So not such.

There are five and’s in one sentence. Maybe you could practice comma’s and short sentences. They punctuate the message and ad length to your story. This is not an insult, you have style and are definitely a writer. Practice makes perfect, and so does editing.

Instead of reading the pope I read the poop… Awkward.

I don’t know why but when I first read it it sounded like harry was saying “good morning sir Phelps, hamster dumbledor said you wanted to speak with me”...I don’t know why... :l

I liked it.

Look it up on youtube.

Okay I know this isn't my place to say it as this is just a story and if I don't like it I don't have to read but I find it rather odd how Rin just trust Harry like he's known him for years and straight out just because he says go tell Dumbledore or go tell my friends your Greatest Secret that could potentially kill him I find it rather weird that he trust him with that amount like if you have put more background like how Rin came to trust Harry so much it would be all right but there's really no evidence that Rin should have any trust in him whatsoever but that's my opinion good story though I do like it I wish you would continue it

Sorry to be rude, but you’re splitting your paragraphs incorrectly. Your paragraphs don’t need to be even, but don’t cut your paragraphs in the middle of a sentence! Paragraphs can be long or short, but make sure you don’t cut off the sentences.

You're getting better in spacing, it would be a good idea to redo your last five chapters.

um...Shiemi is hufflepuff material since she is loyal, hardworking, sweet, kind, brave, just, and many other qualities but since her hufflepuff ones outweigh the gryffindor one she would most likely be in hufflepuff.

ugh two minutes in (ignoring the writing style cuz its acceptable if not for the spacing errors) and im hating ginny...[say how much knowledge do you have on harry potter series from experience and not research?}

Can you use paragraphs, please?

good luck

OH MY GOD. MY EYES. IS THIS PARADISE!?

*bows to the usage of paragraphs-in-correct-format*

OH SHIT WHERE WAS I!? WHICH SENTENCE WAS I ON!? WHICH WORD!?

Goshnugget gotta reread the entire damn thing.