new perspective And it may have broken my heart. Great job though loved it!

This review is long, long overdue and I apologize for it. I wasn’t sure which story of yours I should read, so I chose one that I would feel the most familiar with, and go from there. I also chose one that was complete, for simplicity’s sake. I hope it’s all right, for how late it is.

Now, the review:

The premise itself is lovely; I love having an actual, written story about Raphael and Leonardo’s relationship. While we have finally seen some more exploration of it in the newer seasons and episodes, it was here that I wanted to see it the most.

My favorite parts occurred towards the end, when we see Raph and Leo interacting with one another after the supposed nightmare. It was sweet and I like the feeling of Raph and his fear of losing Leo; having him tangible is important, hearing the heartbeat is important, and it shows. Their conversation is important in establishing that even if Raph doesn’t like it, Leo’s first priority is keep them safe, even at his own expense. I love how he denies the promise to Raph of never making the same decision again; there’s no point in making a promise you know you won’t keep, after all.

Then, of course, the twist at the end leaves an awful, gut wrencher. Leo isn’t really there, Raph is trying to console himself, and the whole thing leaves the reader worried over how Raph is going to get through this. Adding Leo’s bandana is a nice touch; sort of an anchor to whom Leo was, and now is all that remains for him. Physical proof that he was alive, and also proof that he’s gone.

There are a few things I would like to mention, if it is all right; I think the warnings at the beginning of the story were sufficient, and I completely understand the extra spaces as to give a little extra warning as to what’s coming. The only thing that I think should be removed is the bolded warning in the middle of the story. It can be jarring for the reader, and while it is meant to serve as a warning to those who want to keep the happy ending, it may do so at the expense of flow. Maybe it would be possible to even split up the two endings, expanding on the latter? Just a few thoughts about that, nothing too big.

The only other thing I can think to mention for a bit of improvement is the beginning sequence, especially since it is set up as reliving the nightmarish memory of losing Leonardo. I think a little expansion of this scene could provide an opportunity to elaborate on Raph’s feelings; maybe his heart is racing, lodged in his throat, or maybe he can’t hear his brothers from the rushing water or explosions of the Technodrome. I think it could be a chance to add on where the actual scene left out, from the perspective of Raphael and how he is seeing and experiencing things. He thinks (and as revealed, has) lost his brother to this, and it could really help set the scene.

But it’s a small thing and I’m not sure if it’s reading the way I hope it did. It was a great read. The twist at the end is haunting and speaks volumes as to state of Raph’s mind with the loss of his brother, and how much work his family will have in trying to put things back together. Wonderful piece!

Second ending was the best love the heart reaching rip out ur chest and throw it away ending

The double ending was really cool :)

Very well written fanfiction! My poor feels...

love it two endings in one amazing

I loved the ending, as sad as it was. thank you for writing this

Interesting

Love the first part, and the last part too even if it was sniffles!

i read both the second one made me cry a little :(

That was an amazing story! I really liked it to the point where it changed my mood from sad to happy! Thank you for lightening my mood! Also I'm happy to know that I encouraged you after all you do deserve to be encouraged because your an awesome writer! Thank you for making me smile and making me happy! 3's You!

Awe! That's all I can say, take it or leave it. It can go both ways.
Great...work! :)