Nice and steamy, but pretty fast paced. Watch the typos, several words are missing the last letter and some possessives are missing an ' [e.g. Harrys should be Harry's]. I'm no legal expert, but I would guess that you should cite the beginning lines as being from DH. Even if they're somewhat paraphrased (I didn't go back and read this section in the book, so I'm not sure), it seems familiar enough that it would probably be good to state where it comes from so no one can try to accuse you of plagiarism. I'm not accusing anyone, just making a suggestion to help head off any potential problems.

This is what should have happened if Ron hadn't barged in. Wish this was in the book...though if it was in it then it wouldn't be a "children's book". Harry and Ginny would've had sex (with Ginny leading at first and then Harry catching on). Great story!

um, why is harry some kind of teenage sex god?...it's not very realistic or in keeping with the actual character. the guy's a bumbling nervous mess around girls. it's ginny who's the dominant one.

Fuck Ginny Weasly the last I think could get me feeling hot and botherd

You should write more its a great story well written :)

Love it! It was so sweet, you should write another one soon!

Awww this is so sweet and romantic :D